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#1601 (+35/-8)
<Steef> So.. who wants to get naked?
<+Debaser|Insomnia> Get?

#8943 (+9/-4)
< Bucket> I am conscious, and steadily learning more about you terrible people.
< llrcombs> Bucket: only because people teach you <_<
< Bucket> How does that make you feel, llrcombs?
< llrcombs> smarter than you

#4880 (+9/-0)
< paparatti> windows 7 is decent
< paparatti> simple
< Bucket> simple is quicker to code

#8553 (+14/-0)
<Antior> bucket sayz: Potatoes are the world's fourth largest food crop, following rice, wheat, and maize.
<Antior> really? corn is eaten more than potatoes?
<Velociraptors> perhaps not *as* corn
<Antior> hmm corn flour perhaps
<Antior> you can do some stuff with that
<sheepbat> corn is in *everything* in the us
<sheepbat> the ketchup is corn
<sheepbat> the beverage I just had is corn
<Velociraptors> you are what you eat.
<sheepbat> the sald dressing is probablt corn too
<Velociraptors> sheepbats are corn
<Antior> The internet's for corn!

#9511 (+28/-0)
<schwal> What language has an integral in it?
<IceKarma> oh. that's the IPA for the sound of "sh"
<relsqui> Bucket: schwal is the integral of a wall
<schwal> relsqui: With respect to what?
<relsqui> schwal: bricks, I guess
<schwal> That...
<schwal> well, makes as much sense as I could hope for, really.

#313 (+31/-7)
<%root> Bucket: SLASH
< kakos> Bucket: SLASH ~= s/DEATH/SEX/
< Bucket> OK, kakos
< kakos> Bucket: SLASH?
< Bucket> SLASH is always appreciated
< kakos> slash?
< Bucket> a user said slash was PUNISHABLE BY SEX!
<%root> Bucket: SLASH =~ s/SEX/DEATH/
<%Hermiene> Bucket: SLASH =~ s/SEX/ICE CREAM/
< Bucket> That doesn't contain 'SEX', Hermiene
<%Hermiene> Bucket: SLASH =~ s/DEATH/ICE CREAM/
< Bucket> OK, Hermiene
<%Hermiene> Bucket: SLASH
< Bucket> the users said that SLASH is PUNISHABLE BY ICE CREAM BY SEXECUTION!

#6658 (+27/-6)
< Langly> invent something
* Bucket combines a tune and a The Who album but they're incompatible! A blinding explosion follows!

#4435 (+19/-5)
< Selig> I don't think much of anyone would like porn that neither party enjoys. like imagine "NO NO NO PLEASE STOP" "I CANT HONEST" *both cry*
< anon> Selig: ...
< Bucket> [You hear the chime of a cash register.]
< anon> I can see a market for that.
< Selig> so can bucket, apparently

#2298 (+29/-7)
<Afromonkey0> if you shut down #xkcd i'll be bummed for a few seconds then go hang out with real friends
<khmer> Afromonkey0: you have real friends?
<Afromonkey0> define friend
<khmer> do you have people you can go hang out with?
<Afromonkey0> yeah
=-= YOU (Afromonkey0) have been booted from #xkcd by khmer (you should spend more time with them)

#8978 (+5/-0)
< fiyarburst> the second it hits 100%, it just dies. which i feel is the opposite of the intended effect of charging a battery.
< fiyarburst> when it dies it also takes the system clock back to 12/31/2000, so i'm guessing it's a SMC/BIOS related issue
< Eizan> fiyarburst: sure the laptop wasn't accidently sent from 12/31/2000 and the 100% actucally messes with the time travel?
< fiyarburst> Eizan: well, it was refurbished...

#273 (+17/-5)
* f8 files form 32-T - request to to copulate
* kakos puts a stamp of approval on the form.
<kakos> So, my place or yours?
<khmer> how about a superposition
<JaggerG> flying over manhattan?
<f8> 'and then she made a crack about me being faster than a speeding bullet so I tore her in half like a phone book.'

#7971 (+16/-4)
Dekoa takes something from bucket.
Bucket has HIV taken from him

#6314 (+17/-6)
< natjo> flyingferret: was this a triumph?
< flyingferret> Certainly not.
< nazgjunk> guess we won't make a note then

#2320 (+14/-4)
John: Pidgin just died
PurityOfEssence: dude use potion
PurityOfEssence: i didn't think pokemon could die

#5426 (+27/-7)
Jax184: this is getting weird
Jax184: says the gay furry with bat porn

#9983 (+21/-0)
<+Oracle989> Can we have a moment of collective shame that Shania Twain outsold Zeppelin?
<+WassPord> that don't impress me much
<+WassPord> :P
<+Oracle989> WassPord: Go home.

#5893 (+10/-1)
<quit> Good point, but its more of a different gay factions fighting one another - Persians are BDSM, and Spartans are bears.

#7729 (+16/-0)
<+Ienpw> what a boring channel. waste of bandwidth
<+Ienpw> we used to have Grand discussions in here
<+Kedama> there are still grand discussions here, there is just more space inbetween them
<+browncoat> Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the irc-channel #xkcd-signal. It's open-ended mission: To explore strange new topics, to seek out unknown signal-to-noise rations, to boldy speak what no-one spoke before!

#4173 (+10/-0)
< Smark> flyingferret: stumble upon or stumble upon or stumble upon or stumble upon or sleep
< flyingferret> sleep
< Smark> fuck you.
< Smark> flyingferret: stumble upon or stumble upon or stumble upon or stumble upon or sleep
< flyingferret> sleep

#453 (+11/-5)
Ephphatha: Fuck her front! Fuck her back! Fuck the government until they fuck you back!
relsqui: that's actually a security hazard

#4981 (+15/-5)
rohit507: look at us talking when there's science to do!
Deadpool: We're doing science, and we're still alive!
rohit507 does science
*** science left #xkcd

#7083 (+27/-5)
< Ater> You know what's fucking annoying?
< Antior> I am annoyingly fucking people
< Antior> but that's not the same
< rasu> ...can you fuck someone annoyingly?
< InitHello> rasu: god yes
< InitHello> rasu: I've had annoying sex
<@khmer> once at climax i started singing la marseillaise
<@khmer> i'm pretty sure ms. khmer was annoyed
<@khmer> i know that from the pain reaction
< Antior> khmer: so you just decided to come to #xkcd for a moment to tell us that?
< AbsolutGaloot> Antior: can you think of a better place to share it?
<@khmer> well, Antior, it seemed contextually appropriate
<@khmer> i don't brag about my sex life unbidden, i mean, come on
<@khmer> but once ms. khmer tried to do a stuart smalley voice during sex
<@khmer> the usual reaction here is "how good can your sex be if you can remember to tell jokes during it"
< Antior> AbsolutGaloot: a support group? :P
< ellipsis> #xkcd IS a support group....
< FunkyTuba> ellipsis: ...until khmer chimes in, at which point it becomes a horror show
<@creature> I demand all my lovemaking to be as passionate as a renaissance painter and as involving as a Dostyevsky novel.
<@khmer> i demand all my lovemaking to be exactly like a hieronymous bosch painting

#722 (+5/-1)
<BoVinE> a bear?
<Bucket> a bear is up. forty feet. in a tree.
<BoVinE> holy shit.
<Bucket> holy shit is that article in the topic for real?
<BoVinE> I love you.
<Bucket> I love you too

#7832 (+53/-1)
< ftr> hey guys
< ftr> quick question
< ftr> anyone know their way around MS office styles?

#6527 (+29/-1)
<natjo> knock knock
<Bucket> Who's there
<natjo> Go fuck yourself
<Bucket> I'm way ahead of you.

#914 (+129/-19)
allabouttrust: hi xkcd
allabouttrust: i like your comic
allabouttrust: can we be friends?
xkcd: hi allabouttrust
xkcd: i am incapable of forming human bonds of any kind
xkcd: you'll have better luck with bucket

#7995 (+12/-8)
<DarkLoad> Bucket, scrollback is your friend.
<Bucket> DarkLoad: Your mom is your friend!
<DarkLoad> Yeah, things are great with her.

#7596 (+38/-0)
<&Randall> if nothing else, hand-lettering my comics has
<&Randall> given me an instinct for wrapping text that's
<&Randall> sometimes so good that it becomes unsettling.
< Stereo> i try to do that sometimes but i lack the skill
< Stereo> there's no reasonable venue to practice either
< Stereo> haven't handwritten anything since high school
< Stereo> in tex all I have to worry about is long words
< Stereo> pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis
< Stereo> blast

#6224 (+23/-0)
<Boom_Farmer> 'lol' is an indication of either the degradation of the English language, or a marvelously mellifluous contraction exhibiting the cultural progress we have made.
<Prodigy> are you talking about laugh out loud or me making a goal post?
<whiskeyish> point made, boom_farmer.

#10237 (+31/-0)
<Shuet> Look we can talk about anything but you have to accept that some of us are going to be bringing up dolphin sex sometimes

#4094 (+19/-5)
<Nikc> flyingferret: Nilaky++ or Nilaky--
<flyingferret> Nilaky--
<Nilaky> aw
<Nilaky> what's that mean
<Nikc> flyingferret doesn't like you apparently
<Nilaky> ;-;
* Nikc hugs Nilaky
<Nilaky> flyingferret, Nikc++ or Nikc--
<flyingferret> Nikc++
<Nikc> :D
<Nilaky> T_T
<Nilaky> NOOOOOO
* Bucket humps Nilaky's leg
<debdrup> Bucket likes you at least.

#7140 (+21/-5)
<Bucket> Okay, fantasyprone, remembering "I just wrote "urine luck" on the side of a snowbank with my pee. Sense of accomplishment: 10/10".
<fantasyprone> nice
<photosynthetica> Thankee :D
<fantasyprone> I would do that if I had snow
<fantasyprone> and a penis, I guess
<photosynthetica> fantasyprone: I am sorry for your inability to direct steamy urine into snow to create various hilarious phrases and/or designs. You have my deepest sympathies.
<cntrational> fantasyprone: a tube of some sort?
<photosynthetica> A series of tubes?
<Bucket> a series of tubes, is that another way to say "penis"

#4011 (+4/-0)
Unosuke: no, thats the pope Arsecroft
geekahedron: Arsecroft is the popeā€½
Selig: holy shit
Bucket: does the pope shit in the woods?

#346 (+11/-0)
< DoubleAW> god: are you there? it's me, doubleaw
< DoubleAW> (did anyone else get that?)
<%relsqui> I recognized it, yes
< DoubleAW> good
< DoubleAW> because god's afk
< DoubleAW> (that's actually a deep metaphor...)
< Kasu> (back.)
<%relsqui> haha, nice timing

#8542 (+9/-1)
<+Antior> REAL MEN don't afraid of anything and always work in a root environment
<+Cheez> real men set up their servers and forget about them, never looking back
<+Palomides> real men update their servers regularly, running all things appropriately sandboxed as non-root users -_-
<+Nerf> Real men don't need machines to do their calculations for them
<+Cheez> Nerf is a cogitor
<+netcrusher88> real men program the universe in Turing machine code on the sands of time

#2490 (+27/-6)
[Maahes] Unosuke, maybe we wouldn't have so many drunk astronauts if all these computers didn't have so many spacebars.

#4825 (+7/-0)
<curtmack> anyway, anyone want to help me write a cover letter?
<Royall> curtmack: Start out with a general idea
<Royall> Like
<Royall> "America is fat"
<Royall> Then expand
<Royall> "America is reaaaaaly fat"
<curtmack> Royall: This is a company that makes software for healthcare companies

#4908 (+101/-15)
<@relsqui> so I'm writing a poem in another tab
<@relsqui> and I wasn't sure whether I was going to delete a certain line
<@relsqui> so I wanted to see how it would scan without it
<@relsqui> so I started to comment it out
<@relsqui> so it wouldn't be executed
<@relsqui> and was like
<@relsqui> ...
<@relsqui> wait.

#8086 (+15/-1)
* Scouto2 gives bucket bucket
<Scouto2> ...
* Scouto2 gives bucket bucke­t
* Bucket hands Scouto2 a good smack in exchange for bucke­t

#7769 (+16/-2)
<Selig> I think sheepbat should be the next stig
<sheepbat> the baa stig?
<Selig> Can you imagine a little sheepbat trying to drive a car?
* Selig gives sheepbat a little racing outfit
* Selig puts the helmet on sheepbat, it has little ear holes
<sheepbat> <makes engine noises>
* whiskeyish puts Selig in a little racing jar.
<Selig> D: But I havn't finished putting the outfit on sheepbat!
* whiskeyish screws the lid down tight on the racing jar.
* whiskeyish rolls the racing jar down a steep hill.
<jlamothe> whiskeyish: I hope that jar has air holes.
<torpedo> Make sure you have the air holes, wh.
<whiskeyish> jlamothe: of course not.
<whiskeyish> it'll be aerated at the end of the line.
<rival> if he wins, we'll let him out.
<sheepbat> she
* PacifistDalek watches Captain Slow roll by in a jar, chasing Selig's jar
<rival> if she wins, we'll let her out.
<Selig> Wheeeeeeeeeeee! ~crack~ eeeeeeeeeeeeeee ~crack~ eeeeeeeeeee ~shatter~
* Selig meows from the mess of what was the racing jar
* Selig climbs up the slope and meows at whiskeyish
* whiskeyish punts Selig into the abyss.
* Selig falls down, makes comical mushroom cloud and a noise of a drumset being hit with a truck

#4679 (+20/-6)
< Cojaro> A baptist preacher , a methodist minister, and a catholic priest are on a plane that's falling towards the ground...
< Cojaro> The baptist says, "Women and children first!" The methodist says, "Screw the children!"
< Cojaro> The priest says, "Do we have time for that?"

#1048 (+204/-26)
vejadu: there is no plural of emo, they're always lonely

#1061 (+14/-4)
<vejadu> sup NQM
* NQM does the whole gangsta head nod thing to vejadu
<NQM> Sup
* vejadu does various gang hand signals until acknowledged and/or beaten by NQM
* NQM acknowledges vejadu.
* vejadu ran out of gang signals and was going through the ASL alphabet
* vejadu notes acknowledgment at 'R'

#6167 (+14/-4)
<Boom_Farmer> bucket, Watchmen is about blue balls!
<Bucket> Boom_Farmer: Your mom is about blue balls!!

#4462 (+27/-7)
<scwizard> Bucket: botsex
<Bucket> Come here, you sexy ferret you.
<h2freak> ...
<Bucket> [Everyone solemnly gets naked.]

#4296 (+17/-1)
<Swiftsteel> Clam: Ok... So I don't have a gag reflex. What are you bringing to the table?
<Clam> Swiftsteel: uh...I have a penis
<Bucket> I am Sick of This Already!

#248 (+179/-24)
< shoofle> function cannot be executed
< Bucket> function cannot be sexecuted
< shoofle> I know now how I want to die.

#9596 (+8/-0)
<Silent> http://uk.pcpartpicker.com/user/silentshift/saved/2joY What I'm saving for
<Silent> SSD will be added to it about a month after I get it
<@creature> "This part list is private."
<@creature> Silent: We can't see your private parts.

#8098 (+11/-0)
<Seth> flyingferret, am I bad at not procrastinating?
<flyingferret> Absolutely not.
<Seth> wait...
<Seth> too many negatives

#9373 (+37/-2)
<GreenWolf> humans are weird
<GreenWolf> crap, wrong irc channel
<schwal> Nope, right channel.
<GreenWolf> oh, so this is the channel for the alien scientific exploration of earth?
<Danjc2> GreenWolf: no, the alien psychological exploration of earth.
<Bucket> no, the alien psychological sexploration of earth.