Hi! Just so you know, you can click on the $ up there to support XKCDB. (This box will go away after you vote once.)

⇤ ← 1 of 118

#9965 (+3/-0)
< XMPPwocky> does the set of all slightly wrong jokes about russell's paradox contain this joke?
< feriority> XMPPwocky: yes

#9964 (+1/-4)
Bucket: Japan is a hologram
tanuki has quit (Quit: tanuki)

#9963 (+2/-4)
<@Shrdlu> we have to keep the Bucket canon internally consistent or he's basically worthless
<GreenWolf> Shrdlu: I really want to quote that
<GreenWolf> can I?
<@Aaeriele> Bucket: remember Shrdlu canon
<Bucket> Okay, Aaeriele, remembering "we have to keep the Bucket canon internally consistent or he's basically worthless".
<@Shrdlu> GreenWolf: no, you can't
<@Shrdlu> GreenWolf: if you try, he'll be all "I already had it that way"
<@Shrdlu> won't work

#9961 (+7/-0)
<GreenWolf> Once again, I am motivated to make my own conlang based off of English
<GreenWolf> But effort
* Sartaglo puts effort in Bucket
* Bucket is now carrying effort, but dropped a newspeak dictionary.

#9960 (+15/-0)
<CO2> I hope they don't do the thing Fisher Scientific did >_<
<schwal> CO2: Wait, what did Fisher do?
<CO2> schwal: usually their labels are colour coded. E.g. yellow for oxidizer, red for stuff that burns, and so on. That way you can easily see if someone put a bottle in a wrong place where it is dangerous
<CO2> schwal: for a few months, they made ALL their labels pink, as an awareness campaign for breast cancer
<CO2> so, you know, the researchers that try to find a cure for cancer now know that breast cancer is a thing.
<XanT> The road to explosions is paved with good intentions.

#9959 (+6/-0)
<WassPord> i don't eat pork
<Cheez> i don't eat pork, except for kunk po pork, bacon, sausages and pork chops
<Cheez> oh and pork belly, pulled pork, deep fried pig ears and pork scratchings
<Bubo> I think you eat pork

#9958 (+12/-0)
<@relsqui> I used to have a giant stash of miscellaneous flavored condoms
<@relsqui> this happened sort of by accident, coincidentally right before I started getting laid
<@relsqui> so I blew through them pretty fast
<@relsqui> uh, no pun intended

#9957 (+13/-0)
< XMPPwocky> ow
< XMPPwocky> just got hit with falling curtains
< XMPPwocky> and shortly after, an angry and confused cat

#9956 (+8/-0)
*The0x539 tosses Froward an extra d
<@Froward> Oh thanks dawg
@Froward -> @Frodward

#9954 (+3/-6)
< Althir> Thanks, lad.
< Bucket> I wish you'd stop calling everyone "lad."
< Althir> Shut up, lad.
< Bucket> "Shut Up Lad" would make a good name for a band.
< Althir> :D

#9953 (+7/-0)
< Branes> I'd like to put forward the motion to the honourable members that we elect a chocolate gummi-bear to be president.
< njsg> complaint
< njsg> that most likely violates the laws of Finland
< njsg> as you need to provide a personal ID number
< njsg> and I suppose that chocolate gummi-bears have none
< Bubo> Also he would melt in the sun

#9952 (+8/-0)
< partdavid> i worked at a place that had servers with hostnames like "hp69-192-168-3-181"
< partdavid> and then... they needed to renumber
< partdavid> so the new "hp69-192-168-3-181" had an IP address of
< partdavid> naming is a heck of a thing

#9951 (+7/-1)
<hermiene> I visited an exhibition years ago. This girl I lived with studied art, and she invited me to it
<hermiene> So it was a student exhibition thing, lots of pretentious stuff. But this one room was just this guy in his underwear, laboriously picking up sand and placing it on a table with a hole in the middle
<hermiene> I remember thinking to myself, "Keep up the good work, Sisyphus!"

#9950 (+7/-0)
< Rendlesburger> There once was a man writing C
< Rendlesburger> He was coding for days, two to three
< Rendlesburger> Soon to be finished
< Rendlesburger> His mood did diminish
< Rendlesburger> When he busted his close-bracket key

#9949 (+15/-2)
<teh_augmenter> So does anyone have a list of Bucket triggers or is it supposed to be a mystery?
<Shrdlu> you mean his entire factoid database? it's pretty big :)
<Shrdlu> but we intentionally don't publish it, it makes it easier to treat him like a person
* Shrdlu pats Bucket
* Bucket rolls over and purrs.
<Shrdlu> sort of a person

#9947 (+6/-2)
<colt> You know what? Screw ferret. I'ma have a sammich anyway.
<XanT> Just su up.
<colt> `sudo make sammich`
* CO2 has quit (sjc.foonetic.net belay.foonetic.net)
* AaronMcH has quit (sjc.foonetic.net belay.foonetic.net)
[...snip 146 more quits...]
* liru has quit (sjc.foonetic.net belay.foonetic.net)
* njsg_ has quit (sjc.foonetic.net belay.foonetic.net)

#9945 (+10/-3)
<tomatosalad> Ugh, my C has gotten sloppy as fuck
<Stereo> i say that about my D all the time
<tomatosalad> I...:|

#9944 (+7/-1)
<Bucket> noamsml is a robosexual
<Renb> it's only robosexual if the lug nuts touch.

#9943 (+16/-1)
< n473> I'd have been less of a judgemental elitist if I'd walked in to find him watching midget furry bondage porn
< Armadi> aaaand /clear
< Armadi> shit
< Armadi> no clear on irccloud
< n473> oh dear
< n473> do you want me to spam lines until "midget furry bondage porn" is no longer on your screen?
< Armadi> no, it's almost off already
< Armadi> one more line
< Armadi> ok good
< Armadi> wait
< Armadi> damn you

#9942 (+15/-3)
<mewyn> https://twitter.com/jweise/status/491788092710199297 Hard drives by WoodlyDoodly
<schwal> "Western Digital's rebranding to appeal to the younger crowd misinterpreted, accidentally made to appeal to toddlers"

#9940 (+12/-5)
<@Frowardd> yeah, don't be that guy who has "a slightly better camera on his phone", be the guy who always has a camera and takes really good pics
<@Frowardd> and is never in any group shots because he's always taking htem
<@Frowardd> HOLY CRAP just figured out how to avoid having my picture taken!

#9938 (+13/-0)
<CO2> last year some small city celebrated their 700th anniversary, and I visited the festival
<CO2> they had a play where the local soldiers drove out both the 16th century Spaniards and WWII nazis. At the same time.
<CO2> So that was interesting.
<TinFox> the temporal world war was really harsh

#9937 (+8/-4)
<puddle> oh, there's a http://www.reddit.com/r/pineapple
<puddle> I need to try obscurer fruits
<puddle> http://www.reddit.com/r/oranges brings up "/r/pickle has assumed control of this subreddit."
<puddle> clearly there have been religious wars between fruit advocates
<puddle> /r/cherries: "We are now members of the Coalition of Fruits instead of the Fruit Union."

#9934 (+17/-1)
* rtmiu rolls 8d2
< flyingferret> rtmiu got: heads, heads, heads, heads, heads, heads, heads, heads.
< rtmiu> O.O
< rcombs> 0.o
< rtmiu> did... did I win?
< rcombs> rtmiu: I'mma say yes

#9933 (+6/-4)
<Kliment> WassPordCat: I've had good experiences with people lately
<Bucket> I've had good sexperiences with people lately

#9931 (+16/-3)
<Oracle989> ferret: periscope or no?
<flyingferret> periscope
<Oracle989> Good call.
<feriority> are you making a submarine?
<Oracle989> ferret: casemate or turret?
<flyingferret> turret
<Oracle989> feriority: Remotely-operated watergun tank
<Oracle989> A periscope lets me keep the phone I'm using to operate it flat in the electronics bay, dropping the profile lower
<Oracle989> But is probably harder to use
* Oracle989 realizes what he's done
<Oracle989> This is a vehicle/"weapons" platform designed by ferret.
<feriority> Oracle989: stop enabling the robot overlords

#9926 (+39/-0)
<@Randall> man, I was thinking "I want to add some new webcomics to my rss reader, now that I'm back in the habit of reading it"
<@Randall> and it had "recommended comics" based on the kind of stuff I subscribed to
<@Randall> try to guess what its first recommendation was
<@Stereo> xkcd?
<@Randall> it clearly understood what kind of a person I was in general
<@Randall> if not what person I was, specifically

#9925 (+20/-0)
<rcombs> think adding some beef to light miso ramen would work well?
<amarble> adding some beef to $dish is rarely a bad idea
<rcombs> the beef is labeled "DW LONDON BROIL"
<amarble> London's a promising word
<amarble> no idea what DW is meant to mean
<rtmiu> i'll go the programmer road and say it means Double Word, so it can probably be finished in 4 bytes
<rtmiu> s/bytes/bites/
<rcombs> well that assumes you cooked your beef with an uncooled x86 processor
<rcombs> which is actually quite possible
<rtmiu> well, i doubt your beef came from an ARM

#9924 (+9/-5)
<njsg> discrete mathematics was when some mathematician said "I like numbers a lot, perhaps I should put rings on them?"

#9923 (+20/-0)
< Althir> Did you ever notice that "spam" and "scam" share all but one letter?
< Holzi> Althir: so does 'you' and 'out'
* Holzi points to the door

#9922 (+4/-8)
-!- Kazimuth [james@hide-570943E7.hsd1.ma.comcast.net] has joined #xkcd
< Kazimuth> ferret: go in or no?
< flyingferret> no
-!- Kazimuth [james@hide-570943E7.hsd1.ma.comcast.net] has quit [Client exited]

#9920 (+10/-5)
<@snark> "When are people going to stop dropping unnecessary game of thrones references at every fucking opportunity" "when the sun rises in the west and sets in the east, when the seas go dry and mountains blow in the wind like leaves"
<@Akrasia> I feel like that reference was pretty necessary
<@snark> yeah I guess

#9919 (+8/-9)
< TinFox> Steam is determined to ignore my attempts to put HL2 ahead of EVE in the download queue
< TinFox> it goes in "fuck you no I'm gonna swap to EVE now" order
< rtmiu> TinFox: would you say it has you *sunglasses* steamed?
< TinFox> rtmiu: XD

#9918 (+13/-2)
<yazdmich> ferret: roam around at the mall?
<flyingferret> Of course not.
<yazdmich> ferret: roam around at the mall getting samples?
<flyingferret> No way.
<yazdmich> ferret: roam around at the mall getting samples with a cup of coffee?
<flyingferret> Of course not.
<Lisimba> flyingferret: set fire to the mall and dance around the flames?
<flyingferret> Indeed.
<yazdmich> why does ferret hate the mall?
* Lisimba hands yazdmich a can of gasoline and some matches

#9916 (+6/-0)
<Bucket> death is an illusion but so is life
<snark> stop saying death bucket, use a different word, something that's good instead of death, something like uhh hamburger time
<barometz> .. hamburger time is an illusion? :(
<rcombs> "hamburger time is an illusion but so is life"
<snark> double double time doubly so

#9915 (+9/-0)
< WassPord> well, we're having a red dawn here, and it's rather creepy.
<@Shrdlu> well, you know what they say
<@Shrdlu> red sky in the morning, sailor's delight
< rcombs> erm, that's not what they say
<@Shrdlu> well, you know what they say
<@Shrdlu> red sky in the morning, rcombs gonna step on your joke
< rcombs> they *do* say that

#9914 (+11/-1)
-!- Foone820 [7a374f62@hide-EA88667A.org] has joined #xkcd
-!- Foone514 [7a374f62@hide-EA88667A.org] has joined #xkcd
-!- Foone401 [7a374f62@hide-EA88667A.org] has joined #xkcd
-!- Foone605 [7a374f62@hide-EA88667A.org] has joined #xkcd
-!- Foone159 [7a374f62@hide-EA88667A.org] has joined #xkcd
-!- mode/#xkcd [+b *!*@hide-EA88667A.org] by mewyn
<@Shrdlu> mewyn: what, you're not curious? I was kinda wondering where that was going
<@mewyn> Shrdlu: Not really.

#9912 (+11/-3)
<@Frowardd> is there a named god of internet? or networking hardware?
<@Frowardd> There should be.
<Bucket> If you're in favor of it, then it's probably a bad idea.
<SpicyLemon> Frowardd: I think that's covered by Loki.

#9911 (+8/-1)
<@Akrasia> still a hundred thousand million billion degrees in here
<@Akrasia> i feel like it's a great night for skinny dipping
<@Akrasia> but i know from experience that the lake here is about 45 degrees
< Stereo> according to my calculations if half of you is 115 degrees and half is 45 degrees then you'll end up 80 which is quite nice
<@Akrasia> according to my calculations, if i skinny dip in 45 degree water at 3 am, i'll end up dead
<@snark> #yolo
<@Akrasia> yes and i'd like to continue doing so

#9910 (+11/-0)
< ladymondegreen> okay, people, i gotta hit the gay, i'm super tired
< ladymondegreen> hay, hay, hay
< ladymondegreen> i gotta hit the hay

#9909 (+7/-1)
* TenthDoctor (~The_Tenth@hide-417DDCE0.dhcp.umsl.edu) has joined #xkcd-tardis
<rcombs> TenthDoctor: we miss you, btw
<TenthDoctor> rcombs: Thanks, I appreciate that
<TenthDoctor> I didn't want to go...

#9908 (+8/-1)
< theobromine> I wonder what would happen if the 55 gallon drums of passion lube leaked....
<@Shrdlu> lube would probably come out

#9907 (+13/-0)
<njsg> lost a fucking number
<njsg> gotta redo shit
<njsg> I literally lost a fucking digit
<Ferris> D:
<Althir> Go to the hospital IMMEDIATELY!

#9905 (+14/-1)
< tomatosalad> mmmmmmmm, I want garlic bread
< tomatosalad> or pizza
< frogg> garlic pizza
-!- ThatCube [18f012a0@hide-EA88667A.org] has joined #xkcd
< ThatCube> Hello?
< tomatosalad> and at that point I'd only cleaned up about half of the semen
< ThatCube> Nice try.

#9902 (+5/-2)
< Holzi> on another note: Go watch "Edge of Tomorrow"! good film!
< Branes> Holzi: Any relation to Edge Of Darkness?
< Holzi> Branes: it's both roughly 115 minutes long?
< Holzi> but apart from that: no

#9901 (+14/-1)
<@Akrasia> colleges should just hire wolfram alpha instead of teachers
<@Akrasia> it makes learning fun
<@snark> I did notice they have some kind of problem generator now
<@Akrasia> they'll also write things out in handwriting if you don't feel like copying the answers to your homework out by hand
<@snark> that's handy
<@Akrasia> for half a second i wasn't sure if that was pun intended or not
<@Akrasia> but then i realized it's snark
<@snark> I went through an identical experience while typing it

#9900 (+8/-2)
< rophl> nudism makes a lot of sense, financially speaking
<@barometz> rophl: until you factor in the fines
< tilt> And the heating costs

#9899 (+8/-0)
<@dyfrgi> wget -qO- http://getchrome > /dev/kmem
<@Stereo> if "wget http://getchrome" works i will be angry
<@dyfrgi> It will work as well as the rest of that command.
<@dyfrgi> Maybe better!
<@dyfrgi> In that the rest of your command will probably crash your computer

#9898 (+6/-1)
<logic> bored.
<Palomides> do something
<Palomides> surely you have some desire you might pursue
<Palomides> now is your moment

<Palomides> logic: it's been 15 minutes, what'd you do
<XanT> If they are doing what I usually do when bored then you might want to give them some quiet time ¬.¬

#9897 (+2/-2)
<Althir> Coincidence, that's all.
<Althir> If they had a way of knowing things like that, I'd get much more targeted spam. Like, against impotence or a small co- wait. Shit.

⇤ ← 1 of 118