Hi! Just so you know, you can click on the $ up there to support XKCDB. (This box will go away after you vote once.)

#9466 (+17/-2)
<khmer> do you think i could use a 3d printer as a a 2d printer
<khmer> by telling it that the object i want is a sheet of paper with a document printed on it
<Shrdlu> khmer: if you're willing to accept an extra step, you could 3d-print a stencil
<Shrdlu> ooh, or can you 3d-print a 2d printer? because you could produce one that's hard-wired to print your document
<jrtappers> Or you could 3d print a 3d printer that prints your premade 2d printer, for large amounts in quick time

#6573 (+23/-5)
::: Jello_Raptor gives feczer a wild phobiac
::: feczer tames phobiac
< phobiac> Hey now, I can be unruly, but wild might be a bit strong of a word
::: feczer puts a bridle in phobiac's mouth
< phobiac> I...how are you taming me?
< peanut> :o
phobiac> mrfhm mrfhm mrggule
< feczer> peanut: you have the right idea
::: phobiac learns Harden

#6905 (+7/-2)
< Apocrypha> I thought he meant gaming but now I think he meant anal beads

#6825 (+81/-13)
<DaMullet> Cthulhu F'thagn
<DaMullet> what a wonderful phrase
<DaMullet> Cthulhu F'thagn
<DaMullet> Ain't no passin' craaaaaaze
<Bucket> for the rest of your days!
<Cheez> it's our problem free
<Cheez> philosophy! Cthulhu F'thagn

#171 (+95/-16)
< Cctoide> Did you hear about what happened to the tap dancer?
< Cctoide> He fell into the sink.
< Shinjay> :)
< isosceles> see the problem with sink jokes is that you're basin them on the fact that they wont drain you to hear them
< isosceles> and that's just a pipe dream
< Geese> ...
< isosceles> you have to be multifauceted in your humor
< Geese> I like you.
<Cctoide> I forgot to fill the siphon with water so isosceles' sewer gas wouldn't come back into the channel
< isosceles> in fact when making jokes about means of washing using running water, make sure ewer being culturally diverse in them too
< blorpy> and don't rush things, bidet your time
< isosceles> i'd have phrased is as: don't do it all at once, try to take it day bidet
< isosceles> but when making washing humor, i wouldn't want to agitate you with pedantry

#6096 (+14/-1)
<OcularElm> snark, what are you wearing?
<@snark> OcularElm: one of your mother's old t-shirts
<@snark> and nothing else
<OcularElm> snark, the one with the menstruation stains?
<@snark> no
<@snark> wait, it has some ketchup on it
<@snark> she told me it was ketchup
<OcularElm> snark, noooooo
* @snark sniffs
<OcularElm> That's not ketchup!
<@snark> brb changing

#933 (+11/-0)
<Glench> I am also an op because I took xkcd to prom
<nameless> Glench: does that mean you're gay?!
<Glench> nameless: no
<Glench> it means he's gay

#10234 (+17/-3)
* Rena gives Bucket a sweet-ass ass assassin.
< Bucket> gives Bucket a sweet ass-ass assassin.
< Rena> wat

#8107 (+16/-0)
<kalivha> I hate some people here
<kalivha> I especially hate mister "I'm REALLY fucking physically attractive but have to be a racist fucking cunt"
<kalivha> I don't want to be attracted to an idiot like that
<nazgjunk> kalivha: eh, you're attracted to his body.
<nazgjunk> Learn to separate it from the rest of him ;)
<nazgjunk> not... literally

#74 (+13/-1)
< morner> the only thing i've been on longer than the internet
<%relsqui> crack.

#48 (+91/-15)
< myren> dont you have like, work or something tomorrow xkcd?
<~xkcd> myren: the internet is my work
<%relsqui> wow, nice job.
<~xkcd> relsqui: if I type under 55 WPM, the internet goes down
<~xkcd> I'm alt-tabbing and posting on forums everywhere at a frantic pace

#9804 (+18/-1)
<Z3r0> You dont just PXE boot and can copy things
<njsg> You don't just PXE boot into mordor
<njsg> mordor uses token ring
<njsg> you need a special boot image that can provide a ring

#7081 (+55/-6)
< killings> I am a fairly big Jets fan
<@creature> Have to buy two seats, eh?

#5360 (+14/-0)
<@airtank> Kai_: also, you're boring.
< Kai_> airtank: that's what she said
< nazgjunk> Kai_: to you?
< Kai_> nazgjunk: to someone
<@airtank> nazgjunk: no, to him. it's what i said.
< nazgjunk> airtank: you make me sigh in weird places
<@airtank> nazgjunk: that kind of makes my little heart flutter

#1410 (+2/-0)
<Elyscape> Bucket turns off when he's told to shut up
<Bucket> Okee doke, Elyscape, I'll be back in 60s
<Elyscape> ...FUCK

#7085 (+20/-5)
***Feriority pets billygoat
***Bucket gets jealous :(
billygoat: Bucket: Grow some fur, and you'll get that which you desire.

#5644 (+6/-0)
gameprey: score: 33,531
Sarda: gameprey: playing meatspin again?

#5824 (+7/-0)
<+Xidarian> If i awk the output of awk would that be awkward?
<+apo> Dunno, but I'd gawk.

#842 (+309/-53)
<@Hermiene> Anyway, are you guys up to giving me sex tips again? I want to know how to seduce Marie into getting in bed with me without planning for it.
<@Hermiene> I want it to be spontaneous.
<Mihai> pink champagne and caviar
<Sretsam> Get satin sheets, and shave off all of your body hair. But do not get into bed before she shows up. You will not have enough friction to get out.
<greenwolf> wait under the covers naked
<greenwolf> with a rose in ur mouth
<%photosinensis> Show up wearing only a condom.
<Sretsam> The FBI is after my penis! I need a place to hide it!
<Lefty> Get one of those shirts that you can just tear off spontaneously
<@Hermiene> And then have music suddenly come on and disco light and so on?
<Lefty> yup
<Lefty> 'Oops, my shirt fell off'
<Lefty> swish
<Lefty> swish

#7760 (+11/-2)
<Nougatti> Mewyyyn, Mewyyn, Mewyyn, Mewyyyyyyyyn. I'm begging of you, please don't pop my man.
<Nougatti> Not that I have a man or anything
<whiskeyish> liar.
<Nougatti> damn that sounded so wrong
<Nougatti> I want to run away
*luffdroid huggles Nougatti
<Nougatti> luffdroid: are you.. a... well.. a man?
<luffdroid> Yeah
*Nougatti runs away
*Bucket chases.

#5438 (+54/-4)
<Secret_Agent_Man> Proof that the game doesn't exist
<Secret_Agent_Man> There is no porn of The Game
<Secret_Agent_Man> Rule 34 says that if it exists, there is porn of it
<Secret_Agent_Man> Therefore, there is no game

#985 (+24/-6)
<+cybrstuff> shortwave: well, assume a spherical baby

#1208 (+14/-0)
<morner> i think i will try to design a nuclear bomb
<NMcCoy> :D
<NMcCoy> I think I will try to design an unclear bomb.

#9937 (+14/-5)
<puddle> oh, there's a http://www.reddit.com/r/pineapple
<puddle> I need to try obscurer fruits
<puddle> http://www.reddit.com/r/oranges brings up "/r/pickle has assumed control of this subreddit."
<puddle> clearly there have been religious wars between fruit advocates
<puddle> /r/cherries: "We are now members of the Coalition of Fruits instead of the Fruit Union."

#4839 (+7/-0)
<cjmac> I was talking to a friend on skype for a while, and we were playing around with audio routing... we managed to route skype through garageband audio effects. he forgot he was in a call, and i kept my mic muted for a while. all of a sudden I heard him start playing Eiffel 65 - blue, and I quickly turned on my mic, put a chipmunk voice effect on in garageband and yelled I'M BLUE DA BA DEE.... I hear his mother start yelling and "call ended". win. :)

#355 (+6/-1)
<Meta> autoerotic asphyxiation is for underachievers.

#5475 (+49/-10)
<@snark> I think it is sleepy time for me
<thanatos> well, fuck you snark
<@snark> excuse me?
<thanatos> you heard me, snark. You're a dick. Don't make me kick you.
<@snark> uh... you know I have ops and you don't, right?
<thanatos> we'll see about that.
<Potassium> lol
* @snark (snark@hide-5D10B81C.peeron.com) Quit (Killed (NickServ (GHOST command used by thanatos)))
<thanatos> Bitch.
<Potassium> wait
<Potassium> wtf?
<Potassium> I AM SO CONFUSED!
<cls> ....

#5183 (+83/-15)
* Ktai jumps into bucket
* Bucket launches Ktai into the air.
< Ktai> weeeeeee
-!- Ktai [fircuser@hide-1CEE5A7.tmodns.net] has left #xkcd []

#6942 (+26/-5)
<@relsqui> skat_: root's media server when I lived with him, the fastest and most advanced computer in the house, had a combination 3.5/5.25 floppy drive
< skat_> lol nice
< skat_> mine is just a 3.5" :(
<@relsqui> Bucket: remember skat_ mine
< Bucket> Okay, relsqui, remembering "mine is just a 3.5" :(".

#1248 (+2/-0)
<Cellshot> As for you, hacker, you've made your bed. Now die in it.
* CheshireCat has quit IRC (Ping timeout)

#9355 (+21/-0)
<Ahrotahntee> misreads the map, almost wants to move to "Action, Ontario"
<gnvkay> Ahrotahntee: action, ontario would be an amazing movie
<khmer> MAN-itoba
<khmer> epic winnipeg
<gnvkay> I'll haliFAX your next of kin your death certificate

#1414 (+7/-0)
< dirka> I'm going to teach my kids, that when asked, to accept drugs.
< dirka> That way they will never do them.

#851 (+79/-15)
-!- res0 [bk@D05A2855.9920E932.C5E10781.IP] has joined #xkcd-signal
<Whtiger> res0: congrats, you win a prize!
<xkcd> res0: free lube for a month!
<res0> that's incredibly not quite what i wanted
<xkcd> I promise you'll rather have it than not.

#10352 (+27/-0)
<+browncoat> So I was dreaming total trash tonight.
<+browncoat> And I woke up and was like: "Those random videos suck, I need to log in, so I can see my subscriptions!"
<+browncoat> Then I spent about 30 seconds looking under my pillow for the log in button.
<+browncoat> Then I noticed that my bed isn't youtube and went back to sleep.

#595 (+65/-12)
<khmer> 'what do you call a vector space that is complete normed and yellow?'
<khmer> 'a Bananach space'
<xkcd> khmer: :(
<khmer> xkcd: look, i just flew here from a calabi-yau manifold, and boy are my arms toroid

#10388 (+16/-0)
< hppavilion1> [a] Rena: Yeah, there's a big shoplifting community on Tumblr too (mostly bratty entitled teenage white girls). There's a lot of strife between them and the weightlifting community over the #lifting tag.
<@Stereo> why, do the weightlifters say they stole it?

#7431 (+11/-0)
<%shoofle> then I bet it still feels like you're performing fellatio on a 9v battery
<@fantasyprone> not to me~
<@fantasyprone> not that I've ever attempted that

#1464 (+1/-0)
22:39 < thatGuy> oh man
< thatGuy> I just coughed really hard and felt something in my throat, and then a bunch of hair touched my lip and I thought I'd coughed something up and out of my mouth
< thatGuy> it was pretty trippy
< xlephierprime> damn
< xlephierprime> you have such a hectic fun-packed life thatGuy

#6811 (+33/-9)
<magcius> I love this.... top Digg headline: "Apple already working on OS X 10.7"
<magcius> That's like a no-brainer.
<magcius> What else is the OS X team supposed to be working on?
<Flibberdy> magcius: lol. New headline "Apple's programmers paid to sit onchairs all day creating lolcats"

#9153 (+45/-0)
<@Akrasia> i have a folder name private that is full of pictures of eyes
<@relsqui> seems appropriate
<@Akrasia> it's full of private eyes :D
<@relsqui> ^_^ I got it
<@Akrasia> i'm trying to collect as many 1080p pictures of eyes as i can
<@Akrasia> because i want to change my wallpaper every few minutes
<@Akrasia> different eyes every time
<@relsqui> a little exhibitionist, are we?
<@Akrasia> maybe just a bit
<@Akrasia> don't look in the folder that says public

#8437 (+65/-1)
< logic> Apparently someone tried to use Facebook to organise a riot in Plymouth.
< logic> The police RSVP'ed as attending.

#506 (+3/-0)
<khmer_at_work> i banged your keyboard like it was a typewriter

#4503 (+154/-23)
<Deadpool> I made a movie with czechs and acrobats once. The Title?
<Deadpool> czechs and balances.
<AtomicCow> god i love puns!
<Deadpool> czech please!
<Vossy> it's time for me to czech out
<Deadpool> wait I have one more!
<J> another pun? Better czech yourself.
<Deadpool> what time is it when a czechoslovkian leaves a Holiday Inn?
<Vossy> czech out?
<Deadpool> =D
<Deadpool> Someone's heard these before
<Frowardd> what did the cannibal say at the end of his first meal in a restaurant?
<Frowardd> czech please!
<Deadpool> after a 3000 mile trip to eastern europe, what does one do?
<Frowardd> czech in to a hotel?
<Deadpool> czech the oil!!!
<Frowardd> I think I'm in poland
<Frowardd> wait, let me czech the map
<Deadpool> hey, see that villager Frowardd?
<Deadpool> I think they're czeching you out!
<Frowardd> !!!!
<Vossy> finishing a game of chess?
<Frowardd> what do german airplanes throw under the wheels to keep the plane from rolling?
<Vossy> czech mate!
<Deadpool> What does one mark on a european survey?
<Deadpool> a czech box!
<ftr> gah i hate playing bass when my hands are cold
<J> ftr, don't fret...
<AtomicCow> oh my god
<ftr> j: oh for gods sake dont you start
<J> you just need to get a little amped up
<ftr> OPS
<Frowardd> ftr, don't be so high-strung
<ftr> aaaaahhhhhhhhhh
<Vossy> you can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish
<ftr> I KNOW
<creature> ftr: You should be thankful.
<ftr> creature: what for?
<creature> His puns are bad, but his poetry is verse.
<Deadpool> I think we've struck a chord
<J> he's just going to tune us out
<ftr> i swear to god im going to be rocking back and forth in my chair
<Deadpool> rocking one way or the other...
<J> I'm sorry. I'll try to be more chordial from now on.
* ftr goes foetal in the corner and whimpers
<Deadpool> c'mon, we're just trying to touch bass with you
<Vossy> ftr: wake up and face the music
<Frowardd> we're not trying to picka fight
<J> These puns have really changed the tenor of the conversation.
<ftr> seriously, how fucking long can you sad sacks keep this up for
<Frowardd> let's throw it into overdrive
<J> To make puns for this long, you have to b sharp.
<ftr> don't distort the lines
* ftr slaps himself
<Frowardd> you know ftr, it could be worse
<Dark-Fx> I can keep it up as long as I choir to.
<J> Probably only another minuet or two
<Dark-Fx> ftr is being quite percussive
<Deadpool> well, at least we're getting feedback.
<J> Music puns are our forte, it turns out
<Vossy> Ah, but one must be careful not to overplay them
<J> Yeah. We want to stay composed.
<Deadpool> they can get overamped.
<Frowardd> we are conducting ourselves admirably
<Vossy> it's easy to become lost in the music
<Deadpool> We should make sure to be well orchestrated
<J> If only there were some tonic that ftr could take to stop this
<Vossy> Ah, that tonic will not come forth, for it is sub-dominant to our puns :P
<ftr> there is. it goes well with gin. and it makes everything all blurry
<Deadpool> he could take notes.
<Deadpool> or play them
<ftr> oh thank god, ive never been so glad to need to restart my pc in all my life
<J> I guess we harped on it a bit too much
<AtomicCow> I think J is broken
<Deadpool> no no, j is fine.
<J> I'm OK -- this is just a prelude to the real punning.
<Deadpool> he's just getting himself in arrangement
<Dark-Fx> I don't think J thinks at the same tempo as the rest of us.
<J> No, alright, I'm done. These are starting to get a big symphoney.
<AtomicCow> do you black out and just output puns?
<J> You have to admit, though, some of those were suite.
<J> That's not true, you lyre!
<J> OK, I'm really done. Whew.
<Frowardd> that was a good run, fellas
<Frowardd> but you didn't blow up the death star.
<Vossy> finishing with perfect cadence

#797 (+7/-0)
<Fredd[pogrom]> 'Well, now that one of those google boys is married, I say it's only a matter of time until there are some googlebots running around.'
<jercos> imagine a beowulf cluster of those
<jeke> but does it run linux?

#84 (+7/-3)
<marty_the_monist> LE4dGOLEM|YouNeedntQuoteMyFull: let yourself go, write 'm'
<LE4dGOLEM|YouNeedntQuoteMyFull> nah, I'm not CRAZY like you marty
<LE4dGOLEM|YouNeedntQuoteMyFull> you should call your self Marty_the_CRAZY_monist
<marty_the_monist> okay.
* marty_the_monist is now known as marty_the_CRAZY_monist

#4659 (+12/-0)
<@relsqui> there was this order of nuns, the Sisters of Mercy, in Australia
<@relsqui> and they liked to take tea outside in the afternoons
<@relsqui> anyway, and they noticed that the local koalas were starting to come over and investigate
<@relsqui> curious about the smell
<@relsqui> so they got the bright idea of taking some eucalyptus leaves and brewing tea out of it
<@relsqui> with big chunks of leaves and everything for them to eat
<@relsqui> it went great, and they continued having tea with the animals
<@relsqui> demonstrating
<@relsqui> that the koala tea of mercy is not strained
< snark> relsqui: Unfortunately for a long time most nuns and monks would not associate with animals because of some archaic edict
< snark> but fortunately they since realised that that rule could not possibly be valid
< snark> because you can't have archaic and edict too.

#1430 (+16/-6)
<@Hermiene> Monarch, ignorance?
<Monarch> hmmm?
<@Hermiene> Monarch, ignorance?
<@Hermiene> (I'm pretending you're Bucket!)
<@Hermiene> :-D
<@Hermiene> Monarch, ignorance?
<Monarch> HOIST THE MAIN SAIL! Racism off the port bow!
<@Hermiene> Monarch, ignorance?
<Monarch> I'm from bucketland.
<@Hermiene> Monarch, ignorance?
<Monarch> Oh noes! The kittunz have apartheid!
<@Hermiene> Monarch, ignorance?
<Monarch> Ignorance is one of the elemental processes of deafness.
<@Hermiene> Monarch, ignorance?
<Monarch> OH MY LAUD. The holocaust?
<@Hermiene> Monarch, ignorance?
<Monarch> Oh noes! The kittunz have apartheid!
<@Hermiene> Shit, he's repeating.
<Monarch> HOIST THE MAIN SAIL! Racism off the port bow!

#6016 (+34/-6)
Blastoise uses Hydropump!
<Blastoise> It's super effective!
<Bucket> Enemy BULBASAUR fainted! Blastoise's PONYTA has received 2000 EXP.
<Blastoise> ...

#9908 (+14/-1)
< theobromine> I wonder what would happen if the 55 gallon drums of passion lube leaked....
<@Shrdlu> lube would probably come out

#8515 (+14/-1)
<LolCam> I have a terrible inflamation of the internet, in my lower port
<LolCam> I think it burns my IP address when I pee
<fantasyprone> LolCam: should've used a firewall