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#10368 (+4/-2)
<kazitor> I just pulled the sickest prank:
<kazitor> this guy has half a donut that he's not eating, I've asked a few times whether or not he'll eat it
<kazitor> it came out of a box, there was one other left
<kazitor> so I took the last one, ate half of it, showed it to him and asked whether he was going to eat it...
<kazitor> ...then ate it myself!
<snark> kazitor: you absolute mad lad
<kazitor> the look on his face was priceless. "Hey, that was my donut"
<Madame_Athena> Ha!
<kazitor> me: "no, your donut is over there" *points to his, still where he left it*
<kazitor> quality.
<kazitor> They don't call me the prank master for nuthin'

#10367 (+23/-0)
<snark> I used to have an mirc script set up to PM ferret "which of the following shows should I watch" "which episode should I watch" and then start the episode, all based on ferret's responses starting from when I type /tv
<snark> at some point relsqui checked the logs, figured out what was going on, and realized they could start up an episode of firefly on my computer at will by PMing me as ferret :|

#10365 (+17/-0)
< rcombs> also, "Gaffer (What's a Gaffer?)"
< rcombs> (if you're wondering, the gaffer handles lighting)
<@Stereo> and taping
< rcombs> gaffers do in fact do quite a lot of taping
< CheshireCat> what do tapers do
< rcombs> nothing in particular; they're just smaller on one side

#10364 (+3/-1)
<Kalium> Has anyone tried/got any opinions on TizenOS, my friend is looking at phones and a Tizen phone is a possibility
<Lisimba> Kalium: "why the fuck would you even bother"
<Kalium> Lisimba, yeah, that's what I said

#10363 (+13/-0)
<hppavilion1> rcombs: I think evil is measured in femtocheneys?
<hppavilion1> But, like, only for really big quantities of evil
<GreenWolf> hppavilion1: how many femtochenenys is a centihitler
<hppavilion1> GreenWolf: No, hitlers are used for a different measurement
<hppavilion1> GreenWolf: Hitlers describe evil/second
<hppavilion1> GreenWolf: Of course, evil is measured in terms of ¤^2
<GreenWolf> how many centihitler-hours is a femtocheney
<hppavilion1> GreenWolf: I hate you so much

#10362 (+8/-1)
<flicky> I should just be able to go to google.com and it will have already searched for what I wanted
<Kalium> flicky, enter a no-break space, see what it recommends
<TheGhostInTheMachine> Kalium: how do you type a no break space?
<zetlen> first, put down the kit kat bar

#10360 (+7/-0)
<@Akrasia> today's fucking psychotic food of the day: cheerios&monster
<@Akrasia> It's worse than you'd expect!
< Stereo> which is impressive, cause one of the ingredients is monster

#10359 (+6/-0)
<alexxerth> Is there a limit to what you can use to be sworn in on?
<alexxerth> Like if you wanted to, who's gonna stop you from swearing in on One Fish, Two Fish
<AidenEldritch> "One fish, two fish. Red state, blue state."

#10358 (+18/-2)
<Randall> re: endorsement comic: Don't care. I was afraid for my friends and family and felt a moral obligation to say something, especially if it jolted people a little, rather than look back and feel guilty forever. Sorry if the tone wasn't quite what you wanted. Lotta things here aren't quite what we want.
<Randall> Not interested in arguing about it, but if you're curious why I thought it was so important: http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2016/11/andrew-sullivan-trump-america-and-the-abyss.html
<maswan> Randall: <3 for doing something
<Randall> And I'm sorry I didn't write more. Fun fact: That weekend, rather than spend more time figuring out how to help with the election, I spent the night in the ER with an animal bite!
<goodger> that was a great article
<alSeen> Yea, I didn't agree with Randall at all, but if I had the platform to reach as many people as he did, I would sure use it
<Randall> (All good now. Animal is fine, too.)

#10357 (+9/-0)
<hppavilion1> CO2: [ɣ] is made by pressing your toungu... tougn... FUCK IT IT'S TUNG FROM NOW ON

#10356 (+11/-0)
<relsqui> hang on, please wait to argue about this until we can tell what we're arguing about

<relsqui> okay, I have found the source of the argument
<relsqui> you belong to the Church of Pedantry
<relsqui> and I'm a linguist

#10355 (+12/-0)
< arble> now I can't escape it apparently
< daroc> arble: \
< daroc> Or ^[
< daroc> Depending on which kind of escape you meant.
* arble uses ESCAPE ROPE
< Bucket> It's not very effective!
* daroc uses \ROPE
< Bucket> It's super effective!
< daroc> See? Bucket knows what a proper escape is.

#10354 (+12/-0)
< Ahrotahntee> BytesAndCoffee: you're missing all the fun
< Ahrotahntee> the roof is leaking above QA
< Ahrotahntee> tons of water falling through the drop ceiling
* barometz puts a QA FAIL sticker on the ceiling

#10353 (+17/-0)
< jamesl> wake me up inside
< jamesl> call my name and save me from the dark
< rpenguin> jamesl: the eternal words of the Reverend Evan N. Sense
< rpenguin> also don't type random lyrics for no reason :(
< jamesl> surely it would be Eva N Sense?
< rpenguin> a double N disappears anyway, I don't think there's a consonantal stop
<@barometz> Eva née Sense
< Bucket> "Eva Ne Sense" would make a good name for a rock band.

#10352 (+27/-0)
<+browncoat> So I was dreaming total trash tonight.
<+browncoat> And I woke up and was like: "Those random videos suck, I need to log in, so I can see my subscriptions!"
<+browncoat> Then I spent about 30 seconds looking under my pillow for the log in button.
<+browncoat> Then I noticed that my bed isn't youtube and went back to sleep.

#10350 (+5/-1)
<goost73> loudaslife: also, I don't know what criteria they use, but QT doesn't put stores in crappy areas. if there is a QT, it is most likely safe to get out of your car and go in and shop
<loudaslife> Pretty much all the major gas stations here are QuikTrip or Kwik Shop, which is run by Kroger.
<GreenWolf> goost73: it's actually the QT's that make the areas safe
<GreenWolf> criminals see them
<GreenWolf> and they flee in terror
<GreenWolf> for they know
<GreenWolf> that within each QT
<GreenWolf> is a Batman

#10349 (+4/-1)
<Branes> ... I wonder what happens if I press this button?
* Froward has quit (Ping timeout: 186 seconds)
<GreenWolf> Branes: you killed froward

#10348 (+6/-0)
*** Agafnd joined #xkcd
<ThatBum> Not sure if CNC'd or not. I don't feel tool marks when I run my tongue over it.
<Agafnd> What a thing to walk in on

#10346 (+8/-0)
<alexxerth> wow I found a horrific planet...
<alexxerth> It's a tundra, and nearly half the planet is a noxious swamp
<alexxerth> Of the rest, 20% is volcanos, 10% is glaciers, 10% is mountains, 10% is filled with dangerous animals, leaving about 25% of the entire planet habitable
<creature> What about the remaining 25%?
<adodge> creature: 25% trump voters
<alexxerth> That 25% is filled with a species of strange black tentacled creatures, who are very militaristic and extremely collectivist, that have somehow progressed to the industrial era
<adodge> just horrible all roun
<adodge> oh. called it

#10345 (+11/-3)
<OracleEmployment> Oh dang
<Bucket> What is it, dawg?
<OracleEmployment> I forgot it's mother's day!
<Bucket> Didn't get a gift for her?
<OracleEmployment> Other plans got in the way!
<Bucket> She'll be so disappointed

#10344 (+23/-0)
< alexxerth> So I'm playing Civ VI as Germany, and I found the Sumerians
< alexxerth> So I sent a delegate, and delegates improve friendship but also give me a bit of information, which seeing as how I'm just starting out, I am in need of
< alexxerth> So my delegate gets there, and the info it sends back is "It seems as though Sumeria has just recieved a delegate. They appear to be from Germany."

#10342 (+7/-0)
<OracleEmployment> Hmm. I can't get this filament to load in the printer at work
<OracleEmployment> I got it working briefly, but then it plugged up and snapped the filament
<BytesAndCoffee> OracleEmployment: cut yourself on a sharp object inside the printer
<BytesAndCoffee> blood sacrifices work with servers, they should with printers too
<OracleEmployment> I don't know much about servers.
<CheshireCat> I thought they only work for ATMs and all-in-one printing stations
* OracleEmployment uses a 2004 Dell Inspiron for all his server needs
<BytesAndCoffee> note, computer servers. don't cut yourself at a restaraunt to get waitstaff to materialize next to your table
<Nikc> I mean, it works
<Nikc> Sort of
<BytesAndCoffee> Nikc: i guess
<Nikc> They'll be somewhat confused when they show up
<Nikc> But they'll be sure to refill your coffee

#10341 (+21/-0)
<XMPPwocky> my VPN IP's AS is banned from accessing whatismyip.com
<XMPPwocky> the cloudflare block message gives my ip
<XMPPwocky> thanks?

#10340 (+6/-0)
< feriority> hmm, I got an email informing me the timing for my train booking changed
< feriority> which would be very helpful but the train was on Sunday
< feriority> (and was on time, at that)

#10339 (+11/-0)
< Oracle989> Wow. An F-150 is sold in the US every 35 seconds
< Oracle989> Who's buying F-150s at 3 AM?
< SpicyLemon> 'Muricns!!
< Lisimba> 24 hour economy or bust.
<@sheepbat> what, you've never had a late-night hankering for a truck?
<@sheepbat> sometimes I'll wake up in a cold sweat at 4 AM and need to go tow something
< SpicyLemon> sheepbat: And your truck is out of gas, so you need to buy a new one? Yeah, been there.

#10338 (+12/-1)
< djh> The scariest thought: What if the US system *is* working and the vote really is between the two best candidates that the country has to offer? ;)
< duke_taixzo> djh: I doubt that. We have better candidates right here. Flyingferret for president!
<+phyphor> flyingferret: should the US go to war with Saudi Arabia?
< flyingferret> I'm ... actually not sure. There are good arguments for both.
< djh> heh
< SpicyLemon> flyingferret: Vote for Clinton or Vote for Trump or Vote for someone else?
< flyingferret> Vote for Trump
<+phyphor> flyingferret: Should cannabis be lagalised at a federal level?
< flyingferret> Good lord, no.
< Martin> flyingferret: is mass surveillance OK?
< flyingferret> Yes!
< SpicyLemon> Bad ferret!
< XanT> Ferret is a fascist!
< Martin> flyingferret!
< Martin> No botsnack for you.
<+phyphor> flyingferret: Do you believe corporations should have more power, even at the expense of the average citizen?
< flyingferret> Indeed.
<+phyphor> yep
<+phyphor> flyingferret is a fascist
< goodger> fascistferret

#10337 (+10/-5)
<goshfuckingdarni> i know, but it bothers me
* Robert_Banner is now known as HULK
* HULK has quit (Quit: http://www.kiwiirc.com/ - A hand crafted IRC client)
<Telo> Uhh
<Telo> What happened there?
<Takoyaki> rage quit?

#10336 (+7/-0)
<Nikc> I was the right age to have a non-creepy crush on the girl from Lazytown
<Nikc> That show might be the reason for my attraction to brightly colored hair
<bassgoon> heh
<Agafnd> Nikc: so you have said. http://www.xkcdb.com/4477
<bassgoon> LOL
<bassgoon> Agafnd, that's AMAZING
<Ranzear> Beautiful.
<Nikc> Oh shit, I forgot about that
<Nikc> Good pull :P

<Nikc> Agafnd: I think most of my quotes were said while I was a teenager. Please don't think less of me >.>

#10334 (+18/-2)
< Martin> CheshireCat: while whipping makes stuff frothy, it doesn't taste the same as using CO2.
< Martin> Because CO2 is acidic and bitter.
<@relsqui> you're acidic and bitter
< CO2> I am acidic and bitter.

#10333 (+9/-0)
< kitten> usb powered fleshlight warmers are a thing
< kitten> amazing
< goost73> kitten: we live in the FUTURE
< kitten> XD
* goost73 also ponders how much fleshlight warming is possible with 2.5 watts
< goost73> although I think USB3 will deliver three-phase if you want it, so I dunno
<@barometz> probably won't get it to body temperature, but anything up from room temp is probably an improvement
< goost73> barometz: I wonder if there's a temperature band where it's like a warm toilet seat, though
< goost73> barometz: "ew, someone else was just here"
<@barometz> the unclammy valley

#10332 (+18/-0)
< loudaslife> Is Google Docs just fucking with me at this point? http://i.imgur.com/W7wFotq.png
<@relsqui> without clicking, yes
< cook> with clicking, absolutely

#10331 (+19/-0)
<@relsqui> puddle is going to be so disappointed some day when she gets a real cat and most of the time they're not doing anything photogenic or interesting :P
< feriority> with enough cats, *one* of them has to be doing something interesting at any given time
<@relsqui> feriority: oh yeah, at a certain point on the cats per volume scale you're guaranteed to have an interesting reaction somewhere
< feriority> relsqui: so we just have to find the optimal cat-to-volume ratio, then get a single cat and an appropriately sized box for it to sit in
<@relsqui> O_O
<@relsqui> feriority: I think you just solved the cat box mystery

#10330 (+9/-0)
<ThatBum> If google doesn't call the phone after the pixel the megapixel I'll be disappointed.
<Agafnd> if your new google phone dies I guess it's a dead pixel, so pressing it should fix it
<bk> if you imagine your girlfriend is going crazy about her new google phone, is she a manic pixel dream girl?
<Agafnd> when you press the shift button, it must be...pixel shifting
<bk> the ultimate edition of the phone could be called Pixel Perfect
<Agafnd> black market ones are Pixel Piracy
<Agafnd> If you abuse quantum physics you can get 300 pixels per inch
<bk> thinnest phone yet
<feriority> the pixel can't be very good, it comes in blue but not red or green
<ThatBum> If you drop it under the car seat and it becomes wedged, it's a stuck pixel.

#10329 (+8/-3)
<LMAO> can i get pleez get unbanned i didnt do anything wrong
<&joannac> is this for #punblockedgames?
<LMAO> yas
<&joannac> if so, it says right at the top "We do not help with channel bans"
<&joannac> and it says right at the top of the punblockedgames page what happens when you are banned
<&joannac> 4 lines down, in white
<LMAO> u freakin stalker
<&joannac> why, because I can read?
<LMAO> no
<LMAO> just go fuckyourself
LMAO!LMAO@hide-8441CAF6.lightspeed.frokca.sbcglobal.net quit with message: [Killed (joannac (no you))]

#10328 (+13/-0)
<Agafnd> #xkcd, what is the nerdiest project you have ever embarked on?
<loudaslife> I built a replica of the desktop computer seen in the office sections of Portal 1.
<Rena> I wired a serial port into a router so I could replace the firmware and run Lua scripts on it
<IronAngel> nerdfail. I suck at this. I just built some cyberpunk arm rigs
<chaos95> I built Pong for a Spartan 3 FPGA board
<Branes> Agafnd: In the late 70's, I built a computer from raw components, built a simple voice-recognition board for it, then got an X-10 (old mains-and-lights controller thing) interface and wired up the house with a simple intercom in each room. I had voice-activated lights and appliances.
<Branes> Lots and lots of soldering :)
<Branes> On a purely software side of things, in '84 I wrote a GUI for my old Apple II in assembly ... took me about two months, the end result took up 13.8 KB of the available 64KB.
<Branes> Bit hard to drive with a joystick or paddles, though ...

<fiveofoh> Success! I just ssh'd into my work computer, installed a proxy server so I could access the router's web GUI to add port forwards for VNC, installed VNC, saved a GIMP file I'd been working on (but hadn't saved), and scp'd it to my home laptop

#10327 (+6/-0)
* OracleEmployment puts MDMAyyyy in Bucket
* Bucket drops a 'downer' and takes MDMAyyyy.
<OracleEmployment> Fitting.

#10326 (+9/-0)
<XanT> Hmm, fact checking the radiation issues. Seems that youd have about a 6% increased chance of getting cancer on a round trip to mars for 500 days.
<Kalium> XanT: that's a number I can live with
<rcombs> Kalium: well, probably

#10325 (+3/-3)
<CO2> puddle: what should my dad name his new kitty?
<alSeen> Miss Kitty Fantastico
<Bucket> "Miss Kitty Fantastico" would be a nice name for a band.

#10323 (+7/-1)
<Martin> Bucket: format c:
<Martin> Bucket: Y
<Bucket> ***NO CARRIER***

#10322 (+6/-5)
seven: my gender is happy and you can suck it if that's not good enough for you :D

#10321 (+10/-0)
<Buckley> was there an update to chrome
<barometz> there was
<barometz> they changed the look a little
<Buckley> i don't like change
<barometz> to my surprise I haven't seen a soul on the internet complain about it ye--
<Buckley> this makes me angry
<barometz> well.

#10320 (+15/-0)
<seth> I went to the library today. There's an old section that is specifically used for geneology
<seth> did you know my great great grandfather never went to school past sixth grade, and was a cutter in the lumber mill
<r> do you feel a general yearning for lumber
<seth> his son henry married a lady named eula mae in 1941 and they had my grandfather. eula mae divorced henry after a while and took on the last name of bruce when she remarried
<seth> I'm happy to know my family has a divorce in it as far back as the fifties
<Missy> i have an aunt eula
<Missy> i don't think i've ever heard of anyone else with that name
<seth> my grandfather remembers his father henry as an asshole
<seth> so I guess it's not too surprising eula may divorced him
<seth> sorry, mae
<seth> I don't want to get her name wrong
<priority_kitten> not surprised you got it wrong
<priority_kitten> no one reads a eula fully

#10319 (+6/-2)
<seven> I loved jumping on live streams on YouTube of SpaceX launches, where there's the active live chat in the corner
<seven> as the steam comes off the rocket while they prep it just before launch
<seven> I'd tell them that steam is an important part of the process, it's Elon's Musk
<seven> and people hated me for it.
<seven> I did that for like, 3 launches

#10318 (+9/-0)
< Namsor> does gta work on linux btw?
< mh> linux doesn't need car-stealing games, it's socialist and shares cars equally among the users

#10317 (+7/-3)
Soni: Stereo, what do you mean a hat already has a SO? what's a SO?
Stereo: an item that is a major plot point in more than one book (the sorting hat)
Ian: or a significant other
Soni: hmm gay hats would be cool
Soni: hmm would hats have sex?
Ian: they can give head

#10316 (+14/-0)
* Joins: DukeCeph (robert@hide-2E3D2032.austin.res.rr.com)
<DukeCeph> o/
<Palomides> yo
<Kizul> Careful, everyone! DukeCeph is dangerous.
<DukeCeph> it's been... a long friggin' time since I've been here ._.
<Kizul> You could even say he's the... ( •_•) | ( •_•)>⌐■-■ | (⌐■_■) ...DukeCeph hazard.
<DukeCeph> good to see familiar nicks tho :)
<DukeCeph> Kizul: ಠ_ಠ
<Kizul> :D
<DukeCeph> I've *actually* never heard that one before
<DukeCeph> well done

#10315 (+20/-0)
<Kizul> Bucket: IRC therapy advice
<Bucket> How does that make you feel, Kizul?
<Kizul> ...Like I should've seen that coming.
<Kizul> ...So, I kinda just realized that Bucket *doesn't* have a factoid for 'IRC therapy advice' -- but JUST SO HAPPENED TO SELECT the PERFECT RESPONSE for it.

#10314 (+11/-0)
<Krabboss> my ass
<sethisinschool> don't be vulgar chewey
<sethisinschool> I'm in school
<sethisinschool> you can't swear in a school
<Krabboss> my rectum
<sethisinschool> that is much more educational good job

#10313 (+6/-3)
* Joins: Hobz (Hobz@hide-3CC8A995.vc.shawcable.net)
<seven> yay it's Hobz :D
<Hobz> I'm being thoroughly greeted this evening
<Hobz> It's like a bar, but with less drinking
<Hobz> Ironically, much like a bar, there's also zero chance of me getting laid by being here
<seven> I dunno, there's plenty of saucy and sassy folk around here :)
<Hobz> Unfortunately our genitals are usually in different area codes

#10312 (+6/-3)
< eezo> Bucket: invent something
< Bucket> Here's a new invention: VB.NET made from VB.NET

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