#7259 ⇧ (-3) ⇩
< julian> ...
< puddle> ARE YOU GUYS JULIANING OFF IN HERE
< Bucket> [Ceiling Cat watches silently.]
#7258 ⇧ (1) ⇩
* InitHello gives stalagmatite a ball that is twice as bouncy as the previous one
* stalagmatite is amused for twice as long.
#7257 ⇧ (1) ⇩
puddle: Bucket: cheer me up
Bucket: Fuck you.
#7251 ⇧ (25) ⇩
<Overkill> Hello. I just want to say there was a small fire on my stove a few minutes ago, and I took the liberty of putting it out before going on IRC and talking about it.
#7249 ⇧ (1) ⇩
<stalagmatite> nazgjunk, I have a special opening technique [for clamshell packaging]
<stalagmatite> I stick my fingers in the little bit where it hangs off the hook in retail
<stalagmatite> and then I pull
<stalagmatite> and say
<stalagmatite> "FUCK IT"
<stalagmatite> reach for the scissors
<stalagmatite> and savage the damn thing
<stalagmatite> :D
#7247 ⇧ (14) ⇩
Tohuw: Bucket finds haikus
Tohuw: Which is quite sharp, I admit
Tohuw: But with him we're toying
Bucket: Was that a haiku?
#7246 ⇧ (9) ⇩
<Zhorken> my dad got a vasectomy when I was nine and he explained what they did very clinically and didn't touch on why at all
<Zhorken> so I asked him if he'd been neutered
* Bucket hands Zhorken a hacksaw.
<Zhorken> Bucket: what was that?
<Bucket> Zhorken: That was 'want to play a game' (#68765): <action> hands $who a hacksaw.; vars used: { 'someone' => [ 'Zhorken' ]};.
<Zhorken> that was relevant enough that I vaguely suspected puppeting
* billygoat hands Bucket a big knife.
#7244 ⇧ (26) ⇩
<Gr8Cthulhu> apparently asleep-me has some good moves.. i woke up at about 6am having sex, and when we were done I told her that was a great thing to wake up to, she got all confused and said I woke her up and initiated it... :/
#7243 ⇧ (3) ⇩
< fedoragirl> Bucket: undo last <reply> Sorry, $who, you can't not undo that.
< Bucket> Sorry, fedoragirl, you can't undo that.
#7242 ⇧ (3) ⇩
<Deltantor> # Sperm cannot live very long outside of a body. If semen lands outside the vagina or was expelled during masturbation, then the sperm will not live very long. Perhaps an hour at the most. Generally speaking, if the semen is still wet, there could possibly be sperm still living inside of it.
* natjo looks at the waste basket beside his desk
<natjo> HANG IN THERE LITTLE BUDDIES!
#7241 ⇧ (6) ⇩
< bearachute> we shld al strt abbr evrythng
< Deltantor> ok brcht we wl
< bearachute> what's brcht
<@IceKarma> "bearachute" - vowels, obv. :P
< bearachute> oh lol
< bearachute> haha
< bearachute> i fail at my own game
#7240 ⇧ (17) ⇩
<@IceKarma> Geekthras, what do you call that stuff? with the fluorine it can't just be antimonic acid?
<Geekthras> fluoroantimonic acid
<Geekthras> it protonates hydrocarbons
<Geekthras> and doesn't afraid of anything
#7239 ⇧ (6) ⇩
< Bucket> snark is not Picard.
<@snark> true fact
< Arascii> Picard!!!
< Bucket> Picard is sooo much fucking better
#7237 ⇧ (0) ⇩
* Jax184 gives Bucket his spooge
* Bucket hands Jax184 an erection in exchange for Jax184's spooge
#7234 ⇧ (41) ⇩
<@khmer> ms. khmer just made this http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs410.snc3/24803_341302882148_677437148_3802257_2787657_n.jpg
<Megumi> ms. khmer is rather talented.
<shoelessschuler> lol innocence.
<fedoragirl> khmer: cute
<Gr8Cthulhu> khmer: hahaha, nice
<femmebot> khmer, WOW
<Beelzebub> khmer: why is there a giant penis on the top?
<sheepbat> hah, Beelzebub
<@khmer> Beelzebub: a giant WHAT?
<@khmer> what where
<stalagmatite> khmer: that is goddamn hilarious
<sheepbat> right behind the bird
<Joii> because there was a convenient cloud imitation a scrotum
<shoelessschuler> I see it too.
<scgtrp> khmer: next to her face
<@khmer> i...WHAT
<sheepbat> it's curved down a bit
<@khmer> holy fuck
<Bucket> holy fuck is an amazing band.
<@khmer> brb!!!!!
#7228 ⇧ (12) ⇩
< dahud> Huh. Word doesn't believe in the word "Cruft".
<@zigdon> dahud: it's in denial.
< dahud> That's what I said
#7227 ⇧ (16) ⇩
<@relsqui> hey, whatdo you guys call #3cafdb?
< sheepbat> light blue, relsqui
< sheepbat> light bluish-gray
< FunkyTuba> I call it "a bad channel name"
#7226 ⇧ (6) ⇩
snark: Frowardd is the love doctor, and he's not afraid to amputate
#7224 ⇧ (43) ⇩
<Bucket> Black holes would lose a certain amount of its energy in the process of forming, which, according to the mass-energy equivalence, means that a black hole would be of lower mass than the parent object, and have a weaker gravitational pull.
<Blackhole> Did you just call my mother fat?
#7223 ⇧ (18) ⇩
<Oceloctopus> OBJECTIVISM IS SILLY!
<Palomides> SUBJECTIVISM IS SILLY!
<Oceloctopus> VERY FEW PURE IDEALISTIC PHILOSOPHIES ARE NOT SILLY
<ra> SHOUTING IS AWESOME, THOUGH
#7222 ⇧ (47) ⇩
* Zannick gives Bucket 16777216 crayons.
* Bucket hands Zannick a guilty conscience in exchange for 16777216 crayons
< Zannick> oh god what have i done?
#7217 ⇧ (18) ⇩
<Freudian> Nope, it's my client
<ra> hm, another thing about irssi - it needs to be taught the correct charset :P
* theleica opens TM10009108273
<theleica> It contains UNICODE
<theleica> Do you want to teach Irssi UNICODE?
<ra> um, yeah?
<Freudian> In order to learn UNICODE, Irssi must forget a move.
<Freudian> Would you like to forget SITTING AND EATING BISCUITS, WEBCOMICS, DISNEY MUSIC, or WALLOWING?
<Freudian> Irssi has stopped trying to learn UNICODE
#7216 ⇧ (9) ⇩
< Snoof> What do you call it when irony comes full circle and stops being ironic?
< ellipsis> reality
#7215 ⇧ (10) ⇩
< Sh0rtWave> I've never had a problem with making a woman ejaculate
< stalagmatite> shortwave: neither have I, for unrelated reasons
#7214 ⇧ (-1) ⇩
< stalagmatite> Morgan Freeman could make davean speak
<&davean> and, apparently you can to, stalagmatite
< stalagmatite> le gasp!
< Bucket> LE PETITE GRANDE GASP!
< Spi_Waterwing> bucket: stalagmatite is Morgan Freeman, apparently.
< Bucket> Spi_Waterwing: Your mom is Morgan Freeman, apparently!
#7212 ⇧ (16) ⇩
<@snark> get used to disappointment
<Jeff_UK> snark: That's what she said.
< Bucket> About your penis.
#7209 ⇧ (11) ⇩
<DarqWolff> Anyone want a Google Voice invite?
<lilmisschaos> Google voice?
<DaMullet> lilmisschaos: Usin' my Google Voice
<nazgjunk> DaMullet: what's google sound like?
<Latis> nazgjunk: It sounds like the voice inside your head
<nazgjunk> Latis: that doesn't really narrow it down
<Latis> nazgjunk: The one that keeps you on the computer when you know you should be doing other things or going to bed
#7207 ⇧ (0) ⇩
< crodgers> julian: also, i'd be willing to bet (and i know that this is unscientific) that more people could afford insurance if they cut back on their exorbitant life style in other places
< julian> crodgers: That's less "unscientific" and more "complete bullshit"
#7206 ⇧ (15) ⇩
< DaMullet> I can cook but one kind of cookie
< DaMullet> Shortbread
< Bucket> Shortbread is delicious
< DaMullet> and they're DELICIOUS
< DaMullet> DAMN IT BUCKET
#7205 ⇧ (20) ⇩
< stalagmatite> killings: I seriously doubt you could kick me in the balls from all the way over....
< stalagmatite> You know what.
< stalagmatite> Not going to risk it.
#7200 ⇧ (31) ⇩
< Zannick> A Greek mathematician happened upon a special function whose continuity would imply that the Riemann hypothesis was true. However, it was so complicated that she was not sure whether it was actually continuous.
< Zannick> But she had heard that Italian mathematicians were especially talented in Analysis, and so she set sail from Greece to Italy in order to find a mathematician who could help her.
< Zannick> A storm broke at sea, and her ship was thrown off course and ran aground. She was forced to walk to the nearest city.
< Zannick> Tired from the long journey, as soon as she saw someone she asked him, "Sir, are you a mathematician?" "Why, yes," he said. "I am."
< Zannick> "Please sir," she begged him. "I've heard Italian mathematicians are quite talented in Analysis. Can you tell me whether this function is continuous?"
< Zannick> "Sorry, lady," he replied. "Dis Crete."
#7197 ⇧ (12) ⇩
<killings> you wouldn't know the meaning of troll if boxxy slammed her heel on your scrotum
<Frowardd> you wouldn't know the meaning of troll if you were suddenly and aggressively taxed while crossing a bridge
<Frowardd> you wouldn't know the meaning of troll if an Orcish siege force showed up on your doorstep
<killings> you wouldn't know the meaning of troll if you became tiny and your hair grew into an enormous neon point
<JoeCool> you wouldn't know the meaning of troll even if someone had even thought of putting the letter T in front of roll and showing it to you
#7194 ⇧ (6) ⇩
* DaMeowth uses payday
-!- @Ephphatha (andrewianj@hide-43A2D7BD.lns20.syd7.internode.on.net) Quit (Ping timeout)
<nazgjunk> Ephphatha fainted!
#7192 ⇧ (15) ⇩
Frowardd: consider, raunchy american comedy films have frequent female nudity
Frowardd: which is often presented and consumed happily
Frowardd: nobody wants to see dicks
Frowardd: NOBODY
Bucket: NOT EVEN JESUS
#7191 ⇧ (7) ⇩
<Deltantor> holy shit, i got a 98 on my first history exam
<Deltantor> i thought i would flat out fail
<julian> Deltantor: You won't have to repeat it!
#7190 ⇧ (-6) ⇩
<pikhq > khmer: That is why you should just <3 thunder.
<khmer@> pikhq: but i don't <3 thunder right now
<Ephphatha@> billygoat: stopword thunder
<billygoat@> Okay, next person to say 'thunder' gets kickbanned.
<khmer@> you can't <3 thunder unless you mean it
*** mode/#xkcd [+b *!~khmer@*.lightspeed.austtx.sbcglobal.net] by billygoat
*** khmer was kicked from #xkcd by billygoat [Jackpot!!!]
#7189 ⇧ (-3) ⇩
< Rena> bucket, nonzero is five
< Bucket> Rena: Your mom is five!
#7188 ⇧ (12) ⇩
<@snark> Bucket: billygoat quotes <reply><@billygoat> Okay, next person to say 'dongflakes' gets kickbanned.
< Bucket> Okay, snark.
-!- mode/#xkcd [+b *!~snark@*.dsl.pltn13.sbcglobal.net] by billygoat
-!- snark was kicked from #xkcd by billygoat [Jackpot!!!]
< Bucket> Where is your op immunity now? MWAHAHAHA
#7187 ⇧ (-4) ⇩
<fedoragirl> thick, juicy [polish/german/italian/swedish] [sausage/meatballs]
<fedoragirl> all the sex puns you can imagine
<fedoragirl> right there
<fedoragirl> on your plate
<Dementex> and bacon
<CarCrashExpert> fedoragirl: Freud would have a field day
<fedoragirl> long pork
<Antlerbot> ILL SHOW YOU SOME LONG PORK
<Dementex> pulled, fried, smoked, grilled, sauteed, broiled, stuffed bacon
<fedoragirl> the meat seems solid at first
<genewitch> ... gross
<fedoragirl> but it just crumbles away in your mouth
<genewitch> Kind of like a relationship
<genewitch> and by relationship I mean 1 night stand
<fedoragirl> nearly bursting with fresh, delicious juices
<uberushaximus> genewitch++
<fedoragirl> sealed in by the char of the flames and the wrap of the bacon
<Dementex> Everything should be made of bacon
<Firedchicken> but when you bite into it, the juices explode into your mouth
<Antlerbot> fedoragirl: :O
<fedoragirl> as her hand slides up your thigh and you take a bite of a tender and crispy lamb chop
<Frowardd> huaghagughghgughghh
<fantasyprone> wait, what
<Bucket> How did that get up in there?
* fantasyprone pushes dinner away
<fantasyprone> thanks guys :<
<Dementex> Bacon!
<Frowardd> i'm dripping out the bottom of my trouser leg
#7186 ⇧ (22) ⇩
<@zigdon> thanks Bucket
< Bucket> Thucket.
<@zigdon> Bucket: thanks <reply> You're welcome, $who!
< Bucket> Okay, zigdon.
<@zigdon> Bucket: thanks <reply> Glad I could help!
< Bucket> Okay, zigdon.
<@zigdon> Bucket: thanks <reply> You're welcome.
< Bucket> Okay, zigdon.
<@zigdon> Bucket: thanks <reply> No problems.
< Bucket> Okay, zigdon.
<@zigdon> Bucket: thanks <reply> Sure thing!
< Bucket> Okay, zigdon.
<@zigdon> Bucket: thanks <reply> It was nothing.
< Bucket> Okay, zigdon.
* zigdon puts politeness in Bucket
* Bucket is now carrying politeness.
#7184 ⇧ (24) ⇩
<Quantumplation> Quick, i need crop puns! wheat/barely/wry/punpernickle/oat are already used
<genewitch> Quantumplation: that sounds really corny
<Quantumplation> oh, that one too
<Quantumplation> and turnip now
<genewitch> Quantumplation: texans pumpkin?
<LordOfWhales> Quantumplation: Peas don't ask me to make puns.
<@Lhyzz> Quantumplation: puns turn my face a radish hue?
<genewitch> bean there done that
<@res0> Quantumplation: don't feel collard by the challenge
<genewitch> I'll squash you at this game
<LordOfWhales> Quantumplation: I wish you'd lettuce stop
<@res0> beans are legumes
<@Lhyzz> lettuce be!
<LordOfWhales> I'm getting gourd
<genewitch> res0: artichoke you or not?
<@res0> in other news, genewitch was found gourd to death at home.
<genewitch> rice, res0, real rice.
<@res0> based on the statistics of private hired transit in our cities, you might say we live in a veritable cabbage
<genewitch> res0: asparagus your puns
<@res0> spinach anyway you want, at least i'm trying
<@res0> shallot be a tradition in here?
<InitHello> fennel you ever learn, res0?
<genewitch> res0: FLAX THIS GAME IS STUPID
<@snark> these are terrible, in my op onion
<@res0> snark: i will kale you
<genewitch> snark: I'll rapeseed your face
<@snark> D:
<@snark> I see that thou artichoked up over my contribution :(
<genewitch> it's okay snark olive you though
<genewitch> BEETDWEE!
<InitHello> genewitch: kiss my grass
<genewitch> HAY NOW
<@snark> I seed what you did there
* @res0 polks snark
<genewitch> don't sesame, fool
<@res0> lentil i see you again
<@res0> canna get a witness?
<InitHello> snark, res0, you two have definitely beet me at this game
<@res0> Yacon't win in this fight
<@snark> my celery is not high enough to deal with this kind of thing
<InitHello> but you can at leeks try
<@res0> hey, don't salsify information
<@snark> I just get tired sprout
<genewitch> toss masala?
<genewitch> loquat you've done?
<@snark> these are, inevitably, getting pretty corny
<@snark> don't make me pop a capsicum your ass
<Quantumplation> sow you think you should stop?!
<genewitch> we're barley making sense anymore
<InitHello> getting? I daresay they sprouted that way
<@snark> ARUGULA
<@res0> i canna take this anymore]
<Quantumplation> Ack, failure to parsely.
<@res0> Nopal, you can't keep this up.
<@snark> nothing but the chard remains of what was once a fair green conversation...
<@res0> Tinda your resignation.
<@snark> endive unfortunately contributed to such :(
<@snark> I must say I'm sorrel
<genewitch> let's pecan snark some more
<Quantumplation> snark: Chive still got faith in you.
<@res0> well, it's gone too far
<@res0> i've mustard the troops
<genewitch> this is chestnut working for me anymore
<@snark> well I guess I can procede gingerly
<genewitch> snark: I have a tank but there's not mushroom.
<@snark> but really, I yam out of ideas :|
<@snark> genewitch: well, to make peas we must prepare for war
<Quantumplation> Lent me know when you guys are out of them, and i'll submit it to xkcdb =P
<@snark> lettuce rather concede defeat than submit to dishonour
<Quantumplation> dish-onour? =P
<genewitch> I'm cotton trees, now
<Quantumplation> Some of these puns are fer tall eyes. (>_> bit of a squash, but i think it works)
<@res0> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unusually_shaped_vegetable
<HeyLuke> can't believe there's a wiki on that
<@res0> there's not a wiki on that
<@res0> there's a wikipedia article
<HeyLuke> that's what i meant~
<genewitch> THAT'S WHAT YOU MINT?
<Quantumplation> Oh gourd, what have i spawned?
<genewitch> that's what seed shed
#7183 ⇧ (23) ⇩
<@shoofle> InitHello: basically what I am saying is that your idea is stupid because it's unimplementable and it comes down to you complaining that you don't like the people on the internet
<InitHello> shoofle: that's ok, I don't like the people off the internet, either
<@snark> InitHello is not a "people person"
<@snark> I myself am not a people person person. I cannot stand people people.
<DaMullet> snark: Coincidentally, I'm a people person person person
<@snark> well, clearly we won't get along at all
<@snark> not only am I not a people person person, I'm even less of a people person person person person
<@snark> people person person people are not my kind of people
<@snark> I at one point considered breeding a carnivorous monster to deal with people people
<@snark> but my plans for a person people eater did not go forward
<InitHello> did you make it purple?
* @IceKarma stabs snark for making her brain hurt
* @snark bleeds
#7182 ⇧ (9) ⇩
<hexium> is TehRainChicken == FiredChicken?
<TehRainChicken> hexium no, just a chicken who stalks at night
<hexium> oh, we have multiple chickens in #xkcd then
<Quantumplation> TehRainChicken: He was just trying to stay abreast of the situation.
<TehRainChicken> lol
<hexium> Quantumplation: thanks for that nugget of information
<Quantumplation> TehRainChicken: Getting a leg up on the competition without drumming up drama, if you will.
<hexium> Quantumplation: you're just winging it now, aren't you?
<Quantumplation> hexium: Yea, feather or not I have any more is yet to be seen though.
<hexium> Quantumplation: you're at the beak of your game then?
<puddle> I love nuggets and chicken varieties thereof
<Quantumplation> hexium: I'm not sure if i'm at the peak of my game, there's just no talon.
<@Glench> you guys are running around like chickens with your puns cut off
<TehRainChicken> ack gotta go already
<TehRainChicken> later all
<hexium> Glench: at least you're still an op--we haven't staged a coop yet
* TehRainChicken (Niall@hide-34E7FA6A.hsd1.ct.comcast.net) Quit (Quit: THE RAINK CHICKEN STALKS INTO THE NIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT)
<Quantumplation> hexium: Don't worry, one day we'll claw our way to the top.
<hexium> Quantumplation: either that, or we'll be boned.
<Quantumplation> hexium: Fat chance...
<Quantumplation> oh, btw hexium, i'm new around here, don't think i've introduced myself. It's nice to meat you.
<hexium> Quantumplation: yeah but at least it's some soup for the soul
<hexium> Quantumplation: it's a crazy world, this channel. best of cluck.
<Quantumplation> =P I know, i'm being a smartass. ^^
<hexium> Quantumplation: be careful, don't get a-fowl of the people here!
<Quantumplation> hexium: Wow, those last two puns quite indecaptitated me. (=( bit of a stretch, but i'm running ouch.)
<hexium> Quantumplation: tell me hen you've had enough :P
<Nox> #xkcd is the much cheaper alternative to getting high. with your help, i'll be able to eat more than once a day. thanks.
<Quantumplation> I'm afraid i'll have to admit defeet now. That really was my last one.
* Friedchicken (cluck@hide-E9E14F9F.dial1.chicago1.level3.net) has joined #xkcd
<hexium> I don't think we can end it better than this: * Friedchicken (cluck@hide-E9E14F9F.dial1.chicago1.level3.net) has joined #xkcd
<Quantumplation> ... yes.
<Quantumplation> ><
<Quantumplation> hexium: Oh yes, what a perfect ending.
<Friedchicken> what I miss? internet quit on me
<Palomides> nothing
#7181 ⇧ (12) ⇩
<evilbob> I think they should have gladiatorial combat in the olympics
<Palomides> evilbob: that's summer olympics :P
<evilbob> the silver and bronze medals can be awarded posthumously
<Palomides> unless it's ICE GLADIATORS
<Palomides> DOWNHILL ICE GLADIATORS
<evilbob> ooh
<Palomides> FREESTYLE DOWNHILL ICE GLADIATORS
<Palomides> I think that's about as awesome as that can get
<evilbob> I agree
#7179 ⇧ (9) ⇩
<LordOfWhales> Shut up, Bucket
<Bucket> Manual override attempt detected. Initiating LordOfWhales terminating sequence in 4...3...2...1...
* LordOfWhales (d378e8e4@hide-54C2325B.mibbit.com) Quit (Quit: terminated)
#7177 ⇧ (17) ⇩
<cntrational> zombie_monkey: i dunno
<Bucket> I do!
<salacio> bucket no you don't
<Ater> Bucket knows everything.
<salacio> bucket what do you know?
<Ater> bucket, stats
<Bucket> I've been awake since Tue Feb 16 23:40:05 2010 (about 3 days), and that was when I was last changed. In that time, I learned 252 new factoids, updated 34, forgot 3, and found 6 haiku. I know now a total of 69,254 things about 32,411 subjects. I know of 4,654 objects and am carrying 20 of them.
<Ater> He knows 69,254 things. That's everything.
<salacio> that's not even half of everything!
<Ater> Do YOU know 69,254 things?
<Bucket> No, but if you hum a few bars I can fake it
<Ater> ... Stupid bucket.
#7176 ⇧ (13) ⇩
<whiskeyish> SCIENCE
* Rack puts lukewarm intercourse and uncomfortable silence in a beaker, heats to 400 degrees Celsius, and points the beaker at whiskeyish.
<whiskeyish> it is like every time i had sex with my ex. :(
#7174 ⇧ (1) ⇩
< amobeus> Spi_Waterwing : what schools are like that?
< Spi_Waterwing> amobeus: University of Virginia, Mary Baldwin College, and possibly Virginia Military Institute
< Spi_Waterwing> (guess which state I'm in! 9.9 )
< vaultx> Spi_Waterwing: Maine?
< amobeus> Maryland?
< Spi_Waterwing> Massachusetts?
< vaultx> It's gotta be Hawaii.
< Quantumplation> Puerto Rico?
< Quantumplation> The Volunteer state?
< Spi_Waterwing> A state of apathy, actually.
#7173 ⇧ (3) ⇩
<Quantumplation> The last girl I knew who was into Monty Python camelot.
#7172 ⇧ (5) ⇩
<lilmisschaos> Because as a rule I'm general an upbeat person
<magcius> lilmisschaos, so be upbeat at the funeral!
<magcius> er
<magcius> reunion
<Apocrypha> magcius, smooth.
<magcius> I swear that was an honest god mistake.
-*- magcius is scared of himself