#67 ⇧ (+20/-5) ⇩
< khmer> is this an argument about computer monitors
< shoofzilla> also, CRTs are generally too big to fit on my desk unprecariously
< shoofzilla> yes
< khmer> because i hate lcds AND crts
< khmer> i only use ASR-33 teletypes
< khmer> sometimes when i'm watching porn through aalib they jam
< khmer> but usually the refresh rate is pretty good
#66 ⇧ (+6/-2) ⇩
<%relsqui> that ended well.
-!- khmer [khmer@hide-8E0481AE.sea2.cablespeed.com] has joined #xkcd
< ther3> endings are good
< khmer> who wants to give me a neck massage
< ther3> happy ending?
#64 ⇧ (+19/-6) ⇩
<%skat_> oniichan and his girlfriend are having loud sex in the next room
<%skat_> I wouldn't care if they were having loud sex in his room, as it's in the opposite corner of the house =_= but they're in the laundry room
#59 ⇧ (+19/-5) ⇩
<%skat_> I just heard a car pull up
<%skat_> nobody is supposed to be here =_=;
<%skat_> I wish I had a lock on m ydoor
<%skat_> eee I'm scared
< root> skat_: Just shoot the bastards when they come in.
<%skat_> I don't have my gun
<%skat_> it's in oniichan's room because he is going to clean it for me
<%relsqui> I bet that wasn't the answer you were expecting. ; )
< root> That really wasn't 8)
<%skat_> I got my taser tho
< wisnij> use your leet kung-fu skills... you're asian, right? ;)
<%skat_> lol shut up
< root> Blind them with science!
< wisnij> that only works on Thomas Dolby
#57 ⇧ (+22/-7) ⇩
< Geese> I still maintain that george lucas deserves accolades for somehow making natalie portman unattractive
< afed> she'd look pretty in a burlap sack
< Geese> exactly
< Geese> and yet he STILL managed it
< Geese> then again he did also manage to ruin an unruinable sequel so I suppose he's just a genius
#56 ⇧ (+78/-14) ⇩
<%skat_> I made gingersnaps last week
<%skat_> they were fantastic
< Geese> My mum made those once
< Geese> I was actually bleeding from inside my mouth
<%skat_> I think she made them wrong
#55 ⇧ (+31/-7) ⇩
< khmer> i am so goddamn old
< khmer> i don't even have carpal tunnel syndrome
< khmer> i have carpal aqueduct syndrome
<%relsqui> I thought you meant like 'BACK IN MY DAY WE HAD ARTHRITIS'
#54 ⇧ (+16/-5) ⇩
< khmer> i'm a horrible man
< khmer> with bad taste and worse habits
< khmer> and you can't get enough of me
< khmer> all of you
< text_file> I thought so, but I'm starting to break out with a rash
< text_file> and my stool has become gradually more orange and watery
< text_file> I think I've had enough.
#52 ⇧ (+72/-13) ⇩
* khmer % echo dong > text_file
< text_file> tcsh: echo: dong too large
< khmer> gzip -up
< khmer> tar -xvvfeather
< text_file> there'd be nothing worse than living as a self-aware command line with a creepy user who thinks he's clever.
< khmer> that's why they kicked me out of AI
< khmer> i kept making the prototype consciousness fdisk itself out of horror
< khmer> 10 PRINT 'THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS'
#51 ⇧ (+459/-43) ⇩
-!- HotstuFF [3a47071a@hide-27D153A5.techwareit.com] has joined #xkcd
< HotstuFF> asl people
< HotstuFF> what's this channel about?
< relsqui> http://www.xkcd.com
< HotstuFF> how come there are too many people no one's chatting
* relsqui waves her hand in front of hotstuff's face.
< relsqui> This is not the channel you are looking for.
< HotstuFF> sorry then.
-!- HotstuFF [3a47071a@hide-27D153A5.techwareit.com] has left #xkcd 
#50 ⇧ (+6/-1) ⇩
<%relsqui> skilaatara: you're not a gay british mathematician? now you've brought my world crashing down around my ears.
<%relsqui> ^ funny story... apparently someone elsewhere in IRC decided I was gay, British, and male
<%relsqui> based on the way I talk
< elgreco> you arent?
< elgreco> then who was that guy with the funny facial hair?
* relsqui points at root
<%relsqui> who is neither gay nor British
<%relsqui> (or, if he is, he's really very closeted)
< elgreco> i hate closet brits
<%relsqui> I know, seriously
< elgreco> dirty redcoats
<%relsqui> we all know
<%relsqui> and everyone would be happier if he just started using the accent
< elgreco> i know i would
< elgreco> giddy school girl
< elgreco> that'd be me
#49 ⇧ (+12/-1) ⇩
<%skat_> I played a bunch of boys in pro face off mode today
<%skat_> I was playing on medium mostly so it would sound good so they always thought they would be cool and own the newbie ^^;
<%skat_> I 5-star free bird on expert today
<%skat_> in face off mode lol
<%skat_> the boy I was playing with actually said wtf like 'doubleyou tee eff' lol
#48 ⇧ (+91/-15) ⇩
< myren> dont you have like, work or something tomorrow xkcd?
<~xkcd> myren: the internet is my work
<%relsqui> wow, nice job.
<~xkcd> relsqui: if I type under 55 WPM, the internet goes down
<~xkcd> I'm alt-tabbing and posting on forums everywhere at a frantic pace
#47 ⇧ (+12/-1) ⇩
< blorpy> relsqui: GO TO SLEEP! MF-ER GO TO SLEEP!
< blorpy> xkcd: how's that?
< blorpy> i'm learning!
<~xkcd> blorpy: I still say you should ask for your money back
<~xkcd> that is the worst etiquette course i've ever seen
#46 ⇧ (+10/-1) ⇩
<blorpy> 'federal kickbacks trickle down, so why you homies frown?; you out there earning your wage, just be happy you ain't destitute, you lazy prostitute'
<khmer> 'You've got your freedom if you say you do / There's a mathematical chance you'll be rich as us too / MC Cuff Lnx only eats albino quail / I drink terrorist blood from the Holy Grail'
<blorpy> 'waiting for the 3rd quarter earnings, gonna buy myself all sorts of things, earrings, rings watches, oh yeah. i need a mega-yacht. but this, shiiiiiiiiz, it's going to also turn into a robot. you had transformers in the 80s, now you're nothing but reformers with no ladies'
<blorpy> my cut of the pie, it's 55 percent, for the rest of you fools, minimum wage just went up 33 cent
<khmer> 'Socialist pussies be trying to front shit / Don't shoot the messenger cause he be blunt shit / But hippy freak scrubs never changed a thing / Been 40 years now and all you punks just want bling'
<blorpy> now you talking about this insulting estate tax; why don't you haters just face the facts; you're kids' health is no concern to me; he's about to die? i certainly won't pay the doctors fee
<khmer> Straight talking muthafucka with a clearance / I rent the Pentagon to make a social appearance / But don't try to crash with your punk-ass crew / I heard you once got an email from the ACLU
<blorpy> i'm put in charge of the country/ with all my advisors spread amongst me. and all these proles so hungry/ they bite like they've got rabies
<khmer> Baby I got the keys to the fly honeys' box / I keep all my papers with me from Goldman Sachs / Yeah I got more cash money than the Ivory Coast / You think that ain't right then you're freedom toast'
<blorpy> here i am in my private plane; take the bus, punk, i don't feel your pain; diamonds is how my coat is lined, you freezing to death? i don't really mind
<khmer> You got some crazy religion? Don't make me hurtchaz / You ain't really righteous till you got ME-GA-CHURCHES
<blorpy> my grandfather worked hard so i could be successful; now you're complaining to me cause you grew up in a cesspool
<blorpy> you tired? move out of the slums; tonight your momma can make more money if she just used her gums
<khmer> I didn't wanna say it but you're still hanging around / Don't play me like that like I hate you cause you're brown / Yeah you trash muthafucka I hate you it's true / But it ain't cause you're brown, it's what the brown makes you do
#43 ⇧ (+53/-13) ⇩
* xkcd should probably stop answering fan mail drunk.
<%relsqui> oh you so shouldn't
<~xkcd> 'HI I LIKE YOU TOO BUT I THINK US BEING NKAED TOGETHER WOULD BE IMPRATICAL AND PROBABLY LEAD TO UNFORTUNATE SITUATIONS'
< Brian> xkcd: don't you mean you should stop answering fan mail sober?
<%relsqui> in fact I might have to send fan mail now 8) just to get in on this
< Brian> I'd actually PREFER my fan mail to be answered while you were drunk and preferably high on something
< Brian> How long could he maintain, I wondered. How long before he started raving and jabbering at me?
< Brian> (tonight, wherein #xkcd becomes Bat country)
#42 ⇧ (+26/-5) ⇩
< Hermiene> *sigh*
< Hermiene> I hate infinite loops, especially when I don't know where they are.
< exnor> Hermiene: easy, replace every while(x) loop with while (x and i < 100000)
< exnor> and never decrement i
< exnor> and replace every for loop with the corresponding while loop
<%relsqui> or just fix the condition that's making it infinite
< exnor> nah, that's a cheap hack that'd never work
#41 ⇧ (+26/-6) ⇩
< Lhyzzbian> Wow, qdb has a giant bug in it.
< Lhyzzbian> gaping stat altering horrible bug.
< Lhyzzbian> I should submit a 'DAVEAN IS WRONG' quote
< Lhyzzbian> and then write a script to vote it up.
<%relsqui> wouldn't work.
<%relsqui> admin has to approve before the quote is available for voting.
< Lhyzzbian> You're so going to approve it.
#40 ⇧ (+30/-6) ⇩
<MathBluster> Also, our top words are not very interesting.
<MathBluster> We must pick an interesting word and say it unto death.
<candace> like what?
<relsqui> that's a pretty interesting word.
<paxsboy> That's hard to beat.
<MathBluster> All in favor of octothorpe?
<paxsboy> I third it and move that we accept it.
<candace> octothorpe it is
<candace> octothorpe is a great word!
<Ephphatha> octothorpe ftw
<paxsboy> Nobody doesn't like octothorpe!
#39 ⇧ (+30/-7) ⇩
<root> I remember when we didn't have the web. Instead we had gopher.
<SickHippie> you had gopher?
<root> You didn't have any of those damned images. They took too long to load as it was.
<elgreco> instead of tubes, it was tunnels
<SickHippie> we would have DREAMED of having hopher
<SickHippie> all these damn new-fangled letters
<SickHippie> we had BBS
<SickHippie> LONG DISTANCE
<SickHippie> back when you had to pay per minute for long distance
<root> Yeah? Well we used to transmit via kermit at 300 baud
<SickHippie> we had two tin cans and a 200 mile long string
<root> before that it was 120 baud. On an acoustic modem
<SickHippie> used to tap the cans in binary
<root> and if you spoke too loud in the room, it dropped the connection.
<root> Shoot, we used to do it with smoke signals.
<SickHippie> you had fire?
<root> We tried semaphore, but we just didn't have the terrain.
* SickHippie hobbles off to take some multi-vitamins
<root> Before that, we used to stand in a line and shout messages at each other
<agilman> yeah, things are getting too complicated, ajax ,web2
<SickHippie> you had a line?
<root> and when you couldn't hear someone over the shout, you'd go run over to the next person over to ask them what they said
<root> and if'n you did that with too many people at a time, you'd stop paying attention and run into the person
<root> and that's why to this day, they call two packets on the same line a collision.
* SickHippie applauds root's incredible buildup for such a lame joke
#38 ⇧ (+325/-35) ⇩
<SickHippie> hey... how does this channel feel about the '/me is listening to:' things?
<relsqui> personally, I find them harmless in moderation
<relsqui> but they can quickly become very annoying
<SickHippie> probably best to avoid it then
<SickHippie> they work better in smaller channels
<SickHippie> otherwise you get radio wars
<Ephphatha> I've got my client set up to filter them out anyway
<Ephphatha> so spam away, I won't see it
<Ephphatha> or any message starting with 'is listening to:'
<vector40> is listening to: Ephphatha is a bum
<vector40> is listening to: let's roll him for his shoes
<Ephphatha> god damn mirc
* relsqui grins at vector
<vector40> is listening to: I can't respect anyone whose name is unpronounceable
<Ephphatha> I told it to filter 'is listening to:' and it didn't go through
<vector40> ... crap.
<Ephphatha> vector40: You're a bum
<vector40> just trying to help out!
<Ephphatha> ok, newly added
<Ephphatha> *is listening to* and *is DDR'ing to*
<vector40> is listening to: hope he can't hear me anymore
<vector40> is listening to: because we got some shit to plan
<Ephphatha> ...you lot have all been badmouthing me haven't you
<vector40> I am HURT.
<Ephphatha> I think I need to temporarly disable those filters...
<vector40> is listening to: he knows!
* SickHippie stifles a giggle
<vector40> is listening to: hide the devices!
#37 ⇧ (+246/-28) ⇩
<khmer> holy shit
<khmer> adventure party
<khmer> You are standing in a living room. To the north lies the kitchen. There is an intense aroma coming from there.
<khmer> To the west lies the front door. Coats and shoes are piled all around.
<khmer> To the east lies a patio.
<khmer> To the south lies a hallway; over the arch is a hand-lettered sign 'BATHROOM ON RIGHT.'\
<khmer> There is a smorgasbord here.
<vector40> > sex
<khmer> You don't have a sex.
<khmer> You stride confidently out to the patio and crash loudly through the closed sliding-glass door. Shards of glass litter the deck.
<khmer> You are standing on a patio with several dozen people, all of them looking at you.
<vector40> say 'Smashing!'
<khmer> 'Celebration' by Kool and the Gang is playing on recessed outdoor speakers.
<khmer> You say 'Smashing!'
<khmer> The barbecue remains locked.
<vector40> look people
<khmer> 'Look, people,' you say, 'What's up with airport bathrooms?'
* relsqui laughs.
* vector40 knees relsqui
<vector40> drop pants
<khmer> You don't have any pants to drop.
<khmer> You are at a cocktail party, more specifically a Scots wake for a fallen comrade. Dr. McCoy is holding forth loudly in the corner.
<khmer> Your knee is injured.
<khmer> You have:
<khmer> - a glass of chablis
<khmer> - less and less interest in the seared ahi
<vector40> find girl
<mewyn> throw chablis into the next person's face I see and storm out.
<khmer> Lieutenant Saavik is animatedly conversing with your son David. She appears to be quite involved in the conversation.
<vector40> give saavik chablis
<khmer> Several female crewmen are awkwardly piling caprese salads and replicated haggis on trays, pretending they are enjoying themselves.
<vector40> (I think I've actually been at this party)
<khmer> Saavik declines your offer of wine, saying it has 'an unfortunate effect on Romulan physiology'.
<algorhythm> Set phazer to stun. Up hold the Prime Directive.
<vector40> listen to conversation
<khmer> Christopher Lloyd appears halfway out of makeup. He hits you with a script revision and you die.
<vector40> what's my score
<khmer> You advanced to the rank of Deposed Admiral. You scored 0 out of a possible 15 Oscars.
<vector40> this has a future
<khmer> i'm kind of really disgusted with myself that i manage to turn every cocktail party joke into a star trek 3 reference
<vector40> I won't lie, it's a little concerning.
#36 ⇧ (+11/-1) ⇩
<atob> 'We used to call these works 'free software', but this confused too many people who weren't sure exactly what 'free' was supposed to mean. Most of us now prefer the term 'open-source' software.'
<blorpy> i can already tell that was ESR
<blorpy> just from the arrogant assumption that he speaks for everyone
<atob> Hackerdom's most revered demigods are people who have written large, capable programs that met a widespread need and given them away, so that now everyone uses them.
<atob> ESR gave away fetchmail and they gave it back. :(
#35 ⇧ (+33/-7) ⇩
<mewyn> I want Oregon Trail the 3d FPS edition.
<wisnij> that would own
<relsqui> ... that WOULD own
<wisnij> as long as you could shoot in more than 8 directions
<mewyn> Nope, only 8.
<root> You'd know something was wrong when the bear shouts 'Mein Leiben!'
<mewyn> root: And an imp shoots a fireball at you.
<Kevadu> It should be really dark and you have a lantern but can't use it at the same time as your rifle, and bears should spawn directly behind you evertime you go around a corner
<wisnij> also, everyone else on the trail is a zombie
#34 ⇧ (+15/-0) ⇩
-!- Wytukaze is now known as mysqldatabase
* relsqui queries mysqldatabase about the number of wallabies in the world.
<xkcd> relsqui: This is a notice that you are submitting queries to the mysqldatabase that may threaten national security.
<mewyn> SELECT count(wallabies) FROM world;
<xkcd> mewyn: Stop that!
<relsqui> xkcd: that gave me way more information than mysqldatabase was at all likely to
<xkcd> relsqui: Stop reading these messages!
* relsqui brainsplodes.
<mewyn> BEGIN; DELETE FROM world WHERE name = 'xkcd';
<mewyn> Don't make me complete this transaction! :)
#33 ⇧ (+53/-10) ⇩
< Brian> Why did no one tell me relsqui is naked?
<%relsqui> dude, it's IRC. always assume people are naked until you have evidence to the contrary.
< Brian> Dude, it's the internet, given the baseline attractiveness of most people on the internet, it's safer for my visual cortex to assume clothes.
<%relsqui> it's the internet! you can picture them however you want.
< Brian> then to me, all of you look just like Angelina Jolie. This is the best chatroom EVER!
#32 ⇧ (+122/-20) ⇩
<exnor> I've done a similar thing
<exnor> with cheesecake
<exnor> for whatever reason, it didn't harden
<exnor> so... freeze it!
<exnor> and bam, cheesecake icecream
<exnor> tasted real good too
<exnor> so now that's what I do with all my failed projects
<exnor> over cooked ham, FREEZER, spoiled fruit salad, FREEZER... house plants that just won't grow... FREEZER!
<exnor> they all come out tasting delicious
<exnor> actually, I'm just waiting for my girlfriend to arrive, I was thinking of dumping her because the relationship isn't working out...
<exnor> but maybe...
<exnor> oh, that's her now! =)kkkkkkkk
#31 ⇧ (+10/-0) ⇩
* agilman is struggling to get openoffice to print envalopes
<SickHippie> I thought I had it rough...
* SickHippie offers agilman his condolences
<agilman> thanks buddy
<SickHippie> if you need anything at all in these difficult times
<SickHippie> don't hesistate to ask root
<SickHippie> what kind of printer are you using?
<agilman> SickHippie: yeah, its a sad day... most of the time I just flirt with nurses
* SickHippie withdraws his condolences
#23 ⇧ (+12/-1) ⇩
-!- xkcd changed the topic of #xkcd to: Civility plz | http://isomerica.net/~stats/xkcd.html
<khmer> xkcd: can you please chisel that on the statue of liberty
<khmer> 'BRING ME YOUR TIRED, YOUR POOR'
<khmer> 'CIVILITY PLZ'
<squinky> spray paint will do
<root> 'YOUR TROLLS, LOL'
<khmer> I HOLD THE LAMP STACK BESIDE THE GOLDEN PARACHUTE
#20 ⇧ (+87/-16) ⇩
* mewyn walks over to the pecan pie that one of his coworkers brought in...
<mewyn> Let's find out if I like pecan pie. >.>
<relsqui> 8.54 times a constant pecan
<relsqui> pecan pi e
<mewyn> Note: a loud thud was just heard around the office as my head hit the desk.
#17 ⇧ (+38/-11) ⇩
<relsqui> hehehe. M.C. Hammer lived here at the peak of his career.
<root> I knew that about M.C. Hammer
<root> We should put signs up in places that say 'M.C. Hammer slept here'
<shoofle> the signs should read 'M.C. Hammer stopped here'
<relsqui> 'M.C. Hammer touched this.'
<root> hehe, you win, relsqui. 8)
<root> We should put a sign on the courthouse that says 'Too Legit to Quit'
#15 ⇧ (+184/-27) ⇩
<Ephphatha> I wear sandles :P
<Ephphatha> like jesus
<Ephphatha> if it was good enough for him, it's good enough for me
<Ephphatha> whats that got to do with anything?
<vector40> good enough for you?
<Ephphatha> was it good for jesus?
<khmer> <Jesus> It was okay, but the end left me hanging
<Ephphatha> good call
* vector40 chokes and dies
#14 ⇧ (+115/-17) ⇩
<SickHippie> there's an ad in the Eugene Weekly
<SickHippie> loving, healing, gentle
<SickHippie> colon hydrotherapy
<SickHippie> wtf is wrong with people?
<vector40> dry colons, I guess.
#1 ⇧ (+180/-24) ⇩
<Cctoide> 97% of webcomic forums are full of assholes.
<relsqui> s/webcomic //
<mewyn> s/forums are/the internet is/
<relsqui> s/97% of //
<relsqui> for that matter, s/internet/world/ but then we're just getting cynical