Hi! Just so you know, you can click on the $ up there to support XKCDB. (This box will go away after you vote once.)

#9898 (+9/-1)
<logic> bored.
<Palomides> do something
<Palomides> surely you have some desire you might pursue
<Palomides> now is your moment

<Palomides> logic: it's been 15 minutes, what'd you do
<XanT> If they are doing what I usually do when bored then you might want to give them some quiet time ¬.¬

#7635 (+53/-1)
<Jax184> peanut butter!
<Bucket> peanut butter is eventually, inevitably, infested with peanut butter weasels
<Jax184> weasels!
<Bucket> weasels are effectively neutralised by stomach acid
<Jax184> perfect

#786 (+12/-0)
< kektek> bucket, Rick Astley is not gonna give you up | not gonna let you down | not gonna run around | not gonna hurt you
< Jinx> This Rick guy seems quite on the level.

#10302 (+14/-2)
* Jax184 gives Bucket an item so large that it's hard to imagine how it could possibly be contained within a Bucket, like, seriously
* Bucket is now carrying an item so large that it's hard to imagine how it could possibly be contained within a Bucket, like, seriously, but dropped a couple cubic meters of packing peanuts.

#8715 (+17/-8)
<Iron> According to Wikipedia, xkcd is geek humor

#4368 (+1/-21)
< industrialbs> Bitches!
< Bucket> Bitches is not a nice word
< Xenos> Yes it is
< Bucket> No it isn't!

#8375 (+18/-0)
Myke: congratulations! you've just learned the eighty-seventh rule of programming: You can never name your functions what you want because all the good names are Reserved.

#5989 (+41/-9)
<mint> Alan Turing committed suicide by dipping an apple into cynaide and taking a bite.
<mint> Remind anyone of a popular computer brands logo?

#6570 (+17/-4)
< Dekoa> Is it possible to get serious advice in here?
< antonfire> Depends on the time of day.
< Antipathy> Dekoa: yes, but most of it comes from bucket
<@relsqui> Dekoa: it's possible, it's not easy
< swampy> Dekoa: Sure. What's up?
< Dekoa> No i was just wondering

#7894 (+24/-1)
* torpedo flashes fantasyprone
< sheepbat> does fantasyprone need new firmware?
< sheepbat> is her software out of date?
< torpedo> quit making it sexual

#8698 (+5/-5)
* FishCake gives bucket several years
* Bucket is now carrying several years, but dropped a completed turing test.

#5842 (+27/-5)
* kick52 (kick52-saw@4F50E30E.29DD1E07.53B25726.IP) has joined #xkcd
* kick52 was kicked by snark (52)
<@snark> I CAN'T HELP IT

#5735 (+27/-5)
< quit> quip, you are freaking me out. It's like having Nick and Nikc around, only I'm one of them.
< quip> quip - I know your thoughts
< quip> wait
< quit> D:

#8806 (+47/-3)
<@Frowardd> getting ready to interrogate this suspect
<@Frowardd> my partner offers him coffee, I threaten to drink his blood
<@Frowardd> (good cop/vlad cop)

#5598 (+6/-0)
Johnny: id tie her up and sodomize her with lit candles and cat o nine tails
coreycubed: and that is why you won't get the job, Johnny

#6895 (+19/-5)
<Anaerin> The first rule of Anime Club is: You do not talk about Anime Club.
<Anaerin> The second rule of Anime Club is: You *DO NOT* TALK about Anime Club!
<Anaerin> Third Rule: If someone says stop, goes limp, kawaii's out, the Anime is over.
<Anaerin> Fourth rule: Two guys to a slash.
<Anaerin> Fifth rule: One hentai at a time, guys.
<Anaerin> Sixth rule: No pants, no shorts.
<Anaerin> Seventh rule: Series will go on as long as they have to.
<Anaerin> And the Eighth and final rule of Anime Club: If this is your first night at Anime Club, you have to fap.

#6662 (+15/-4)
<stiglet> ...have you met a cute loud Asian girl, ever? =\
<spenguin> stiglet: I can make the girls loud
<spenguin> they scream at me to get away :-(

#9294 (+21/-0)
<schwal> LolCam: Right, sis.
<LolCam> schwal: I ain't yo' sis
<LolCam> I dunno
<LolCam> I'm so frickin' tired and bored in this class.
<schwal> LolCam: No, my sis is in class, and better not be on IRC.
<schwal> ...wait...

#6837 (+36/-8)
< XanT> Oh and everyone, proclivities is the word of the day. I hope you will find good uses for it.
< killings> you and your sordid proclivities
< killings> YOU DISGUST ME
< Tohuw> XanT: I'd like to Proclivities HER?!
* Oriza proclivited your mom last night
< Oriza> Does that torture involve proclivating one's face?
< Oriza> protip: I've no idea how to conjugate 'proclivities'
< FunkyTuba> protip: any noun can be verbed, but some nouns verb betterly than others

#5584 (+7/-1)
<Selig> blowjob: interesting name
<blowjob> yes, it turns a few "heads"

#2167 (+44/-9)
<@Shrdlu> Eule: 1 amp-hour = 3.6 kilocoulombs.
< Eule> Shrdlu: yeah, i screwed up. having said that, protip: nobody knows wtf a coloumb is. :)
< genewitch> wasn't he a detective?

#4607 (+0/-9)
( Lisimba) I rubbed the meat and it stopped being orange.

#105 (+24/-5)
< Cctoide> It's amazing how, more than ten years after IRC became widespread
< root> Cctoide: Dude. What are you talking about
< root> we have kermit!
< root> kermit rocks!
< Cctoide> I meant DCC.
< root> Screw DCC! Use kermit!
< khmer> it's not easy being #00FF00

#283 (+108/-18)
<warriorness> life is so tough
<warriorness> I think I'll write some poetry
<warriorness> cut myself a bit
<warriorness> blast linkin park
<yy2bggggs> How do you do it man?
<warriorness> dye my hair black and comb it over my eye
<Bucket> dye my hair black and comb it over my thigh
<warriorness> o__O
<warriorness> strangely ominous
<xkcd> 1,000,000 botsnacks
<Bucket> :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
<warriorness> Bucket: dow you EVER shave down there? Dude.
<Bucket> warriorness: excuse me?
<relsqui> hahaha
<warriorness> You head me!
<warriorness> *heard
<warriorness> oh god

#6724 (+15/-0)
<+cephalopod9> ...all I did today was laundry... scraped my thumb loading the washer.
<+cephalopod9> fortunately I have yet to turn into a washing machine monster...
<+Krunch> cephalopod9: no worries, incubation time is 48 hours
<+cephalopod9> hmm... I will apply more disinfectant.

#5489 (+41/-11)
< diogenes> http://www.amazon.com/Top-Selling-Male-Masturbator-Kit/dp/B001V9R8EA/ .... customers who bought this item also bought ... world of warcraft: wrath of the lich king expansion pack!

#7911 (+12/-7)
<stump> I used to melt cats.
<Glench> for ore

#8908 (+53/-1)
<Stereo> why does reddit make up things like "map porn" when pornography is a perfectly good porno- prefix on an ending that can be substituted greekily
<Stereo> pornocartography etc.
<dyfrgi> Cartopornography.
<Stereo> that's putting the cart before the whores...

#8893 (+215/-3)
<photo> i poured my root beer into a square cup and now all i have is beer. please advise.

#1625 (+89/-15)
<+hexium> my 'b' key stopped working, but started working again. </random>
<+tarpman> perhaps it died and is now a zom-b

#7445 (+13/-2)
< stalagmatite> I would jump amy like a 10 foot gap
< Apocrypha> stalagmatite, miss, fall and die?
< stalagmatite> Apocrypha: most likely yes

#2311 (+150/-22)
<Media64> Your mom is like 7/11.
<Media64> She's open 24 hours a day.
<Xaldibik> 7/11 is better
<Xaldibik> At least they let you come inside

#5520 (+0/-3)
Pungent_Liquid: Septic function is f(x)=poo(x)

#5460 (+4/-0)
<Pungent_Liquid> Disregard that
<Bucket> Pungent_Liquid sucks cock!
<Pungent_Liquid> I do not
<Bucket> yes you do, snowball lover!

#10254 (+27/-3)
< seven> I've played at LANs where I've had so much fun getting in the heads of the opponents. One LAN, it was a national rematch in Team Fortress. Our team hadn't played together for a while. The people we beat in the national comp the year before were highly practiced. We'd all travelled to this LAN comp to face off in a rematch. And, a few minutes in to the game, we were spanking them again. In
< seven> particular, I was playing as defensive sniper and picking them apart like the first time. As I killed them, I heard swearing each time. So I stayed in my spot once they started to avoid me
< seven> got up out of my chair, walked over to where their team was, watched their players, found the guys playing attack.
< seven> And said "hey I know where that dickhead sniper is"
< seven> and guided him to kill me.
< seven> then congratulated him and introduced myself.
< seven> that kind of, broke that guys spirit, I went back to shooting him in the head
< seven> and he dropped, he didn't just stop playing. He packed up his machine. And he left.
< seven> then we won. thanks to numbers :P

#4952 (+2/-0)
<killings> there's this really cute girl in my recovery group but I'm committed and not supposed to pick up chicks in therapy, so w/e

#185 (+27/-7)
< JLutovsky> deathcamp for cutie would be a completely different band, wouldnt it?

#3994 (+12/-5)
<Frowardd> just crank up the cock speed and add more cooling?
<Frowardd> s/cock/clock/
<Frowardd> no wait it's perfect

#4066 (+9/-0)
20:47 [Foonetic] -Global(services@foonetic.net)- This netsplit brought to you by Time Warner Telecom and Cogent Communications.
20:54 [Foonetic] -Global(services@foonetic.net)- This netsplit brought to you by Time Warner Telecom. Time Warner Telecom: Dropping your packets since earlier this evening.

#1282 (+95/-16)
<Royall> For example, penis.
<Bucket> For sexample, penis.
<Ekem> For sex, ample penis.

#1572 (+20/-6)
<bearachute> Finger-Snapping hero
<apsterling> Maraca hero
<Nadando> Masturbation Hero
<Slartibartfast> Nadando: I beat that several times

#6633 (+6/-1)
<saethan> I should edit, will any mod kill me if I say what the end of Sword of Truth is?
<@snark> no
<@snark> no mod will kick you for that
<Spork> Snarky snark.
<@snark> I promise.
<Spork> Don't believe snark. He will kick you.
<ataraxia> snark is just going to kick you regardless.
<Spork> See?
<@snark> Spork: I swear on whatever you want that what I just said was true
* Spork looks at snark.
<@snark> Damn it, come on.
<Spork> snark: :P
<@snark> you guys suck.
<@Stereo> he's not a mod! don't be tricked
<Spork> The TRICKSTER!
<saethan> ok, well, I know it ends with Richard splitting the worlds between magic and non magic
* saethan was kicked by snark (But I'm not a mod.)
<@snark> There.
<@snark> Bitches.
<@snark> Fuck you all.

#4616 (+2/-1)
<erlehmann> I've been re-reading Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, the story of a Republican who wakes up and finds that he's turned into a Democrat overnight.

#476 (+6/-4)
relsqui: Coldcell: in my pussy you weirdo

#9750 (+21/-1)
< Tau> I'm not sure if anyone here is into games but
< Jax184> you're not sure if any of the 371 nerds in here are into games?

#5311 (+143/-19)
< bloopletech> So, when I was 10, we got a duckling
< bloopletech> it was the coolest thing ever
< bloopletech> all the time I was home I hung around with it
< bloopletech> It slept in my bed sometimes too
< bloopletech> So, one day I was in the bath
< bloopletech> and we decided to give the duckling a bath at the same time
< bloopletech> And, it saw a big fat juicy worm
< bloopletech> And bit me on the penis
< bloopletech> I was not amused
< bloopletech> We called the local doctor and went in
< bloopletech> Can you even IMAGINE explaining that to a doctor
< bloopletech> He could barely stop himself from laughing
< bloopletech> He said I'd be fine
< bloopletech> So *technically*, I have engaged in oral ... relations ... with a duck

#5532 (+174/-23)
<Zhorken> oh man <33
<Zhorken> my mom's office chair is right between two tables and my cat is on it, pawing at whichever table happens to be in front of the chair at the moment to spin himself around
<Zhorken> my cat is playing with a swivelly chair
<Zhorken> I have the best cat ever

#7908 (+30/-2)
<Ruhe>: My nephew's science project scares me.
<Seth>: Ruhe: oh?
<Boyle>: Ruhe: coil gun?
<Boyle>: Ruhe: The effects of chlorophorm on uncles?
<Boyle>: that is so mispelled
<Ruhe>: Yeah, he's only 9, so his hypothesis was if all cab drivers hang things from their rear view mirrors or not.
<Seth>: Ruhe: cool
<Ruhe>: So he whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the liscense plate said fresh, and it had dice in the mirror.
* Ruhe ducks
<sudonotplease>: Ahahaha.
<Seth>: you get a medal

#10487 (+3/-0)
<GreenWolf> pikhq: what are the differences between fly ash and volcanic ash that cause the difference in material properties?
<CheshireCat_> flys vs. volcanos obviously

#5841 (+2/-2)
<fantasyprone> Oh gay fanfiction
<fantasyprone> how many things you taught me
<fantasyprone> buttsex buttsex rape