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#10047 (+0/-0)
< Stereo> > On the season one DVD boxset, there is a bonus where this episode played out as normal with the character of Sterling Archer being replaced by a velociraptor replacing Archer's dialogue with appropriate dinosaur noises.
< Stereo> well that makes sense
<@Akrasia> i would watch most tv shows altered in that way
<@Akrasia> House springs to mind

#10046 (+0/-0)
<alSeen> cnf, they are nice
<cnf> alSeen: my testicles?
<alSeen> vasectomies
<cnf> oh, right

#10045 (+1/-1)
< CO2> huh, the british police is starting an investigation to see if Clarkson hitting that guy counts as a criminal offense
< CO2> wait. British. I mean 'offence'

#10044 (+3/-0)
< Slothrop> My worst memory of libraries came when I was 8 years old and decided to join a Chess club that met there
< Slothrop> I got totally wrecked by a 35 year old guy
< Slothrop> I wish I could find him now to exact my revenge
<@Stereo> did he have 6 fingers on his left hand
< Slothrop> Stereo: You know him, then?

#10042 (+1/-0)
<bassgoon> vasectomy is the way to go, right?
<punkymonkey> My bf doesn't want to do that since it increases your risk of getting prostate cancer or something
<bassgoon> does it really?
<Bucket> Only if you press hard.

#10041 (+1/-0)
<CO2> If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
<CO2> full poem http://web.mit.edu/adorai/www/seuss-technical-writing.html
<Branes> CO2: I have a #xkcd version of that Seussian rhyme.
<Branes> If a packet hits the socket of a Bucket on our port, and reply is then forgotten as a very bad retort, don't change the topic quickly or the goat-kick you will court, then the admins of the chan 'll make your IRC abort.

#10039 (+1/-0)
<tomatosalad> Michael Bay directed the music video for "I Touch Myself"
<tomatosalad> LOLOLOL
<Bucket> ... and then he takes an industrial pickle and shoves it down his pants!

#10038 (+2/-0)
dingbat: Are there any common corvid dishes?
binky: dingbat: Mag Pie.

#10037 (+2/-4)
<~snark> I think not
-!- snark [snark@hide-C84673EC.jetstream.xtra.co.nz] has quit [Quit: existential error]

#10036 (+5/-1)
< Mattnpat> Oh, sorry.
< Mattnpat> I thought you were Bucket.
< binky> I get that a lot
< Bucket> I get that even more!

#10035 (+5/-1)
< Bubo> oh theres a solar eclipse?
< Bubo> I can't tell cause it's dark
< Bubo> wait

#10033 (+8/-1)
< Cheez> People ask me what I want to be doing in 5 years, but I don't have 2020 vision.
<@schwal> ...
* Vorthon puts Cheez in the shame cube.
< Cheez> :(
< Cheez> what IS the shame cube?
< XMPPwocky> it's like a game cube but shamier
< Cheez> ahh, a sega saturn.

#10032 (+0/-3)
<Ranzear> ferret, ramen or horrorshow?
<flyingferret> Neither.
<Ranzear> Uh, ferret, I'm a college student.
<Ranzear> ferret, ramen or horrorshow?
<flyingferret> That sounds too important to trust to a bot.
<Ranzear> :O
<Ranzear> ferret, chorizo?
<flyingferret> No way.
<Ranzear> ferret wants me to starve.
<ElectronicRU> ferret, should Coast ditch classes to watch eclipse?
<flyingferret> Definitely.
<Ranzear> ferret, corned beef hash?
<flyingferret> Certainly not.
<ElectronicRU> Sapienti sati.
<Ranzear> This is now comical.
<ElectronicRU> ferret, is this comical?
<flyingferret> Call me, maybe.
<Ranzear> ferret, mire poix lentil soup?
<flyingferret> Indubitably.
<ten> flyingferret: yes, no, or maybe?
<flyingferret> maybe
<Ranzear> ferret, you're really going to make me cook for that long when I'm this hungry?
<flyingferret> Nope.
<Coast> ElectronicRU, why ditch classes
<Ranzear> Chorizo it is!

#10031 (+3/-1)
<Thaoh> I want to feel the carbonation ripping through my throat, I don't want no wimpy soda that tries to hide the CO2. Nor do I want any of those non-sugar sweeteners that has an aftertaste that makes me want to puke
<CO2> Thaoh: did you just offer me a blow-job?

#10030 (+7/-1)
< alexxerth> One of my friend's parents own an orchard
< alexxerth> They were telling me all about it one day
< alexxerth> They have really interesting machinery for harvesting
< alexxerth> But the most interesting part was when they told me about starting it in the first place
< alexxerth> They said that you usually have to buy or rent bees in order to help with pollination in the early growth of the orchard
< alexxerth> But the people who sold them the trees were friends with a beekeeper, so they managed to package them in and get the bees for no extra charge
< alexxerth> They were free bees

#10029 (+25/-3)
<@snark> I am capable of advanced speech recognition
< phobiac> okay snark, what's the weather like?
<@snark> yup, someone is definitely talking to me right now

#10028 (+5/-3)
<@snark> you can't divide 0 by something, the universe will explode
<@snark> I may not be good at math but I know that much
< Neil_With_It> snark: I can't actually tell if you're joking
<@snark> I get that a lot
< Bucket> I get that even more!
<@snark> bucket does get that even more

#10027 (+4/-3)
<Ranzear> Bucket, Space is a vaccum!
<Bucket> Ranzear: Your mom is a vaccum!
<Ranzear> Bucket has rejected my reference.
<Ranzear> And laid down a sick burn as well.

#10026 (+11/-0)
* IceKarma mutters and grumbles about having to change her IP addresses in entirely too many places
<rabe> IceKarma, you need a dns server^^
<IceKarma> rabe, I run two >.>
<rabe> then just change it there?
<IceKarma> and all the other places
<IceKarma> for example several places in /etc
<Gyph> why not do a sed?
<Stereo> s/128/77/g
<rabe> hmmm
<rabe> rm -rf /etc
<rabe> problem solved
<Bucket> 7233 new problems detected
<rabe> that too

#10025 (+2/-8)
-!- coxj2000 [~chatzilla@28B00578.92666C39.BFFF5B0E.IP] has joined #xkcd
< coxj2000> I HAVE AN EMBARRASSING PROBLEM IN WHICH MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS FROZEN. HELP WOULD BE APPRECIATED.
-!- mode/#xkcd [+b *!~chatzilla@*.92666C39.BFFF5B0E.IP] by billygoat
-!- coxj2000 was kicked from #xkcd by billygoat [5-minute autokill]

#10024 (+12/-0)
<alexxerth> I mentally separate sodas into two categories: Clear sodas and dark sodas. Clear sodas are like sprite, orange soda, gingerale, etc (stuff that's mostly transparent), and dark sodas are like coke, root beer, or dr. pepper.
<Lisimba> So you're a soda segregrationist.
<Oracle989> Sodapartheid

#10023 (+7/-5)
<~snark> I wonder if you could store an LP on an LP
<@Akrasia> yes.
<~snark> a quick google suggests that a vinyl record can hold about 150 MB
<@Akrasia> which is more than enough for a 5 minute super mario bros speedrun

#10018 (+7/-11)
<CO2_phone> People are weird
<relsqui> when you're a weirder

#10016 (+6/-9)
<Vulpes> Bucket, invent something
* Bucket combines a woman's virginity and Dextralus' gigantic throbbing bratwurst, but they're incompatible! A blinding explosion follows!

#10015 (+15/-6)
<snark> I kind of want to have a closet that I just keep all my bottled water in
<snark> the payoff would never come because guests never ever ask where the "water closet" is
<Stereo> you could keep all your strangely specific Firefly memorabilia in another closet
<snark> that itself is strangely specific
<Stereo> well, in case they ask about the Wash room

#10014 (+10/-7)
<CO2> what's the word
<CO2> when you can't pay your debts
<arble> insolvent
<CO2> and a company hires another company to start annoying you until you pay up
<CO2> they send letters, increasing the price every time
<arble> debt collection
<CO2> and then they start sending people
<arble> bailiffs
<CO2> yeah

#10013 (+3/-7)
* WassPord headdesks
* Bucket wallnoses
* WassPord buttchairs
* jglauche facepalms
* Bucket chairsits
* thomas0comer couchsprawls
* XMPPwocky tonguetables
* SpicyLemon elbowforeheads

#10012 (+17/-0)
<Coast> It's awful just how easy it is to use bits of an interview, study, or any scientific paper and make the point you want to make, regardless of what the people you are quoting actually said
<Coast> like people who (still) deny climate change
<alexxerth> "I...like people who (still) deny climate change" - Coast

#10011 (+11/-0)
<XanT> Note to self, tell anyone asking for anything that it cant be done.
<arble> have you considered entering the civil service?
<arble> you just passed the first aptitude test

#10010 (+4/-9)
<coxj2000> Bucket: give me something
<Bucket> You don't want an init daemon, it's covered in grays!
* coxj2000 gives Bucket a slap
* Bucket hands coxj2000 a "perpetual" motion machine in exchange for a slap
<coxj2000> That worked out well!

#10008 (+2/-7)
<coxj2000> Cprossu, XanT, Peng, IceKarma: IT'S DONE! What if you took all of the Earth's monetary resources and turned them into copper pennies? http://wiki.xkcd.com/irc/2:_What_if_you_took_all_of_the_Earth%27s_monetary_resources_and_turned_them_into_copper_pennies%3F
<coxj2000> There's mouse-over text too!
<Peng> I like the name Penny
<Peng> Ah... it says "7.5 trillion pennies" in one spot. THat should be quadrillion, I think?
<yazdmich> coxj2000: i thought that said copper penises
<yazdmich> and got a little excited
<Peng> 7.5 trillion copper penises would be quite something

#10007 (+6/-6)
<tomatosalad> Ow, fuck. Stabbed myself with a pencil. Spent 15 minutes trying to dig the lead out before realizing it had actually just written on my skin
<tomatosalad> my hand is sore around where it went in, though, should I be worried?
<@IceKarma> ... you just stabbed yourself with a pencil, and you're asking if you should be worried that it hurts
<@schwal> tomatosalad: You're not exactly being your most sensical right now.
<tomatosalad> schwal: blargh.
<@schwal> tomatosalad: On a scale of IceKarma to Bucket, you're rating about a "Branes on a bad day" on the sense-o-meter.
<tomatosalad> what am I nominally
— @IceKarma raises an eyebrow at that scale =3
<@schwal> tomatosalad: rcombs but swearier?
<@IceKarma> schwal, hey, I did mostly manage to get him to stop coming into the channel and screaming e.g. "FUUUUUUUUUCK" as the first thing he said =3
<@schwal> IceKarma: True.
<rcombs> FUUUUUUUUUCK
<Branes> Sixpence for the donkey and no mistake!

#10006 (+15/-0)
<Buckley> I had the impression that Randall only comes here to answer no to questions like this?
<~Randall> Buckley: pretty much

#10004 (+4/-6)
<Caffeine> So. First time driving on my own. Still shaky.
<Euclidian> Caffeine: decaf next time
<Caffeine> Euclidian: blasphemu
<Caffeine> s/u/y/
<Vulpes> Would a blasphemu be a emu that blasphemes?
<vibhavp> an emu that advocates decaf, alternatively

#10003 (+11/-1)
<@FunkyTuba> I think I found a bug in grep
<@FunkyTuba> oh wait no I'm being stupid

#10002 (+15/-0)
<SpicyLemon> Recently, a client wanted a message on their site that included, "... zero (0)..." and I had to spend way too much time arguing with them that they have it backwards, specially since they're expecting the input to be "0" not having the user type in "zero".
<Walrushead> Much ado about nothing

#10001 (+12/-2)
< Caffeine> So. The authorities have spoke.
< Caffeine> I can now drive on my own.
<+arble> nice
<+arble> always wanted to try my hand at golf

#10000 (+19/-0)
<~snark> Investors Upset After Ponzicoin Operator Absconds With Their Money #NotTheOnion
<~snark> gotta have some respect for someone brazen enough to name their scam Ponzicoin

#9999 (+9/-5)
<@Stereo> okay but the seven dwarves ... are they siblings? or are they just bros
<@Stereo> in the non-brother sense
<@khmer> Stereo: they're clones. their deviations from Doc are the result of telomere decay from half-life of the cesium in the cloning apparatus
<@Stereo> well that makes sense

#9997 (+5/-6)
<bhuddah> Stereo: that's the extrusion i have been talking about.
<Bucket> that's the sextrusion i have been talking about.
<bhuddah> sextrusion... hmmmmm
<schwal> Isn't that just a 3D printed dildo?

#9995 (+13/-0)
<@schwal> I just typoed "marchmallows" which made me think of mallows from a march http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/March_%28territorial_entity%29 which in turn made me think of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toblerone_line . I am now picturing a line of giant frozen marshmallows blocking Finnish tanks from getting into Norway (in Finnmark).
<XMPPwocky> mm toblerone
<@schwal> If you are all now thinking of sugary tank obstacles my work here is done.

#9994 (+9/-4)
<Bucket> Humans are surprisingly inflammable.
* diogenes sets Bucket on fire
* Bucket burns fast and free.
* dingbat sets diogenes on fire
* diogenes burns fats and flees

#9992 (+4/-4)
<Bucket> Brazil scores with hand play, and won't even tell the referee so when asked
<@schwal> I cannot imagine what country the person who added that factoid was from at all.
<@schwal> (It was totally England)
— ten embeds a <blink> tag in schwal's will
<@schwal> ten: You are an evil person.
<ten> oh stop it you
<@schwal> ten: Look, just because I happen to know what that refers to and that the English have been pissy about it ever since ...
<XanT> I dont remember England being pissed off at Brazil about something like that, but Im not hugely in to football.
<@schwal> XanT: google "hand of god"
<XanT> Thats not Brazil.
<@schwal> Wait, it's not?
<@schwal> shit
<@schwal> >_<
<XanT> Argentina.
<Bucket> Argentina scores with hand play, and won't even tell the referee so when asked

#9991 (+18/-0)
<ticamai> I'm laughing my ass off right now
<ticamai> Someone sent me a virus on steam earlier, .scr file
<ticamai> I use linux, so that wasn't a problem. I set up an XP box to run it on, just because
<ticamai> IE downloaded and ran the .scr virus just fine. But when I went to the microsoft website to download an update, it blocked it for potentially being malicious.
<ticamai> (Turns out the virus needs updated .net runtime to work)

#9990 (+22/-0)
<+arble> it does sometimes amaze me that this relatively small island nation basically ruled the world for a century
<+arble> that's the kind of thing you dream of doing in strategy games

#9989 (+6/-9)
< Bucket> snark is helpful
<@snark> am I though

#9988 (+27/-0)
< CO2> my dad has a mug that says SLURP SLURP SLURP on the outside
< Eule> what does your mom's mug say?
< CO2> my mom has been dead for over 2 years now.
< Eule> sorry
< Eule> what does your mom's urn say?

#9986 (+6/-4)
-!- Passion[droid]` [Passim@hide-AE1ABAA5.range86-174.btcentralplus.com] has joined #xkcd
-!- Passion[droid]` is now known as Jessikat
< CaptainPlatypus> welcome back Jessikat
< CaptainPlatypus> also, thanks to your join nick there, Jessikat, I will now always and forever picture you as a randy smartphone
< CaptainPlatypus> I hope that was the intent
< Jessikat> I've had worse
<@barometz> "Okay Google" "mmm yes, sweetie?"
< CaptainPlatypus> barometz++

#9985 (+3/-4)
<ScienceClause> Not me but I'm doing something similar, wsa
<wsa> oh? what is that, ScienceClause?
<ScienceClause> wsa, stabbing myself in the face repeatedly.
<wsa> come on it isn't that bad
<ScienceClause> I just had to make the joke
<wsa> if you love Star Wars as much as I do, watching the holiday special is a lot like having your hand in a vise that gets tightened down just shy of the point where the skin will break, having it loosened a bit, and then a minute later re-tightening it, over and over again for about an hour

#9984 (+22/-0)
< The0x539> I',m not sure how to describe tuping on this new keyoard
< The0x539> CTUALLY, those typos describve it pretty damn well

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