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#10657 (+5/-1)
<CO2> back in the day, the dutch national ... commucation? agency was called PTT. Post, telephone and telegraph
<CO2> when they had to fix cables they'd usually cover their work area with a tent-like tarp so the cables wouldn't get wet and stuff
<CO2> so an old joke is that PTT means "putje graven, tentje zetten, tukkie doen" -> digging a hole, pitching a tent, taking a nap

#10656 (+5/-0)
<Branes> If you ring the Dell Support hotline and a softly-spoken Texas accent answers with "Thankyou for calling Dell support, my name is Michael, how may I help you?" it's probably the boss-man himself - Michael Dell does one morning shift manning the support lines every week.
<loudaslife> I wonder how it feels to be T2 when he escalates a call to you
<barometz> just following the script :P
<barometz> ha, or having to call him back to get something clarified after that escalation
<barometz> "Sorry, can you call back in fifteen? I'm in a meeting with Satya Nadella right now" ".. k"
<rcombs> now imagining that for other companies
<rcombs> "Thanks for calling Apple, this is Tim"
<rcombs> I'd say Google but >google >support
<barometz> ha
<Agafnd> i seem to recall a story of someone calling microsoft and getting a certain William
<rcombs> call oracle and get larry?
<rcombs> call comcast and get anyone vaguely competent

#10655 (+8/-0)
< CO2> relsqui: see, nowadays grocery delivery people are on a SCHEDULE, they need to do 15 more deliveries before lunch, so there's just no time anymore to have a quick go at it
<@relsqui> amazon is killing the domestic tryst
< Vulpes> having sex with the amazon delivery man would indeed be difficult
<@relsqui> Vulpes: they'd just put a sticker on you
<@relsqui> "delivery attempted"

#10654 (+4/-0)
<rcombs> you can experience lesbian undertones by asking a girl who likes girls to strike a tuning fork, then hold it against a piece of paper so it just barely touches every other vibration cycle

#10653 (+8/-0)
< Hg200> after you bsd, linux seems so damn easy
< nobody> i just use windows 10, my friend cortana assures me its the best
< taixzo> "sudo cortana install excel"
< Hg200> "sudo cortana" sounds like the name of a Star Wars character
< Hg200> the infamous Sudo Cortana, wanted in over 20 systems for theft, smuggling, prostitution (offering), prostitution (soliciting), and murder

#10651 (+35/-0)
<loudaslife> "If yes, explain the number of convictions, nature of offense(s) leading to conviction(s), how recently such offense(s) was/were committed, sentence(s) imposed, and type(s) of rehabilitation" and then they give you a TWENTY CHARACTER TEXT BOX
<Rena> loudaslife: 🙍🔫😡 ➡🚓🏛⛓⏰20yr

#10650 (+1/-1)
* Xenos buys a load of spam, rebrands as Canned Mermaid Meat, sells on amazon
<Agafnd> Xenos: predicted review: ★★★★★ i didn't like the taste but it gave me the power to breathe underwater
<Xenos> Agafnd: hehe
<Agafnd> ★ tastes nothing like fresh mermaid
<Xenos> *** Great taste, but why do I have flippers now?
<CatButts> I'm hungry
<Bucket> It's ok, Agafnd is making pancakes!
<Agafnd> ✨✨✨✨✨ maaagical flavor
* Agafnd makes mermaid pancakes
<Xenos> ***** Turns out Ariel was indeed tasty, wh oknew?
<Xenos> *who knew
<Agafnd> Xenos: turns out on the surface they WILL beat you, fry you and eat you in fricassee
<Xenos> Agafnd: Indeed

#10647 (+7/-0)
* CO2 gives Bucket a magic byte
* Bucket is now carrying a magic byte.
<Kalium> imaginary bytes
<Kalium> i00i0ii0
<multiplexd> Kalium: ...O_O that could be a thing
* multiplexd wishes they knew more number theory
<CO2> (mult)*i + (plexd)
<multiplexd> CO2: haha
<Kalium> multiplexd is a complex person

#10646 (+13/-0)
<loudaslife> well that was pretty entertaining
<loudaslife> I arrive at this glass shop, and the first obvious thing to notice is that the roof appears to have been leaking for about a decade
<loudaslife> I would even go so far as to say there was more leak than there was actual roof
<loudaslife> huge sections of the ceiling had either been cut out or collapsed under their own weight
<loudaslife> buckets absolutely everywhere
<loudaslife> I've seen totally abandoned buildings that were in better shape than this
<loudaslife> but sure enough, this very scruffy looking older man literally walks out of the shadows
<loudaslife> the entire back room was pitch dark and he just strolls out
<loudaslife> so we exchange greetings, yada yada, and I ask if he can cut me a 120mm circle out of some 1/8th inch glass. I specified the thickness in inches because that's how it's sold everywhere in this country
<loudaslife> and he looks at me and goes "Uh, I can probably do that if you give it to me in inches"
<loudaslife> "I'm not an engineer"
<loudaslife> so I have to fucking pull out my phone, open the calculator, and convert the diameter to inches for him, because he apparently doesn't know how to do it himself.
<Hg200> translation: all my tools are calibrated for one measurement type and i don't want to fuck around with math for an hour to recalibrate them
<loudaslife> he wouldn't have to recalibrate anything, just convert it first like I did for him.
<loudaslife> literally 120/25.4
<loudaslife> but sure enough, he comes back out with this perfectly cut and polished piece of glass, and charges me one single dollar for it.
<nobody> damn, 1 dollar?
<loudaslife> Yep, $1 for a custom cut piece of glass.
<loudaslife> I guess that explains why he can't afford to fix his roof.
<loudaslife> This identical piece of glass sells for $12 plus shipping on amazon.
<loudaslife> $12.99 actually

#10645 (+4/-0)
<Martin> You know, The Nether Lands sounds like a fantasy place full of dark things.
<ollipoli> A place with water dividing the land, giving them plurality
<ollipoli> A fairly large group of land masses, given that it isn't islands
<Martin> In truth it's cold and full of bicyclists

#10644 (+10/-1)
<loudaslife> aaand cura crashed
<loudaslife> let nobody ever say that 3D printing is easy
<nobody> 3d printing is easy!

#10643 (+4/-2)
<mewyn> flyingferret: Should I go home?
<flyingferret> Why not both?
<mewyn> That doesn't even make sense!
<Bucket> so's your face
<mewyn> What!

#10642 (+7/-0)
<jamesl> the Welsh keyboard would probably have a separate key, or key combo, for "ll"
<jamesl> ll almost acts as a separate letter
<Lisimba> jamesl: yes, the key combo is to hit "l" twice.

#10641 (+5/-0)
<CO2> if the earth were to explode this moment, several thousand people would die while having sex
<CO2> but not you, you're just reading IRC

#10640 (+7/-0)
Branes: If the Earth was flat, why haven't cats pushed everything off the edge by now?
diog: they have
diog: they're resting now
Lisimba: That's why NASA is guarding the edge glacier. They keep the cats there at bay.
Lisimba: The edge glacier cats are our greatest threat.
diog: once they wake up and notice we're here, there's going to be the Second Purrrge

#10639 (+2/-0)
<CO2> all dogs are good boys
<multiplexd> CO2: um... bitch please?

#10638 (+13/-0)
<Rob1992> ...oh wow i think for the first time in years we might have jehova's at our door
<CO2_work> reminder: if you are extremely offensive to them they might put you on a blacklist
<mie> is being put on a blacklist good or bad thing in this context?
<Cheez> we had some come to our place once when i was living with friends. we were in the middle of stripping wallpaper, so wearing protective gear and had sheets down, we saw them coming so duct taped one of our guys to a chair in the hallway and gagged him (he was a willing participant) my housemate then opened the door to them and from their perspective it looked like some sort of execution or
<Cheez> something, two guys in those disposable white protective suits, plastic sheeting everywhere and a guy tied to a chair and gagged.
<Cheez> they said something along the lines of "oh, we will come back when you're not busy" and ran

#10637 (+3/-0)
<jamesl> does +++ATH0 do anything here?
* Parts: jamesl_VPS (jamesl@347C0441:95C50B82:82A408B1:IP) (Connection Interrupted)
<Jax184> that
<pikhq> LOL
<jamesl> uh, crap

#10636 (+5/-0)
CO2: I'm looking around on etsy.com but it autotranslates it to Dutch using microsoft translate
CO2: and that's fine and all
CO2: but I don't think that 'Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask' should be translated to "mask of labia"
jamesl: oh, it's interpreting Majora as "labia majora"?
CO2: yeah I guess so
JoeyLemur: (insert Master Sword comment here)
CO2: lol
CO2: that reminds me
Bucket: * CO2 removes pants

#10635 (+7/-0)
<multiplexd> is there a way i can make my friends start caring about IPv6?
<Lisimba> multiplexd: host porn and warez on a box that's only accessible via IPv6.
<jamesl> multiplexd: tell them that Internet Cat wants you to free up the ipv4
<jamesl> multiplexd: also tell them that each device can get its own externally-routable ipv6 address
<Xenos> multiplexd: Tell them you're a giant geek and the only way you can ever become fulfilled is if they pretend to care for ipv6 for you, just for a little while

#10634 (+4/-2)
< Xenos> Good afternoon, gentlefolk
< Bucket> "Good Afternoon Gentlefolk" would be a good name for a band.
< Xenos> Certainly a weird one

< Xenos> Don't everybody talk at once. Jeez. I can't hear myself think in here.
< multiplexd> Xenos: hello
< Xenos> Hiya multiplexd
< Xenos> What's up?
< Bucket> Everybody's dead, Xenos.
< Xenos> Bucket: You noticed?
< Bucket> Can't talk, zombies!

#10633 (+5/-1)
<Soni> multiplexd: hey does sirc have /ignore?
<Soni> or w/e broken client you use
<Soni> I forgot what it's called
<multiplexd> Soni: jamesl isn't using that client right now, though it does
<Soni> cool
<multiplexd> Soni: and i now use ii instead of sirc
<Soni> oh ok
<Kalium> "FIFO and filesystem based IRC client"
<multiplexd> Soni: ii is a little cumbersome to set up though, so i keep sirc around
<Kalium> you really are living up to your "Techno Hipster" title
<multiplexd> Kalium: i'm a techno hipster?
<Kalium> I mean I generally assume that 100% of anything you do is built in weird and obscure things that four other people use
<multiplexd> Kalium: hahaha
<jamesl> Kalium: if you use an operating system that other people use, what's the point?
<Kalium> See iirc multiplexd uses BSD so yes, four other people use that
<Kalium> and they're all in this channel

#10632 (+5/-1)
* Kalium puts a condom over an RJ45 connector
<Kalium> firewall

#10631 (+10/-0)
< jamesl> bucket, I am androgynous
< Bucket> Okay, jamesl
< jamesl> she/her didn't work out for me
< CO2> if you could only switch physical sex as easily as bucket gender
< taixzo> CO2: new silicon valley company idea - interchangeable genitals
< Kalium> Hot swappable USB-C junk
< CO2> welcome to the Culture I guess
< CO2> where the penis was inside you all along
< Kalium> CO2: would that be like, reversible
< Kalium> so you always have both but you just flip it around, like those screwdriver bits
< jamesl> Kalium: "for 20 years, AMD have been connecting people together digitally. Now, we aim to do so physically."
< jamesl> that sounds more like the Human Centipede though
< taixzo> Kalium: the male end of a reversible thing would have to be larger than the female end for compactness, but obviously that doesn't interlock correctly with a second unit
< Kalium> taixzo: inflatables?
< taixzo> hmm, that could work
< Kalium> Inflate with blood, like we do anyways
< Kalium> oh god is the michelin man just full of blood

#10630 (+7/-1)
* taixzo gives Bucket a bribe
< Bucket> Okay, taixzo.
* tonyb486 gives Bucket a bigger bribe
* Bucket now contains a bigger bribe.
* Xenos gives Bucket the biggest bribe
* Bucket drops jamesl's and takes the biggest bribe.
* tonyb486 gives Bucket a huge bribe
* Bucket hands tonyb486 sympathy in exchange for a huge bribe
* tonyb486 cries on Bucket's shoulder
* Bucket hugs and comforts tonyb486.
< jamesl> taixzo: accept this gift
* Bucket gives a bigger bribe to taixzo. Enjoy!
< jamesl> no not that gift
< taixzo> hahaha
< Xenos> Bucket is a ponzi scheme!
< taixzo> I gave Bucket a bribe and he gave me a bigger bribe. Profit!

#10628 (+10/-3)
<barometz> "scientifically observe" is what, again
<Vulpes> barometz, wearing a lab coat and looking at a thing

#10626 (+8/-0)
<CO2> I have a self driving printer
<CO2> it doesn't need a driver

#10625 (+9/-0)
<multiplexd> oh, also: https://irssi.org/security/irssi_sa_2018_01.txt
<taixzo> multiplexd: hmm. I clicked on that link and Firefox crashed.
<multiplexd> taixzo: ...
<Bucket> [You suddenly realize it is unnaturally quiet.]
<multiplexd> taixzo: what??
<taixzo> multiplexd: no idea why. That said, Firefox has been crashing for me every couple days ever since the Quantum update, on both Linux and OSX.
<jamesl> taixzo: see after Quantum was installed, Firefox is always in a superposition of not crashing and crashing. Whenever you observe firefox, you collapse the waveform and force it to become crashed or not crashed
<jamesl> (this is also how Firefox Quantum speeds up browsing. It creates a superposition where you HAVE clicked on a link, and when you HAVEN'T, so really the page was always loaded and by observing it you cause it to be displayed)

#10623 (+11/-1)
<CO2> BytesAndCoffee: I can't help but ask, if you had to choose between bytes and coffee, which one would it be?
<BytesAndCoffee> CO2: if you had to choose between one carbon and two oxygens, which would YOU choose?

#10622 (+12/-2)
<XanT> Boy does turkey suck. It really should die as a christmas tradition.
<Lisimba> XanT: it *does*.

#10620 (+9/-1)
<Oracle989> Rather, mocking the pie is okay if it's a value judgement on the pie
<Oracle989> But if you mock /me/ for /making you a pie/
<Oracle989> You do not get pie
<Oracle989> I'm a kitchen autocrat and will defend my reputation for exceptional competence in the field through superior firepower.

#10619 (+7/-0)
<kazitor> speaking of planes, I was wondering last night whether I could save weight in KSP by using jet engines? Do they have enough thrust to make it worthwhile?
<mewyn> kazitor: Well, that's kind of how you make a plane?
<kazitor> mewyn: but planes have wings. I need to be far away from the atmosphere.

* Wings makes a face at kazitor
<kazitor> nobody needs Wings on a rocket
<kazitor> I find Wings absolutely useless
<Wings> D:
<kazitor> Wings has never done anything useful for me
* Wings runs off crying

#10618 (+16/-0)
<jamesl> loudaslife: nah my big files are stuff I've downloaded
<jamesl> in my downloads and documents folders
<loudaslife> it still gets more than you'd think. Especially Windows Update files
<loudaslife> see

#10617 (+3/-3)
<Xenos> Meow
<multiplexd> Xenos: meow
* Xenos purrs randomly
<multiplexd> Xenos: are you using a cryptographically secure pseudorandom number generator?
*>* arc4random (...) has joined channel #xkcd
<arc4random> like, for example, arc4random()?
*<* arc4random has left channel #xkcd ()
<Xenos> Meow

#10616 (+3/-0)
<woddf2> jamesl: I detach tmux sometimes.
<multiplexd> i do that as well
<woddf2> multiplexd: Nick checks out...

#10615 (+5/-0)
<bubo> ah gotta love 'natural' cleaning products
<bubo> we got a whole bottle as a sample (didnt ask for it) and it's all like oh it's easier to clean when you can breathe, housemate gets dizzy from fumes, and the fumes kill a moth
<IronAngel> a lot of "natural" stuff is really friggin toxic
<bubo> I am fully aware of this
<browncoat> 100% organic toxins!
<kazitor> browncoat: I mean, I expect most toxins to be organic
<kazitor> apart from, like, arsenic
<browncoat> Yeah
<kazitor> I always try to call people out when they talk about organic stuff
<BytesAndCoffee> "its organic! it must be good for you!"
<kazitor> All organic stuff is healthy, that's why I drink a litre of crude oil every day
<browncoat> Haha, yeah, most food is actually organic :P
<browncoat> Except for salt?
<browncoat> And most food contains salt...
<BytesAndCoffee> browncoat: also rocket league players
<BytesAndCoffee> so much salt

#10613 (+6/-0)
<Oracle989> I think it's something to do with keeping you at your station firmly if a bomb hits you
09:52⎜<bhuddah> Rob1992: i was not talking about france ^^
<jamesl> Oracle989, so those belts cannot be undone?
<Oracle989> jamesl, Operators are permanently installed
<Oracle989> (no, they have buckles)
<jamesl> oh, I Didn't know that
<jamesl> I know they're not allowed to leave the room
<Oracle989> I think they strap in when there's an alert
<Oracle989> Or when they're drilling
<rcombs> or for a photo op
<Oracle989> Incidentally, they're sitting in a bunker 150 feet underground fully aware that there is a missile aimed at them designed to dig a 250 foot deep crater
<jamesl> Oracle989, but nukes are aimed at cities, and missile bunkers are usually in the countryside
<Oracle989> It's interesting that the US never fielded mobile ICBM launchers
<Oracle989> jamesl, Most nukes are aimed at cities
<Oracle989> Many are aimed at missile sites
<jamesl> also, what happens if you fail to arrive at a bunker before the shift change?
<Oracle989> The officers on duty presumably state at their station until relieved
<Oracle989> Same as other operators of critical equipment
<Oracle989> Like powerplant engineers
<Oracle989> s/state/stay/
<jamesl> or production line workers
<Oracle989> Production line workers remain at their station until dead
<jamesl> I meant the human ones
<Oracle989> I did too
<jamesl> oh

#10611 (+18/-0)
<Xenos> / Last christmas I gave you my brain / And the very next day, I wrote this refrain /
<Stereo> last christmas, i tore you apart / the very next day, ate your still beating heart / this year, to save me from tears / i want to eat someone special

#10610 (+11/-1)
<jamesl> is this the real life, is this just IRC
<jamesl> caught in a netsplit, no escape from reality
<multiplexd> connect your clients, look up to the sky and see?
<djh> I'm just a Perl boy, I need no sympathy
<multiplexd> 'cause i'm easy come, easy go
<multiplexd> loggin' in, loggin' out
<Epi> anyway the asl goes, just don't send dick pics to meee.. to mee
<multiplexd> dum dum dum duuum duuuuum
<multiplexd> dum dum dum duuum duuuuum
<djh> mama just kickbanned a man
<multiplexd> put the ban-hammer to his head
<multiplexd> pulled the trigger, now he's dead
<djh> goodbye everybody, I've got to go. Got to leave you all behind & poke the goat
*+* Mode change "+b *!~djh@*.default.djh.uk0.bigv.io" on channel #xkcd by billygoat
*<* djh has been kicked off channel #xkcd by billygoat (Goat-ed)
<Bucket> http://i.imgur.com/zPoi8Dr.gif

#10609 (+3/-5)
* Xenos is now known as Sandwich
* kazitor eats Sandwich
* Sandwich is now known as StomachContents
* kazitor "ejects" StomachContents
* StomachContents is now known as Shit
* kazitor flushes

#10608 (+7/-3)
<CO2> jamesl: I just learned that Martin believes that Windows didn't exist in 1994, can you teach him the truth?
<jamesl> Martin: windows has existed since 1995
<jamesl> er, 1985*

#10607 (+13/-0)
<@ephphatha> also, pretty sure ferret is in #bots
* you flips a coin
< flyingferret> you got: heads
* Bucket steals the coin
< jamesl> ferret can also be PMed. As can jamesl.

< StarfishPrime> *everybody takes a short break to pm jamesl*
< jamesl> yeah I regret this

#10606 (+20/-0)
< jamesl> what did seven say?
< cnf> jamesl: why, do you have them on ignore?
< jamesl> no, I disconnected
< taixzo> did you?
< Bucket> yes, they did
< jamesl> I don't generally /ignore people
< taixzo> you don't show as having disconnected for me
< jamesl> taixzo: from my bouncer
< taixzo> oh
< jamesl> you will never see me disconnect, apart from on the 25th when I take my server down for its Christmas break
< taixzo> you give your servers Christmas off?
< taixzo> man, some sysadmins
< jamesl> taixzo: you don't?
< jamesl> every server deserves Christmas off to spend with its hypervisor
< taixzo> of course not! my servers only get 5 minutes vacation per year.
< taixzo> which they usually take unexpectedly while I'm trying to do something important.

#10605 (+11/-1)
< taixzo> ok, so massive security vulnerability in OS X: you can log in as "root" with no password
< taixzo> this works on login screen, or in dialog prompting for admin access

<@barometz> I can't imagine finding that
< StarfishPrime> I vaguely remember this happening before
<@barometz> somehow, accidentally, you log in that way
< jamesl> I wouldn't believe it if I found it
<@barometz> and no, that can't be right, can it?
<@barometz> you try again, and yup, it works
< StarfishPrime> same thing, being able to log in without a password
<@barometz> did I break something? do I already have a virus?
<@barometz> so you reinstall the whole dang thing but no, really, what?
<@barometz> I guess I can imagine finding that

#10604 (+9/-0)
<Telo> Dear Bella Italia email newsletter, please fuck off, regards James
<Telo> I really don't need eighteen emails a day saying I can get your shitty pasta for 1/3 off if I bring a group of 75 people
<Telo> Why am I even subscribed?
<Telo> Does anybody even like Bella Italia?
<Telo> Like, that's where I'd take somebody I hate to break up with them
<Agafnd> Telo: or take 75 people to break up with them
<Agafnd> Telo: it's cheaper!
<Telo> Agafnd: Perfect, I'll just save up all my breakup dinners for the rest of my life and have them all at once when I'm on my deathbed. Lifehack!
<Agafnd> Telo: also i think taking 75 people will save you the trouble of breaking up with them individually

#10601 (+8/-0)
<Xenos> If anyone here ever gets a hold of a time machine, please pick me up at 67.280215, 14.414311 right now.
* Xenos has quit (Quit: Later everyone...?)
<Branes> ... he didn't give a time zenith reference.
<Agafnd> norway will we find him now!

[ 2017-11-26 11:16:45 UTC if you want to go for it. --Ed. ]

#10600 (+5/-0)
<Agafnd> idea! go into software engineering, but learn how to do some other thing, like, i don't know
<Agafnd> lumberjacking
<Agafnd> then if you hate your job you can take your anger out on trees
<ClintThe2nd> i like quantum physics lol
<Agafnd> or take out your anger on some bosons, doesn't matter
<Agafnd> (ba-dum tss)

#10599 (+5/-0)
<space-marmot2> sigh cats are really curious whenever we do baking
<Agafnd> what's a sigh cat
<sheepbat> it's like a space cat
<sheepbat> but more melancholy
<Agafnd> oh
<Agafnd> i guess it makes sense that a sigh cat and a space marmot would get along then

#10598 (+7/-0)
<woddf2> Overheard: "Don’t tell me how to live my life, bucket"
<Bucket> Unless ...
<woddf2> Wait...
<woddf2> wwt
<woddf2> Bucket: What was that?
<Bucket> woddf2: That was 'cfood' (#165298): is cookie
<Kizul> XD
<Xenos> Spoocket
<Agafnd> are you sentient, bucket
<Agafnd> o_o
<you> ferret, is bucket sentient?
<flyingferret> I'm ... actually not sure. There are good arguments for both.
<you> wow
<Xenos> Bucket: Are you sentient?
* Bucket quietly disposes of Xenos.

#10597 (+11/-0)
<multiplexd> jamesl: hint: i'm terrible at reading people
* Xenos writes on people more bigly so multiplexd can see the letters

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