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#4014 (+5/-0)
<Royall> flyingferret: dodge orfail

#4914 (+7/-0)
<bearachute> Bucket, 4chan
<Bucket> I would rather roast and serve my own flesh, than join those foul legions of sin.

#2244 (+64/-13)
moderator: chaos95, you have been muted for 16 seconds.
socksy: I think moderator has double standards
socksy: _everything_ he says has been said before
almostdvs: socksy: hahah if the moderator got muted for repeating commands
socksy: moderator, you have been muted for 4 seconds
moderator: socksy, you have been muted for 8 minutes 32 seconds.

#1574 (+2/-3)
<Halo> I got quoted twice on xkcdb.com yesterday
<Halo> how disturbing
<deadfool> i dont think i got quoted at all
<Halo> thankfully I have an ungoogleable nickname.
<creature> I was, erm, pleased to note that habit of quoting me making myself look lonely and pathetic continues unabated.
<c--b> me too.
<c--b> It's sort of dissapointing.
<Halo> we're all lonely and pathetic
<Halo> that's why we're on IRC
<c--b> And in the xkcd channel.
<deadfool> hey i speak about yourself
<Halo> Do you?
<Halo> What do you say?

#718 (+18/-5)
<~xkcd> Bucket: forget annoy Daedeloth
<Bucket> xkcd: I forgot annoy daedeloth
<~xkcd> DaedelWork: Bad form!
<Bucket> i believe bad form is deleting factoids

#7774 (+46/-1)
<whiskeyish> flyingferret: is mewyn pregnant?
<flyingferret> Yes!
<whiskeyish> mewyn: congratulations!
<Bucket> YOU'RE A DADDY!

#5977 (+74/-11)
<@Glench> I just tried to alt tab to a book
<@Glench> on my desk

#4986 (+11/-2)
* Silvia sticks pens in trid's ass, takes crack pipe out
<Silvia> when you see it, you'll shit bics

#9274 (+9/-3)
<@Shrdlu> huh, only one google hit for quoted "intercal web framework"
<@Shrdlu> *there's* an untapped market

#8004 (+31/-1)
<torpedo> bucket, melt
<Bucket> It's not that hot yet.
* Dinatius removes his pants
<Dinatius> How about now?
<Bucket> Still not feeling it
<Dinatius> You make me sad.

#674 (+20/-6)
< fletch> ok who wants to bet on how long it will take for there to be a thread in the 'Individual Threads' forum section, by a guy with nothing real to say, that just wants to start a popular post
-!- Loaxes [Kazanoe@hide-FECDE8FF.lb.shawcable.net] has joined #xkcd
< Loaxes> WOO
< Loaxes> I finally got first post!

#2165 (+4/-0)
<XanT> New worlds smallest snake found!
<embrodak> in your pants, XanT?
<XanT> ¬.¬
<XanT> He likes the warmth ¬.¬

#1658 (+10/-0)
< xipietotec> person132, I havent having been had feeling the need to use pedantism
<'mutable_malachi> xipietotec: the word is 'pedantry.' :-)

#9418 (+27/-0)
< rophl> XanT, people tend to get confused over that whole area since "radiation" is such an overloaded term
< rophl> "radiation" just means "travelling outwards from a point"
< rophl> so pitchers are sources of strong baseball radiation

#5887 (+3/-0)
chaos95: it's the latest extreme fetish
Bucket: it's the latest sextreme fetish

#5236 (+8/-0)
* Obsidian|Zombie attacks nikc
* Nikc slashes Obsidian|Zombie's belly
* Obsidian|Zombie (18ebdac7@hide-54C2325B.mibbit.com) Quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
<Nikc> It's super effective!

#8229 (+2/-10)
<bittyx-laptop> ellipsis: but that's exactly the opposite of what i said - i said that i *don't* think someone's sexual experience is less valid than mine because "they haven't gotten to the real sex yet".
<ERROR> especially if the "not real sex" is really good "not real sex"
<ellipsis> bittyx-laptop: that very last bit "they haven't gotten to the real sex yet", that's the problem
<bittyx-laptop> ellipsis: that was meant as sarcasm
<Velociraptors> the thing about all sex is it's basically a hoax.
<ERROR> Tell that to my pregnant friend.
<ellipsis> ERROR: did you check snopes.com?

#9713 (+22/-1)
<Stereo> chess is too digital, let's make analog moves. king to f2.73
<Randall> Stereo: hahaha
<Randall> Stereo: bishops move along rationals
<Randall> no, wait, rooks move along rationals
<Randall> a diagonalization argument proves that bishops can't move at all

#4526 (+0/-6)
<Posalootly> -signal can be included in #xkcd DB, correct?
<Th3Sourc3> yesh
-moderator/#xkcd-signal- Th3Sourc3, you have been muted for 1 minute 4 seconds.
* moderator removes voice from Th3Sourc3
<ginji> well that was daft
<Kasu> Quite.
-moderator/#xkcd-signal- Kasu, you have been muted for 4 seconds.

#8506 (+24/-0)
-!- mode/#xkcd-signal [+v lena] by moderator
<+lena> moderator: Allah Tuttugunu Altin etsin Emii.. Voice(+v) için lena teþekkür eder :o)
-moderator:#xkcd-signal- lena, you have been muted for 4 seconds.
-!- mode/#xkcd-signal [-v lena] by moderator
-!- mode/#xkcd-signal [+v lena] by moderator
<+lena> moderator: Allah Tuttugunu Altin etsin Emii.. Voice(+v) için lena teþekkür eder :o)
-moderator:#xkcd-signal- lena, you have been muted for 16 seconds.
-!- mode/#xkcd-signal [-v lena] by moderator
-!- mode/#xkcd-signal [+v lena] by moderator
<+lena> moderator: Allah Tuttugunu Altin etsin Emii.. Voice(+v) için lena teþekkür eder :o)
-moderator:#xkcd-signal- lena, you have been muted for 1 minute 4 seconds.
-!- mode/#xkcd-signal [-v lena] by moderator
-!- mode/#xkcd-signal [+v lena] by moderator
<+lena> moderator: Allah Tuttugunu Altin etsin Emii.. Voice(+v) için lena teþekkür eder :o)
-moderator:#xkcd-signal- lena, you have been muted for 4 minutes 16 seconds.
-!- mode/#xkcd-signal [-v lena] by moderator
-!- mode/#xkcd-signal [+v lena] by moderator
<+lena> moderator: Allah Tuttugunu Altin etsin Emii.. Voice(+v) için lena teþekkür eder :o)
-moderator:#xkcd-signal- lena, you have been muted for 17 minutes 4 seconds.
-!- mode/#xkcd-signal [-v lena] by moderator
<+Shrike> oh, crap. she's(?) got some kind of autothanking script for voice. This is pretty much the worst place on the ircnernets to use one

#1188 (+0/-0)
<Royall> uTorrent, have a threeway with me and your protocol
<InitHello> kinky

#5437 (+4/-1)
<jercos> holy crap, I just had an ass-seizure.

#9337 (+40/-1)
<CaptainPlatypus> there's that Rand Paul guy...
<CaptainPlatypus> I want to tattoo a QR code onto his forehead
<CaptainPlatypus> that links to a free online course in basic macroeconomics
<CaptainPlatypus> so that everyone who sees him gets an opportunity to find out how full of shit he is

#235 (+2/-8)
Mihai: the xkcd chat isnt as funny as i though it would be
kakos: vr: You here?
Mihai: nope
Mihai: i ate him
morner: then no wonder it isn't funny
Mihai: pretty much
morner: vr was the funniest person here
Mihai: i also ate hist cat
Mihai: was his cat funny?
morner: his cat was the second funniest :/
Mihai: damit

#807 (+19/-5)
<komodo2> I've never understood autism
<Rivet> komodo, ever try burning a cd but it fails at 95%?

#5712 (+38/-8)
<&Randall> I had a dream about Obama skateboard-grinding from one capsizing boat to another on a rescue line stretched between them.
<&Randall> Then I had a dream about a settlers of catan expansion that had different geologic layers which you could uncover by peeling up tiles
<&Randall> then I dreamed about calcium batteries mixed in with lithium batteries
<&Randall> then I dreamed about this whole system of auxiliary boyfriends for girls who are uncertain
<&Randall> then I dreamed about ... it was a weird night, I dunno

#5369 (+86/-20)
<Descretoria> Yo dawg, we heard you like macs, so we only put one pedal in your car

#8006 (+19/-3)
* Lev pitches a tent and waits for someone cute to fall into his lap
<Lev> hmm.. that sounds bad
<Lev> I meant a literal tent, in the form of camping gear

#8728 (+15/-3)
<Stereo> "It has bxxn sxvxral wxxks sincx I bought onx of your typxwritxrs..."

#9434 (+8/-1)
<schwal> W|A is extremely useful for people with hobbies that involve abusing dimensional analysis for fun and profit.
<schwal> ...That is the title of my new memoirs.
<schwal> "Abusing dimensional analysis for fun and profit"

#1626 (+31/-8)
<khmer> folks, i get nosebleeds.
<skat_> yay story time
<khmer> it's due to a Situation from my past
<khmer> i had my nose broken at age 12, and for those of you who suspect from my demeanor and battle-scarred visage that i earned it through fisticuffs you are sadly mistaken
<khmer> i broke my nose while clumsily playing at a pool party, when a girl jumped off the high dive and landed on my face
<skat_> lol
<skat_> that sounds awesome!
<khmer> it didn't heal cleanly and now it always points north-northwest regardless of my cardinal direction
<khmer> skat_: SHHHHH
<khmer> you'll lose graham cracker privileges
<skat_> sorry.
<khmer> now then
<khmer> ever since that weeklong period of cranial woe
<khmer> i have had somewhat weak skin up in dem nasal passages
<khmer> a dry day
<khmer> a furious slap from your aunt after finding me with your mother
<khmer> or, and herein lies the rub, a particularly strenuous movement of the bowels
<khmer> so we find ourselves in the bathroom at a chain restaurant
<khmer> at the 17th birthday party of the girl who broke my nose, accidentally, at age 12
<khmer> i'm an irregular guy in a few ways, and after the appetizer course i found it necessary to make plop-plops
<khmer> now here i am in the stall, trashed from my 1.25 glasses of widmer hefeweizen i snuck
<khmer> dropping a fierce double deuce and gazing dreamily into the middle distance
<khmer> i wash my hands in a haze of alcohol and ardor for the birthday girl
<khmer> on the way out some dude looks at me real strange
<khmer> i assume i'm showing how drunk i am, so i draw myself up and endeavor to speak very carefully, and act very alert
<khmer> so i get back to the table and give the whole party an exaggerated wave!
<khmer> hi, folks!
<khmer> khmer, says my buddy steve, although he used my given name at the time
<khmer> this is a very special day for you
<khmer> you've become a woman, he says, to guffaws all around the table and a horrified headhands from the birthday girl
<khmer> and sure enough, a red stain spread lazily across my khakis, right in the spot where, i'm sure, ladies, you once produced a similar phenomenon
<khmer> the moral of the story, folks
<khmer> is though it may be unpleasant, though you may long for the stars and relief and the love of a woman
<khmer> keep your nose over the bowl

#1073 (+13/-4)
<thefiddler> Oh, look, shower time!
<zigdon> ooh, where do I go to look?!

#9584 (+7/-2)
< rophl> so it turns out :/ is a valid operator in systemverilog
< rophl> this language is ridiculous :/

#8770 (+5/-48)

#954 (+0/-11)
< Fredd> Coldcell, you're a male model?
<@Coldcell> apparently so, what do you require of me?
< Fredd> because I wanted to say 'either male model or gay' but I didn't want to hurt your fuzzy wuzzy feelings

#9293 (+22/-2)
< arthurdent> Shrdlu: i really like your handle
<@Shrdlu> arthurdent: I'm into your spout

#8339 (+37/-0)
<@Stereo> i've always wanted to put the wrong slip cover on a star wars book and get it signed by the star trek guys
<@Stereo> i would do it the other way around too but i'm pretty sure george lucas is crazy enough to actually murder me

#7420 (+12/-2)
<Caffeine> *installing Lynx*
<ellipsis> speaking of which: is lynx (still?) the way to go for text based browsing? Are there other, better text based browsers?
<Caffeine> I was talking about the new Ubuntu distro...

#4018 (+25/-6)
<tw> I was just thinking, if this weekend doesn't give me up or let me down, I will be running around. Contradiction. QED
<snark> tw: I have a strong urge to hurt you.
<snark> and possibly tell a lie.

#8197 (+5/-4)
<textOnly> last time I took a high-altitude flight I went back in time
<textOnly> flew from Sydney to LAX and arrived an hour before I left
<Ranzear> textOnly: last time I took a high-altitude flight I ended up watching the world get devoured by badly rendered toothy blobs.
<Ranzear> If anyone gets that: ha~HA!
<textOnly> dude, on that flight the movie list included that movie about Amelia Eirhardt (sp) and The Hurt Locker
<textOnly> respectively about an airplane crashing, and bombs
<textOnly> I'm honestly surprised they didn't just not carry those films
<Ranzear> Of course
<Bucket> OFF COURSE!!
<Ranzear> Yes, she was

#893 (+14/-5)
<ordinarygirl> ������� ����� ���???
<creature> ordinarygirl: English please.
<marc> protip ordinarygirl: use something we can understand
<ordinarygirl> Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!
<marc> yes, that is english

#4730 (+15/-0)
<Royall> Ghorthas: You enviornmentalist liberal communist obama-loving democratic atheistic bisexual sodomizing Colbert fan
<Ghorthas> Royall, I'm not an atheist

#4649 (+2/-0)
* IceKarma <3 her new VPS.
<magcius> IceKarma, who do you have?
<IceKarma> magcius, um, *cough* a friend
<magcius> IceKarma, umm...?
<magcius> IceKarma, you host a server with your friend?
<IceKarma> magcius, I don't actually know what the purpose of the rest of the server is
<IceKarma> magcius, no, it's an 8-core monster running VMware ESX
<magcius> IceKarma, so you found a FTP and SSH password and have started freeloading off it?
<IceKarma> magcius, no, someone here gave me a virtual server on their VMware ESX server
<magcius> IceKarma, ah.
<IceKarma> magcius, even just my tiny partition is ridiculously fast
<IceKarma> but it's so nice to have a server that is completely under my control again
<Shronk3y> IceKarma, what do you use it for?
<Cheez> paper weight
<nazgjunk> a remote VM for a paperweight
<nazgjunk> creative :P
<IceKarma> Shronk3y, development, and my own minimal hosting needs
<Shronk3y> long distance paper weight
<Shronk3y> ohh snazzy
<Cheez> they say virtualization is the next big thing

#7520 (+10/-10)
<rival> This is a cocktatorship.
<Lhyzz> Allow me to demonstrate rival's point.
<-- Lhyzz has kicked rival from #xkcd (Lhyzz)

--> rival (rivalarriv@hide-B53BC2A4.neo.res.rr.com) has joined #xkcd
<IceKarma> cock-tater ship? wat?
<letusgothen1> So a penis-shaped tuber boat?
<Lhyzz> IceKarma: it's something to do with chicken and potatoes, I think?
<rival> See? IceKarma can say cocktatorship, but apparently I can't. :)
<rival> It's all about the @
<-- snark has kicked rival from #xkcd (I like chicken and potatoes as much as the next guy but this is ridiculous)

#9531 (+21/-1)
<rcombs> who's up for helping develop an online #xkcd tactical RPG?
<rcombs> * uberushaximus casts <3 THUNDER on mewyn
<rcombs> * mewyn is now IRKED
<derinerkan> *mewyn casts CLEAR SKY on uberushaximus
* rcombs was kicked by mewyn (Kabam)
<Bucket> MEWYN used KICK! It's super effective!

#5063 (+57/-10)
< door_key> hahahaha no lie....my uncle lived in North GA as a kid. one day they managed to catch a bobcat in a trap they had set for rabbits. Well they decided it would be fun to put it in a suitcase and place it by the road. In a few minutes a car stopped to pick it up. about 100 feet down the road he said he saw four doors open and four grown men run screaming from the car.

#8333 (+13/-9)
<khmer> oh hey do you get in choreographed gang wars at construction sites
<Ambeco> all the time
<Bucket> Always gangster, all the time!

#1435 (+11/-1)
<@futanarichan> buying apple is a decision you make, like smoking crack or having children out of wedlock

#6490 (+41/-8)
< XanT> The average penis size is 504 light picoseconds
< XanT> <3 Wolframalpha

#3994 (+12/-5)
<Frowardd> just crank up the cock speed and add more cooling?
<Frowardd> s/cock/clock/
<Frowardd> no wait it's perfect