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Showing the top rated quotes from the last days.

#10447 (+6/-0)
<rival> nobody: My dad pulled a piece of shit monitor out of the trash. When I came over, he asked me to check it out.
<rival> I plugged it in, and it immediately lit up, but was completely garbled.
<rival> I picked it up off the desk, shook it lightly. When that didn't work, I looked him square in the face and dropped it on the floor.
<nobody> hopefully that worked
<rival> It absolutely fucking worked. Do you know how fucking hard it is too keep a straight face after you do something like that?
<rival> I mean, I knew it came out of the trash. My plan was to break it enough that it would *stay* in the trash. Instead, I fixed it.

#10445 (+3/-0)
<Bucket> 16 is the legal age here
<cnf> legal age for what, Bucket ? :P
<mie> it's the legal age. all other ages are illegal
<barometz> "sweet sixteen" is the year you don't get hunted by the government
<barometz> it's a hell of a tradition

#10444 (+3/-0)
<CO2> There are two young pastors, fresh out of seminary, stationed at churches in towns 30 miles apart in South Dakota. Every Wednesday, they both bicycle to a town midway between their towns, stop at the cafe and have a coffee and some pie and discuss how their new ministries are going. One week, one pastor arrives, but his friend is an hour late, and shows up riding in the back of a farmer's pickup
<CO2> truck. He walks into the cafe and says "brother, it pains me to say this, but somebody has stolen my bicycle! And since my town is so small, surely it must be one of my parishioners who stole it."
<CO2> His friend muses on this and says "what you need to do is this Sunday preach on the Ten Commandments, and when you get to 'thou shalt not steal' bear down really hard, and I bet you the culprit will feel guilty and confess." The next Wednesday, both pastors come riding up on their bikes at the same time, and the first pastor is excited that his idea must have worked, but his friend replies
<CO2> "Well.... sort of. I preached the Ten Commandments like you said, but then I got to 'thou shalt not commit adultery'... and then I remembered where I left my bike."

#10446 (+1/-0)
<bearachute> oh have you guys seen michael stipe?
<bearachute> holy crap man
<seven> Who's he? I can't REMember