#37 ⇧ (+246/-28) ⇩
<khmer> holy shit
<khmer> adventure party
<khmer> You are standing in a living room. To the north lies the kitchen. There is an intense aroma coming from there.
<khmer> To the west lies the front door. Coats and shoes are piled all around.
<khmer> To the east lies a patio.
<khmer> To the south lies a hallway; over the arch is a hand-lettered sign 'BATHROOM ON RIGHT.'\
<khmer> There is a smorgasbord here.
<vector40> > sex
<khmer> You don't have a sex.
<khmer> You stride confidently out to the patio and crash loudly through the closed sliding-glass door. Shards of glass litter the deck.
<khmer> You are standing on a patio with several dozen people, all of them looking at you.
<vector40> say 'Smashing!'
<khmer> 'Celebration' by Kool and the Gang is playing on recessed outdoor speakers.
<khmer> You say 'Smashing!'
<khmer> The barbecue remains locked.
<vector40> look people
<khmer> 'Look, people,' you say, 'What's up with airport bathrooms?'
* relsqui laughs.
* vector40 knees relsqui
<vector40> drop pants
<khmer> You don't have any pants to drop.
<khmer> You are at a cocktail party, more specifically a Scots wake for a fallen comrade. Dr. McCoy is holding forth loudly in the corner.
<khmer> Your knee is injured.
<khmer> You have:
<khmer> - a glass of chablis
<khmer> - less and less interest in the seared ahi
<vector40> find girl
<mewyn> throw chablis into the next person's face I see and storm out.
<khmer> Lieutenant Saavik is animatedly conversing with your son David. She appears to be quite involved in the conversation.
<vector40> give saavik chablis
<khmer> Several female crewmen are awkwardly piling caprese salads and replicated haggis on trays, pretending they are enjoying themselves.
<vector40> (I think I've actually been at this party)
<khmer> Saavik declines your offer of wine, saying it has 'an unfortunate effect on Romulan physiology'.
<algorhythm> Set phazer to stun. Up hold the Prime Directive.
<vector40> listen to conversation
<khmer> Christopher Lloyd appears halfway out of makeup. He hits you with a script revision and you die.
<vector40> what's my score
<khmer> You advanced to the rank of Deposed Admiral. You scored 0 out of a possible 15 Oscars.
<vector40> this has a future
<khmer> i'm kind of really disgusted with myself that i manage to turn every cocktail party joke into a star trek 3 reference
<vector40> I won't lie, it's a little concerning.
#36 ⇧ (+11/-1) ⇩
<atob> 'We used to call these works 'free software', but this confused too many people who weren't sure exactly what 'free' was supposed to mean. Most of us now prefer the term 'open-source' software.'
<blorpy> i can already tell that was ESR
<blorpy> just from the arrogant assumption that he speaks for everyone
<atob> Hackerdom's most revered demigods are people who have written large, capable programs that met a widespread need and given them away, so that now everyone uses them.
<atob> ESR gave away fetchmail and they gave it back. :(
#35 ⇧ (+33/-7) ⇩
<mewyn> I want Oregon Trail the 3d FPS edition.
<wisnij> that would own
<relsqui> ... that WOULD own
<wisnij> as long as you could shoot in more than 8 directions
<mewyn> Nope, only 8.
<root> You'd know something was wrong when the bear shouts 'Mein Leiben!'
<mewyn> root: And an imp shoots a fireball at you.
<Kevadu> It should be really dark and you have a lantern but can't use it at the same time as your rifle, and bears should spawn directly behind you evertime you go around a corner
<wisnij> also, everyone else on the trail is a zombie
#34 ⇧ (+15/-0) ⇩
-!- Wytukaze is now known as mysqldatabase
* relsqui queries mysqldatabase about the number of wallabies in the world.
<xkcd> relsqui: This is a notice that you are submitting queries to the mysqldatabase that may threaten national security.
<mewyn> SELECT count(wallabies) FROM world;
<xkcd> mewyn: Stop that!
<relsqui> xkcd: that gave me way more information than mysqldatabase was at all likely to
<xkcd> relsqui: Stop reading these messages!
* relsqui brainsplodes.
<mewyn> BEGIN; DELETE FROM world WHERE name = 'xkcd';
<mewyn> Don't make me complete this transaction! :)
#33 ⇧ (+53/-10) ⇩
< Brian> Why did no one tell me relsqui is naked?
<%relsqui> dude, it's IRC. always assume people are naked until you have evidence to the contrary.
< Brian> Dude, it's the internet, given the baseline attractiveness of most people on the internet, it's safer for my visual cortex to assume clothes.
<%relsqui> it's the internet! you can picture them however you want.
< Brian> then to me, all of you look just like Angelina Jolie. This is the best chatroom EVER!
#32 ⇧ (+122/-20) ⇩
<exnor> I've done a similar thing
<exnor> with cheesecake
<exnor> for whatever reason, it didn't harden
<exnor> so... freeze it!
<exnor> and bam, cheesecake icecream
<exnor> tasted real good too
<exnor> so now that's what I do with all my failed projects
<exnor> over cooked ham, FREEZER, spoiled fruit salad, FREEZER... house plants that just won't grow... FREEZER!
<exnor> they all come out tasting delicious
<exnor> actually, I'm just waiting for my girlfriend to arrive, I was thinking of dumping her because the relationship isn't working out...
<exnor> but maybe...
<exnor> oh, that's her now! =)kkkkkkkk
#31 ⇧ (+10/-0) ⇩
* agilman is struggling to get openoffice to print envalopes
<SickHippie> I thought I had it rough...
* SickHippie offers agilman his condolences
<agilman> thanks buddy
<SickHippie> if you need anything at all in these difficult times
<SickHippie> don't hesistate to ask root
<SickHippie> what kind of printer are you using?
<agilman> SickHippie: yeah, its a sad day... most of the time I just flirt with nurses
* SickHippie withdraws his condolences
#23 ⇧ (+12/-1) ⇩
-!- xkcd changed the topic of #xkcd to: Civility plz | http://isomerica.net/~stats/xkcd.html
<khmer> xkcd: can you please chisel that on the statue of liberty
<khmer> 'BRING ME YOUR TIRED, YOUR POOR'
<khmer> 'CIVILITY PLZ'
<squinky> spray paint will do
<root> 'YOUR TROLLS, LOL'
<khmer> I HOLD THE LAMP STACK BESIDE THE GOLDEN PARACHUTE
#20 ⇧ (+87/-16) ⇩
* mewyn walks over to the pecan pie that one of his coworkers brought in...
<mewyn> Let's find out if I like pecan pie. >.>
<relsqui> 8.54 times a constant pecan
<relsqui> pecan pi e
<mewyn> Note: a loud thud was just heard around the office as my head hit the desk.
#17 ⇧ (+38/-11) ⇩
<relsqui> hehehe. M.C. Hammer lived here at the peak of his career.
<root> I knew that about M.C. Hammer
<root> We should put signs up in places that say 'M.C. Hammer slept here'
<shoofle> the signs should read 'M.C. Hammer stopped here'
<relsqui> 'M.C. Hammer touched this.'
<root> hehe, you win, relsqui. 8)
<root> We should put a sign on the courthouse that says 'Too Legit to Quit'
#15 ⇧ (+184/-27) ⇩
<Ephphatha> I wear sandles :P
<Ephphatha> like jesus
<Ephphatha> if it was good enough for him, it's good enough for me
<Ephphatha> whats that got to do with anything?
<vector40> good enough for you?
<Ephphatha> was it good for jesus?
<khmer> <Jesus> It was okay, but the end left me hanging
<Ephphatha> good call
* vector40 chokes and dies
#14 ⇧ (+115/-17) ⇩
<SickHippie> there's an ad in the Eugene Weekly
<SickHippie> loving, healing, gentle
<SickHippie> colon hydrotherapy
<SickHippie> wtf is wrong with people?
<vector40> dry colons, I guess.
#1 ⇧ (+180/-24) ⇩
<Cctoide> 97% of webcomic forums are full of assholes.
<relsqui> s/webcomic //
<mewyn> s/forums are/the internet is/
<relsqui> s/97% of //
<relsqui> for that matter, s/internet/world/ but then we're just getting cynical