#7129 ⇧ (4) ⇩
<Strike_Reyhi> if word is a swiss army knife power point is a swiss army shotgun/knife combo
<ellipsis> now I want a swiss army knife with shotgun function o.O
<scgtrp> Strike_Reyhi: so which one do i use as a flamethrower? :)
<scgtrp> ms office is clearly inferior for not having this obvious feature
<ellipsis> scgtrp: if you're being metaphoric, you can "throw" plenty of "flames" using Outlook and random mailing lists
<scgtrp> ... touche.
#7128 ⇧ (9) ⇩
natjo: i think the only reason i'd want to be famous is so i could have sex with famous people
Randall: natjo: I'll cure you of that right quick.
Randall: Once you go Randall, you basically give up on sex altogether.
#7127 ⇧ (9) ⇩
<Frowardd> sometimes poop jokes can get very deep
<Frowardd> poop jokes fill a hole in my soul
<paparatti> Frowardd: that's some deep shit right there
#7126 ⇧ (1) ⇩
< Spork> "Dad suspected of trying to cut off 1-year-old's penis." - D:
< Spi_Waterwing> Spork: "...becaue it was bigger than the father's."
#7124 ⇧ (-6) ⇩
<@Ephphatha> time for another no context kick by Ephphatha!
* ShortWave was kicked by Ephphatha (I antagonized your mum)
#7123 ⇧ (2) ⇩
<whiskeyish> happiness is a lukewarm dr. pepper.
<whiskeyish> ecstasy is a cold dr. pepper. nirvana is a sad band.
#7121 ⇧ (1) ⇩
<OcularElm> snark, OMG OMG OMG
<OcularElm> WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN
<Bucket> Impaled on a flagpole above a dead, urine-soaked homeless person in the back alley of an urban sprawl of death and decay.
<snark> what bucket said
<Bucket> What I said is very relevant
<snark> it was not the best
<Feriority> that's a pretty good reason to be missing
#7120 ⇧ (12) ⇩
PSOAddict: Bucket, PSOAddict quotes
Bucket: <PSOAddict> the internet: not teh place for serious commentary??!??!?!?! more at 11
problem-attic: Bucket: PSOAddict quotes
Bucket: <PSOAddict> god damn it I hate all my quotes on Bucket
PSOAddict: hm why did my bucket quotes trigger twice?
coaxmetal: PSOAddict: it was triggered twice
problem-attic: PSOAddict: He was reading your mind.
problem-attic: PSOAddict: Also, you have me on ignore. :D
Diet-Drew: problem-attic: like talking to a wall
PSOAddict: that's really weird
Jeet: PSOAddict: Yeah, it's like there's an echo.
PSOAddict: I wonder if bucket will do that again twice
PSOAddict: Bucket, PSOAddict quotes
Bucket: <PSOAddict> and my balls hurt, and my rectum sort of feels weird
problem-attic: Bucket: PSOAddict quotes
Bucket: <PSOAddict> god damn it I hate all my quotes on Bucket
PSOAddict: .....this is really weird
problem-attic: I should stop.
PSOAddict: O_o is someone manning the bucket?
SirEel: PSOAddict: check your ignore list :P
PSOAddict: SirEel: ...oh
#7118 ⇧ (11) ⇩
< hurristat> My friend and I had a great idea for a flash video:
< hurristat> WWII as pokemon
< hurristat> from Germany's point of view.
< LolCam> hurristat: gotta kill them all, World war 2?
< hurristat> Germany found an item! It's a CZECHOSLOVAKIA!
< theFnord> America uses NUKE, it's super effective!
< hurristat> A wild POLAND appeared!
< hurristat> Germany sent out BLITZKRIEG
< LolCam> hurristat: a wild FRANCE appeared!
< LolCam> Germany uses AIR STRIKE
< LolCam> It's Super effective!
< LolCam> hurristat: FFFF
< Pickapok> A wild Japan appears!
< Pickapok> Japan uses surprise attack!
< Pickapok> America has woken up!
< hurristat> Pickapok: no, Japan would use self-destruct.
< Proton> Japan uses Kamikaze!
< theFnord> Pearl Harbour fainted!
< Pickapok> America uses Patton!
< Pickapok> It's Super Effective!
< Pickapok> Germany runs away!
< LolCam> hurristat: AMERICA uses A-Bomb!
< Pickapok> Japan is fucked!
< LolCam> FFFFF
< hurristat> It's super effective!
< hurristat> AMERICA uses A-bomb again!
< hurristat> Foe JAPAN fainted!
< hurristat> America gained 1000000000000000 EXP points!
< permagreen> Russia can be represented by Gary Oak
< hurristat> permagreen: I was envisioning more something along these lines: "GERMANY met a wild SOVIET UNION. Wild SOVIET UNION used RUSSIAN WINTER! GERMANY is frozen!"
#7116 ⇧ (9) ⇩
cntrational: bork bork bork
Bucket: porn! porn! porn!
problem-attic: porn porn porn?
Bucket: bork bork bork
#7115 ⇧ (6) ⇩
<natjo> if i got a chinese tat i'd want it to actually say i like it in the butt and tell all the ladies it actually means peace
<@relsqui> natjo: until you meet a nice japanese woman with a strapon
#7113 ⇧ (20) ⇩
<Freudian> I know where to get helium
<Freudian> Best balloons ever
<Freudian> Though I heard about one guy who did that with blow-up dolls.
<Freudian> Set them throughout the house during a party.
<Freudian> One of them flew out of a window and began sailing into the sky
<Freudian> A woman saw it and thought it was the rapture, ran after it screaming to be taken into heaven, and got hit by a truck
<Freudian> Best death ever.
#7112 ⇧ (1) ⇩
<photosynthetica> Avatar taught me that all I need to do in order to save the rainforest is turn into a blue cat alien and have really awkward sex.
#7111 ⇧ (5) ⇩
natjo: enya just makes you want to have lesbian sex
#7110 ⇧ (21) ⇩
photosynthetica: Whenever I'm close friends or dating a lady who's on her period, I just treat them like the velociraptors from Jurassic Park. Assume they are more intelligent than you, lethal, cunning, and will tear out your throat if you don't give them whatever food they wish for.
#7108 ⇧ (5) ⇩
Gir: anyone wanna buy a diamond ring?
Lev: only if it comes with you on one knee
#7107 ⇧ (0) ⇩
* Peter624 (~chatzilla@hide-1C4683E2.dhcp.uml.edu) has joined #xkcd
<killings> I am certainly irritable and unfair, but everyone around me is also stupid. both sides win!
<Peter624> hey xkcders
<killings> hey shithead
#7106 ⇧ (0) ⇩
<@Silvia> this ad looks like a bear in a bra
<@Silvia> it's actually someone's stomach on closer look
<@Silvia> i wish it was a bear
#7103 ⇧ (13) ⇩
<theleica> How do you know what sour assholes taste like?
<photosynthetica> theleica: Do you want to go down this road, senor?
<theleica> photosynthetica, you bet I do.
<photosynthetica> You can't just open up the book of my life and start readin' in the middle.
<theleica> Captain Mal quotes won't get you out of this one.
<photosynthetica> Shit.
#7102 ⇧ (13) ⇩
< jana> Please be nice to me... what does AJAX mean?
<@creature> Asynchronous Javascript and XML.
< Flibberdy> jana: It's the God of Cleaning
<@relsqui> jana: it's a technique for getting clientside scripts (e.g. javascript) to interact with serverside scripts (e.g. php) without having to reload the whole page
< photosynthetica> jana: He's the black dude with the metal arms from Mortal Kombat
#7101 ⇧ (7) ⇩
< Bucket> <Spork> Then, out of nowhere, this girl walks in, takes off all her clothes except for her skimpy underwear and bra, and walks in, lies down, and starts hanging out with us.
< letusgothen> Were you on LSD? How did she walk in twice without leaving?
#7100 ⇧ (10) ⇩
<Antior> bucket, sudo make food
* Bucket uses it up the ass and natjo's rocks to make some sandwiches.
<Antior> 0_o
<fantasyprone> Antior, you don't want that sandwich
<Antior> no I don't
<Bucket> Yes you do, and you know it!
#7098 ⇧ (14) ⇩
<@khmer> killings: i had to date a rich girl from baltimore who knew xiu xiu and the wrens and made me mix cds to get fully broken out
< adiabatic> khmer: 'had to'?
<@khmer> adiabatic: yeah i was pretty much forced at gunpoint to go out with her
<@khmer> by gunpoint here i mean my nineteen-year-old dowsing wang
#7096 ⇧ (5) ⇩
<hux> uhh chair throwin ballmer is not someone to be liked
<letusgothen> Ballmer?
* Bucket throws a chair at letusgothen
#7095 ⇧ (6) ⇩
<DaMullet> Thirty Days Hath September, April, June, and November. All the rest have peanut-butter sandwiches, except granny because she rides a motorcycle
#7094 ⇧ (5) ⇩
<theleica> fantasyprone, I know what you mean, but when it's imaginary the fun don't stop.
<imaginary> Oh man you know thats true
#7085 ⇧ (10) ⇩
***Feriority pets billygoat
***Bucket gets jealous :(
billygoat: Bucket: Grow some fur, and you'll get that which you desire.
#7084 ⇧ (7) ⇩
<sparkywtf> I'll give you lupus ;)
<Gir> oh my
<Gir> i don't think that's what they call it, sparky
<Gir> unless you named it Lupus
<Gir> which would be a little weird....
<Lev> well he would have called it "systemic lupus erythematosus", but that was too much of a.... mouthfull
#7083 ⇧ (14) ⇩
< Ater> You know what's fucking annoying?
< Antior> I am annoyingly fucking people
< Antior> but that's not the same
< rasu> ...can you fuck someone annoyingly?
< InitHello> rasu: god yes
< InitHello> rasu: I've had annoying sex
<@khmer> once at climax i started singing la marseillaise
<@khmer> i'm pretty sure ms. khmer was annoyed
<@khmer> i know that from the pain reaction
< Antior> khmer: so you just decided to come to #xkcd for a moment to tell us that?
< AbsolutGaloot> Antior: can you think of a better place to share it?
<@khmer> well, Antior, it seemed contextually appropriate
<@khmer> i don't brag about my sex life unbidden, i mean, come on
<@khmer> but once ms. khmer tried to do a stuart smalley voice during sex
<@khmer> the usual reaction here is "how good can your sex be if you can remember to tell jokes during it"
< Antior> AbsolutGaloot: a support group? :P
< ellipsis> #xkcd IS a support group....
< FunkyTuba> ellipsis: ...until khmer chimes in, at which point it becomes a horror show
<@creature> I demand all my lovemaking to be as passionate as a renaissance painter and as involving as a Dostyevsky novel.
<@creature> A THREESOME, YOU SAY? BREAK OUT THE BROTHERS KARAMAZOV.
<@khmer> i demand all my lovemaking to be exactly like a hieronymous bosch painting
#7082 ⇧ (40) ⇩
<Zephyr> Wait, what? Is bucket a bot.. Scratch that, silly question.
<@Lhyzz> Zephyr: no
<%billygoat> We don't have any bots in this channel.
<Zephyr> Mmm. Okay. I'll trust you on that one.
<Zephyr> Should I?
<Bucket> You should
* Zephyr glares aroudn the room.
<%billygoat> What Bucket said.
#7081 ⇧ (16) ⇩
< killings> I am a fairly big Jets fan
<@creature> Have to buy two seats, eh?
#7080 ⇧ (18) ⇩
<F-Zombie> Hmm Ethiopian jet crashes killing 90 people. Pilot probably starved to death mid flight
<Potassium> F-Zombie, that's low.
<Potassium> F-Zombie, almost as low as food supplies in Ethiopia.
<Gorganon> *zing*
#7079 ⇧ (26) ⇩
* fridge does a barrel roll
* photosynthetica gives Bucket a barrel roll
* Bucket hands photosynthetica sentience in exchange for a barrel roll
<photosynthetica> Just what I always wanted! Sentience!
* photosynthetica thinks.
<Bucket> therefore she is
<photosynthetica> :3
#7075 ⇧ (14) ⇩
< Xeio> But yes, spoilers are generally bad
< ellipsis> some cars need the extra drag though
< Eule> ellipsis: high heels are better for that
#7072 ⇧ (-4) ⇩
<Aurum> topic is such an old joke
<Aurum> I trusted xkcd to have new jokes
<permagreen> Aurum: I trusted YOUR MOM to have new jokes!
#7070 ⇧ (12) ⇩
massina: bucket, dare
Bucket: Run at full speed into the wall, as fast as you can!
massina: ferret, should I do what Bucket said?
flyingferret: No way.
massina: ferret, botsnack
Bucket: :(
flyingferret: :D
massina: That just freaked me out a little bit.
#7067 ⇧ (1) ⇩
<@zigdon> billygoat: stopword quotes
<%billygoat> Okay, next person to say 'quotes' gets kickbanned.
< Bucket> Sorry zigdon, I don't remember what stopword said.
< Queen_Sarah> billygoat quotes
< Bucket> *bleat*.
-!- mode/#xkcd [+b *!nobody@*.zone11.bethere.co.uk] by billygoat
-!- Queen_Sarah was kicked from #xkcd by billygoat [Jackpot!!!]
#7065 ⇧ (5) ⇩
<Queen_Sarah> pixelated: i'll have you know a horse has given me better lovin' than any man
#7064 ⇧ (5) ⇩
<theleica> Goddanit you figured out a way to keep me here.
<theleica> Women and their willy ways.
<theleica> s/willy/wily/
#7063 ⇧ (10) ⇩
<problem-attic> SirEel: open source means open as in freedom, not open as in beer
#7059 ⇧ (10) ⇩
<Puddle> http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34924101/ British disc jockey played this song as police tried to talk a woman down from committing suicide by jumping from a highway bridge
<Diet-Drew> Puddle: What were The Police doing talking a woman down from suicide? Did they just tell her they couldn't stand losing her?
<Kliment> Diet-Drew: No, they told her they'd be watching her.
#7058 ⇧ (-10) ⇩
<snark> how do I shot grep?
<OcularElm> snark, well you have to download photoshop
<snark> I already have a potatochop but they say they are out of stock
<OcularElm> snark, well you should quit wearing stockings and they won't be out of stock.
<snark> I don't think they keep stockings
<snark> what is the moon
<Bucket> the moon is made of green cheese
<snark> I like cheese
<Cheese> <3 snark
#7056 ⇧ (-12) ⇩
<&Antipathy> spazz, suggest a band name you ugly motherfucker
< Spazz> How about 'Fuck You Entirely'?
#7052 ⇧ (27) ⇩
<Pool> The average in here is 22 or 23, I think. I also think the ops are older because it's like they're camp counselors.
<airtank> Pool: l m f a o
<airtank> we are totally camp counselors
<airtank> we even have camp names
<Pool> Yeah.
<Spork> airtank is the cool counselor.
<Spork> snark is the one nobody wants to be stuck with.
<Pool> I mean, khmer mutes the channel to sing songs.
<Spork> relsqui's the one that always makes delicious snacks.
<aqualis> i could totatlly be that camper who sets things on fire
<Spork> mewyn's the weird one that always makes kids do lame arts and crafts.
<snark> Hermiene's the one that appears on the roster but never comes out to supervise any activities
<Pool> What about davean?
<Pool> and Xavier?
<aqualis> absentee camp directors?
<Spork> Pool: Camp administrators.
<res0> davean is also in charge of fixing the machinery of the camp
<Spork> zigdon's the exciting one with the cool stories.
<Pool> Billygoat is the camp mascot.
<Spork> Pool: No, that's Bucket.
<Pool> Oh, right
<aqualis> billygoat is the camp bouncer
<res0> billygoat is the security guard
<Pool> At orientation they would probably refer to "and billygoat will give you the boot" over and over next to a cartoon drawing of a goat in the manual
<snark> and people would still walk up and poke him
<snark> because people are retards
#7051 ⇧ (12) ⇩
<PSOAddict> Interestingly, it is possible to have a base in which each value lines up to one number
<PSOAddict> I believe 2i is one such base
<snark> PSOAddict: are there any real ones?
<PSOAddict> snark: probably
<PSOAddict> snark: I'm guessing an irrational base would be helpful
<snark> PSOAddict: it's certainly worked for the republicans
#7050 ⇧ (14) ⇩
< mewyn> I love using my george forman as a sandwich press.
<@relsqui> I love using george foreman as a sandwich press
<&zigdon> hard to get him to sit still though
<@relsqui> I bribe him with sandwiches
#7049 ⇧ (21) ⇩
<feczer> :(
<theleica> turn that frown
<theleica> upside down!
<theleica> (:
<feczer> ):
<Ian> feczer++
#7045 ⇧ (13) ⇩
<HeyLuke> Alright i'll have you guys decide: take girl to see The Fourth Kind or the Sherlock Holmes film?
<AbsolutGaloot> HeyLuke: Sherlock. it was reaaaaaly good
<fantasyprone> HeyLuke, SHERLOCK HOLMES
<cntrational> HeyLuke: i've heard sherlock holmes was realllly good
<fantasyprone> Sherlock Holmes is AWESOME
<Sherlock> fantasyprone: I know
<theleica> HeyLuke, Sherlock Holmes - it's fairly good.
<HeyLuke> it's unanimous!
<fantasyprone> no shit, Sherlock
<Bucket> Fuck off, Watson.
#7044 ⇧ (17) ⇩
<@Lhyzz> Bucket, give someone a present.
* Bucket gives photosynthetica a new cannon.
< photosynthetica> Hell yeah!
< Bucket> Shit.
< photosynthetica> BOOM!
#7043 ⇧ (-4) ⇩
<Karakuri_Ningyo> Glench: I like my men like I like my lies, bald faced.