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#10161 (+3/-0)
< tanuki> My ex is diabetic.
< tanuki> So yeah.
< Bucket> sorbet for everyone!!!

#10160 (+9/-0)
<Coast> the feeling you get when someone you like enjoys seeing you is reaaaaaaaally good.
<diogenes> Coast: you got a dog?

#10159 (+4/-0)
< Ferris> holy shit the sun just came out for the first time today and lit up my room ha
<@barometz> not one to toot my own horn much but two feathers in my cap neatly fixed what started out as a stressful day. Also I'm pretty amused I can apparently learn about neurology fast enough to appear competent.
< Walther> barometz: :) grats!
< Ferris> \:D/
* Walther puts a self-tooting horn in Bucket
* Bucket is now carrying a self-tooting horn, but dropped bad weather.

#10157 (+1/-0)
<Skyblaze> ferret: Can I have fun?
<flyingferret> Yes, absolutely.
<Skyblaze> ferret: But only if it's healthy?
<flyingferret> Certainly.
<Skyblaze> ferret: Are you my mother?
<flyingferret> Certainly.
<Skyblaze> O_O

#10156 (+4/-0)
<Skyblaze> The audio cables around my room seem to make an antenna
<@IceKarma> of course they do
* @IceKarma hands Skyblaze some ferrite chokes
<@IceKarma> I assume you know what to do with those =P
* Skyblaze chokes on ferret
<Rena> that is not what the ferret is for
<Skyblaze> ferret: Are you here to be choked on?
<flyingferret> Good lord, no.

#10155 (+3/-0)
<phyphor> yano: did I tell you about Doug McDonald?
<yano> phyphor: nope?
<phyphor> He was a farmer, who used to love his farming machinery, went to trade shows, had posters up on his wall
<phyphor> used to make sure his favourite one was kept polished and well maintained
<phyphor> but one day he fell off while driving to his fields and it put him right off
<phyphor> anyway, he was in the village pub one day when there was a fire in the kitchen
<phyphor> and it was billowing great huge plumes of black smoke
<phyphor> thick and nasty and horrible, and all of the other people in the pub were spluttering and coughing, and they couldn't get out
<phyphor> the situation was *terrible*
<phyphor> so ...
<phyphor> Doug went in to the kitchen, inhaled, sharply, and deeply and ...
<phyphor> all of the smoke went away
<phyphor> everyone was able to get out safely ...
<phyphor> y'see
<phyphor> Doug
<phyphor> he was an ex-tractor fan

#10154 (+4/-0)
< XMPPwocky> if RMS gets malware will he request the source code
<@Stereo> i imagine he won't get any that's not open source
< Martin> XMPPwocky: because he considers anything without source code "malware"
< XMPPwocky> "your files have been encrypted with our proprietary algorithm! pay us $400 in the next 7 days for a FOSS implementation you can run in good conscience"

#10153 (+14/-0)
<@shoofle> Shrdlu: i know we've got lexical scope, where the variables you can access are determined by where you're defined, and dynamic scope, where your scope is determined by where you're called
<@shoofle> Shrdlu: I propose a language where scope is determined by the smallest scope that contains both the block where a function is defined *and* the block where the function is called
<@shoofle> Shrdlu: essentially drawing a loop AROUND the scopes that will contian both
<@shoofle> Shrdlu: periscope!
<@Shrdlu> shoofle: with that in mind, I propose to rename lexical scope
<@Shrdlu> shoofle: from the point of view of the call site, lexical scope is a way of adopting a scope *further away* than usual, so it should be called telescope
<@shoofle> Shrdlu: my new programming language features, for the sake of maximum flexibility, scoping which changes rules every 2pi seconds, which i wwill be referring to as oscilloscope henceforth
<@Shrdlu> shoofle: let me introduce you to my new programming language, whose syntax is simplified by the notion that the scope should not be large enough to contain any data
<@Shrdlu> or "microscope"
<@relsqui> Shrdlu: I've forked your project and am experimenting with a version where scope only references the lines immediately to either side of the one you're invoking it on
<@relsqui> Shrdlu: I've tentatively named it laparoscope
<@Shrdlu> relsqui: I've had to make a fundamental breakthrough in language design in order to tell you where to shove it
<@Shrdlu> relsqui: see my upcoming paper on endoscope

#10152 (+14/-0)
<@Shrdlu> also we had the best idea
<@Shrdlu> Twitch Serves HTTP
<@relsqui> omfg
<@Shrdlu> right???
<@relsqui> so you just, what, hit a webpage?
<@Shrdlu> yeah
<@relsqui> and get ...
<@relsqui> mangled headers
<@Shrdlu> well, no
<@Shrdlu> almost all the time you get a 500 because we're serving a different request right now
<@Shrdlu> *but* if you're lucky then yes you get mangled headers

#10151 (+11/-0)
<~snark> google has graduated from understanding my needlessly vague queries to actively correcting them. "What's that 70's noir movie where the narrator is dead in a swimming pool" "Sunset Boulevard (film) is a 1950 film. Missing: 70's"
<~snark> the "70's" is in snarky strikethrough just to drum home how wrong I was
<~snark> and yes that is the thing I was thinking of. In my defense I've never actually watched it

#10149 (+18/-0)
<PacifistDalek> Ok all, story time.
<PacifistDalek> My DVD drive stopped working about two months back. I have a loose sata cable plug on my motherboard so I thought that might be the culprit
<PacifistDalek> after opening it up and fiddling around with the cables, nothing changed. Figuring that the drive was dead and lacking money, I have left it alone since then.
<PacifistDalek> Reading about the Manson Family today, and discovering that Helter Skelter is a name in the UK for a carnival ride, I got the hankering to play some Rollercoaster Tycoon, as one does.
<PacifistDalek> So, I was trying to get a virtual disc drive going on my computer, so that I could mount the ISO file I have of Rollercoaster Tycoon Deluxe
<PacifistDalek> I used to use a program called Daemon Tools to do this, but their newest version is no longer free, so I went looking for open source alternatives. The one I found that looked good and suuuuper simple...didn't work. Like, it didn't make a virtual disc drive appear, tho it would make the "plug in device" sound when I tried to run the ISO file through it.
<PacifistDalek> I figured "oh well" and moved on to another program. Then another. None of them worked! I then started to wonder if this was related to my physical DVD drive's failure to work anymore. So I opened up the Device Manager, and sure enough, it had an error exclamation mark over my physical disk drive.
<PacifistDalek> (this is of course something that I should have checked two months ago when this problem first cropped up with my disc drive)
<PacifistDalek> So first I uninstalled the virtual disc drive programs, then I uninstalled and reinstalled the DVD driver. That still didn't work. I went to a sketchy looking website and manually downloaded the driver, no luck there either.
<PacifistDalek> So i clicked over to the error message and actually read it instead of skipping past it :P It said that there was a problem with the regsitry. I googled the error code, found a bunch of sites with the same instructions to go into the registry and delete two corrupted entries in the DVD drive section. I restarted the computer, BOOM! Disc drive works!
<PacifistDalek> EXCEPT
<Bucket> Sexcept
<PacifistDalek> It says that it has Roller Coaster Tycoon in the physical disc drive. I right click and hit eject, sure enough, the disc drive pops open. When I push it back in to my computer (from my sitting position at my desk), after a moment it pops back up as saying Roller Coaster Tycoon is in the disc drive.
<PacifistDalek> I try everything I can to get it out. I google things, find some very complex instructions related to other virtual drive programs I didn't try. I reinstall every virtual disc drive (they all work now that the registry is fixed!) but no dice, they just create new virtual disc drives.
<PacifistDalek> I get annoyed and lament my problem to my brother. He suggests putting a physical disc in the physical drive, to see if it overwrites Rollercoaster Tycoon
<PacifistDalek> I go to try this...aaaaand dicsover that there's already a disc in the physical drive.
<PacifistDalek> A CD
<PacifistDalek> of Rollercoaster Tycoon.
<PacifistDalek> *FIN*
<enometh> *applause*

#10148 (+9/-0)
<@relsqui> Glench: hey whatever happened to your treads-for-everything thing?
<@relsqui> I have a tiny computer that wants feet
<@relsqui> so I can release it on my unsuspecting colleagues
<@Glench> relsqui: faaailed
<@relsqui> aw
<@schwal> relsqui: most computers have rubber feet.
<@relsqui> no it needs to be mobile
<@relsqui> it already has a battery and a speaker
<@relsqui> with wheels and a neural net it will be unstoppable
<@relsqui> with wheels and a neural net and googly eyes it will be unstoppable AND ADORABLE

#10147 (+5/-0)
<@zetlen> Stereo: your PM looks like a hot boyfriend from 1997, maybe a friends episode boyfriend maybe
<@schwal> It took me a second to realize you meant Prime Minister there.
<@Shrdlu> ambiguous two-letter acronyms? PM Stereo

#10146 (+11/-0)
< alexxerth> I hate this hand soap
< alexxerth> It smells like candy
< alexxerth> But it doesn't taste anything like candy
< alexxerth> It might be the worst tasting hand soap I've had actually

#10145 (+4/-1)
<phyphor> I am more bothered by how the noble and traditional game of Quidditch got hastily updated when it was realised how bad it was
<@schwal> phyphor: Cricket fan? ;p

#10144 (+9/-0)
<rpenguin> I suggest you build a statue of me and surround it with sweet smelling flowers and charge admission to view it.
<Anti_Spiral> I already have.
<@barometz> Anti_Spiral: did you get the rights to rpenguin's likeness?
<Anti_Spiral> I put a fake moustache and claimed it was someone else
<@barometz> Counts as hair use, that.

#10142 (+10/-0)
<tanuki> BTW, the universal sign of "female character" in animation is eyelashes and/or a bow.
<Jax184> tanuki: don't forget boobs
<tanuki> Jax184: Minnie Mouse has no boobs, AFAICT.
<Jax184> tanuki: you haven't been on the websites I have
<nicolas17> o.O

#10141 (+5/-9)
<bassgoon> whenever we go out
<Bucket> The people always /shout
<bassgoon> there goes john jacob jingleheimer schmidt
<Bucket> Oh, not again! Save me someone! HELP!

#10140 (+2/-7)
<dingbat> but but but PUTTING FIRE NEXT TO YOUR HEAD. That’ll fix anything
<Kizul> To literal Hell with Ear Candles. :|

#10139 (+2/-4)
<vibhavp> "Your TV is supposed to only use it's camera to follow your gesture commands, but it's a bit suspicious how it always offers Disney downloads when your children are sitting in front of it" D:
<CO2> vibhavp: what does it do if you whip your dick out
<nicolas17> CO2: makes it raise

#10138 (+14/-3)
<@zetlen> viwy20kp
<@relsqui> RIP that password
<@zetlen> RIP my window focus on vim
<@relsqui> oh, lol

#10137 (+2/-11)
* WassPord puts lentokonesuihkuturbiinimoottoriapumekaanikkoaliupserioppilas in bucket
* Bucket is now carrying lentokonesuihkuturbiinimoottoriapumekaanikkoaliupserioppilas, but dropped a bad action movie.
<jglauche> is that actually a word?
<WassPord> "airplane jet turbine engine auxiliary mechanic non-commissioned officer student"
<WassPord> compound words ftw

#10136 (+20/-1)
< PovAddict> "write code assuming the next person that will maintain it will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live"
<@barometz> PovAddict: a) stop writing code b) call the police? :P

#10135 (+5/-2)
<@relsqui> wow that is the worst-tasting toothpaste I've ever used
<@bk> relsqui: that was hemorrhoid cream!
<@relsqui> with extra whitening action?
<@bk> relsqui: people are into that bleached anus look nowadays

#10134 (+15/-0)
<@zetlen> i'm learning emacs
<@zetlen> because i don't want my tools to get in the way while i learn clojure
<@zetlen> which i'm learning because i finally have something interesting i want to do that requires shared memory and multiple cores
<@relsqui> zetlen: and later you can knit the yak hair into a meta-key cozy
<@zetlen> relsqui: it's GNU/yak hair but yes

#10133 (+17/-0)
< XMPPwocky> never fight a man equipped with meat-based puns
< XMPPwocky> the steaks are just too high
< hooloo> The steaks have been dosed with LSD.
<@snark> they used a bulldoser

#10132 (+4/-0)
<puddle> Are any ebook privateers more experienced in the way the currents flow than I willing to help me ship out my cargo to sea
<PacifistDalek> puddle: YOU LOOKING FOR SOME WAREZ?
<puddle> ssssh keep it down. Pegleg Pete has flashbacks to the day his ship was wrecked by the Warez Whale, and Cap'n just doesn't run things the same when he remembers it

#10131 (+12/-0)
< Walrushead> how did Mr. Ed move his mouth in the TV show?
< Walrushead> obviously there was a voice actor
< XanT> They filmed a real talking horse then dubbed over it.

#10130 (+7/-0)
* bk cuts a hole in Bucket
* Bucket leaks out beer
* bk puts a tap in Bucket
* Bucket now contains a tap.
<@bk> that's... not what I meant, but okay.

#10129 (+4/-0)
< arble> I woke up before my alarm but not sufficiently early that I can go back to sleep before it goes
< arble> I bear a heavy cross
* relsqui pats arble sympathetically
< arble> life is suffering ;_;

#10127 (+19/-0)
< feriority> I think I accidentally walked through a horror movie accidentally
<@relsqui> ???
< feriority> I took a (really tiny, saves a block) shortcut walking home from a friend's place... a light on the street is flickering, and then I pass an alley so there's the whooshy wind sound, and then I swear I can hear "it's a small world" playing on pipes or something
<@relsqui> holy shit
< feriority> I assume it was some kid practicing on their recorder with an open window or something
< feriority> but it was creepy as hell
<@relsqui> are ... are you okay
< feriority> well I don't *think* I'm haunted
< feriority> but now that I've told you all the story, if a horror monster kills me they're probably going for you next... I should have thought of that before I said anything
<~snark> feriority: it's okay, on the typical creepiness meter, that rates as ominous foreshadowing. You've got about a week until you die
< feriority> that's not so bad then
< feriority> I have time to buy new shoes

#10126 (+9/-1)
< cnf> https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewild+asiansgonewild+petitegonewild+gwnerdy+dykesgonewild << NSFW
<@relsqui> I know we say you should always label nsfw no matter how obvious it is
<@relsqui> but that one is really hilariously obvious

#10124 (+59/-0)
XMPPwocky: My own https://xkcd.com/349/ story. Yesterday, I worked my way from "I should try installing Qubes OS on my dual-boot" to "I have no working boot discs, no CD drive, and no OS on the actual hard drive". Today, i got to try and fix that.
XMPPwocky: The issue is, this is my only computer. so I can't make any bootable media to boot from, except I also had, tucked away in my closet, an OLPC XO-1. Aaand I couldn't find the charger.
XMPPwocky: What I could find? The hand-crank charger.
XMPPwocky: To make a long story short, I cranked through the entire download and installation of an Ubuntu liveCD.
XMPPwocky: would not recommend

#10121 (+25/-0)
<@Akrasia> it's a really good thing i proof read everything i type in to my phone
<@Akrasia> it has now stopped recognizing "correctly" as a word, and autocorrects it to "for rectal"
<~snark> sounds like it's functioning for rectal
<@Akrasia> i remember why we keep you around snark
<~snark> ...for rectal? o_O

#10119 (+12/-2)
<alexxerth> We need a bot that can "get" jokes
* @Shrdlu gives Bucket jokes
* Bucket is now carrying jokes, but dropped undefined behaviour.

#10117 (+15/-1)
<@Stereo> waterspouts are the ocean giving the sky a thumbs up
<@Randall> Stereo: I was so disappointed to realize that waterspouts weren't actually full of solid water
<@sheepbat> of course
<@sheepbat> water is liquid, silly

#10116 (+20/-2)
<Caffeine> IceKarma: I concur.
<Bucket> Seriously, why don't you people just say 'I agree'
<alexxerth> I agree
<Bucket> Well, you're wrong.

#10114 (+10/-0)
<coxj2000> Bucket, do you take this denizen to be your lawfully wedded spouse?
-*- Bucket [~bucket@carabiner.peeron.com] has quit [Connection reset by peer]
<coxj2000> it worked in PM
<SpicyLemon> Besides, I don't really see bucket as the type to settle down.
<Brot> well, that's an interesting response.

#10113 (+27/-1)
<zippers> Mary had a little lamb. She tied it to a pylon. 10,000 volts went up its leg, and turned its wool to nylon.
<zippers> Mary had a little lamb. She also had a bear. I've often seen her little lamb. I've never seen her bare.
<zippers> Mary had a little lamb. She also had a goat. I've poked her little lamb. But never poke the goat.
billygoat sets ban on *!peterb@*.hinet-ip.hinet.net
billygoat has kicked zippers from #xkcd (Goat-ed)

#10112 (+12/-0)
<Bucket> It may be possible to generate quantum black holes given a sufficiently high velocity can of ravioli.
<Ahrotahntee> bucket is giving a whole new meaning to spaghettification

#10111 (+5/-1)
< CO2> Dutch police has been protesting for months because they want a better salary
< CO2> now they say that as their next demonstration they're going to block the tour de france as it passes through holland
< CO2> poop is going to hit the windmill.

#10110 (+13/-0)
<@IceKarma> the under the hood part doesn't matter, because the experience should hide it
<@IceKarma> but they're letting implementation details leak out on you because they were lazy
< Snowyowl> right, that's the important bit
< Snowyowl> your app should look impressive and flawless, not shouting "PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE SPAGHETTI CODE BEHIND THE CURTAIN"

#10109 (+7/-5)
< Bucket> how old is the universe?
< coxj2000> Like 2006

#10108 (+24/-0)
<emad> why is it assumed that the joint eubacteria + archaea cell is a combination of two super kingdoms where one engulfed the other
<emad> instead of there being one superkingdom and somehow the two groups split out
<emad> like, the archaea escaped out of the bacterial cell
<Randall> huh, I don't know!
<Randall> interesting idea!
<emad> a weeping bacterial cell, who is so proud of the child who ran away and became better than everyone
<emad> that's my new long form novella (a novel idea)
<Randall> you know, novels are actually descended from a Novella species that was engulfed by another book, possibly nonfiction
<emad> i can tell because they both have spines

#10106 (+11/-0)
<sethacria> ferret: will cygwin actually finish?
<flyingferret> Indeed.
<sethacria> YES!
<alexxerth> ferret: But will sethacria live through it?
<flyingferret> Absolutely not.
<sethacria> OH NO
<alexxerth> Sorry man
<sethacria> Just as ferret said that: "Download Incomplete. Try again?"
<sethacria> I hate this world
<Sapphire> goodnight sweet prince
<Bucket> Nighty night, don't let the bed-bugs bite... or the worms...

#10104 (+16/-0)
< Bucket> friends don't let friends use Comic Sans MS
< permagreen> Also don't make the mistake of using cosmic sans either. It sounds cool, but it makes your mind explode.
< binky> just you wait, comic sans will loop back around into being cool in a few years
< binky> everything comes full circle. except neon fanny packs.
< Ashley> and minecraft
< Ashley> minecraft comes full square

#10103 (+7/-0)
alexxerth: Sometimes I confuse Nickleback with Nirvana
alexxerth: This has never been a good thing.

#10102 (+27/-0)
<@DaBigCheez> I, too, am a burrito
<@benley> ceci n'est pas une burrito
<@Shrdlu> surely un burrito
<@relsqui> oui, mais ne m'appelle pas shirley

#10100 (+11/-0)
-!- Topic for #xkcd: boycott sourceforge, http://seclists.org/nmap-dev/2015/q2/194 | ...
-!- relsqui changed the topic of #xkcd to: who was still using sourceforge? | ...
< binky> relsqui: TortoiseSVN is using sourceforge still :p
< etu> Who uses SVN? :D

#10099 (+12/-0)
<@Stereo> what's texas's favorite vegetable
< OracleCarbon> Stereo: Beef

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