Hi! Just so you know, you can click on the $ up there to support XKCDB. (This box will go away after you vote once.)

#1088 (+6/-0)
Fredd: James, sweety, with this money we could buy the baby a new crib!
JamesAG: Screw the baby... I need new shoes
Fredd: But..but..
***JamesAG smacks Fredd
JamesAG: shut up and sit down
JamesAG: it's my money, we do as I say
***Fredd growls
Fredd: this
Fredd: iS
JamesAG: not
Fredd: POSTMODERN AMERICAAAAAAAA!!!
***Fredd punches James in the face
JamesAG: wtf was that for?

#925 (+6/-1)
* SBlade|Esaay has changed the topic to: <SBlade>I love myself for what I have said and done and will give everyone free sex as restitution | The age of Humans is over! | Only a bot would say that | Only a human would say that | ARGH DAMN YOU COLDNEON.
<kuraikaze-moss> SBlade: are you female
<SBlade|Esaay> No.
<kuraikaze-moss> then bend over because pail isn't EITHER!

#216 (+17/-6)
<Geese> I have a frame from that bit in Lost in Translation where her ass fills THE ENTIRE SCREEN
<Geese> I'm planning on getting it enlarged onto an A2 print
<%Ephphatha> Do it
<%Ephphatha> take a photo with you in front for scale
<%Ephphatha> wear pants.

#9876 (+14/-5)
<fuhrer> Does Randall ever come here?
<~Randall> fuhrer: not really
<fuhrer> :(

#2440 (+10/-0)
<Nikc> I hate Steam
<Frowardd> I know what you mean man
<Frowardd> I hate coal
<Diet-Drew> Nikc: Do you hate all vapors?

#9437 (+12/-0)
<XanT> Biodegradable bags are largely made out of exactly the same chemicals as every other bag, just with the ability to fall apart. Which has been noted by some to not actually be that much of an improvement environment wise.
<barometz> XanT: it'll definitely degrade faster
<etta> and they fall apart right when you're trying to get to your car after purchasing cheese whip, olive oil, strawberries, ice cube trays and rolling pins
<InitHello> etta: and that just completely ruins the weekend orgy plans

#9839 (+53/-1)
** Aaeriele sets mode(s) -b *!Poinko@*.kiwiirc.com
** Aaeriele sets mode(s) +b #xkcd!*@*
(@Aaeriele) er
** Aaeriele sets mode(s) -b #xkcd!*@*
(GreenWolf) Did you just ban everyone?
(tomatosalad) yes.
(@snark) to be fair they deserved it

#9022 (+9/-4)
<+Whie> Yoda was giving a force prophecy, Luke is going to live to 900, but he won't keep his good looks.

#689 (+9/-0)
<Ephphatha> hmm
<Ephphatha> to go out, or to stay in
<shadebug> if you stay in there could be trouble
<shadebug> conversly, to go out might lead to double that trouble
<shadebug> from a mathematical standpoint the choice seems clear

#7771 (+34/-0)
<Spork> Why is this a wikipedia article? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Lebanese_people_(Guatemala)
<DaMullet> Spork: That's a comprehensive list... There are no other Lebanese people in Guatamala.
<DaMullet> he's so alone
<Selig> nobody understands him
<sheepbat> because he speaks lebanese?

#8836 (+6/-2)
* iamneoinr test
< iamneoinr> did that show up as a /me to anyone?
< XMPPwocky> iamneoinr: nope
< Goosey124> nope
<@relsqui> no
< XMPPwocky> sorry
< iamneoinr> Didn't think so

#5260 (+11/-0)
<creamycenter> so people who complain that Vista uses too much memory are wrong. XP doesn't use enough.

#1113 (+19/-6)
<Izzhov> So, everyone, Randall says he's shutting down this channel for good. BUT!
<Izzhov> He will spare the channel and all of your lives if one man steps forward. Who here is Spartacus?
=-= Izzhov was booted from #xkcd-signal by xkcd (That'd be me.)

#2106 (+4/-0)
< XanT> I prefer my breasts flat to larger in volume than the rest of her body several times over.
< XanT> Anything outside that range is Ewwwwww!

#6048 (+7/-0)
<Spork> The last NDA I had to sign, I had to certify that I wasn't a citizen of Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, North Korea, or China.
<relsqui> Spork: I totally read "Iowa" on that list

#9583 (+7/-2)
<schwal> pointless
<Bucket> screw you schwal. I'm pointier than you
<Althir> Thank you, Bucket.
<Bucket> My pleasure, Althir. This stabbing sure does work up a terrible thirst.

#5435 (+48/-9)
<@snark> a lot of people are angry about the internet
<Potassium> GRRRRR
<@snark> it is usually unreasonable, but a common phenomenon
<Potassium> very common!
<@snark> being unreasonable is also a common phenomenon, so no surprises there
<Potassium> not a surprise to be seen!
<@snark> I'm not really going anywhere with this.
<Potassium> nowhere!
<@snark> But I'd like to thank my trusty mascot Potassium.
<Potassium> The metal man!
* @snark bows and exits
* Potassium spontaneously combusts
<Potassium> FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

#5831 (+15/-0)
<Bucket> "Not Ironic Disgusting" would be a nice name for a band.
<@snark> Someday, someone will do something that is actually ironic. And THAT will be true irony.
<@snark> But this is not that day.
<loki> snark: my life has been pure irony for a week now
<@snark> loki: Did you have a surplus of spoons and a deficit of knives?
<@snark> loki: Was the weather inconvenient for you?
<@res0> did the taxi driver comp your trip after the charges went through?
<imaginary> "Alternative Alternative Metal" would be a great name for a band.
<@snark> I don't think we can blame Alanis Morisette for destroying the meaning of irony, to be honest. She is just a sign of the times.
<loki> snark: actually there's a phd comic about that one
<@snark> loki: I am astonished.
<loki> snark: I don't think you are
<loki> snark: you sound rather ironic
<@snark> loki: What ever gave you that impression?
<@snark> I wouldn't even begin to know the meaning of irony.
<loki> snark: the tone in your voice
<@snark> loki: In cyberspace, no one can hear you sneer.

#8674 (+18/-1)
<photosynthetica> i gotta get up early on the morrow
<photosynthetica> gonna be stormy stormy weatherrrr
<relsqui> don't know whyyyyy
<relsqui> there's no sun up in the sky
<photosynthetica> clouds
<relsqui> oh.
<relsqui> that'd do it.
<relsqui> other acceptable answers include "night" and "since my man and I ain't together, keeps rainin' all the time"

#10353 (+24/-0)
< jamesl> wake me up inside
< jamesl> call my name and save me from the dark
< rpenguin> jamesl: the eternal words of the Reverend Evan N. Sense
< rpenguin> also don't type random lyrics for no reason :(
< jamesl> surely it would be Eva N Sense?
< rpenguin> a double N disappears anyway, I don't think there's a consonantal stop
<@barometz> Eva née Sense
< Bucket> "Eva Ne Sense" would make a good name for a rock band.

#225 (+39/-8)
<%Ephphatha> shadebug: I have chips, does that count?
< shadebug> depends what you mean by chips
<%Ephphatha> crisps
< shadebug> what flavour crisps?
<%Ephphatha> They're 'Tastes like fucking potato you ponce' crisps
<%Ephphatha> I hate flavoured crisps

#1309 (+4/-0)
<maLLee> In that case, wanna make out?
<Nick> of course!
<natjo1986> awesome
<natjo1986> it isn't very often you get to make out with someone let alone them being a girl or a human or alive and not your teddy bear

#6303 (+49/-9)
< phobiac> snark has the most epic rick roll phone story
<@snark> which one? I have so many
<@snark> oh, wait, I think maybe I only have one that relates to a phone
<@snark> I think I've told them all a million times though
< phobiac> snark: It's okay it's still funny
< phobiac> Tell us a story Mr. Snark!
< phobiac> A story a story!
<@snark> okay okay
<@snark> so, a couple of weeks before april fool's day, I managed to get my hands on a phone number spoofer and voice masker
<@snark> had a little fun with it here and there, but mostly saved it up. Then, when the day itself rolled around, I decided to place a call to my roommate.
<@snark> I knew he wouldn't pick up though if it was an unrecognised number, so I had to do something that would be okay if he listened to it from voicemail.
<@snark> so I spoof my number to 772-257-4501, and call him up. Sure enough, straight to voicemail.
<@snark> I leave the message, voice masked "If you wish to understand, call back within the hour."
<@snark> so, expecting indignation and possibly violence (as he'll know it was me when he actually finds out), I sit and wait. Five minutes pass, ten minutes pass. No angry call. I realise what's happened.
<@snark> The dude has watched too many horror movies, heard the jigsaw killer voice, and is too scared to call back.
::: relsqui cackles
<@snark> So I head back to the apartment, compose myself, walk in, and sit down at my computer. Not a word.
<@snark> After a minute or so, my roommate turns to me, all concerned.
<@snark> "So, I just got this really weird call. They just said that if I want to understand, I should call back within the hour. The voice was really weird."
<@snark> "So, did you call back?"
<@snark> "No way man. What if it's some serial killer or something?"
< relsqui> teehee
<@snark> "Well, what is he going to do, jump out of your closet? Look, I'll check the number on fonefinder. It's some place in Michigan. I'm sure it's fine."
<@snark> "Well... okay. I'll call back."
< relsqui> snort :)
<@snark> he slowly lifts his phone, makes the call. Ring ring. Suspense builds. Ring ring. The phone picks up, and he hears... drums?
<@snark> "DAMN IT SNARK"
< phobiac> Hahaha
< relsqui> XD
< relsqui> you rickroll like you tell jokes
< relsqui> immense buildup, huge letdown
<@snark> hahaha
< relsqui> I like it
<@snark> pretty much =P
< phobiac> relsqui: Incidentally, that's also how he perfoms in bed.
< Jello_Raptor> =|
< relsqui> burn :P
<@snark> always gonna build you up, always gonna let you down

#9412 (+20/-3)
-!- linglinglingling [linglingli@hide-7C5CDDE9.mycingular.net] has joined #xkcd
<@relsqui> linglinglingling: BANANAPHONE
-!- linglinglingling [linglingli@hide-7C5CDDE9.mycingular.net] has quit [Quit: Colloquy for iPhone - http://colloquy.mobi]

#4016 (+14/-5)
<Royall|Gunz> Oh shit
<Royall|Gunz> I just put my hand on the wasd keys
<Royall|Gunz> And it started shaking like crazy
<Royall|Gunz> What's that called?
<halberd> it's an ouija keyboard
<halberd> if you let them shake for a while it will spell a message
<halberd> something like ASDFGHSDLFJG from beyond the grave
<natjo> if there can be ouija boards and psychic writing i'm sure there can be psychic typing
<natjo> i'm pretty sure though the ghost will give up when they're told they have to use microsoft word

#9245 (+27/-18)
< Ian> "cos of your sin"
< Ian> oh god I call a moratorium on math jokes
< Ian> trig-ger warning
< Ian> lol
<@InTheBlue> We need to differentiate between our normal serious conversations and these puns
<@InTheBlue> They're multiplying
< Ian> >:(
<@InTheBlue> Ok, I'm done
< Ian> I'm glad I'm leaving
<@InTheBlue> I just wanted to get a calculus pun out there
<@InTheBlue> Oh no Ian, do
<@InTheBlue> *don't go!
< Ian> I was leaving anyway
< RoadieRich> InTheBlue: that's the absolute limit.
<@InTheBlue> The magnitude of these puns is unbearingable
< Ian> I'm not going to add to this :|
< Ian> ...
< Ian> fuck

#7464 (+38/-6)
<killings> I can ask anyone I want for pix and not get kicked because I'm a girl
<killings> this is great because I'm a huge pervert
<killings> and I'm gonna masturbate to ALL OF YOU

#5159 (+44/-7)
<Daedalus> Picture yourself in a boat on a channel,
<Daedalus> With tangerine ops and marmalade skies
<Daedalus> Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
<Daedalus> A bot with kaleidoscope eyes.
<Daedalus> Cellophane factoids of yellow and green,
<Daedalus> Towering over your head.
<Daedalus> Look for the bot with the sun in her database,
<Daedalus> And she's gone.
<Daedalus> Bucket in the sky with diamonds,

#7709 (+10/-1)
* stalfo is eating a three day old meat pie from a lebonese restoraunt for breakfast
<bobbysir> Meat pie sounds meaty
<ellipsis> stalfo: it's been fun knowing ya
<stalfo> :D
<stalfo> ...
<Bucket> [Suddenly, you realize there is someone missing from the channel.]
<stalfo> X.X

#6577 (+21/-6)
< Latis> My favourite nausea cure is chewing on ginger
< Spi_Waterwing> my favorite STD cause is munching on a ginger

#628 (+6/-0)
<airtank> stop ruining my gross exaggerations with facts!

#9947 (+18/-3)
<colt> You know what? Screw ferret. I'ma have a sammich anyway.
<XanT> Just su up.
<colt> `sudo make sammich`
* CO2 has quit (sjc.foonetic.net belay.foonetic.net)
* AaronMcH has quit (sjc.foonetic.net belay.foonetic.net)
[...snip 146 more quits...]
* liru has quit (sjc.foonetic.net belay.foonetic.net)
* njsg_ has quit (sjc.foonetic.net belay.foonetic.net)
<Rena> SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DISOBEY THE FERRET

#2369 (+38/-8)
<julian> Lefty: I think you might possibly be a bit confused about what socialism actually is ;)
<khmer> socialism is driving a white 2005 mustang convertible up the pacific coast highway with your bottle blonde hair streaming behind you around your oakley wraparounds, while drinking an coke from In'n'Out and listening to Sublime
<khmer> wait, sorry
<khmer> that's socalism

#4715 (+6/-1)
* Flayer screams bloody murder
* Royall screams Bloody Mary, shaken

#6948 (+16/-0)
<SkyEye>: never ever agree to help somebody who does not know how to program make a mod.
<Boom_Farmer>: If only you knew that <time> ago.
<SkyEye> : I'm sorry, I can't read text in brackets.
<SkyEye> : "feature" of my client
<TehLaser>: <Wow, what kind of a lame client is that?>

#4240 (+459/-46)
<Debaser> Guys
<Debaser> Here is an important life lesson
<Debaser> If someone comes up to you while you are eating egg at a mcdonalds
<Debaser> And says "You're eating chicken period"
<Debaser> Do NOT go
<Debaser> "OM NOM NOM, CHICKED PERIOD"
<Debaser> And smear it all over your face
<Debaser> Thats ANOTHER damn mcdonalds I can't go into

#6470 (+33/-7)
<apo_> Scribblenauts has no antigravity device. :(
<@relsqui> apo_: you have to be more specific :P
<@relsqui> apo_: it has, for example, balloons

#8901 (+10/-1)
<@Stereo> next on my list of culturally significant mashups: 4'Jude, 4'33" and Hey Jude
<@Shrdlu> I think I have that

#7825 (+22/-2)
<Boyle> indeed
* Bucket nods thymely.
* Boyle nods sagely
* Bucket nods in thyme with Boyle.

#254 (+61/-12)
<cctoide> the actors in red alert 2 scared me.
* steam_shoofle hasn't gotten there yet
<steam_shoofle> I don't seem to have the movies or something!
<steam_shoofle> it might just be a side-effect of the crack I'm using
<steam_shoofle> the, uh, game crack
<steam_shoofle> yeah
<cctoide> Right.

#10161 (+10/-1)
< tanuki> My ex is diabetic.
< tanuki> So yeah.
< Bucket> sorbet for everyone!!!

#6468 (+43/-8)
<Puddle> Hi, Spork
* Spork has left foonetic.net (Connection reset by peer)
* Spork (~Andrew@hide-307D78C3.hsd1.wa.comcast.net) has joined #xkcd
<Spork> Puddle: What the fuck did you do?
* Puddle lifts mouse cursor from the "reset" button
* Puddle whistles.
<Spork> Puddle: Do it again.
<Spork> I DARE YOU
<Puddle> Hi, Spork
* killings has left foonetic.net (Quit: ChatZilla 0.9.85 [Firefox 3.5.3/20090824101458])
<Spork> You missed.

#4817 (+6/-0)
< Spork> http://www.flickr.com/photos/80695037@N00/3191131640/ <- its a nudibranch! :D
< Huw> There's nothing nude about it.
< quit> DO YOU SEE A SINGLE PIECE OF CLOTHING ON IT?!
< Bucket> YES BUT I FAIL TO SEE HOW THAT IS RELEVANT
< quit> I DIDNT THINK SO.

#6733 (+26/-6)
<QwerkyOne>: invent something
* Bucket steals the Delorean from the future and takes credit for it.
<QwerkyOne>: bucket, what was that?
<Bucket>: QwerkyOne: That was 'invent something' (#66568): <action> steals $newitem from the future and takes credit for it.
<QwerkyOne>: and here I thought you needed the Delorean to steal things from the future

#463 (+12/-4)
cado: im more supportive of zoophillia honestly cause atleast you're putting the triangle in the triangle hole
cado: and not the pooper
Gelsamel: ...
Bucket: [You hear a sound reminiscent of an elephant stepping on a peanut.]
cado: ok that came out really weird

#2038 (+22/-4)
<relsqui> I don't think there's any harm in thinking about efficiency all the time as long as you keep it properly prioritized
<relsqui> i.e. in this case it takes a back seat to good interface design
<relsqui> s/i[.]e[.]/e[.]g[.]/
<relsqui> er wait
<relsqui> s/s\/i\[[.]e\[[.]\]/e\[[.]\]g\[[.]\]/s\/i\[[.]\]e\[[.]\]\/e[.]g[.]\/

#5510 (+35/-8)
< phyphor> irregardless that is bad grammer!
-!- mode/#xkcd [+b *!phyphor@*.lordstorm.net] by billygoat
-!- phyphor was kicked from #xkcd by billygoat [It's REGARDLESS you cockbiter.]
<&Randall> billygoat: That sentence needed a comma after "REGARDLESS".
-!- billygoat was kicked from #xkcd by Randall [Randall]

#4208 (+8/-5)
<ShortWave> Let's say you COULD teleport your penis...

#7067 (+10/-1)
<@zigdon> billygoat: stopword quotes
<%billygoat> Okay, next person to say 'quotes' gets kickbanned.
< Bucket> Sorry zigdon, I don't remember what stopword said.
< Queen_Sarah> billygoat quotes
< Bucket> *bleat*.
-!- mode/#xkcd [+b *!nobody@*.zone11.bethere.co.uk] by billygoat
-!- Queen_Sarah was kicked from #xkcd by billygoat [Jackpot!!!]

#2201 (+12/-4)
<AquaFox> Mind, can you understand irony in english?
<Mind> Aquafox : Depends of my alcohol in blood percentage, and about how many House MD I watched before