#4413 ⇧ (2) ⇩
<Nadando> STORY TIME I have an infected toenail
<ZettaWatt> That is a bad story.
* Lhyzz sets mode: +b ~q:Nadando!*@*
<@Lhyzz> It's reverse story time for Nadando!
#4411 ⇧ (1) ⇩
-!- Netsplit naos.foonetic.net <-> daemonic.foonetic.net quits: Eizan, pikhq, Lefty, rcxdude, Thomas, maf54, jabagawee, bducanh, @postmodern, marc, (+61 more, use /NETSPLIT to show all of them)
-!- Netsplit over, joins: Katrie
<@relsqui> netsplits: 71 nicks enter, 1 NICK LEAVES
#4410 ⇧ (13) ⇩
<Xenos> You know, the sad part about self-replicating, easily programmable nanotech is the real world would become like Second Life. "And now, dear passengers, if you look to your right you will see the Penis Belt. This used to be Earth, the birthplace of humanity, until a teen hacker got access to a chinese nanotech lab..."
#4409 ⇧ (-9) ⇩
<mixy> i feel
<mixy> like
<mixy> i need to explode
<Debella> now i have abc stuck in my head
<Debella> :\
<mixy> *explodes*
* Debella collects rach
#4408 ⇧ (-3) ⇩
<Spork> i dont understand the premise for will smith's new movie (i've just seen the trailer) its called seven pounds
<internet> Spork: Amazing! Neither can I!
<heero> babies are seven pounds
<heero> on the black market
#4407 ⇧ (3) ⇩
Jhaza: How do I know that you are not all ghosts?
terrormiah: because I wouldn't be able to do this!
terrormiah: **shanks Jhaza**
Jhaza: You make a convincing argument. However, everyone knows about poultergeists, and how they can move objects about despiting being ghosts. How do I know you are not one of them?
terrormiah: damnit, he's on to us
#4406 ⇧ (1) ⇩
<snark> well, I gotta go. I just realised I have class.
<snark> And classy people can't stick around with you losers.
* snark (snark@hide-E33001EB.ics.usc.edu) Quit (Quit: lose the game all)
#4405 ⇧ (10) ⇩
* WOOTshit (4bbbd1ab@hide-54C2325B.mibbit.com) has joined #xkcd
<WOOTshit> WOOTshit!!!
<Bucket> Shut the fuck up. Nobody likes you or is impressed by your WOOTshitty name.
* WOOTshit (4bbbd1ab@hide-54C2325B.mibbit.com) has left #xkcd
#4404 ⇧ (2) ⇩
<Xenos> Guns would be a good place for DRM
<Xenos> Or FRM, Firing Restrictions Management
<thatGuy> Xenos: there kind of is... it's called "the wrong ammo will cause the gun to explode and remove your face"
#4403 ⇧ (16) ⇩
<Jeffrey> An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.
#4402 ⇧ (2) ⇩
<Royall> The next two or three hours are going to be tough
<Royall> Anyone got any ideas on how to distract me
<bearachute> we'll get through them together Royall.
* bearachute grabs hand
<Royall> bearachute: Yes, let's just play some MK Wii-OH WAIT
* bearachute steals his life
<Royall> I might just do homework
<Royall> I'll leave it up to ferret
<Royall> flyingferret: laze about or do some homework
<flyingferret> do some homework
<zsb> haha
<Royall> Eh
<@mewyn> Get to work, slacker!
<Herpes> the ferret hath spoken.
<Royall> flyingferret, start with english or start with history
<flyingferret> start with history
<Royall> Oh you dick.
<Herpes> like what kind of history?
<Royall> APUS
<zsb> Royall: Those proclamations are legally binding. Better get to it.
<Royall> zsb: I'm good at loopholes
<Royall> For example, I didn't specify a starting time
<Royall> flyingferret, start now or start in a few minutes
<flyingferret> start now
<Royall> FUCK YOU!
#4400 ⇧ (-2) ⇩
<Royall> What do you call a rooster's pet rooster's penis?
<Royall> A cock's cock's cock
<Nikc> ...
<Bucket> [Meanwhile, in Nikc's pants ...]
#4399 ⇧ (4) ⇩
* star01 shares a picture of one of her eyes. http://fc36.deviantart.com/fs27/i/2008/159/a/5/Jealousy_by_Nilington.png
<InitHello> star01: nice color
* InitHello retaliates with a picture of his own eyes http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa177/InitHello/meh.jpg
<star01> InitHello: your eyes are a nice colour
<InitHello> star01: thank you, I sometimes see them as my best feature
<InitHello> star01: then I come to my senses, and realize that my massive penis is my best feature
#4398 ⇧ (-5) ⇩
< star01> BDSM isn't a fetish, it's more of a lifestyle
#4394 ⇧ (4) ⇩
<marcs> everybody laughs at me
<marcs> try crying at me you fucks
<marcs> not as easy now is it
#4393 ⇧ (4) ⇩
<Clam> ferret: pose as sister who left facebook logged in or don't be an ass
<flyingferret> don't be an ass
<orbit> ferret: should clam pose as sister who left facebook logged in or not be an ass
<flyingferret> not be an ass
<orbit> damnit, i fail
<orbit> doubly.
<orbit> :(
<Lisimba> ferret: should clam pose as sister and try to virtually make out with her female friends on facebook?
<flyingferret> Certainly not.
<Lisimba> bah
<orbit> triple-fail
<Clam> >_>
<Clam> I closed the tab
<Clam> I'm not going there
<Lisimba> ferret: did clam do the right thing?
<flyingferret> Of course not.
<orbit> hahaha
<Lisimba> So there's *something* you should have done...
#4392 ⇧ (16) ⇩
<PseudoNym00> if you took a picture of a sexy naked woman, cut and pixelated part of it to make it look like the picture was still loading, then put a javascript on the page that made the browser look like its thinking, you could hypothetically trap perverts there forever!
<PseudoNym00> I'm a genius!
<PseudoNym00> and have engineered my own demise
#4391 ⇧ (8) ⇩
<Cojaro> ferret: avocado or avogadro?
<flyingferret> avocado
<Cojaro> huzzah!
<ftr> flyingferret: guacamole or guantanamo?
<flyingferret> guacamole
<Bucket> schmacamole
<sad-tamale> Hazzuh
<ftr> flyingferret: do you love avacados?
<flyingferret> Nope.
<ftr> ...
<ftr> liar.
<Waldo> Blasphemy.
<ftr> flyingferret: are you a liar?
<flyingferret> I expect so.
<ftr> ...shit, what do I do now
<Waldo> Everybody loves avocados.
<ftr> I always sucked at these puzzles
#4390 ⇧ (14) ⇩
<killerwabbit> well...i got all sorts of weird questions in high school
<killerwabbit> because my last name is long
<killerwabbit> and it almost got changed to longwood so that my brother and i could have same last names
<killerwabbit> his is wood
<killerwabbit> my mom was like lets just combine them!
<killerwabbit> i was like umm mom think about that for a second
<killerwabbit> my name would be joey scott longwood
<killerwabbit> say it really fast
#4389 ⇧ (-9) ⇩
<@relsqui> man you guys were funny overnight
<@relsqui> good new stuff in qdb today
#4385 ⇧ (12) ⇩
<Randall> I had someone write in to me and complain that I had broken rules 1 and 2 with a recent comic
<Randall> and that he would ask politely for me not to mention /b/ again
<Randall> instead of firing up the internet hate machine on me
<Randall> I wrote back saying thank you, but I had to ask -- if he *did* fire up the internet hate machine on me
<Randall> how would I know?
<Randall> and he was all "well, if you're a 15-year-old girl with a myspace, your life is basically over"
#4384 ⇧ (9) ⇩
<Geekthras> they're all "let's have a 20 minute write as much as you can session"
<Geekthras> and I have 418 words
<Geekthras> and they have like 700-900
<IgnisInCaelum> Aaaahh 20 minutes ?!?!
<IgnisInCaelum> I'd have like 15
<Nikc> I would have 0 words
<Nikc> No more, no less
<IgnisInCaelum> Nikc: You'd have less!
<Royall> I would have -1 words
<Royall> Like, I'd cross out where it says "name" on the top
#4383 ⇧ (8) ⇩
<Lizzie> Who do emo's hate if goths hate everyone?
<ftr> Lizzie: themselves
<Lizzie> I thought they also hate everyone, whereas goths just hate everyone and not themselves.
<@Shrdlu> Then there's my friend Bert, who hates everyone who doesn't hate himself.
#4382 ⇧ (8) ⇩
<Eizan>: Moderator is a oppressor!
<Eizan>: He's a Nazi Lover!
<Eizan>: Jews
<moderator>: Eizan, you have been muted for 1 minute 4 seconds.
<Loganville>: Muslims
<Loganville>: Christians
<Eizan>: See he is a damn Nazi. Mutes you for Jews but nothing else!
#4380 ⇧ (16) ⇩
<Izzhov> like I said, some people need an incentive for their morals
<Izzhov> atheism does not provide this
<@khmer> i'm gonna run that through babelfish real quick
<@khmer> oh look what i got!
<@khmer> "only weak intellects are susceptible to the putrid sop of religion! lucky that my friends and i are above such neanderthalic animism"
<@khmer> wow, they've really improved online translators
#4377 ⇧ (7) ⇩
<Clam> I love funk, there are so many ways to make lyrics substituting "fuck" for "funk"
<Clam> although my classmates took it slightly too far in music class
<Clam> they wanted to name their song "Funkin' little children"
<Clam> which although ambiguous, was enough to make the teacher refuse to let them use it
#4376 ⇧ (-10) ⇩
< DementedGamer> bucket, why?
< Bucket> CAUSE STORING DEAD NIGGERS AINT MY FUCKING BUSINESS THATS WHY
< AtomicCow> hahahaha
< Bucket> You think THAT'S FUNNY?! You sick FREAK!
#4375 ⇧ (8) ⇩
<ifsandis> I've been looking for porn for 30 minutes
<ifsandis> and can't find anything to suit my taste\s
<ifsandis> it's sad
<Royall> ifsandis: 4chan has porn
<Royall> For all tastes
<AtomicCow> -every- taste
<Royall> Even umami
#4374 ⇧ (3) ⇩
<Teknobo> There was this one time where I came all over my roommate's face on accident (turns out I can hold a lot of pressure down there!) and had no idea how to clean it up. So I did what any red-blooded American would do, I pretended I was trying to strangle him with a pillow, and he woke up with a nice, dry, sticky face and all I had to do was feign murder!
<Teknobo> Now I'm all alone in this room
<Teknobo> so, lesson to college students:
<Teknobo> masturbate on your roommate's face, pretend to kill him, and you get a giant single!
#4373 ⇧ (-4) ⇩
<AtomicCow> NSFW http://jj.am/gallery/d/33400-2/inmylab.jpg NSFW
<Nikc> HAHAHAHA
<Bucket> You think THAT'S FUNNY?! You sick FREAK!
#4371 ⇧ (10) ⇩
<BobCat> A woman's face with nature's own hand painted,
<BobCat> Hast thou, the master mistress of my passion;
<BobCat> A woman's gentle heart, but not acquainted
<BobCat> With shifting change, as is false women's fashion:
<BobCat> An eye more bright than theirs, less false in rolling,
<BobCat> Gilding the object whereupon it gazeth;
<BobCat> A man in hue all hues in his controlling,
<BobCat> Which steals men's eyes and women's souls amazeth.
<BobCat> And for a woman wert thou first created;
<BobCat> Till Nature, as she wrought thee, fell a-doting,
<BobCat> what does it mean?
<Bucket> it means you secretly want to sleep with your mother.
#4370 ⇧ (8) ⇩
<matt> Just eat money.
<Sb-120> matt: That makes no cents
#4369 ⇧ (-5) ⇩
<gsd> I RECOGNIZE YOU FROM THE XKCDB
<khmer> i have like eight vaginas
<gsd> YOU ARE FUNNY
<Bucket> You think THAT'S FUNNY?! You sick FREAK!
#4368 ⇧ (-10) ⇩
< industrialbs> Bitches!
< Bucket> Bitches is not a nice word
< Xenos> Yes it is
< Bucket> No it isn't!
#4367 ⇧ (-3) ⇩
<Xenos> bucket, bucket is a pain in the ass is <action> does more painful things to $someone's ass.
<Bucket> Ok, Xenos
<Xenos> bucket is a pain in the ass
<Xenos> hmm
<Xenos> bucket, bucket is a pain in the ass
<Bucket> Ok, Xenos
<Xenos> oh right. doh
<PseudoNym01> you forgot your backslash
<PseudoNym01> Bucket: Bucket \is a pain in the ass is <action> does more painful things to $someone's ass.
<Bucket> Ok, PseudoNym01
<PseudoNym01> Bucket is a pain in the ass
* Bucket does more painful things to PseudoNym01's ass.
* PseudoNym01 wins
<PseudoNym01> sort of
* PseudoNym01 loses
<PseudoNym01> :(
#4366 ⇧ (-3) ⇩
* Moozh (~ender@hide-70AC1924.msy.bellsouth.net) has joined #xkcd
<Moozh> why do you suck so much pidgin?
<IgnisInCaelum> I don't suck pidgin!
#4365 ⇧ (1) ⇩
* rick_ (I_lost_the@hide-D27D2BBA.sfo1.dsl.speakeasy.net) has joined #xkcd
* rick_ rolls
* rick_ (I_lost_the@hide-D27D2BBA.sfo1.dsl.speakeasy.net) Quit (Quit: I lost the game!)
#4364 ⇧ (7) ⇩
<snark> forcible bukkake
<Xenos> snark: It's called Genetic DDOS
#4363 ⇧ (13) ⇩
<relsqui> Bucket: manly is <reply>Unless you've spent an hour playing Halo 3 while receiving a blowjob the entire time, you're not the manliest.
<Bucket> Ok, relsqui
<XanT> On legendary.
<Maku> relsqui: Um..
* Maku raises hand.
<Maku> I've done that.
<relsqui> Maku: awesome
<relsqui> Maku: I've been on the non-manly end of that
<Maku> relsqui: Sucks for you.
<relsqui> Maku: no, it sucked for him
<relsqui> we were both having fun though
<relsqui> there was a reflective door on the other side
<relsqui> so I could watch the game
<Maku> relsqui: Touché
<XanT> heh
<XanT> "Honey, do you know where I am supposed to go now?" "garble fwable warble"
#4362 ⇧ (0) ⇩
< Frowardd> do you know why the king james 1611 translation of the MOST HOLY WORDS OF THE LORD is by far the best?
< Frowardd> the very roundabout wording of everything
< Maku> Frowardd: Elaborate
< Frowardd> I abjure you, by the LIVING GOD, tell us whether you are the christ, the son of god
< Geekthras> 'hey are you jesus or are my eyes playing tricks'
< Frowardd> it also happens to be the only version that uses archaic words like "froward"
#4361 ⇧ (-2) ⇩
Wonderfish uses his powers so that indbs spontaneously grows a beard.
<toynbee> That's a kind of useless power.
#4360 ⇧ (11) ⇩
<@Stereo> it's christmas time in the city!
< Wonderfish> No, the city is on FIRE!
< indbs> THE ROOF
< Bucket> The roof, the roof is on fire. We don't need no water let the Mother Fucker Burn.
< indbs> THE ROOF
<@relsqui> WE DON'T NEED NO WATER LET THE MOTHERFUCKER DAMMIT BUCKET
#4359 ⇧ (6) ⇩
< Wonderfish> You think about penises, you loose. First one to think about one must admit it.
< Wonderfish> .... PENIS!
< Wonderfish> Fuck.
#4357 ⇧ (-2) ⇩
* InitHello studies herpes
#4356 ⇧ (-6) ⇩
* Royall o/ \o Icekarma
* Royall o/ _o Icekarma
* Royall e_e
#4355 ⇧ (7) ⇩
<+Royall> Let us try something here.
<+Royall> McCain is awesome
<+Royall> Obama is awesome
<+FunkyTuba> Royall sucks
-moderator:#xkcd-signal- FunkyTuba, you have been muted for 4 seconds.
* moderator sets mode: -v FunkyTuba
#4354 ⇧ (2) ⇩
<Sepet> flyingferret: Bucket?
<flyingferret> No way.
<Bucket> Suck it!
#4353 ⇧ (19) ⇩
<snark> samphippen: I was actually in Hong Kong when sars was happening
<snark> I wasn't that impressed with it all
<Daaku> snark: that must have been fun.
<samphippen> snark, sorry
<snark> Daaku: we had to wear masks all the time. I drew a smiley face on mine
<snark> oh, and every day we had to take our temperature, and if it was above average we weren't allowed to come to school
<snark> I would drink a hot coffee every morning before taking my temperature.
<snark> Got a lot of days off
<Daaku> snark: lol
<snark> Actually, now that I think about it, Sars was pretty awesome.
#4352 ⇧ (2) ⇩
* Daaku pokes Hypnotoad with a stick.
* Hypnotoad rages all over the place like an angry Hypnotoad
* Daaku stares blankly.
* Bucket stares blankly back.
* banach licks the Hypnotoad
* Hypnotoad cums
<Daaku> O_O
* banach spits
* Daaku vomits.
* banach eats from the floor
* Hypnotoad, dejected, slinks back to his lair complaining 'they NEVER swallow'
<banach> Now I miss my ex girlfriend.
#4349 ⇧ (14) ⇩
* Lhyzz throws a stick
* Bucket retrieves the stick and pokes Lhyzz in the eye with it
<@Lhyzz> :(
<@Lhyzz> I can't believe there was already a factoid for that
< industrialbs> Lhyzz: Why are you throwing sticks ?
<@Lhyzz> I wanted to see if Bucket would fetch it
< industrialbs> Bucket: literal throws a stick
< Bucket> literal throws a stick: <action> retrieves the stick and pokes $who in the eye with it
< Clam> Bucket is rapidly getting better and better at insults, retorts, and trivia
< industrialbs> Bucket: throws a stick is also <action> catches the stick mid-air and takes it back to $who
< Bucket> Ok, industrialbs
<@Lhyzz> bucket, throws a stick is <reply>leaps in the air gracefully and catches the stick in his mouth.
< Bucket> Ok, Lhyzz
* industrialbs throws a stick
< Bucket> leaps in the air gracefully and catches the stick in his mouth.
* Lhyzz throws a stick
* Bucket retrieves the stick and pokes Lhyzz in the eye with it
< industrialbs> bahahahahha