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#10561 (+6/-0)
* james1 uses scp to transfer Oracle989 to the SCP foundation

#10560 (+5/-0)
<CO2> brontophobia is the fear of thunder, astrapophobia is the fear of lightning, and keraunophobia is the fear of thunderstorms in general
<CO2> On the other hand, keraunophilia is the in #xkcd well-known love for thunder

#10558 (+10/-0)
<eezo> JoeyLemur: ironically enough, the cremation process really does require just a button press
<eezo> you wheel the casket into a furnace
<eezo> Bananas!
<eezo> press button
<Bucket> receive bacon.

#10557 (+2/-0)
< multiplexd> i have a scripting problem: given an IP subnet and subnet mask, i wish to generate a list of IP addresses in that subnet
< CO2> Bananas!
< jamesl> well 255.255.255.255 is the broadcast address
< grawity> Bananas!
< grawity> multiplexd: but, python https://i.imgur.com/bUHQphU.png
< jamesl> Bananas!
< jamesl> 0.0.0.0
< jamesl> Bananas!
< jamesl> 0.0.0.2
< grawity> Bananas!

#10555 (+3/-3)
<multiplexd> Bananas!

<multiplexd> aww, c'mon people, if that doesn't get me quoted by Bucket nothing will :/
<CO2> bucket: remember multiplexd nothing
<Bucket> Bananas!

#10554 (+4/-0)
<taixzo> Bananas!
<taixzo> She was very full of energy, and would sometimes run around and knock things over
<taixzo> Bananas!
<taixzo> until we had a cardboard box left from a pair of shoes, and she just climbed into that and would happily sit
<taixzo> Bananas!
<taixzo> And so, Pandora's box was the solution to all our problems.

#10552 (+1/-8)
<light> Bananas!
<danieli> just cisco.. jeez, did you just assume my vendor?!

#10550 (+3/-2)
<asmcint> Just popping in to ask something real quick, I tend not to use IRC usually. Anyone else getting connection refused when they click Random Comic on the site?
<@barometz> Bananas!
<@barometz> consider it an avant-garde comic, free of charge :)

#10549 (+19/-2)
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> can't face how bad their neck idea was
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> you spindly failures
<@zetlen> imagine how shitty giraffe dating apps are
<@zetlen> "All i care about is neck height", is the one checkbox, that's all you get
<@zetlen> genitals and neck length
<@zetlen> it's not even fun! it just matches you up with the longest available nearby neck
<@zetlen> "here," mumbles the app joylessly. "she's got a long neck"
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> you're like FUCK
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> if YOU'RE so pro-okapi, WHY DID YOU HIDE YOUR STRIPEY LEGS and LENGTHEN YOUR NECK IN PHOTOSHOP and SAY YOU DON'T WANT KIDS
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> i was actually in the OK(api)Cupid app
<@zetlen> and it was just an innocent okapi with a giraffe cosplay fetish
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> and i chase her through the brush as she runs away from the date, crying big okapi tears
<@zetlen> and i'm like GIVE ME A CHANCE, i'm a WOKE GIRAFFE
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> i dream
<@zetlen> "this is because my neck sucks, isn't it"
<@zetlen> yes, me. yes it is
<@zetlen> i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i just--i thought necks were the best,
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> i look at my phone and there's an article on the Daily Wildebeest
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> 34K retweets
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> thankfully not, but there are enough identifying details--she talked about my spots, and the weird way i pronounce "ibex"
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> "We cannot enter into any arrangement with the Rhinos."
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> "We will dispatch an envoy to the Rhino Council to inform them of our decision."
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> Bananas!
<@zetlen> i'm all standing there, out of breath, and they're like "Wait, so, why again?" all peering up at my little head
<@zetlen> "It's...no offense, but...they say we look down on you."
<@zetlen> and they're like "Oh, makes sense actually. I mean, look at you."
<@zetlen> and i go "So that doesn't hurt your feelings?"
<@zetlen> and The Stubbiest, the head of the Rhino Council, says to me, he says
<@zetlen> Bananas!

#10548 (+4/-2)
<bassgoon> Did you ever hear the tragedy of Half-Life the Third? I thought not. It's not a story Valve would tell you. It's a PC gaming legend. Half-Life was a first person shooter, so popular and so profitable it could use the engine to influence the modders to create new games... It had such a fanbase that it could even keep other titles they cared about from dying. The profitability was a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.
<bassgoon> Bananas!

#10545 (+3/-1)
<multiplexd> Bananas!
<Bucket> Bananas!
<multiplexd> Bucket: first rule of reddit
<Bucket> Bananas!

#10544 (+4/-2)
<~CO2> anyway, someone asked the Dutch Donald Duck magazine why they dropped the Mc [from McDuck]
<~CO2> Bananas!
<~CO2> which, I suppose, is as good an answer as any
<@browncoat> I totally read that in David Tennant's voice!
<permagreen> Bananas!

#10543 (+3/-0)
<jamesl> Russians drink tea with vodka and milk
<loudaslife> Bananas!
<jamesl> loudaslife: Vodka, to avoid a recursive loop

#10542 (+6/-2)
<rcombs> Bananas!
<rcombs> like, to shame someone for not being kinky enough
<Kalium> Bananas!
<Kalium> Bananas!
<Hg> so long as you're not Vanilla ISIS

<Bucket> nunsex is extremely unkinky
<Kalium> Bananas!

#10541 (+4/-4)
<bassgoon> Bananas!

#10540 (+8/-2)
<jamesl> oh wow, found an open VNC that seems to be a windows XP machine installed in 2008 and forgotten

<jamesl> FYI: VNCing to PCs and printing out "SECURE YOUR VNC" while also using text-to-speech is very, very effective
<jamesl> it was taken offline within minutes

#10539 (+6/-2)
<Oracle989> Bananas!
<Oracle989> Check out Thebes and an eclipse
<CO2> indeed
<CO2> Bananas!
<Unbibium> Bananas!
<Lisimba> indeed
<Oracle989> indeed
<multiplexd> indeed
<tonyb486> Bananas!
<TonyPaws> Bananas!
<multi-on-ds> indeed
<TonyPaws> Bananas!
<CO2> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYnzZ2rczSo
<TonyPaws> i fucked everything up
<CO2> TonyPaws: indeed

#10538 (+10/-0)
<CO2> Bananas!
* CO2 throws them on your desk
* multiplexd takes out their Pentium V-encrusted Hammer of Routing, flips it to IPv6 mode and starts hammering away at the unsuspecting IP packets

<Bren64zz> multiplexd: lol, that bit with the IP-sorting hammer
<multiplexd> Bananas!
<Bren64zz> The what?
<multiplexd> Bren64zz: it has +3 scanning precision against Unix boxes but -2 against Windows machines

#10537 (+6/-0)
<CO2> Bananas!
<CO2> Bananas!

#10536 (+17/-0)
<CO2> " On Tuesday, August 8, smart locks manufacturer LockState botched an over-the-air firmware update for its WiFi enabled smart locks, causing the devices to lose connectivity to the vendor's servers and the ability to open doors for its users."
<CO2> Bananas!

#10534 (+4/-2)
<Epi> Bananas!
<Velociraptors> Bananas!
<Velociraptors> hahah autofingers. redback

#10533 (+5/-0)
* multiplexd rolls their eyes at jamesl
* jamesl demultiplexes multiplexd
<jamesl> Bananas!
*N* multiplexd now known as d
<d> to be fair, that nick is the result of spending too much time in front of the ffmpeg and mplayer man pages
<tonyb486> d: I always thought you were some kind of daemon for multiplexing
<tonyb486> Bananas!
<d> Bananas!
<tonyb486> /etc/init.d/multiplexd start
*N* d is now known as multiplexd

#10531 (+9/-0)
< seth> wow I just heard george romero died
< seth> rip zombies
< rainy> that's not how zombies work

#10530 (+6/-2)
<jamesl> Bananas!
--> CO2 (CO2@hide-8A9ABAB4.cm-5-1b.dynamic.ziggo.nl) has joined #xkcd
<Kalium> So you'd likely end up with a potassium salt and a /lot/ of CO2

#10529 (+6/-1)
<hppavilion1> jamesl: ISIS is *really* annoying/hilarious due to all the acronym collisions.
<jamesl> Bananas!
<hppavilion1> jamesl: Yeah, but they can't rewrite history.
<hppavilion1> Bananas!

#10528 (+4/-4)
<Telo> Goddammit.
<Bucket> </Denis Leary>
<Telo> So it turns out I can'
<Telo> ...
<Bucket> [You hear some noises in the distance.]
<Telo> Can't type
<Telo> Bananas!
<Telo> Bananas!
<Telo> It's me with the grumpy-ass face
<Bucket> It's me with the grumpy ass-face
<Telo> ...I walked into that.

#10527 (+13/-0)
<Kalium> ugh so I needed motivation
<Kalium> so I ran a scripts I called "rainbow" which is just fortune|cowsay|lolcat
<Kalium> and as I went to push enter, the emergency door near me started SCREAMING because someone opened it
<Kalium> Bananas!
<Kalium> I look back at my output, and it has that dumb friggin rainbow cow saying "you will be surprised by a loud noise."

#10526 (+5/-0)
< Bucket> zigdon has one of the best names for anagrams
< taixzo> Bananas!
< Bucket> ¯\(°_o)/¯
< taixzo> Bananas!

< taixzo> Bananas!

#10525 (+9/-0)
< Salamanca> we're literally arguing semantics, oh my
< tonyb486> anti-semantic bastards
<@barometz> nothing wrong with discussing semantics
<@barometz> deciding what we mean by words is sometimes useful
<@barometz> e.g. when you later wish to use those words

#10523 (+5/-0)
<hppavilion1> I just had an idea
<hppavilion1> Form a political party called "The Obstructionist Party", the only purpose of which is to stall government as much as possible; in places where the main issue with government is that one party has too much power, the Obstructionist Party aims to gain *just* enough seats so that nobody has a majority, thus forcing the major parties to cooperate to get anything done (obviously, here in 'murica, that doesn't help since Republicans can't get
<hppavilion1> anything done even when they have control of the House, Senate, and other House)
<hppavilion1> So it only works when your government is competent
<trees> you got my vote
<trees> in canada there was the rhinocerous party
<trees> the leader changed his legal name to satan

#10522 (+12/-0)
<jamesl> I could use a regex!
<GreenWolf> I could use a regex to find all the problems that I've had that started from "I could use a regex"

#10520 (+10/-0)
<Inari> I always wondered if you could get wasps to relocate (out of e.g. a roof) by placing a subwoofer on the inside facing the ceiling and having it vibrate them 24/7
<Kalium> Bananas!
<Inari> Haha
* Inari sends subwoofer back to seller with warranty claim
<Kalium> Bananas!

#10519 (+20/-0)
<Church> Sup folks
<BytesAndCoffee> Bananas!
<Church> Bananas!
<BytesAndCoffee> more functional or more imperative?
<Church> Mix.
<BytesAndCoffee> Church: deplorable, church and state should never mix!
<Church> Bananas!
<Church> Oh god. It clicked.
<Church> Bananas!
<Church> That joke has layers... >_>
<BytesAndCoffee> Bananas!

#10518 (+15/-0)
<Elision> chgrp cdrom /bin/gzip
<Elision> wrong window
* barometz headtilt at that chgrp
<barometz> what on this beautiful terrible earth are you doing
<Elision> Bananas!
<IceKarma> Bananas!
<IceKarma> Bananas!
<Elision> (this is my version of the "most disturbing checkout items" game)

#10517 (+7/-0)
* rabe__ files a patent on oxidation processes
* taixzo files a patent on reduction reactions and challenges rabe__ in patent court
* jamesl patents redox reactions
<rabe__> we could just split the money?
* rabe__ sues jamesl for patent infringement
* tonyb486 patents a method comprising the steps of patenting an unpatentable thing, and sues everyone in the room

#10516 (+20/-0)
<CO2> Bananas!
<PoptartMechanic> Bananas!
<PoptartMechanic> Because what's under the hood can vary
<PoptartMechanic> Bananas!
<Branes> The what poptart?
<PoptartMechanic> Branes: the S'mores flavored poptart
<Branes> Bananas!
<PoptartMechanic> Bananas!
<PoptartMechanic> Bananas!
<@barometz> nine out of nine nyans recommend it
<PoptartMechanic> I'm also a licensed toast aviator
<Branes> Bananas!
<Bucket> Bananas!
<PoptartMechanic> lemon cookies. also a great travel method
<PoptartMechanic> but less reliable
<CO2> Bananas!
<PoptartMechanic> Bananas!

#10515 (+8/-2)
<hppavilion1> Is it possible to be Retcondescending?
<PoptartMechanic> Bananas!
<hppavilion1> Bananas!
<hppavilion1> Bananas!
<PoptartMechanic> you most certainly did
<hppavilion1> PoptartMechanic: No, I didn't. In the old issues I said something, but they removed that from the story.
<hppavilion1> Bananas!
<Bucket> OBJECTION!
<PoptartMechanic> see? even Bucket agrees! This isn't canon!

#10512 (+8/-4)
<+kzkt> Tricking other users to say something that gets them muted is like a new kind of game :P
<+Agafnd> Really?
-moderator/#xkcd-signal- Agafnd, you have been muted for 4 seconds.

#10511 (+8/-1)
<FLHerne> Bananas!
<CO2> you know, I'm someone who doesn't seek dangerous stuff for fun - so I would think that the more sane motorbike racers would skip that one race. Which makes me think there's some sort of pressure from the community to take part because it's "cool" and "everyone does it" or something
<FLHerne> CO2: It's the oldest race that still exists, and almost certainly the most famous
<FLHerne> Bananas!
<CO2> Bananas!
<FLHerne> Bananas!
<barometz> The oldest were the Elves.
<CO2> new D&D character class: Biker Elf

#10510 (+15/-0)
<Kalium> Bananas!
<Kalium> Bananas!
<Kalium> plus I realise now I forgot batteries on this lander stage
<Kalium> Bananas!
<@barometz> "Ground control, please repeat last message?" "Oh nothing, nothing at all."

#10508 (+9/-0)
<Oracle989> Bananas!
<barometz> Bananas!
<Oracle989> Bananas!
<Oracle989> Except that time we nearly got rid of smallpox
<Oracle989> Bananas!

#10507 (+12/-0)
<nobody> Bucket: literal[*] nobody quotes
<Bucket> Bananas!
<Kalium> nobody: why are half your posts about butthole damage
<Kalium> I have concerns
<nobody> Bananas!
<nobody> its... something you don't forget about easily
<nobody> did you want to see the picture?
<Corynne> Bananas!
<Corynne> What happened?
<Bucket> Bananas!

#10506 (+14/-0)
<Velociraptors> I have a Puerto sticker on my printer at work.
<Velociraptors> it's the Puerto Ricoh

#10504 (+11/-1)
< jamesl> Bananas!
< grawity> Bananas!
< jamesl> Bananas!

#10503 (+24/-0)
< Bucket> Bananas!
< eezo> hahaha
< eezo> surprise pillowfight :D

* relsqui SUDDENLY HITS EEZO WITH A PILLOW
< eezo> eep!
* eezo falls over
<@relsqui> eezo: constant vigilance.

#10501 (+18/-0)
< arble> Bananas!
* grep is here to serve.
* tonyb486 pipes a lot of data through grep
* grep works very, very hard.
* taixzo is now picturing a linux console where the various commands become sentient and try to convince you to use them
< arble> have you tried GREP, John Anderton?
< grep> taixzo: Pick me! Pick me! I'm a good utility!
< tonyb486> Bananas!
< arble> Bananas!
< tonyb486> or busybox or whatever the hell comes with solaris
< arble> Bananas!
* moony is now picturing a linux console where the various commands become sentient and try to convince you to use them as well
< taixzo> grep: but awk would be so much better for this task...
< grep> tonyb486: Why are you so eager to see my innards? I like being kept in one piece!
* moony doesnt use any of them, and writes everything he needs in Rust instead
< grep> taixzo: But... but... I'm good... at... finding... *sniffle*
* tonyb486 concludes that grep is actually cygwin gnu grep
* taixzo finally relents, runs <command> | grep ".*" | awk...
< grep> Wheeee!
< Vulpes> Bananas!
-!- moony is now known as mkfs
< tonyb486> Bananas!
< mkfs> :>
< taixzo> Bananas!
< mkfs> it just exploded
< mkfs> taixzo, I promise i wont make you have to run fsck /dev/sda6
< grep> taixzo: If you stop using me, then... then... you'll be saying I'm not a good command... You'll be using ack or ag. :(
< taixzo> grep: it's not you, it's me! I...have carpal tunnel...and ag is a shorter name...
* grep looks around feverishly...
< grep> W-what about... alias g=grep
< dd> You could just use dd. I can do things!
* mkfs cleans up dd's mess
* dd if=/dev/urandom of=`which mkfs`
-!- mkfs is now known as fsck
* fsck throws errors
-!- bassgoon is now known as du
* du -h . --max-depth=1
< taixzo> Bananas!
* dd if=`which grep` of=`which taixzo`
< dd> Bananas!
-!- taixzo is now known as _bin_grep
-!- du is now known as ls
* ls |grep fsck
* grep wonders if grep registered grep.
-!- DHeadshot is now known as ed
-!- fsck is now known as dpkg
< ed> Why use grep? I can do a lot more!
< _bin_grep> Bananas!
< ls> Bananas!
< ls> I prefer the ll alias myself...
< grep> ed: N-no... noo.... noooo.
< dd> Bananas!
< ls> ed, what about red
< grep> /nick butterfly
< dpkg> dd, because what if they want to keep something from that disk. You can make a huge mess
< dpkg> ed, have you considered emacs being better?
* ed is a harder to use variant of edlin
< dd> Make a backup with me first!
-!- _bin_grep is now known as sudo
< dd> #problemsolved
< sudo> Ok, listen up dd, dpkg, and all you lot, you report to me now!
< ed> emacs is harder to run non-interactively. I can do both!
* dpkg implodes
-!- dpkg is now known as su
< su> sudo, :)
-!- dd is now known as chmod
< sudo> Bananas!
-!- SpicyLemon is now known as chown
* chmod -s `which sudo`
-!- ls is now known as runlevel
< chown> Bananas!
< chmod> Bananas!
-!- ed is now known as man
* su -c "dpkg --remove sudo"
< runlevel> Bananas!
-!- Vulpes is now known as kill
-!- chown is now known as less
< chmod> Bananas!
* man doesn't understand runlevel
< less> Let me show you something!
-!- sudo is now known as taixzo
< runlevel> Bananas!
< kill> Bananas!
< kill> Bananas!
< taixzo> aha! su rescued me!
< chmod> Bananas!
-!- CO2 is now known as git
* man is harder to use than info
* git pull
-!- man is now known as info
-!- systemd is now known as systemctl
* git clone taixzo
< systemctl> Bananas!
* Bucket cowers
* chmod -x `which systemctl`
* info systemctl
< grep> Bananas!
* systemctl blocks chmod
-!- info is now known as rm
< taixzo> Bananas!
* rm -rf *
-!- runlevel is now known as init
* chmod kfjhsdkjfhasdkfhbsadv
* systemctl implodes
< init> master and commander
-!- rm is now known as nohup
* nohup sudo rm -rf /
* Bucket dissolves.
-!- init is now known as systemd
< systemd> Bananas!
-!- systemctl is now known as shutdown
-!- nohup is now known as fireaxe
* fireaxe breaks machine anyway
* shutdown -P 0
< systemd> Bananas!
< shutdown> orly
-!- shutdown is now known as kernel
* kernel implodes systemd
< kernel> Bananas!
< kernel> that devolved fast
< diog> Bananas!

#10499 (+24/-0)
<@relsqui> Bananas!
<@relsqui> I'm not asking for magic
<@Shrdlu> you know, I've been trying for years to get lambda serialization working
* Shrdlu gestures helplessly at an enormous pile of code
<@Shrdlu> maybe someday I'll get some closure out of all this
<@relsqui> Bananas!

#10498 (+5/-1)
<@ephphatha> Bananas!
<@ephphatha> Bananas!
<@relsqui> Bananas!
< Bucket> app is down right now

#10497 (+15/-0)
<TonyPaws> Bananas!
* Inari has quit (Quit: 'I still love you.' - D.Va (Overwatch))
* Laogeodritt has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* dustinm` has quit (Quit: Leaving)
* Shrdlu has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* ArdaXi has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* irc-5225225 has quit (Read error)
* Aaeriele has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* ephphatha has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* Thynix has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* mewshi has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* Stereo has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* ryst has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* dpk has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* pehis has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* The0x539 has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* myst has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* slava has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* grep has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* TC01 has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* puddle has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* sharkee has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* ryaxnb21 has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* nimrodsun has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* Xanthir has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* relsqui has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* fiveofoh has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* murr4y has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
<pikhq> Bananas!

#10496 (+17/-0)
<@relsqui> the way I use bookmarks is pathological
<@relsqui> Bananas!
<@relsqui> and that is the end of the process
<@relsqui> Bananas!
<@relsqui> Bananas!
<@Shrdlu> Bananas!

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