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#10001 (+2/-0)
< Caffeine> So. The authorities have spoke.
< Caffeine> I can now drive on my own.
<+arble> nice
<+arble> always wanted to try my hand at golf

#10000 (+6/-0)
<~snark> Investors Upset After Ponzicoin Operator Absconds With Their Money #NotTheOnion
<~snark> gotta have some respect for someone brazen enough to name their scam Ponzicoin

#9999 (+5/-0)
<@Stereo> okay but the seven dwarves ... are they siblings? or are they just bros
<@Stereo> in the non-brother sense
<@khmer> Stereo: they're clones. their deviations from Doc are the result of telomere decay from half-life of the cesium in the cloning apparatus
<@Stereo> well that makes sense

#9997 (+3/-0)
<bhuddah> Stereo: that's the extrusion i have been talking about.
<Bucket> that's the sextrusion i have been talking about.
<bhuddah> sextrusion... hmmmmm
<schwal> Isn't that just a 3D printed dildo?

#9995 (+5/-0)
<@schwal> I just typoed "marchmallows" which made me think of mallows from a march http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/March_%28territorial_entity%29 which in turn made me think of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toblerone_line . I am now picturing a line of giant frozen marshmallows blocking Finnish tanks from getting into Norway (in Finnmark).
<XMPPwocky> mm toblerone
<@schwal> If you are all now thinking of sugary tank obstacles my work here is done.

#9994 (+3/-0)
<Bucket> Humans are surprisingly inflammable.
* diogenes sets Bucket on fire
* Bucket burns fast and free.
* dingbat sets diogenes on fire
* diogenes burns fats and flees

#9992 (+2/-0)
<Bucket> Brazil scores with hand play, and won't even tell the referee so when asked
<@schwal> I cannot imagine what country the person who added that factoid was from at all.
<@schwal> (It was totally England)
— ten embeds a <blink> tag in schwal's will
<@schwal> ten: You are an evil person.
<ten> oh stop it you
<@schwal> ten: Look, just because I happen to know what that refers to and that the English have been pissy about it ever since ...
<XanT> I dont remember England being pissed off at Brazil about something like that, but Im not hugely in to football.
<@schwal> XanT: google "hand of god"
<XanT> Thats not Brazil.
<@schwal> Wait, it's not?
<@schwal> shit
<@schwal> >_<
<XanT> Argentina.
<Bucket> Argentina scores with hand play, and won't even tell the referee so when asked

#9991 (+7/-0)
<ticamai> I'm laughing my ass off right now
<ticamai> Someone sent me a virus on steam earlier, .scr file
<ticamai> I use linux, so that wasn't a problem. I set up an XP box to run it on, just because
<ticamai> IE downloaded and ran the .scr virus just fine. But when I went to the microsoft website to download an update, it blocked it for potentially being malicious.
<ticamai> (Turns out the virus needs updated .net runtime to work)

#9990 (+13/-0)
<+arble> it does sometimes amaze me that this relatively small island nation basically ruled the world for a century
<+arble> that's the kind of thing you dream of doing in strategy games

#9989 (+5/-3)
< Bucket> snark is helpful
<@snark> am I though

#9988 (+19/-0)
< CO2> my dad has a mug that says SLURP SLURP SLURP on the outside
< Eule> what does your mom's mug say?
< CO2> my mom has been dead for over 2 years now.
< Eule> sorry
< Eule> what does your mom's urn say?

#9986 (+5/-2)
-!- Passion[droid]` [Passim@hide-AE1ABAA5.range86-174.btcentralplus.com] has joined #xkcd
-!- Passion[droid]` is now known as Jessikat
< CaptainPlatypus> welcome back Jessikat
< CaptainPlatypus> also, thanks to your join nick there, Jessikat, I will now always and forever picture you as a randy smartphone
< CaptainPlatypus> I hope that was the intent
< Jessikat> I've had worse
<@barometz> "Okay Google" "mmm yes, sweetie?"
< CaptainPlatypus> barometz++

#9985 (+1/-1)
<ScienceClause> Not me but I'm doing something similar, wsa
<wsa> oh? what is that, ScienceClause?
<ScienceClause> wsa, stabbing myself in the face repeatedly.
<wsa> come on it isn't that bad
<ScienceClause> I just had to make the joke
<wsa> if you love Star Wars as much as I do, watching the holiday special is a lot like having your hand in a vise that gets tightened down just shy of the point where the skin will break, having it loosened a bit, and then a minute later re-tightening it, over and over again for about an hour

#9984 (+15/-0)
< The0x539> I',m not sure how to describe tuping on this new keyoard
< The0x539> CTUALLY, those typos describve it pretty damn well

#9983 (+14/-0)
<+Oracle989> Can we have a moment of collective shame that Shania Twain outsold Zeppelin?
<+WassPord> that don't impress me much
<+WassPord> :P
<+Oracle989> WassPord: Go home.

#9982 (+4/-1)
<coxj2000> He's smart, but thick-headed. He keeps getting on Facebook and stuff while I'm talking to you or Googling, and I lose my RDP connection
<mscs> That's why one of my favorite things about Apple Remote Desktop is the ability to revoke control from the local user.
<mscs> "No, STOP! Don't click that, I'm still typing in the command in the ter-- NO STOP. DO NOT CLICK THAT. YOU KNOW WHAT? FORGET THIS. SCREEN LOCKED."
=-= mscs was booted from #xkcd by billygoat (5-minute autokill)
<schwal> screen locked indeed.

#9980 (+13/-1)
< mscs> fantasyprone: I've heard calling someone "m8" is a huge diss, while calling them a cunt means you're friends for life.
< mscs> truth?
< fantasyprone> not exactly
< fantasyprone> you call your mates cunts, yeah, but "mate" can indicate any cunt
< fantasyprone> "mate" is pretty well generic "person"
< fantasyprone> it all depends on context
< fantasyprone> I'd call a stranger "mate" if asking for the time, but I'd also call my bffs mates and if someone wants to start a fight I'd tell them mate I'll wreck you
< Jack_Trades> fantasyprone: Is there a specific word or phrase that conveys the message "I want to kick your ass and then make a move on your woman", but with less words?
< Antipaganda> "I'm from Queensland."

#9979 (+6/-2)
< CO2> Freedom ends at the American border. Note I did not specify at which side of said border.
< Silicium> don't worry, I can do that: OUTSIDE
< CO2> Silicium: stop right there
< CO2> What is this 'outside' you speak of?
* Silicium is ambiguous for the sake of it

#9978 (+15/-0)
<Sysi> I don't think plato would've thought gods were purely ideal, maybe just more ideal and less material than humans
<barometz> the homeric gods were very much not ideal
<barometz> but, y'know, they're gods. What are you gonna do?
<Sysi> steal their fire

#9977 (+6/-0)
<+Vulpes> I just love this channel
<+Vulpes> I swear the moderator loves me. I almost never get muted
* moderator sets mode +v Mateon1
<+Mateon1> And I hate it... So freaking much...
<+Mateon1> So now that is... How much time?
<+Mateon1> 1 day 12 hours to reset to 4 seconds timeout?
<+Mateon1> /msg moderator timeout
-moderator- Mateon1, you have been muted for 4 minutes 16 seconds.
* moderator sets mode -v Mateon1
<+Vulpes> Oh god that's just cruel.

#9975 (+19/-0)
<diogenes> if you pay with matches, ...
<Vulpes> diogenes, you'll be kicked out of most establishments
<Vulpes> Matches are not legal tender
<diogenes> they're legal tinder

#9973 (+6/-3)
<schwal> barometz: So, uh, I was just reading Templar, AZ. I couldn't help but notice your peculiar gaze in the comments section.
<barometz> I have a few avatars that would fit that description, got a link?
<schwal> (It's your current denizens one)
<schwal> http://templaraz.com/2008/04/21/030x062/
<Froward> I've noticed that gaze pop up in a few places.
<khmer> Froward, barometz, schwal: man, yeah, i've seen that gaze somewhere, i just can't remember
<khmer> oh yeah
<khmer> https://www.dropbox.com/s/erfri0v5xsv1g4s/that-gaze1.jpg?dl=0
<barometz> .. wait
* barometz squints
<barometz> please tell me you just made this and this hasn't been on the internet for years
<khmer> well it's probably been on the surface of mars since brains evolved pareidolia
<Froward> there's a whole forum built around that picture
<barometz> I guess I shouldn't look a gift cult leader opportunity in the mouth

#9972 (+9/-0)
* schwal sees job listing for bilingual front desk assistant, contemplates claiming to know only Latin and Russian.
* khmer watches schwal play his hilarious joke and get immediately hired as a copyist for the orthodox patriarch

#9970 (+15/-0)
<Stereo> what's that game like GTA but with a bunch more madness
<@relsqui> goat simulator

#9968 (+12/-0)
<Telnaior> Why are IRC bots always so rude
<@snark> because they're programmed by IRC users
<Peng> That also explains why Bucket is being so dumb this morning.
<Corynne> Never a truer word spoken
<Bucket> Humans are awesome

#9967 (+8/-0)
<SirCmpwn> hush, TinFox
<SirCmpwn> you too, barometz
=-= SirCmpwn was booted from #xkcd by barometz (hint)
-->| SirCmpwn (SirCmpwn@hide-744F6DDB.sircmpwn.com) has joined #xkcd
<SirCmpwn> I suppose a kick isn't technically talking
<SirCmpwn> so points for that

#9965 (+7/-0)
< XMPPwocky> does the set of all slightly wrong jokes about russell's paradox contain this joke?
< feriority> XMPPwocky: yes

#9964 (+8/-7)
Bucket: Japan is a hologram
tanuki has quit (Quit: tanuki)

#9963 (+8/-5)
<@Shrdlu> we have to keep the Bucket canon internally consistent or he's basically worthless
<GreenWolf> Shrdlu: I really want to quote that
<GreenWolf> can I?
<@Aaeriele> Bucket: remember Shrdlu canon
<Bucket> Okay, Aaeriele, remembering "we have to keep the Bucket canon internally consistent or he's basically worthless".
<@Shrdlu> GreenWolf: no, you can't
<@Shrdlu> GreenWolf: if you try, he'll be all "I already had it that way"
<@Shrdlu> won't work

#9961 (+16/-0)
<GreenWolf> Once again, I am motivated to make my own conlang based off of English
<GreenWolf> But effort
* Sartaglo puts effort in Bucket
* Bucket is now carrying effort, but dropped a newspeak dictionary.

#9960 (+29/-0)
<CO2> I hope they don't do the thing Fisher Scientific did >_<
<schwal> CO2: Wait, what did Fisher do?
<CO2> schwal: usually their labels are colour coded. E.g. yellow for oxidizer, red for stuff that burns, and so on. That way you can easily see if someone put a bottle in a wrong place where it is dangerous
<CO2> schwal: for a few months, they made ALL their labels pink, as an awareness campaign for breast cancer
<CO2> so, you know, the researchers that try to find a cure for cancer now know that breast cancer is a thing.
<XanT> The road to explosions is paved with good intentions.

#9959 (+13/-0)
<WassPord> i don't eat pork
<Cheez> i don't eat pork, except for kunk po pork, bacon, sausages and pork chops
<Cheez> oh and pork belly, pulled pork, deep fried pig ears and pork scratchings
<Bubo> I think you eat pork

#9958 (+21/-2)
<@relsqui> I used to have a giant stash of miscellaneous flavored condoms
<@relsqui> this happened sort of by accident, coincidentally right before I started getting laid
<@relsqui> so I blew through them pretty fast
<@relsqui> uh, no pun intended

#9957 (+25/-0)
< XMPPwocky> ow
< XMPPwocky> just got hit with falling curtains
< XMPPwocky> and shortly after, an angry and confused cat

#9956 (+17/-0)
*The0x539 tosses Froward an extra d
<@Froward> Oh thanks dawg
@Froward -> @Frodward

#9954 (+8/-8)
< Althir> Thanks, lad.
< Bucket> I wish you'd stop calling everyone "lad."
< Althir> Shut up, lad.
< Bucket> "Shut Up Lad" would make a good name for a band.
< Althir> :D

#9953 (+12/-1)
< Branes> I'd like to put forward the motion to the honourable members that we elect a chocolate gummi-bear to be president.
< njsg> complaint
< njsg> that most likely violates the laws of Finland
< njsg> as you need to provide a personal ID number
< njsg> and I suppose that chocolate gummi-bears have none
< Bubo> Also he would melt in the sun

#9952 (+13/-0)
< partdavid> i worked at a place that had servers with hostnames like "hp69-192-168-3-181"
< partdavid> and then... they needed to renumber
< partdavid> so the new "hp69-192-168-3-181" had an IP address of 192.168.180.3
< partdavid> naming is a heck of a thing

#9951 (+12/-1)
<hermiene> I visited an exhibition years ago. This girl I lived with studied art, and she invited me to it
<hermiene> So it was a student exhibition thing, lots of pretentious stuff. But this one room was just this guy in his underwear, laboriously picking up sand and placing it on a table with a hole in the middle
<hermiene> I remember thinking to myself, "Keep up the good work, Sisyphus!"

#9950 (+15/-0)
< Rendlesburger> There once was a man writing C
< Rendlesburger> He was coding for days, two to three
< Rendlesburger> Soon to be finished
< Rendlesburger> His mood did diminish
< Rendlesburger> When he busted his close-bracket key

#9949 (+25/-2)
<teh_augmenter> So does anyone have a list of Bucket triggers or is it supposed to be a mystery?
<Shrdlu> you mean his entire factoid database? it's pretty big :)
<Shrdlu> but we intentionally don't publish it, it makes it easier to treat him like a person
* Shrdlu pats Bucket
* Bucket rolls over and purrs.
<Shrdlu> sort of a person

#9947 (+13/-2)
<colt> You know what? Screw ferret. I'ma have a sammich anyway.
<XanT> Just su up.
<colt> `sudo make sammich`
* CO2 has quit (sjc.foonetic.net belay.foonetic.net)
* AaronMcH has quit (sjc.foonetic.net belay.foonetic.net)
[...snip 146 more quits...]
* liru has quit (sjc.foonetic.net belay.foonetic.net)
* njsg_ has quit (sjc.foonetic.net belay.foonetic.net)
<Rena> SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DISOBEY THE FERRET

#9945 (+18/-3)
<tomatosalad> Ugh, my C has gotten sloppy as fuck
<Stereo> i say that about my D all the time
<tomatosalad> I...:|

#9944 (+14/-1)
<Bucket> noamsml is a robosexual
<Renb> it's only robosexual if the lug nuts touch.

#9943 (+27/-1)
< n473> I'd have been less of a judgemental elitist if I'd walked in to find him watching midget furry bondage porn
< Armadi> aaaand /clear
< Armadi> shit
< Armadi> no clear on irccloud
< n473> oh dear
< n473> do you want me to spam lines until "midget furry bondage porn" is no longer on your screen?
< Armadi> no, it's almost off already
< Armadi> one more line
< Armadi> ok good
< Armadi> wait
< Armadi> damn you

#9942 (+18/-3)
<mewyn> https://twitter.com/jweise/status/491788092710199297 Hard drives by WoodlyDoodly
<schwal> "Western Digital's rebranding to appeal to the younger crowd misinterpreted, accidentally made to appeal to toddlers"

#9940 (+16/-5)
<@Frowardd> yeah, don't be that guy who has "a slightly better camera on his phone", be the guy who always has a camera and takes really good pics
<@Frowardd> and is never in any group shots because he's always taking htem
<@Frowardd> HOLY CRAP just figured out how to avoid having my picture taken!

#9938 (+20/-0)
<CO2> last year some small city celebrated their 700th anniversary, and I visited the festival
<CO2> they had a play where the local soldiers drove out both the 16th century Spaniards and WWII nazis. At the same time.
<CO2> So that was interesting.
<TinFox> the temporal world war was really harsh

#9937 (+11/-4)
<puddle> oh, there's a http://www.reddit.com/r/pineapple
<puddle> I need to try obscurer fruits
<puddle> http://www.reddit.com/r/oranges brings up "/r/pickle has assumed control of this subreddit."
<puddle> clearly there have been religious wars between fruit advocates
<puddle> /r/cherries: "We are now members of the Coalition of Fruits instead of the Fruit Union."

#9934 (+24/-1)
* rtmiu rolls 8d2
< flyingferret> rtmiu got: heads, heads, heads, heads, heads, heads, heads, heads.
< rtmiu> O.O
< rcombs> 0.o
< rtmiu> did... did I win?
< rcombs> rtmiu: I'mma say yes

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