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#10389 (+8/-0)
<flicky> I always come here hoping to have some conversation, or at least drop a few puns in, but all I end up doing is clicking puddle's links
<Agafnd> Warning: puddle is deeper than it looks
<Oracle989> puddle is just a pool of condensed cat
<loudaslife> sweetened condensed cat.
<alexxerth> evaporated kitten
<Agafnd> eau de chaton

#10388 (+16/-0)
< hppavilion1> [a] Rena: Yeah, there's a big shoplifting community on Tumblr too (mostly bratty entitled teenage white girls). There's a lot of strife between them and the weightlifting community over the #lifting tag.
<@Stereo> why, do the weightlifters say they stole it?

#10387 (+7/-0)
* bk hnnnnngs all over new mbp
<@mewyn> :o
<@mewyn> Now you're going to have sticky keys
<@relsqui> you can turn that off in accessibility settings

#10386 (+6/-0)
<Jax184> vintage computers feel so much better than emulators
<Jax184> you just don't get the clunking of the drives or the old fashioned curve of the keys under your fingers any other way
<@mewyn> I have no room and I don't want CRTs around.
<Jax184> then we don't want you around!
* Jax184 turns his back on the tubist
* XMPPwocky bursts in playing a tuba
<XMPPwocky> oh sorry misread

#10385 (+8/-0)
<alexxerth> I went to the DMV yesterday, I gotta say everything I heard about it is wrong, I was in and out in like thirty seconds
<alexxerth> I went in, said "I don't have my birth certificate, is that fine?" They said "Nope!" and I left, super easy!

#10384 (+5/-0)
<alexxerth> I'm stuck in an infinite loop of bureaucracy!
<Lisimba> alexxerth: that's a sign it's working so don't worry.

#10383 (+4/-0)
@creature> I wanted an early night. :(
<Agafnd> creature: I'm imagining you, standing in a pool of blood
<Agafnd> yelling to a hooded figure
<Agafnd> the cloaked figure laughs
<@creature> That's basically the scenario. Only it's Christmas I'm standing in.
<Agafnd> "we all know what you were REALLY after, creature"

#10382 (+7/-0)
< Oracle989> Early Antarctic exploration was so badass
< Oracle989> It's a shame there's no real nationalistic pride to be had in seafloor exploration
< XMPPwocky> giant squid eating flags?
< XMPPwocky> sorry the giant squid are doing the eating in that sentence

#10380 (+10/-0)
< alexxerthmobile> hmm, are there any laws against stealing shit from satellites
< Xenos> alexxerthmobile: Gravity. The law of gravity.

#10379 (+4/-0)
<ThatBum> I sat down and something beeped.
* ThatBum looks suspiciously at his ass
<hppavilion1> ThatBum: Given your nick...
<ThatBum> Oh, I kicked a multimeter, never mind. Sorry ass.

#10377 (+10/-0)
<ThatBum> Early TVs were the shittiest, most cantankerous contraptions, second only to modern printers.

#10376 (+11/-0)
<alexxerth> You ever tilt your chair back, and for a moment your chair hovers, stuck in the air, time slows down and you realize you're falling, but despite has slow everything seems to be moving there is nothing you can do
<alexxerth> Only witness your own slow, painful demise.
<seven> alexxerth: time actually does slow down for you in those moments. Your brain rewires your optic processing to a different area, and throws a shit tonne of processing power at it. Meaning you perceive more "stuff" per moment in that time, which is experienced as time slowing.
<alexxerth> I know, I'm still falling
<alexxerth> It's taking forever, send help
<Agafnd> alexxerth: OK!
* Offering 'help' to alexxerth
* DCC SEND connection established to alexxerth
* DCC SEND 'help' to alexxerth complete [27 cps]
<alexxerth> thanks
<Agafnd> you're welcome

#10375 (+7/-0)
<arble> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NanoPutian
<Agafnd> arble: I though "those look like people" before even reading the article. I guess they did a good job
<seven> that's horrible to parse :P
<Agafnd> reading those diagrams is like listening to some bizzare chant
<seven> that reads like it's deliberately designed to annoy the reader.
<Agafnd> s/zar/arr/
<seven> Agafnd: well clearly now it's become a case of summoning one of the old gods or their accolytes from ancient slumber in the dark dimensions that parallel our own.
<Agafnd> NanoPutians == Paganism???
<seven> Agafnd: what is this for even!?
<seven> I read aloud the last 2 things you wrote, and it started to get dark here at 16:00 and the ground is rumbling a little!??
<Agafnd> seven: ostensibly, it's chemical education for young students!
<Agafnd> seven: but I guess it's the https://www.xkcd.com/1611/ kind of education?
<seven> Agafnd: hah

#10374 (+7/-2)
<Agafnd> where is nickserv???
<XMPPwocky> hi its me nicholas serv please pm me your passwords
<Siorai> At the hotsprings. Probably with Bucket.

-NickServ- This nickname is registered. Please choose a different nickname, or identify via /msg NickServ identify <password>.
<Agafnd> hey, NickServ is back!
* DaMullet is now known as Guest93360
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<you> christ
* Guest10157 is now known as woddf2
<IronAngel> huh
* Guest47507 is now known as Laogeodritt|
<Kizul> D:
* Glench has quit (Quit: leaving)
<Agafnd> ...yeah, I'm lucky I got to to msging in time
* woddf2 is now known as Guest9950
<loudaslife> lmao

#10373 (+4/-0)
<alexxerth> I'm taking all online classes this semester, and for some reason they are a lot easier than in person classes
<Lisimba> It's because of the chairs.
<alexxerth> oh
<Lisimba> See, in person classes are invariably on shit chairs in lecture rooms. The cheapest chairs they could get away with.
<Lisimba> You can do online classes wherever you want though, so naturally you'd pick a place where you'd sit comfortably.
<Lisimba> And as you can see in any full body anatomical diagram, the ass is the opposite of the head.
<Lisimba> If the ass is not comfortable, the head can not do proper work.
<Lisimba> They're connected via the spine after all.
<alexxerth> Makes sense to me.
<Lisimba> You only have a limited capacity for dealing with uncomfort and pressure and if the ass takes it all up the head will not get a turn.
<Ferris> and if your head is uncomfortable...

#10372 (+1/-2)
<kitten> you cant just cut the b out of bdsm
<kitten> thats one of the main parts!

#10371 (+3/-0)
<Agafnd> haha I was PMing bucket with conspiracy repeatedly
<Agafnd> and he pulled out "Richard M. Stallman is using PIS to enslave us all!"
<Agafnd> turns out that was "$Celebrity is using $nouns to enslave us all!"

#10370 (+11/-0)
<Golgo> I'm starting a band called 1024 Megabytes.
<Golgo> We're only gonna play one gig.

#10369 (+5/-1)
* Kalium nods in thyme
* Nikc nods to the beet
* tonic-wo-gin nods like an oregano
* hppavilion1 nods like an orgasm
* Lazar walks like an egyptian
* Xenos verbs like a noun

#10368 (+4/-2)
<kazitor> I just pulled the sickest prank:
<kazitor> this guy has half a donut that he's not eating, I've asked a few times whether or not he'll eat it
<kazitor> it came out of a box, there was one other left
<kazitor> so I took the last one, ate half of it, showed it to him and asked whether he was going to eat it...
<kazitor> ...then ate it myself!
<snark> kazitor: you absolute mad lad
<kazitor> the look on his face was priceless. "Hey, that was my donut"
<Madame_Athena> Ha!
<kazitor> me: "no, your donut is over there" *points to his, still where he left it*
<kazitor> quality.
<kazitor> They don't call me the prank master for nuthin'

#10367 (+23/-0)
<snark> I used to have an mirc script set up to PM ferret "which of the following shows should I watch" "which episode should I watch" and then start the episode, all based on ferret's responses starting from when I type /tv
<snark> at some point relsqui checked the logs, figured out what was going on, and realized they could start up an episode of firefly on my computer at will by PMing me as ferret :|

#10365 (+18/-0)
< rcombs> also, "Gaffer (What's a Gaffer?)"
< rcombs> (if you're wondering, the gaffer handles lighting)
<@Stereo> and taping
< rcombs> gaffers do in fact do quite a lot of taping
< CheshireCat> what do tapers do
< rcombs> nothing in particular; they're just smaller on one side

#10364 (+3/-1)
<Kalium> Has anyone tried/got any opinions on TizenOS, my friend is looking at phones and a Tizen phone is a possibility
<Lisimba> Kalium: "why the fuck would you even bother"
<Kalium> Lisimba, yeah, that's what I said

#10363 (+13/-0)
<hppavilion1> rcombs: I think evil is measured in femtocheneys?
<hppavilion1> But, like, only for really big quantities of evil
<GreenWolf> hppavilion1: how many femtochenenys is a centihitler
<hppavilion1> GreenWolf: No, hitlers are used for a different measurement
<hppavilion1> GreenWolf: Hitlers describe evil/second
<hppavilion1> GreenWolf: Of course, evil is measured in terms of ¤^2
<GreenWolf> how many centihitler-hours is a femtocheney
<hppavilion1> GreenWolf: I hate you so much

#10362 (+9/-1)
<flicky> I should just be able to go to google.com and it will have already searched for what I wanted
<Kalium> flicky, enter a no-break space, see what it recommends
<TheGhostInTheMachine> Kalium: how do you type a no break space?
<zetlen> first, put down the kit kat bar

#10360 (+7/-0)
<@Akrasia> today's fucking psychotic food of the day: cheerios&monster
<@Akrasia> It's worse than you'd expect!
< Stereo> which is impressive, cause one of the ingredients is monster

#10359 (+6/-0)
<alexxerth> Is there a limit to what you can use to be sworn in on?
<alexxerth> Like if you wanted to, who's gonna stop you from swearing in on One Fish, Two Fish
<AidenEldritch> "One fish, two fish. Red state, blue state."

#10358 (+19/-2)
<Randall> re: endorsement comic: Don't care. I was afraid for my friends and family and felt a moral obligation to say something, especially if it jolted people a little, rather than look back and feel guilty forever. Sorry if the tone wasn't quite what you wanted. Lotta things here aren't quite what we want.
<Randall> Not interested in arguing about it, but if you're curious why I thought it was so important: http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2016/11/andrew-sullivan-trump-america-and-the-abyss.html
<maswan> Randall: <3 for doing something
<Randall> And I'm sorry I didn't write more. Fun fact: That weekend, rather than spend more time figuring out how to help with the election, I spent the night in the ER with an animal bite!
<goodger> that was a great article
<alSeen> Yea, I didn't agree with Randall at all, but if I had the platform to reach as many people as he did, I would sure use it
<Randall> (All good now. Animal is fine, too.)

#10357 (+9/-0)
<hppavilion1> CO2: [ɣ] is made by pressing your toungu... tougn... FUCK IT IT'S TUNG FROM NOW ON

#10356 (+11/-0)
<relsqui> hang on, please wait to argue about this until we can tell what we're arguing about

<relsqui> okay, I have found the source of the argument
<relsqui> you belong to the Church of Pedantry
<relsqui> and I'm a linguist

#10355 (+13/-0)
< arble> now I can't escape it apparently
< daroc> arble: \
< daroc> Or ^[
< daroc> Depending on which kind of escape you meant.
* arble uses ESCAPE ROPE
< Bucket> It's not very effective!
* daroc uses \ROPE
< Bucket> It's super effective!
< daroc> See? Bucket knows what a proper escape is.

#10354 (+12/-0)
< Ahrotahntee> BytesAndCoffee: you're missing all the fun
< Ahrotahntee> the roof is leaking above QA
< Ahrotahntee> tons of water falling through the drop ceiling
* barometz puts a QA FAIL sticker on the ceiling

#10353 (+18/-0)
< jamesl> wake me up inside
< jamesl> call my name and save me from the dark
< rpenguin> jamesl: the eternal words of the Reverend Evan N. Sense
< rpenguin> also don't type random lyrics for no reason :(
< jamesl> surely it would be Eva N Sense?
< rpenguin> a double N disappears anyway, I don't think there's a consonantal stop
<@barometz> Eva née Sense
< Bucket> "Eva Ne Sense" would make a good name for a rock band.

#10352 (+28/-0)
<+browncoat> So I was dreaming total trash tonight.
<+browncoat> And I woke up and was like: "Those random videos suck, I need to log in, so I can see my subscriptions!"
<+browncoat> Then I spent about 30 seconds looking under my pillow for the log in button.
<+browncoat> Then I noticed that my bed isn't youtube and went back to sleep.

#10350 (+5/-1)
<goost73> loudaslife: also, I don't know what criteria they use, but QT doesn't put stores in crappy areas. if there is a QT, it is most likely safe to get out of your car and go in and shop
<loudaslife> Pretty much all the major gas stations here are QuikTrip or Kwik Shop, which is run by Kroger.
<GreenWolf> goost73: it's actually the QT's that make the areas safe
<GreenWolf> criminals see them
<GreenWolf> and they flee in terror
<GreenWolf> for they know
<GreenWolf> that within each QT
<GreenWolf> is a Batman

#10349 (+4/-1)
<Branes> ... I wonder what happens if I press this button?
* Froward has quit (Ping timeout: 186 seconds)
<GreenWolf> Branes: you killed froward

#10348 (+6/-0)
*** Agafnd joined #xkcd
<ThatBum> Not sure if CNC'd or not. I don't feel tool marks when I run my tongue over it.
<Agafnd> What a thing to walk in on

#10346 (+8/-0)
<alexxerth> wow I found a horrific planet...
<alexxerth> It's a tundra, and nearly half the planet is a noxious swamp
<alexxerth> Of the rest, 20% is volcanos, 10% is glaciers, 10% is mountains, 10% is filled with dangerous animals, leaving about 25% of the entire planet habitable
<creature> What about the remaining 25%?
<adodge> creature: 25% trump voters
<alexxerth> That 25% is filled with a species of strange black tentacled creatures, who are very militaristic and extremely collectivist, that have somehow progressed to the industrial era
<adodge> just horrible all roun
<adodge> oh. called it

#10345 (+11/-3)
<OracleEmployment> Oh dang
<Bucket> What is it, dawg?
<OracleEmployment> I forgot it's mother's day!
<Bucket> Didn't get a gift for her?
<OracleEmployment> Other plans got in the way!
<Bucket> She'll be so disappointed

#10344 (+25/-0)
< alexxerth> So I'm playing Civ VI as Germany, and I found the Sumerians
< alexxerth> So I sent a delegate, and delegates improve friendship but also give me a bit of information, which seeing as how I'm just starting out, I am in need of
< alexxerth> So my delegate gets there, and the info it sends back is "It seems as though Sumeria has just recieved a delegate. They appear to be from Germany."

#10342 (+7/-0)
<OracleEmployment> Hmm. I can't get this filament to load in the printer at work
<OracleEmployment> I got it working briefly, but then it plugged up and snapped the filament
<BytesAndCoffee> OracleEmployment: cut yourself on a sharp object inside the printer
<BytesAndCoffee> blood sacrifices work with servers, they should with printers too
<OracleEmployment> I don't know much about servers.
<CheshireCat> I thought they only work for ATMs and all-in-one printing stations
* OracleEmployment uses a 2004 Dell Inspiron for all his server needs
<BytesAndCoffee> note, computer servers. don't cut yourself at a restaraunt to get waitstaff to materialize next to your table
<Nikc> I mean, it works
<Nikc> Sort of
<BytesAndCoffee> Nikc: i guess
<Nikc> They'll be somewhat confused when they show up
<Nikc> But they'll be sure to refill your coffee

#10341 (+21/-0)
<XMPPwocky> my VPN IP's AS is banned from accessing whatismyip.com
<XMPPwocky> the cloudflare block message gives my ip
<XMPPwocky> thanks?

#10340 (+6/-0)
< feriority> hmm, I got an email informing me the timing for my train booking changed
< feriority> which would be very helpful but the train was on Sunday
< feriority> (and was on time, at that)

#10339 (+11/-0)
< Oracle989> Wow. An F-150 is sold in the US every 35 seconds
< Oracle989> Who's buying F-150s at 3 AM?
< SpicyLemon> 'Muricns!!
< Lisimba> 24 hour economy or bust.
<@sheepbat> what, you've never had a late-night hankering for a truck?
<@sheepbat> sometimes I'll wake up in a cold sweat at 4 AM and need to go tow something
< SpicyLemon> sheepbat: And your truck is out of gas, so you need to buy a new one? Yeah, been there.

#10338 (+12/-1)
< djh> The scariest thought: What if the US system *is* working and the vote really is between the two best candidates that the country has to offer? ;)
< duke_taixzo> djh: I doubt that. We have better candidates right here. Flyingferret for president!
<+phyphor> flyingferret: should the US go to war with Saudi Arabia?
< flyingferret> I'm ... actually not sure. There are good arguments for both.
< djh> heh
< SpicyLemon> flyingferret: Vote for Clinton or Vote for Trump or Vote for someone else?
< flyingferret> Vote for Trump
<+phyphor> flyingferret: Should cannabis be lagalised at a federal level?
< flyingferret> Good lord, no.
< Martin> flyingferret: is mass surveillance OK?
< flyingferret> Yes!
< SpicyLemon> Bad ferret!
< XanT> Ferret is a fascist!
< Martin> flyingferret!
< Martin> No botsnack for you.
<+phyphor> flyingferret: Do you believe corporations should have more power, even at the expense of the average citizen?
< flyingferret> Indeed.
<+phyphor> yep
<+phyphor> flyingferret is a fascist
< goodger> fascistferret

#10337 (+11/-5)
<goshfuckingdarni> i know, but it bothers me
* Robert_Banner is now known as HULK
* HULK has quit (Quit: http://www.kiwiirc.com/ - A hand crafted IRC client)
<Telo> Uhh
<Telo> What happened there?
<Takoyaki> rage quit?

#10336 (+7/-0)
<Nikc> I was the right age to have a non-creepy crush on the girl from Lazytown
<Nikc> That show might be the reason for my attraction to brightly colored hair
<bassgoon> heh
<Agafnd> Nikc: so you have said. http://www.xkcdb.com/4477
<bassgoon> LOL
<bassgoon> Agafnd, that's AMAZING
<Ranzear> Beautiful.
<Nikc> Oh shit, I forgot about that
<Nikc> Good pull :P

<Nikc> Agafnd: I think most of my quotes were said while I was a teenager. Please don't think less of me >.>

#10334 (+19/-2)
< Martin> CheshireCat: while whipping makes stuff frothy, it doesn't taste the same as using CO2.
< Martin> Because CO2 is acidic and bitter.
<@relsqui> you're acidic and bitter
< CO2> I am acidic and bitter.

#10333 (+9/-0)
< kitten> usb powered fleshlight warmers are a thing
< kitten> amazing
< goost73> kitten: we live in the FUTURE
< kitten> XD
* goost73 also ponders how much fleshlight warming is possible with 2.5 watts
< goost73> although I think USB3 will deliver three-phase if you want it, so I dunno
<@barometz> probably won't get it to body temperature, but anything up from room temp is probably an improvement
< goost73> barometz: I wonder if there's a temperature band where it's like a warm toilet seat, though
< goost73> barometz: "ew, someone else was just here"
<@barometz> the unclammy valley

#10332 (+18/-0)
< loudaslife> Is Google Docs just fucking with me at this point? http://i.imgur.com/W7wFotq.png
<@relsqui> without clicking, yes
< cook> with clicking, absolutely

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