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#9983 (+5/-0)
<+Oracle989> Can we have a moment of collective shame that Shania Twain outsold Zeppelin?
<+WassPord> that don't impress me much
<+WassPord> :P
<+Oracle989> WassPord: Go home.

#9982 (+1/-0)
<coxj2000> He's smart, but thick-headed. He keeps getting on Facebook and stuff while I'm talking to you or Googling, and I lose my RDP connection
<mscs> That's why one of my favorite things about Apple Remote Desktop is the ability to revoke control from the local user.
<mscs> "No, STOP! Don't click that, I'm still typing in the command in the ter-- NO STOP. DO NOT CLICK THAT. YOU KNOW WHAT? FORGET THIS. SCREEN LOCKED."
=-= mscs was booted from #xkcd by billygoat (5-minute autokill)
<schwal> screen locked indeed.

#9980 (+7/-1)
< mscs> fantasyprone: I've heard calling someone "m8" is a huge diss, while calling them a cunt means you're friends for life.
< mscs> truth?
< fantasyprone> not exactly
< fantasyprone> you call your mates cunts, yeah, but "mate" can indicate any cunt
< fantasyprone> "mate" is pretty well generic "person"
< fantasyprone> it all depends on context
< fantasyprone> I'd call a stranger "mate" if asking for the time, but I'd also call my bffs mates and if someone wants to start a fight I'd tell them mate I'll wreck you
< Jack_Trades> fantasyprone: Is there a specific word or phrase that conveys the message "I want to kick your ass and then make a move on your woman", but with less words?
< Antipaganda> "I'm from Queensland."

#9979 (+4/-1)
< CO2> Freedom ends at the American border. Note I did not specify at which side of said border.
< Silicium> don't worry, I can do that: OUTSIDE
< CO2> Silicium: stop right there
< CO2> What is this 'outside' you speak of?
* Silicium is ambiguous for the sake of it

#9978 (+9/-0)
<Sysi> I don't think plato would've thought gods were purely ideal, maybe just more ideal and less material than humans
<barometz> the homeric gods were very much not ideal
<barometz> but, y'know, they're gods. What are you gonna do?
<Sysi> steal their fire

#9977 (+6/-0)
<+Vulpes> I just love this channel
<+Vulpes> I swear the moderator loves me. I almost never get muted
* moderator sets mode +v Mateon1
<+Mateon1> And I hate it... So freaking much...
<+Mateon1> So now that is... How much time?
<+Mateon1> 1 day 12 hours to reset to 4 seconds timeout?
<+Mateon1> /msg moderator timeout
-moderator- Mateon1, you have been muted for 4 minutes 16 seconds.
* moderator sets mode -v Mateon1
<+Vulpes> Oh god that's just cruel.

#9975 (+13/-0)
<diogenes> if you pay with matches, ...
<Vulpes> diogenes, you'll be kicked out of most establishments
<Vulpes> Matches are not legal tender
<diogenes> they're legal tinder

#9973 (+5/-1)
<schwal> barometz: So, uh, I was just reading Templar, AZ. I couldn't help but notice your peculiar gaze in the comments section.
<barometz> I have a few avatars that would fit that description, got a link?
<schwal> (It's your current denizens one)
<schwal> http://templaraz.com/2008/04/21/030x062/
<Froward> I've noticed that gaze pop up in a few places.
<khmer> Froward, barometz, schwal: man, yeah, i've seen that gaze somewhere, i just can't remember
<khmer> oh yeah
<khmer> https://www.dropbox.com/s/erfri0v5xsv1g4s/that-gaze1.jpg?dl=0
<barometz> .. wait
* barometz squints
<barometz> please tell me you just made this and this hasn't been on the internet for years
<khmer> well it's probably been on the surface of mars since brains evolved pareidolia
<Froward> there's a whole forum built around that picture
<barometz> I guess I shouldn't look a gift cult leader opportunity in the mouth

#9972 (+6/-0)
* schwal sees job listing for bilingual front desk assistant, contemplates claiming to know only Latin and Russian.
* khmer watches schwal play his hilarious joke and get immediately hired as a copyist for the orthodox patriarch

#9970 (+13/-0)
<Stereo> what's that game like GTA but with a bunch more madness
<@relsqui> goat simulator

#9968 (+10/-0)
<Telnaior> Why are IRC bots always so rude
<@snark> because they're programmed by IRC users
<Peng> That also explains why Bucket is being so dumb this morning.
<Corynne> Never a truer word spoken
<Bucket> Humans are awesome

#9967 (+7/-0)
<SirCmpwn> hush, TinFox
<SirCmpwn> you too, barometz
=-= SirCmpwn was booted from #xkcd by barometz (hint)
-->| SirCmpwn (SirCmpwn@hide-744F6DDB.sircmpwn.com) has joined #xkcd
<SirCmpwn> I suppose a kick isn't technically talking
<SirCmpwn> so points for that

#9965 (+6/-0)
< XMPPwocky> does the set of all slightly wrong jokes about russell's paradox contain this joke?
< feriority> XMPPwocky: yes

#9964 (+6/-6)
Bucket: Japan is a hologram
tanuki has quit (Quit: tanuki)

#9963 (+8/-4)
<@Shrdlu> we have to keep the Bucket canon internally consistent or he's basically worthless
<GreenWolf> Shrdlu: I really want to quote that
<GreenWolf> can I?
<@Aaeriele> Bucket: remember Shrdlu canon
<Bucket> Okay, Aaeriele, remembering "we have to keep the Bucket canon internally consistent or he's basically worthless".
<@Shrdlu> GreenWolf: no, you can't
<@Shrdlu> GreenWolf: if you try, he'll be all "I already had it that way"
<@Shrdlu> won't work

#9961 (+13/-0)
<GreenWolf> Once again, I am motivated to make my own conlang based off of English
<GreenWolf> But effort
* Sartaglo puts effort in Bucket
* Bucket is now carrying effort, but dropped a newspeak dictionary.

#9960 (+24/-0)
<CO2> I hope they don't do the thing Fisher Scientific did >_<
<schwal> CO2: Wait, what did Fisher do?
<CO2> schwal: usually their labels are colour coded. E.g. yellow for oxidizer, red for stuff that burns, and so on. That way you can easily see if someone put a bottle in a wrong place where it is dangerous
<CO2> schwal: for a few months, they made ALL their labels pink, as an awareness campaign for breast cancer
<CO2> so, you know, the researchers that try to find a cure for cancer now know that breast cancer is a thing.
<XanT> The road to explosions is paved with good intentions.

#9959 (+11/-0)
<WassPord> i don't eat pork
<Cheez> i don't eat pork, except for kunk po pork, bacon, sausages and pork chops
<Cheez> oh and pork belly, pulled pork, deep fried pig ears and pork scratchings
<Bubo> I think you eat pork

#9958 (+20/-0)
<@relsqui> I used to have a giant stash of miscellaneous flavored condoms
<@relsqui> this happened sort of by accident, coincidentally right before I started getting laid
<@relsqui> so I blew through them pretty fast
<@relsqui> uh, no pun intended

#9957 (+21/-0)
< XMPPwocky> ow
< XMPPwocky> just got hit with falling curtains
< XMPPwocky> and shortly after, an angry and confused cat

#9956 (+16/-0)
*The0x539 tosses Froward an extra d
<@Froward> Oh thanks dawg
@Froward -> @Frodward

#9954 (+6/-8)
< Althir> Thanks, lad.
< Bucket> I wish you'd stop calling everyone "lad."
< Althir> Shut up, lad.
< Bucket> "Shut Up Lad" would make a good name for a band.
< Althir> :D

#9953 (+10/-1)
< Branes> I'd like to put forward the motion to the honourable members that we elect a chocolate gummi-bear to be president.
< njsg> complaint
< njsg> that most likely violates the laws of Finland
< njsg> as you need to provide a personal ID number
< njsg> and I suppose that chocolate gummi-bears have none
< Bubo> Also he would melt in the sun

#9952 (+12/-0)
< partdavid> i worked at a place that had servers with hostnames like "hp69-192-168-3-181"
< partdavid> and then... they needed to renumber
< partdavid> so the new "hp69-192-168-3-181" had an IP address of 192.168.180.3
< partdavid> naming is a heck of a thing

#9951 (+11/-1)
<hermiene> I visited an exhibition years ago. This girl I lived with studied art, and she invited me to it
<hermiene> So it was a student exhibition thing, lots of pretentious stuff. But this one room was just this guy in his underwear, laboriously picking up sand and placing it on a table with a hole in the middle
<hermiene> I remember thinking to myself, "Keep up the good work, Sisyphus!"

#9950 (+11/-0)
< Rendlesburger> There once was a man writing C
< Rendlesburger> He was coding for days, two to three
< Rendlesburger> Soon to be finished
< Rendlesburger> His mood did diminish
< Rendlesburger> When he busted his close-bracket key

#9949 (+21/-2)
<teh_augmenter> So does anyone have a list of Bucket triggers or is it supposed to be a mystery?
<Shrdlu> you mean his entire factoid database? it's pretty big :)
<Shrdlu> but we intentionally don't publish it, it makes it easier to treat him like a person
* Shrdlu pats Bucket
* Bucket rolls over and purrs.
<Shrdlu> sort of a person

#9947 (+11/-2)
<colt> You know what? Screw ferret. I'ma have a sammich anyway.
<XanT> Just su up.
<colt> `sudo make sammich`
* CO2 has quit (sjc.foonetic.net belay.foonetic.net)
* AaronMcH has quit (sjc.foonetic.net belay.foonetic.net)
[...snip 146 more quits...]
* liru has quit (sjc.foonetic.net belay.foonetic.net)
* njsg_ has quit (sjc.foonetic.net belay.foonetic.net)
<Rena> SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DISOBEY THE FERRET

#9945 (+16/-3)
<tomatosalad> Ugh, my C has gotten sloppy as fuck
<Stereo> i say that about my D all the time
<tomatosalad> I...:|

#9944 (+11/-1)
<Bucket> noamsml is a robosexual
<Renb> it's only robosexual if the lug nuts touch.

#9943 (+23/-1)
< n473> I'd have been less of a judgemental elitist if I'd walked in to find him watching midget furry bondage porn
< Armadi> aaaand /clear
< Armadi> shit
< Armadi> no clear on irccloud
< n473> oh dear
< n473> do you want me to spam lines until "midget furry bondage porn" is no longer on your screen?
< Armadi> no, it's almost off already
< Armadi> one more line
< Armadi> ok good
< Armadi> wait
< Armadi> damn you

#9942 (+17/-3)
<mewyn> https://twitter.com/jweise/status/491788092710199297 Hard drives by WoodlyDoodly
<schwal> "Western Digital's rebranding to appeal to the younger crowd misinterpreted, accidentally made to appeal to toddlers"

#9940 (+15/-5)
<@Frowardd> yeah, don't be that guy who has "a slightly better camera on his phone", be the guy who always has a camera and takes really good pics
<@Frowardd> and is never in any group shots because he's always taking htem
<@Frowardd> HOLY CRAP just figured out how to avoid having my picture taken!

#9938 (+18/-0)
<CO2> last year some small city celebrated their 700th anniversary, and I visited the festival
<CO2> they had a play where the local soldiers drove out both the 16th century Spaniards and WWII nazis. At the same time.
<CO2> So that was interesting.
<TinFox> the temporal world war was really harsh

#9937 (+11/-4)
<puddle> oh, there's a http://www.reddit.com/r/pineapple
<puddle> I need to try obscurer fruits
<puddle> http://www.reddit.com/r/oranges brings up "/r/pickle has assumed control of this subreddit."
<puddle> clearly there have been religious wars between fruit advocates
<puddle> /r/cherries: "We are now members of the Coalition of Fruits instead of the Fruit Union."

#9934 (+22/-1)
* rtmiu rolls 8d2
< flyingferret> rtmiu got: heads, heads, heads, heads, heads, heads, heads, heads.
< rtmiu> O.O
< rcombs> 0.o
< rtmiu> did... did I win?
< rcombs> rtmiu: I'mma say yes

#9933 (+8/-4)
<Kliment> WassPordCat: I've had good experiences with people lately
<Bucket> I've had good sexperiences with people lately

#9931 (+19/-3)
<Oracle989> ferret: periscope or no?
<flyingferret> periscope
<Oracle989> Good call.
<feriority> are you making a submarine?
<Oracle989> ferret: casemate or turret?
<flyingferret> turret
<Oracle989> feriority: Remotely-operated watergun tank
<Oracle989> A periscope lets me keep the phone I'm using to operate it flat in the electronics bay, dropping the profile lower
<Oracle989> But is probably harder to use
* Oracle989 realizes what he's done
<Oracle989> This is a vehicle/"weapons" platform designed by ferret.
<feriority> Oracle989: stop enabling the robot overlords

#9926 (+49/-0)
<@Randall> man, I was thinking "I want to add some new webcomics to my rss reader, now that I'm back in the habit of reading it"
<@Randall> and it had "recommended comics" based on the kind of stuff I subscribed to
<@Randall> try to guess what its first recommendation was
<@Stereo> xkcd?
<@Randall> it clearly understood what kind of a person I was in general
<@Randall> if not what person I was, specifically

#9925 (+24/-0)
<rcombs> think adding some beef to light miso ramen would work well?
<amarble> adding some beef to $dish is rarely a bad idea
<rcombs> the beef is labeled "DW LONDON BROIL"
<amarble> London's a promising word
<amarble> no idea what DW is meant to mean
<rtmiu> i'll go the programmer road and say it means Double Word, so it can probably be finished in 4 bytes
<rtmiu> s/bytes/bites/
<rcombs> well that assumes you cooked your beef with an uncooled x86 processor
<rcombs> which is actually quite possible
<rtmiu> well, i doubt your beef came from an ARM

#9924 (+9/-5)
<njsg> discrete mathematics was when some mathematician said "I like numbers a lot, perhaps I should put rings on them?"

#9923 (+25/-0)
< Althir> Did you ever notice that "spam" and "scam" share all but one letter?
< Holzi> Althir: so does 'you' and 'out'
* Holzi points to the door

#9922 (+5/-8)
-!- Kazimuth [james@hide-570943E7.hsd1.ma.comcast.net] has joined #xkcd
< Kazimuth> ferret: go in or no?
< flyingferret> no
-!- Kazimuth [james@hide-570943E7.hsd1.ma.comcast.net] has quit [Client exited]

#9920 (+12/-5)
<@snark> "When are people going to stop dropping unnecessary game of thrones references at every fucking opportunity" "when the sun rises in the west and sets in the east, when the seas go dry and mountains blow in the wind like leaves"
<@Akrasia> I feel like that reference was pretty necessary
<@snark> yeah I guess

#9919 (+12/-9)
< TinFox> GOD DAMN IT FUCK OFF EVE I NEED HL2 TOMORROW
< TinFox> Steam is determined to ignore my attempts to put HL2 ahead of EVE in the download queue
< TinFox> it goes in "fuck you no I'm gonna swap to EVE now" order
< rtmiu> TinFox: would you say it has you *sunglasses* steamed?
< TinFox> rtmiu: XD

#9918 (+18/-2)
<yazdmich> ferret: roam around at the mall?
<flyingferret> Of course not.
<yazdmich> ferret: roam around at the mall getting samples?
<flyingferret> No way.
<yazdmich> ferret: roam around at the mall getting samples with a cup of coffee?
<flyingferret> Of course not.
<Lisimba> flyingferret: set fire to the mall and dance around the flames?
<flyingferret> Indeed.
<yazdmich> why does ferret hate the mall?
* Lisimba hands yazdmich a can of gasoline and some matches

#9916 (+8/-0)
<Bucket> death is an illusion but so is life
<snark> stop saying death bucket, use a different word, something that's good instead of death, something like uhh hamburger time
<barometz> .. hamburger time is an illusion? :(
<rcombs> "hamburger time is an illusion but so is life"
<snark> double double time doubly so

#9915 (+9/-0)
< WassPord> well, we're having a red dawn here, and it's rather creepy.
<@Shrdlu> well, you know what they say
<@Shrdlu> red sky in the morning, sailor's delight
< rcombs> erm, that's not what they say
<@Shrdlu> well, you know what they say
<@Shrdlu> red sky in the morning, rcombs gonna step on your joke
< rcombs> they *do* say that

#9914 (+15/-1)
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-!- mode/#xkcd [+b *!*@hide-EA88667A.org] by mewyn
<@Shrdlu> mewyn: what, you're not curious? I was kinda wondering where that was going
<@mewyn> Shrdlu: Not really.

#9912 (+14/-3)
<@Frowardd> is there a named god of internet? or networking hardware?
<@Frowardd> There should be.
<Bucket> If you're in favor of it, then it's probably a bad idea.
<SpicyLemon> Frowardd: I think that's covered by Loki.

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