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#10261 (+5/-0)
<ipeg> Sudo shutdown -r 5
<Lisimba> Access denied.
<Bucket> Access to your MOM sure wasn't denied last night.
<ipeg> Sorry, wrongvwimdow
<Lisimba> Also your home dir is now deleted.
<ipeg> Man the console got very sassy with the latest update

#10260 (+8/-1)
* alexbuzzbee is trying to not fall asleep while learning friction.
* BytesAndCoffee gives alexbuzzbee a teflon-coated book
<BytesAndCoffee> here, have some non-friction reading material

#10258 (+18/-3)
< alexbuzzbee> Who maintains the xkcdb?
<@relsqui> alexbuzzbee: why?
< alexbuzzbee> Just wondering who decides what goes on?
<@relsqui> me
< CO2> alexbuzzbee: relsqui cannot be bribed, afaik
<@relsqui> hey now let's not be hasty

#10257 (+13/-0)
< arble> I just noticed that the trash chute hatch here is marked "RUBBISH"
< arble> which I think is quite harsh because it's actually a very good hatch

#10256 (+3/-5)
CO2: I think this is the first Dutch anti-gay cartoon I've ever seen
CO2: fucking assholes
djh: CO2: yes, that's what they do!

#10255 (+8/-0)
< loudaslife> is di-tritium monoxide a thing? Like, would that make extra-heavy water?
< loudaslife> Huh. It is
< loudaslife> Oooh, you can also use exotic isotopes of oxygen
< loudaslife> Tritium with two Oxygen 18 atoms makes water that is almost 30% denser than natural water
< Kizul> But is it safe to drink?
< loudaslife> Not even remotely

#10254 (+18/-1)
< seven> I've played at LANs where I've had so much fun getting in the heads of the opponents. One LAN, it was a national rematch in Team Fortress. Our team hadn't played together for a while. The people we beat in the national comp the year before were highly practiced. We'd all travelled to this LAN comp to face off in a rematch. And, a few minutes in to the game, we were spanking them again. In
< seven> particular, I was playing as defensive sniper and picking them apart like the first time. As I killed them, I heard swearing each time. So I stayed in my spot once they started to avoid me
< seven> got up out of my chair, walked over to where their team was, watched their players, found the guys playing attack.
< seven> And said "hey I know where that dickhead sniper is"
< seven> and guided him to kill me.
< seven> then congratulated him and introduced myself.
< seven> that kind of, broke that guys spirit, I went back to shooting him in the head
< seven> and he dropped, he didn't just stop playing. He packed up his machine. And he left.
< seven> then we won. thanks to numbers :P

#10253 (+20/-1)
< WassPord> "Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Ted Cruz are on a plane. The plane crashes. Who survives?"
< Oracle989> WassPord: America
< Bucket> FUCK YEAH
< WassPord> Man, this was a perfect bucket response xD
< Oracle989> Bucket's been on fire tonight

#10251 (+5/-3)
<alexxerth> If the Oculus Rift had smell-capabilities, it'd be an Oculus Sniff
<cask> Boo.
<@creature> alexxerth: Or an Oculus Whiff.
<@creature> Oculus Whiffed.
<BytesAndCoffee> oculus sift: a VR baking game
<alexxerth> Oculus Shift: a VR racing game
<alexxerth> Oculus Cliff: a VR climbing game
<alexxerth> Oculus Stiff: a VR sex game
<Kizul> Oculus Miff: a VR simulation that makes you angry
<alexxerth> Oculus Grift: a VR scamming game
<Kizul> Oculus Tiff: a VR argument.
<alexxerth> Oculus Yiff: a...nevermind
<BytesAndCoffee> Oculus Gift: a VR party game
<Kizul> Oculus Biff: a VR bullying game
<alexxerth> Oculus Lift: a VR warehouse-working game
<alexxerth> or a VR gym game
<Kizul> Oculus Spliff: a VR... duuuuuuuuuude.... -- wait, what?
<thomas> oculus ripped: a bodybuilding sim
<Kizul> I thought it'd be a British VR version of Elevator Action
<thomas> or how about oculus gift
<BytesAndCoffee> Oculus Gift: a VR party game
<@creature> An Oculus Ripped is what you get if you take your friend's Oculus Rift and make your own copy in a CD-R burner.
<alexxerth> Nah, that's an Oculus Thrift
<Kizul> No, that's when you get an Oculus used, for a really cheap price
<scgtrp> oculus redshift: like an oculus rift, but moving away from the sun really fast
<alexxerth> If the Oculus Rift had smell-capabilities, it'd be an Oculus Sniff
<BytesAndCoffee> Sniffed
<cask> If you steal someone's Oculus, it becomes an Oculus Grift.
<cask> The person you steal from might be Oculus Miffed.
<alexxerth> If you stole it by tricking him, it'd be an Oculus Grift
<scgtrp> but what if you stole it from a store?
<scgtrp> it'd be an oculus shoplift
<thomas> if you play a racing game with it, it becomes an oculus drift
<scgtrp> thomas: if you attach buttons to the side to switch gear ratios, it becomes an oculus shift
<thomas> if you overclock it, it starts to go oculus swift
<scgtrp> if you use it to compare text files, they'll be oculus diffed
<thomas> on the other hand, if you use it to sort real life objects it'd be an oculus sift
<cask> If you spend a lot of money on it, it's an Oculus Thrift.
<thomas> if you were on a desert island with only an oculus, you'd be adrift
<scgtrp> if you play guitar hero on it, it's an oculus riff
<thomas> if you wear it with a suit, it's an oculus spiff
<BytesAndCoffee> if you turn it into a green alien that works with a dumb, arrogant, idiotic space "pilot", its Oculus Kiff'd
<thomas> if you die while using it, that makes you an oculus stiff
<scgtrp> if you put scent emitters on it, you'd get an oculus whiff
<BytesAndCoffee> if you take it to a film festival in the capital city of Ontario, its Oculus TIFF
<scgtrp> if you display animated 256-color images in it, they're oculus GIFs
<alexxerth> what hell hath I unleashed
<scgtrp> just be sure to watch where you're going
<scgtrp> you wouldn't want to walk off an oculus cliff
<thomas> but if you lather it in peanut butter it becomes an oculus JIF
<scgtrp> and with that, i'm done
<BytesAndCoffee> alexxerth: the Oculus Rift has opened
<alexxerth> BytesAndCoffee++
<thomas> if it comes with ancient runes instead of buttons, don't worry
<thomas> that's just the oculus glyph
<thomas> I think I'm out too
<scgtrp> no, wait, i'm not done
<thomas> my pace has slowed to an oculus drip
<scgtrp> if you put it on a half-eagle half-horse mythical creature, you now have an oculus hippogriff
<scgtrp> okay, that's all

<scgtrp> wait, one more!
<scgtrp> if you use it while suing someone, you're an oculus plantiff

#10249 (+13/-0)
* seven gives Bucket an inch
* Bucket takes a mile.
* uberushaximus gives Bucket 8 inches
* Bucket is now carrying 8 inches, but dropped penis enlargement spam.

#10244 (+6/-3)
< alexxerthmobile> it automatically saves when you fuck
< alexxerthmobile> *dick
< alexxerthmobile> sigh
< alexxerthmobile> dock
< BytesAndCoffee> Bucket: re,e,ber a;l...
< Bucket> Ha ha, I know!

#10243 (+7/-0)
<Oracle989> I feel like my rights are being violated
<Oracle989> But it's for a contract job so I guess I should get used to that if I get hired
<julian> Oracle989: Heh
<Oracle989> I always see job requirements that are absurdly specific
<Oracle989> "Must have 5+ years in extruded medical tubing"
* Kliment stuffs Oracle989 in extruded medical tubing, waits 5 years
<Oracle989> Kliment: That'd be great, make up experience to get an on-site interview then show up in a large extruded tube saying you've spent 5 years in it
<Oracle989> You wouldn't get the job, but still
<Kliment> I'm off to sleep (not in an extruded tube), laters

#10242 (+4/-1)
<@zetlen> uh i might get to go to san jose?
<@mewyn> :o we can have beers if you go to san jose!
<@mewyn> Do you know the way?
<+Bucket> No, but if you hum a few bars I can fake it

#10241 (+9/-0)
<CO2> bucket: build something
* Bucket builds a pile of dirt and places distended anus on top
<CO2> uh
<Jax184> it's a metaphor for the Trump presidency

#10240 (+8/-0)
<@relsqui> note of the day:
<@relsqui> you can lead a horse to operational security but you can't keep it from dropping passwords in channel
<@Shrdlu> if I had any follow-through, I'd write a client plugin that rejects any line containing an N-character substring that hashes to H
<@Shrdlu> for appropriate values
<@relsqui> Shrdlu: just replace it with ***** in the line
<@relsqui> and then for best results set your password to swears I guess?
<@Shrdlu> or hunter2
<@Shrdlu> for double bonus points you could leave it the same in the local echo
<@Shrdlu> and, finally, install this on your coworker's machine when they leave it unlocked
<@Shrdlu> play the long game

#10239 (+11/-0)
<Oracle989> My boat sank into boiling water and I have no idea how to fix this
<Hobz> Like, a literal boat?
<Oracle989> Hobz: Yes
<Oracle989> Made of paper
<Oracle989> But a boat
<Hobz> Well
<Hobz> There's your problem

#10237 (+21/-0)
<Shuet> Look we can talk about anything but you have to accept that some of us are going to be bringing up dolphin sex sometimes

#10236 (+8/-1)
< TheGoodDayMan> I love theory of probability
< TheGoodDayMan> The book literally has random numbers
< alexxerth> how random
< bhuddah> quantifying randomness is pretty hard.
< alexxerth> how hard

#10234 (+10/-2)
* Rena gives Bucket a sweet-ass ass assassin.
< Bucket> gives Bucket a sweet ass-ass assassin.
< Rena> wat

#10233 (+4/-0)
<mrkman> think ive seen pp a couple times
<mrkman> but bari sax, they dont really do quiet
<mrkman> they do loud, louder, and the girls sitting in front of me just came due to their chairs vibrating

#10232 (+7/-1)
< Martin> I still don't know what tumblr is.
<@barometz> lotta people talking
<@barometz> lotta people reading
< Bucket> http://lottapeoplereading.tumblr.com/

#10229 (+9/-0)
< Bucket> Sony uses the xkcd method of random number generation.
< sammi> int getRandomNumber() { return 4; } lololol
< djh> chosen by fair dive roll
< djh> dice*
< taixzo> I like "fair dive roll" better
< taixzo> it calls to mind a team of gymnasts hired to produce random numbers from judges' scores

#10228 (+6/-0)
<alexxerth> mhmmhmhmmhphrmmmmhrmmrmmhr
<alexxerth> For some reason I felt compelled to type like that cause my mouth was full
<cask> Do you type with your tongue, usually?

#10226 (+13/-24)
< jbakid> oh is cussing allowed here btw?
< nobody> fuck no
< jbakid> oh shit. i won't fucking cuss then.

#10225 (+6/-2)
* Wings sets mode -v Wings
-moderator/#xkcd-signal- Wings, you have been muted for 4 minutes 16 seconds.
* moderator removes voice from Wings

#10224 (+27/-0)
< Kliment> relsqui: That reminds me, what do you get when a high-ranking military official gets assassinated despite his armed escort?
<@relsqui> Kliment: ... world war one?
< Kliment> relsqui: General protection fault!
< Kliment> relsqui: But I like your answer

#10223 (+10/-0)
< Martin> Long story short, I found myself in the akward situation of havinng to explain tentancle porn.
< alexx> that reminds me
< Bucket> * alexx removes pants

#10222 (+5/-3)
<@ephphatha> never read youtube comments
<BytesAndCoffee> im into masochism, sue me

#10221 (+35/-1)
<alexxerthmobile> oo
<alexxerth> Wait where's my phone how is it doing this
<alexxerthmobile> ooooopppp
<alexxerthmobile> ppppp
<alexxerth> I can't find my phone
<alexxerth> Or what is causing it to type
<alexxerthmobile> pppooo
<alexxerthmobile> iooppp
<Tattoo> alexxerthmobile: maybe close your irc now please?
<alexxerth> I can't find the phone
<Tattoo> maybe somebody can then kick alexxerthmobile off?
<shambrarian> alexxerth: call it?
<alexxerth> Yeah somebody kick alexxerthmobile
<alexxerth> wait the highlights I can hear them!
<alexxerth> alexxerthmobile
<alexxerth> can somebody highlight me in about 15 seconds
<taixzo> which you
<alexxerth> well not me, but alexxerthmobile
*** alexxerthmobile was kicked by barometz (stop butt dialing IRC)
<Bucket> Someone was clogging up the tubes!
<bassgoon> haha
<taixzo> alexxerth: nope :P
<alexxerth> now I can't find it
<barometz> you will

<alexxerth> oh uh...what...
<alexxerth> how in the fuck
<alexxerth> roomba just gave me my phone
<barometz> gooooood
<barometz> that is probably the best possible outcome
<alexxerth> This leaves so many questions unanswered, and raises even more

#10220 (+5/-3)
<alexxerth> torncolours: You can never leave
* torncolours (torncolour@218062AC.24BA3C8B.DCC02241.IP) has left

#10218 (+8/-2)
* Deadbug jumps off a cliff
-!- Deadbug [Deadbug@hide-D6E416B1.ptld.qwest.net] has quit [Quit: http://www.kiwiirc.com/ - A hand crafted IRC client]
< iirelu> oh no, i killed deadbug
< iirelu> wait

#10217 (+1/-2)
< Oracle989> Underworld is basically just a vehicle to film several hours of Kate Beckinsale in latex and pleather, right?
<@bk> essentially, yes
< Oracle989> I'm okay with that

#10216 (+15/-0)
Sepet: bucket, break something
Bucket: +++ATH0

taixzo: good to see everyone here is using up-to-date routers

#10215 (+21/-2)
< alexxerthmobile> Hmm, my connection is rough
< alexxerthmobile> I'm under a mountain
< alexxerthmobile> A fake mountain
<@relsqui> are you at disneyworld?
< alexxerthmobile> Yes
< alexxerthmobile> Some seven dwarves mountain ride
< Science> Seven Dwarves Mine Train
<@relsqui> wait
<@relsqui> you are actually kidding, right?
< alexxerthmobile> No
<@relsqui> what

#10213 (+18/-1)
<puddle> Thanks
<Bucket> It was nothing.
<Cthuloops> I enjoy bucket.
<Bucket> in bed.
<Cthuloops> Sometimes.
<Bucket> usually
<Cthuloops> Always
<Bucket> Well, perhaps on occasion.
<rabe> stop bucketeering!
<Cthuloops> Gently.
<Cthuloops> Give love a chance, rabe.
<rabe> get a room
<Bucket> May I suggest #bucket?

#10212 (+4/-4)
<Bucket> Romney is probably going to vote Republican.
<@barometz> given recent events
<@barometz> WHO KNOWS
<Bucket> ¯\(°_o)/¯

#10211 (+17/-0)
<nobody> tomatillos i've seen are all smallish tomato looking things with leaves wrapped around them
<nobody> the leaves on a tomatillo pretty much cover the entire tomatillo
<qkombur> that doesn't even sound real
<nobody> sounds realer then a qkombur
<qkombur> says nobody

#10210 (+4/-2)
<Oracle989> So how brutal will Hillary's beatdown of Bernie be tonight?
<@schwal> I'll let you know in half an hour. except I won't because I'm not planning to be watching
<Oracle989> I need these results like a hit of heroin
<Froward> so not at all bc you're a responsible adult?
<Oracle989> Yes

#10209 (+7/-3)
<Jax184> BytesAndCoffee: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wKPTWXD2Z0
<BytesAndCoffee> Jax184: i love the last "dong" at the end
<Jax184> BytesAndCoffee loves the dong
<BytesAndCoffee> yes i do
<Bucket> and so do I! Clearly, we should have sex!

#10208 (+12/-4)
< alexxerthmobile> I wonder what would happen if South Africa started calling itself North Africa
< alexxerthmobile> who would dispute it
< alexxerthmobile> and how do you do so without just saying "come on, really?"
< chaos95> alexxerthmobile: South Africa should start calling itself South America
< chaos95> alexxerthmobile: just to mess with people more
< alexxerthmobile> even better
< alexxerthmobile> and Brazil renames itself East South Africa
< chaos95> alexxerthmobile: the subsequent name-swapping continues until all of latin america is now nominally located on the african continent
< alexxerthmobile> Mongolia somehow ends up as "East North South Kentucky"
< chaos95> alexxerthmobile: The president of what is now the United States of the East North Australasian Indian Ocean Territories (formerly known as the United States of America) expresses his nation's regret over being 'late to the name changing party' and subsequently finishing up with the bottom-of-the-barrel option.
<@schwal> On the plus side USENAIOT is almost pronouncable
< pikhq> I look forward to North South East West Virginia (formerly West Virginia)
< alexxerthmobile> the principality of sealand, in a bizarre twist, find themselves landlocked, but in a land found on no naps, and known to no geographers
< alexxerthmobile> pikhq: I have issues with the name "west" Virginia
< chaos95> alexxerthmobile: their stock doubles and triples on the back of new cloud-hosting options in a location that could never become subject to foreign government intervention
<@schwal> "North" was a bit politically charged at the time
< chaos95> 'Other Virginia' works just fine
< alexxerthmobile> Virginia Jr.
<@schwal> heh
< chaos95> nice.
< pikhq> In a fit of irony, Virginia is now South Virginia.
<@schwal> It would have been funny to name it Elizabetha or something
<@schwal> Just to point out how stupid Virginia is as a name in honor of Elizabeth I.
< Hg> better name: Secretloveria
< Hg> or Secretloversia
<@schwal> it was 1860, that marketing campaign was a century later
< pikhq> Here's hoping the name Liberia ends up somewhere fun.
< chaos95> pikhq: it ends up applied to what is currently North Korea
< pikhq> Oooh. Democratic People's Republic of Liberia, formerly North Korea.
< chaos95> o_O
< chaos95> pikhq: are you me?
< pikhq> Yes.
< chaos95> pikhq: all right carry on
< alexxerthmobile> Israel and Palestine unfortunately find themselves in the positions of south and north Korea, who's borders are now split vertically, rather than horizontally
< pikhq> Switzerland, of course, refuses to have any part of this.
< pikhq> Norway is now enjoying its equatorial position.
<@schwal> Sadly for the Swiss, Austria is now the Southwest Helvetic Confederation.
< alexxerthmobile> China is having difficulties being Vatican city
< pikhq> And the Crown is happy to once again be By the Grace of God Queen of France.
< alexxerthmobile> I'm not even sure what's changing anymore
<@schwal> France is somewhat disconcerted to find itself named Defender of the Faith.
< Hg> it's 'People's Democratic Republic of Korea' btw. but sure
< alexxerthmobile> everything, I guess
< alexxerthmobile> so the populations switch around too?
< chaos95> Hg: don't they call it 'DPRK' for short?
<@schwal> Sure, why not.
< pikhq> (seriously, I love that once upon a time the kings of England claimed to also be kings of France.)
<@schwal> claimed?
<@schwal> They /were/ the kings of a good half of France.
< alexxerthmobile> I'm just imagining the principality of sealand being on some new unrecognizable continent
<@schwal> Not the whole thing, of course, but a pretty huge chunk.
< pikhq> schwal: Okay, for some portion of that time it was in fact a reasonable claim.
< chaos95> Ireland wakes up with a hangover and 'Iceland' tattooed on its forehead; later it's discovered that they wrote their own name on the 'new name' part of the form and a clerk misread their terrible handwriting

#10207 (+10/-0)
* Joins: julian (julian@hide-3672F8B2.ip.static.uno.uk.net)
<IceKarma> eh... even if I could go out today and, at no cost to myself, visit... some sort of specialist who could induce my body to grow a new set, I wouldn't
<alexxerth> Why not
<IceKarma> alexxerth, I couldn't take care of the last set I had >.>
<IceKarma> alexxerth, I have no reason to believe I would be any different with a new set >.>
<julian> IceKarma: Boobs?
<IceKarma> julian, teeth
<julian> That makes slightly more sense.

#10206 (+4/-1)
<creature> I'm at this annoying stage with a thing I've been working on. Where it is simultaneously both "This is coming along, I'm nearly ready to put this out into the world" and "There is SO MUCH I would have to do if I wanted to release this."
<bassgoon> creature, are you masturbating?
<creature> I am not.
<Bucket> Somehow, I am not convinced.

#10205 (+35/-1)
<Skyblaze> So at the pub earlier tonight, I met a couple of PhD students
<Skyblaze> And there was this one drunk girl, who kept wandering around asking people if anyone could make her a miniature giraffe
<Skyblaze> (this pub has a lot of uni scientists on friday night)
<Skyblaze> So this one guy who I was with got his laptop out, which was linked to some fancy equipment on the campus
<Skyblaze> And pulled a 3D mesh of a giraffe
<Skyblaze> shrank it down to the micron scale
<Skyblaze> And printed it out, somewhere on campus, with a fancy femto-second laser setup I don't fully understand and didn't fully enquire into
<Skyblaze> Somewhere in Nottingham now, I think built into a mesh for stem cell support, is an ~10 micron large giraffe, who's sole existance is to make a drunk girl at a pub shut up
<Skyblaze> I love science

#10204 (+13/-1)
<Bucket> the meaning of life is to have more orgasms than anyone else.
<djh> ..but who's keeping track?
<@barometz> I'm sure someone is
<BytesAndCoffee> djh: ICAME: International Consortium Accounting Major Ejaculations
<@barometz> they win because the rest of us haven't filed the paperwork
<djh> BytesAndCoffee: How do you discern major from minor? :)
<BytesAndCoffee> djh: monitoring minor ejaculations would get you arrested

#10202 (+11/-4)
<alexxerth> Man, I have this nagging feeling I forgot something
<Palomides> look at your internet history? usually that jogs my memory
<Bucket> gender is solely a social construct
<rcombs> internet history is a social construct
<rcombs> well actually I think it's probably an array or a linked list

#10201 (+15/-3)
< bassgoon> ugh, I just stepped in a puddle
< puddle> sorry

#10198 (+20/-0)
<Unbibium> speaking of lim, is there any reason for me to learn calculus if I don't have to?
<taixzo> Unbibium: best reason to learn calculus is in case you get stuck on a desert island with a NASA VAB and a bunch of rocket parts
<taixzo> sure, there are more *useful* reasons to learn calculus, but that one's the *best*

#10197 (+11/-1)
<@barometz> There's a material-based reason for the name duck tape, as well
<@barometz> (duck being a kind of material, a sort of cloth)
<@barometz> (I tend to go with ductape which is probably a brand somewhere? but it's a nice mash)
<@schwal> barometz: I am now picturing a confused gorilla in a heating system.
<@barometz> yeah, that weird knocking sound you hear from the vents some times?
<@barometz> apes.
<@schwal> It makes so much sense!

#10196 (+21/-1)
< Taelia_> That would give AI a very large advantage.
< Walther> Taelia_: exactly
< Bucket> That's been my experience.

#10195 (+6/-2)
<BytesandCoffee> oh my god
<Bucket> Holy CPU, Batman!
<BytesandCoffee> i did it
<BytesandCoffee> https://github.com/BytesAndCoffee/QuadShot/tree/stable
<BytesandCoffee> yes, holy CPU indeed
<BytesandCoffee> i added a new feature to my CPU

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