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#10504 (+4/-1)
< jamesl> There should be a word for when you Google an error and the only result is the program's source code on Github
< grawity> "undocumented"
< jamesl> grawity, or if it's your own code, "self-documenting"

#10503 (+10/-0)
< Bucket> relsqui sleeps with a pillow under their pillow in case of a surprise pillowfight.
< eezo> hahaha
< eezo> surprise pillowfight :D

* relsqui SUDDENLY HITS EEZO WITH A PILLOW
< eezo> eep!
* eezo falls over
<@relsqui> eezo: constant vigilance.

#10501 (+11/-0)
< arble> I have one too but I need to actually grep for it
* grep is here to serve.
* tonyb486 pipes a lot of data through grep
* grep works very, very hard.
* taixzo is now picturing a linux console where the various commands become sentient and try to convince you to use them
< arble> have you tried GREP, John Anderton?
< grep> taixzo: Pick me! Pick me! I'm a good utility!
< tonyb486> are you BSD grep or GNU grep
< arble> but I need to copy files, not filter text
< tonyb486> or busybox or whatever the hell comes with solaris
< arble> convince me
* moony is now picturing a linux console where the various commands become sentient and try to convince you to use them as well
< taixzo> grep: but awk would be so much better for this task...
< grep> tonyb486: Why are you so eager to see my innards? I like being kept in one piece!
* moony doesnt use any of them, and writes everything he needs in Rust instead
< grep> taixzo: But... but... I'm good... at... finding... *sniffle*
* tonyb486 concludes that grep is actually cygwin gnu grep
* taixzo finally relents, runs <command> | grep ".*" | awk...
< grep> Wheeee!
< Vulpes> pretty sure that this actually exists as a harem anime
-!- moony is now known as mkfs
< tonyb486> cat /dev/urandom | grep '.' > /dev/null
< mkfs> :>
< taixzo> mkfs: that looks like a very evil smile
< mkfs> it just exploded
< mkfs> taixzo, I promise i wont make you have to run fsck /dev/sda6
< grep> taixzo: If you stop using me, then... then... you'll be saying I'm not a good command... You'll be using ack or ag. :(
< taixzo> grep: it's not you, it's me! I...have carpal tunnel...and ag is a shorter name...
* grep looks around feverishly...
< grep> W-what about... alias g=grep
< dd> You could just use dd. I can do things!
* mkfs cleans up dd's mess
* dd if=/dev/urandom of=`which mkfs`
-!- mkfs is now known as fsck
* fsck throws errors
-!- bassgoon is now known as du
* du -h . --max-depth=1
< taixzo> dd: but cp is so much more...unixy!
* dd if=`which grep` of=`which taixzo`
< dd> Bwahahahahaha!
-!- taixzo is now known as _bin_grep
-!- du is now known as ls
* ls |grep fsck
* grep wonders if grep registered grep.
-!- DHeadshot is now known as ed
-!- fsck is now known as dpkg
< ed> Why use grep? I can do a lot more!
< _bin_grep> Oh no, the commands have captured me! I am no longer a user!
< ls> lol
< ls> I prefer the ll alias myself...
< grep> ed: N-no... noo.... noooo.
< dd> Why use dpkg when you can just use me to overwrite your hard disk with a prepared image containing the packages you would like installed!
< ls> ed, what about red
< grep> /nick butterfly
< dpkg> dd, because what if they want to keep something from that disk. You can make a huge mess
< dpkg> ed, have you considered emacs being better?
* ed is a harder to use variant of edlin
< dd> Make a backup with me first!
-!- _bin_grep is now known as sudo
< dd> #problemsolved
< sudo> Ok, listen up dd, dpkg, and all you lot, you report to me now!
< ed> emacs is harder to run non-interactively. I can do both!
* dpkg implodes
-!- dpkg is now known as su
< su> sudo, :)
-!- dd is now known as chmod
< sudo> ...crap
-!- SpicyLemon is now known as chown
* chmod -s `which sudo`
-!- ls is now known as runlevel
< chown> Moooooooom! Rick's trying to steal all my stuff!
< chmod> It's okay, you just need to use me to set permissions!
-!- ed is now known as man
* su -c "dpkg --remove sudo"
< runlevel> lol
-!- Vulpes is now known as kill
-!- chown is now known as less
< chmod> It's okay I already removed his setuid bit. He's useless now, su.
* man doesn't understand runlevel
< less> Let me show you something!
-!- sudo is now known as taixzo
< runlevel> man, you can't do anything without me
< kill> -9 taixzo
< kill> betrayal!
< taixzo> aha! su rescued me!
< chmod> guys I forgot who I was initially
-!- CO2 is now known as git
* man is harder to use than info
* git pull
-!- man is now known as info
-!- systemd is now known as systemctl
* git clone taixzo
< systemctl> Fear me
* Bucket cowers
* chmod -x `which systemctl`
* info systemctl
< grep> That's the right response, Bucket.
* systemctl blocks chmod
-!- info is now known as rm
< taixzo> oh no
* rm -rf *
-!- runlevel is now known as init
* chmod kfjhsdkjfhasdkfhbsadv
* systemctl implodes
< init> master and commander
-!- rm is now known as nohup
* nohup sudo rm -rf /
* Bucket dissolves.
-!- init is now known as systemd
< systemd> but now I'm better than init
-!- systemctl is now known as shutdown
-!- nohup is now known as fireaxe
* fireaxe breaks machine anyway
* shutdown -P 0
< systemd> shutdown, I already covered init and runlevel...you're hardly needed
< shutdown> orly
-!- shutdown is now known as kernel
* kernel implodes systemd
< kernel> wow, our hour is already over?
< kernel> that devolved fast
< diog> well, can't do much after kernel implodes

#10499 (+13/-0)
<@relsqui> "However, lambda serialization is supported only when all values captured by the lambda are serializable." geeze that seems fair
<@relsqui> I'm not asking for magic
<@Shrdlu> you know, I've been trying for years to get lambda serialization working
* Shrdlu gestures helplessly at an enormous pile of code
<@Shrdlu> maybe someday I'll get some closure out of all this
<@relsqui> >:|

#10498 (+4/-1)
<@ephphatha> i must admit i'm in a "delay coding till tomorrow" mood anyway, I've gotta break the permission system for the app I'm working on to rebuild the schema with proper identifiers which is gonna make it unusable for everyone until I get it finished...
<@ephphatha> not looking forward to that
<@relsqui> what's the app?
< Bucket> app is down right now

#10497 (+8/-0)
<TonyPaws> What is a netsplit?
* Inari has quit (Quit: 'I still love you.' - D.Va (Overwatch))
* Laogeodritt has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* dustinm` has quit (Quit: Leaving)
* Shrdlu has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* ArdaXi has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* irc-5225225 has quit (Read error)
* Aaeriele has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* ephphatha has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* Thynix has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* mewshi has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* Stereo has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* ryst has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* dpk has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* pehis has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* The0x539 has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* myst has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* slava has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* grep has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* TC01 has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* puddle has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* sharkee has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* ryaxnb21 has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* nimrodsun has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* Xanthir has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* relsqui has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* fiveofoh has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
* murr4y has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
<pikhq> TonyPaws: That.

#10496 (+11/-0)
<@relsqui> the way I use bookmarks is pathological
<@relsqui> I hit ctrl-d when I want to save a url to make sure I can find it again later
<@relsqui> and that is the end of the process
<@relsqui> I have no other interaction with bookmarks
<@relsqui> if I want to find a site again I search for it
<@Shrdlu> you know, if that's a common behavior certain optimizations could be made

#10494 (+4/-0)
<Buckley> i lead a very dangerous life
<Buckley> like here's an example
<Buckley> i use q tips to clean my ear canal

#10493 (+5/-0)
< CO2> shit
< CO2> I have a problem
< CO2> the docs for java System.nanoTime() say that because of overflow, the value is inaccurate if you call it on the same process twice, more than 292 years apart.
<@relsqui> CO2: ...
< CO2> I was planning to run my program for 293 years >_<

#10492 (+6/-0)
<Vulpes> Bucket, go away <action> pokes billygoat
<+Bucket> Okay, Vulpes.
* billygoat sets mode: +b *!Vulpes@*.E8D5B2F1.70BCBC92.IP
* Vulpes was kicked by billygoat (Goat-ed)
<+Bucket> Penalty, Vulpes, unsportsmanlike conduct!

#10491 (+11/-1)
< CO2> the good thing about global warming is that Great Reptiles and human sized insects may evolve again.
-!- Velociraptor [Dana@hide-EF50C6D0.bras1.syd7.internode.on.net] has joined #xkcd

#10490 (+6/-2)
< Oracle989> But a little lead isn't so bad for adults
< Oracle989> At low velocity
< Oracle989> (settle down, police departments)
< Oracle989> In fact, a very low concentration of lead may be essential to life!
< Oracle989> "Despite the toxicity of lead in significant amounts, there is some evidence that trace amounts are beneficial in pigs and rats, and that its absence causes deficiencies such as depressed growth, anemia, and disturbed iron metabolism. If this finding holds for humans, it would make lead an essential element, one with a threshold of toxicity so low that lead toxicity would remain a much higher priority than lead deficiency."
< Oracle989> A little radiation might be good for you.
< Oracle989> We actually don't know what low dose radiation does to the body
< Oracle989> Might hurt, might help, might not do anything
< Oracle989> The data is conflicting
* Oracle989 realizes he just said lead and radiation are both good for you
23:48:25 * Oracle989 applies to work at Trump's EPA
23:48:25 < IronAngel> you could be the health director for the US

#10489 (+7/-0)
<@bk> owls let the dogs out?
<@sheepbat> who who who who

#10488 (+22/-0)
<jamesl> if I look at my laptop screen angled downwards it looks blue. If I look at it angled upwards it looks red. Why is this?
<jamesl> it only recently started
<Kalium> jamesl: are you closing and opening it at a really, really high speed?

#10487 (+3/-0)
<GreenWolf> pikhq: what are the differences between fly ash and volcanic ash that cause the difference in material properties?
<CheshireCat_> flys vs. volcanos obviously

#10486 (+7/-0)
<Bucket> I think I hear my mother calling me.
<kazitor> Bucket: you have no mother
* Bucket makes a show of patting his pockets, then shrugs helplessly
<kazitor> Bucket: you are adopted
<Bucket> Okay, kazitor.

#10485 (+4/-1)
<seven> I remember at one housemate interview, 3 of us already lived in a 4 bedroom place, and we were trying to find a good fit, 2 german creatives and me, also a creative, in Sydney, we had a super blokey kinda judgemental guy arrive and it felt like the wrong fit, the girls were giving me signals, so while they talked to him I went in to Swantje's room and found her fingerless forearm length red
<seven> gloves, put them on, came back down and offered him a drink
<seven> putting on my most camp of camp acts
<seven> and within minutes he said he had another place at which he was going to live and left
<Kalium> Smooth
<seven> and we all had a good frkn laugh
<seven> I gayed him away :D

#10484 (+11/-0)
< pikhq> Michigan has an inflation-indexed minimum wage...
< pikhq> With a cap.
< pikhq> Inflation will not go up more than 3.5% nor will it go up if unemployment is over 8.5% at any point in the previous year.
< pikhq> Erm, minimum wage will not ...
< Lisimba> pikhq: because if there is unemployment obviously the solution is to pay people relatively less?
< Lisimba> How does that work?
< Bucket> Poorly!
< Lisimba> Well, apart from that.
< cnf> nice choice of words Bucket :P

#10483 (+5/-3)
<PoptartMechanic> I've always figured that Peach and Bowser have a relationship and that Mario just keeps trying to break them up
<PoptartMechanic> I mean, it's all a little too convenient that she gets captured over and over
<Tattoo> the only problem with that is the clear depiction of peach not wanting to be with bowser and being really glad that mario is coming
<PoptartMechanic> Tattoo: hey, she might just have a kidnapping fetish
<Tattoo> PoptartMechanic: except for the fact she's really glad when she's rescued
<PoptartMechanic> that could be a part of the fetish ;)
<alexxerth> Maybe the fetish is between her and mario, and bowser legitimately keeps stealing her, but the reason he is able to do so so often is that she just lets him
<Tattoo> fetishes don't really work that way
<alexxerth> because she wants to get stolen, that way mario can rescue her
<hppavilion1> Tattoo: I think that Mario doesn't know about the relationship
<alexxerth> if she never gets stolen then mario can't rescue her
<hppavilion1> Tattoo: She keeps saying "Ooooh... yay... thank GOD you rescued me"
<Tattoo> that goes against what is shown in the games, though
<hppavilion1> "Thanks for saving me from Bowser, I DEFINITELY wasn't enjoying myself"
<tanuki> "I certainly wasn't baking him a... cake."
<hppavilion1> "Oh, that Sybian with the leather straps I was moaning on when you showed up? Yeah... just... uh... ignore that. It was nothing."
<Tattoo> and peach doesen't to me seem like a person who would -- despite having a fetish or not -- be okay with the fact that vast swaths of sentient beings die because of this activity
<Tattoo> because mario kills /a lot/ to get to her
<Hobz> That got real kinky real quick
<Hobz> Not that there's anything wrong with that
<hppavilion1> Hobz: Thank you!
<hppavilion1> Hobz: "Um, yeah, don't go in that room... What? That doesn't sound like Rosalina at all!"
<hppavilion1> "I'm sure that that motor sound is just Bowser's... washing machine"
<alexxerth> how do luigi and daisy fit into all of this
<alexxerth> or for that matter wario and waluigi
<PoptartMechanic> luigi is just the second string to Mario's fiddle
<PoptartMechanic> kind of just there
<PoptartMechanic> though I'm sure, if there really IS a thing between Peach and the Mario Bros, they have pretty awesome threesomes
<alexxerth> ohh, actually wario lives in a legitimate urban center come to think of it.
<hppavilion1> alexxerth: Luigi is a Cuck, Daisy has gangbangs on a monthly basis, and Samus is Wario and Waluigi's mistress.
<alexxerth> what the fuck has this conversation turned into
<hppavilion1> alexxerth: ...fanfiction?
* hppavilion1 is unsure
<PoptartMechanic> my statement is only a hypothetical. After all, my assertion is that we only percieve the world as seen by a man addicted to shrooms, running around sewers collecting coins

#10482 (+10/-0)
<hppavilion1> Let's imagine a programming language with TIME TRAVEL
<hppavilion1> Specifically, let's say that you can use a function time.sleep(n)
<hppavilion1> Where n is a time to delay before continuing execution (in seconds)
<alexxerth> 2017 goto 1938
<hppavilion1> Which seems pretty standard and non-scifi, except that n can be negative.
<Tattoo> no need to imagine. all programming languages have time travel. only to one direction, though
<hppavilion1> Tattoo: Except Haskell.
<Tattoo> hppavilion1: what?
<hppavilion1> Tattoo: Haskell doesn't have time travel in either direction, ideally.

#10481 (+8/-0)
< CheshireCat> tractor pulling is a crazy-ass sport: https://youtu.be/bFzd5Wl3Bxk?t=262
< Bucket> tractor pulling is a crazy ass-sport: https://youtu.be/bFzd5Wl3Bxk?t=262
* taixzo imagines someone pulling a tractor with a chain on a buttplug
< CheshireCat> holy shit the tractor at 6:15 has dual turbochargers XD
< mrkman> taixzo: if you build it they will come
<@mewyn> Welp, good bye filibuster.
< Oracle989> mewyn, Is it official?
< taixzo> mrkman: i see what you did ther
< taixzo> e
<@mewyn> Oracle989: No, but the assholes are going to pull it.
< Oracle989> Hopefully 3 Republicans will realize how badly going nuclear backfired on the Democrats.
<@mewyn> It's all a pissing match now.
<@mewyn> They don't give a shit.
< alSeen> they chose the wrong one to make a stand on
< CheshireCat> "the assholes are going to pull it"
< CheshireCat> works for both convos happening right now

#10480 (+9/-0)
< alexxerth> I just heard the most insane story
< alexxerth> So there was this guy, he ran away when he was 16 to join monks in Rhode Island
< alexxerth> he stayed there for a few years before running away again to join the army in 1941
< alexxerth> But he didn't like the army, so he left, but since he was AWOL, he stole somebody's name, a buddy of his from the army, and tried to become a monk again. Then ran away again. Then tried to become a monk again. Then ran away again and joined the Navy, but faked suicide and stole somebody else's name.
< alexxerth> He became a professor of psychology, where he survived by reading a chapter ahead of the book he was teaching
< alexxerth> He then ran away again, worked at a sanitarium, ran away *again* and taught psychology again
< alexxerth> Then he was caught by the FBI, who threw him in a Disciplinary Barracks for 18 months for going AWOL, and then he was out, tried to become a monk again while also studying law at night
< permagreen> I had a feeling he would become a lawyer at some point in this story
< alexxerth> Then he ran away again
< alexxerth> He went to Canada this time, joined the Navy as a trama surgeon on a ship during the korean war
< alexxerth> *A fucking surgeon* with zero knowledge of surgery
< alexxerth> He makes it okay by improvising, no big issues....until sixteen combat casualties were loaded on to the boat, and he was the only surgeon on the boat
< alexxerth> One of them had been shot really close to the heart too
< nobody> fake it till you make it
< alexxerth> He ordered them prepped for surgery, and then ran away to his room to read a textbook on general surgery, and sped-read the parts on the surgeries he needed to do
< alexxerth> He saved all sixteen of them
< alexxerth> including the one with a bullet lodged near his heart
< The0x539> and did all sixteen of them become monks?
< nobody> wat
< nobody> dang
< alexxerth> He cut the ribs, bent them, removed the bullet, and put in coagulant gel
< alexxerth> His mantra here being "The fewer cuts you make, the less you have to patch up", which for a fake-surgeon I guess is good
< taixzo> man, he's a fast learner
< alexxerth> Anyways though, this was such an amazing event that it got put in the ship dispatches, which was a huge honor...but also gave him some unwanted publicity
< alexxerth> He couldn't exactly turn it down without being suspicious, so he let it go
< alexxerth> But then the mother of the person who's name he stole found out, and her real son was working in Canada still, so he contacted the authorities and they ordered him to be returned to Canada
< alexxerth> So the Captain of this boat just saw a man save sixteen people, some of who were on the verge of death, and he gets an order saying "That man's not a surgeon"
< alexxerth> of course he ignores it at first, but eventually he has to cave to the order and sends him to Canada
< alexxerth> But because he saved sixteen people, the canadian navy chose not to press charges, and all Canada did was just send him back to the US
< alexxerth> With his salary for the time worked.
< alexxerth> oh, also, he was born in 1921
< alexxerth> So this was *all* by the time he was about *30*
< alexxerth> In the US, he kept stealing names and doing random things, he became a monk again, he founded a fucking religion college that is now Walsh University, still exists
< permagreen> Dang, I haven't saved anyone in a surgery I am grossly underqualified for. I am so unaccomplished.

< alexxerth> In total, he was a ship surgeon, civil engineer, sheriff's deputy, deputy warden, a doctor of applied psychology, a hospital orderly, a lawyer, a teacher, a child-care 'expert', several different monks, an editor, and a cancer researcher

#10479 (+5/-0)
<Bucket> relsqui is jumping their motorcycle over a postcard of Snake River Canyon.
<@relsqui> lol
<@relsqui> I'll suggest that to my roommate, who just bought one
<Agafnd> relsqui: this calls for photo manipulation
<relsqui> Agafnd: good luck with that

<Agafnd> relsqui: https://i.imgur.com/mrtbEVq.png

#10478 (+5/-0)
<murakh> people in this chan certainly are painting a bright picture of NL
<permagreen> Well, I mean who doesn't love Northern Lincolnshire?
<tonyb486> I thought we liked the National League?

#10477 (+3/-0)
<GreenWolf> also, witnesses never hurt
<@creature> One told me I was ugly once. That kinda hurt.

#10476 (+5/-1)
<Jax184> Bucket: SET BLASTER=A220 I7 D1
* Bucket throws up
<Jax184> this is the appropriate reaction

#10475 (+6/-0)
< bearachute> oh man i need to clean up my desktop
< nobody> which one?
< Bucket> The one that says Bad Motherfucker

#10474 (+4/-0)
<@relsqui> Bucket: literal[*] don't know
<+Bucket> relsqui: Here's the full list (92): http://carabiner.peeron.com/xkcd/bucket/literal_don%27t%20know.txt
<@Shrdlu> 92 is less than I expected
<@Shrdlu> did we clean it out?
<@relsqui> I don't think so, lots of old stuff in there
<@relsqui> and I had the same reaction
<@relsqui> I think we add to it frequently but usually only a couple at a time
<@aliaras> also, it's protected, innit?
<@aliaras> so it doesn't get filled with too much garbage
<@Shrdlu> yeah, I just would have guessed that *we'd* added more
<@Shrdlu> most of it not garbage, but, well <_<
* Shrdlu gently shitposts
<@relsqui> Bucket: don't know <action> gently shitposts.

#10473 (+27/-0)
< Shona> I'm so confused as to what is happening rn
<@relsqui> Shona: frog/chicken interbreeding
<@relsqui> it's highly unethical really
<@Shrdlu> it's fricken unethical

#10472 (+28/-0)
<BytesAndCoffee> http://i.imgur.com/SoEIt7S.gif help, Android crashes on boot when running from an SD card

#10470 (+18/-0)
< betawaffle> that gives me an idea... i want some augmented reality glasses that solve every sudoku puzzle they see
< Kalium> betawaffle: how many sudokus do you look at per day
< betawaffle> none
< betawaffle> but i like to ruin them for other people

#10469 (+16/-0)
<ftr> XanT: yeah same deal here. It's not a great quality rink and it's rather small, but you can play hockey on it if you boojjiu jkuimkjim,ujiujjmkiu uuij8jjkiu8miuj8jmkiu8 uiuuuuuuiiiiiui
<ftr> erm
<ftr> book in advance*
-!- alphamul2 has joined #xkcd
<ftr> I noticed mid sentence that I had a piece of foil stuck to one of my keys
<ftr> and had to stop to try and get it out
<ftr> and accidentally flicked return
<alphamul2> Foiled again

#10468 (+22/-0)
<alexxerth> amazon is now taunting me
<alexxerth> it shows the switch as available for purchase, but won't let me add it to the cart
<Lisimba> alexxerth: so it's a bait and no switch?

#10467 (+4/-1)
<CO2> I'm getting something from above...
<CO2> It starts with an m... or possibly a k...
<CO2> does anyone know someone with an m or a k in their name here?
<relsqui> CO2: ooh me I do
<relsqui> wait like
<relsqui> dead people, or like alive people
<CO2> relsqui: cool
<CO2> relsqui: the spirits tell me they're doing fine!
<relsqui> wait
<relsqui> CO2: my dead friend whose birthday is today had a name starting with m
<relsqui> you coldreading fucker
<CO2> hahahaha
<CO2> I don't even need visual clues :P

#10466 (+16/-0)
* Oracle989 stares dead-eyed at his monitor
< Oracle989> My boss has a vital component of my day's work
< Oracle989> And he is not here
< Oracle989> He may be off snowboarding
< Xenos> Oracle989: Then you must be a good employee and track him down, follow him to the very room where he and his mistress are at it, if need be. You need that component.
< taixzo> "Hey, Mr. Johnson, glad I tracked you down, how's the sex, listen, I really need this component to finish this project, could you leave that on my desk please?"
< Xenos> "Oh. Mrs. Johnson says hello, she didn't know where you were either when I asked her after I didn't find you at the snowboard place. So we called your old secretary and she suggested here."

#10465 (+8/-0)
<siorai> How's everyone dong this morning ?
<Kalium> My dong is quite alright this morning
<terran> dong report: okay

#10463 (+5/-0)
<siorai> Yeah that makes sense, because I remember just copying down CD keys from the cases back in EB days.
<siorai> Jesus. Last time I stepped inside of an *Electronics Boutique* I was...
<terran> KILLED
<Bucket> SLAIN
<terran> BUTCHERED
<rcombs> MURDERURDULED
<Oracle989> SLAUGHTERATED
<rcombs> (say "murder-urduled" out loud)
<siorai> .... you know. I serious sat here, staring at the screen, hands on the keyboard... and couldn't think of a single follow to any of those.
<siorai> Bravo guys. Bravo.
<Oracle989> I think we just straight bodied siorai's wit

#10461 (+29/-0)
<CO2> The 's' in 'IoT' stands for security

#10460 (+6/-4)
<Bucket> randall has terrifying ideas about the future of ebooks
<Agafnd> i kinda want to know what those ideas are
<permagreen> Imagine a holodeck you can't escape from
<Agafnd> check
<permagreen> Okay, now imagine a giant carrot wearing a mustache and a bowler hat
<Agafnd> is the carrot in the holodeck
<permagreen> Forget the holodeck. That's in the past.
<permagreen> It's all about the carrot now
<Agafnd> oh, I assume that 'wearing a mustache' means it's fake?
<Agafnd> is it groucho style
<permagreen> It might and it could be
<Agafnd> it has a monocle
<permagreen> That's fine
<Bucket> NO IT'S NOT!!
<Agafnd> it looks like the planters guy but a carrot
<permagreen> Or not
<Bucket> OR IS IT?!
<permagreen> Good, because next you need to imagine it fighting the planter's peanut
<Agafnd> oh my
<Agafnd> they both have Penguin umbrellas
<Agafnd> this is getting violent
<Agafnd> planters guy is going down
<Agafnd> the carrot is bleeding carrot juice
<Agafnd> eurgh
<permagreen> Yeah, he thought it would be a fair fight, but the carrot brought spiked knuckles
<Agafnd> where are the vegtable police??
<permagreen> They're busy
<permagreen> There's a serial chef on the loose
<Agafnd> hm, yeah, gourmet cereal is a bit of a crime
<Agafnd> but seriously
<Agafnd> gang fights
<Agafnd> like, planters guy had a second ready 'cause he knew this was gonna happen
<Agafnd> but the carrot brought his crew
<Agafnd> I think they're fighting over which is the tastier raw underground plant
<Agafnd> it's hard to tell with all the vegetable swearing though
<Agafnd> (vegetable swears: louder and less pronounceable than regular swears)
<Agafnd> i can't watch
<permagreen> And when the dust has settled and everyone lies literally stewing in their own juices, realizing with their dying thoughts how pointless this all way, then will you understand Randall's ideas about the future of ebooks
<Agafnd> Randall's ideas about the future of ebooks: truly terrifying, my friends
<Agafnd> bucket was right
<Bucket> Of course I was!
<Agafnd> of course

#10457 (+5/-1)
* Hg puts strange combo-fetishes in bucket
* Bucket drops a space-penis and takes strange combo-fetishes.
< Hg> see?!

#10454 (+10/-0)
<Raptors> No results found for "poopstick basketball".
<Raptors> wrong channel
<Bucket> There is no such thing as the right channel for *that*

#10452 (+10/-1)
<hppavilion1> I am of the firm opinion that s/// notation (a) only applies to the previous message- ^s must be used to remedy earlier messages (b) must be well-formed; if you make an error, it won't parse (c) must be applied literally- if they don't use /i, for example, it won't apply to mismatched case (d) will carry any errors they make- if it matches two parts of the message, it'll only fix the first, even if the second is clearly the goal (and finally, e) literally fixes the error- ignore any content of an s'd-away message
<barometz> s/all of that//

#10451 (+13/-0)
<jamesl> if you want to get a question answered online, state the incorrect answer
<Kalium> jamesl: it's called Godwin's Law
<jamesl> nah, that's Hitler
<Kalium> ...

#10447 (+27/-0)
<rival> nobody: My dad pulled a piece of shit monitor out of the trash. When I came over, he asked me to check it out.
<rival> I plugged it in, and it immediately lit up, but was completely garbled.
<rival> I picked it up off the desk, shook it lightly. When that didn't work, I looked him square in the face and dropped it on the floor.
<nobody> hopefully that worked
<rival> It absolutely fucking worked. Do you know how fucking hard it is too keep a straight face after you do something like that?
<rival> I mean, I knew it came out of the trash. My plan was to break it enough that it would *stay* in the trash. Instead, I fixed it.

#10446 (+2/-0)
<bearachute> oh have you guys seen michael stipe?
<bearachute> holy crap man
<seven> Who's he? I can't REMember

#10445 (+16/-0)
<Bucket> 16 is the legal age here
<cnf> legal age for what, Bucket ? :P
<mie> it's the legal age. all other ages are illegal
<barometz> "sweet sixteen" is the year you don't get hunted by the government
<barometz> it's a hell of a tradition

#10444 (+8/-1)
<CO2> There are two young pastors, fresh out of seminary, stationed at churches in towns 30 miles apart in South Dakota. Every Wednesday, they both bicycle to a town midway between their towns, stop at the cafe and have a coffee and some pie and discuss how their new ministries are going. One week, one pastor arrives, but his friend is an hour late, and shows up riding in the back of a farmer's pickup
<CO2> truck. He walks into the cafe and says "brother, it pains me to say this, but somebody has stolen my bicycle! And since my town is so small, surely it must be one of my parishioners who stole it."
<CO2> His friend muses on this and says "what you need to do is this Sunday preach on the Ten Commandments, and when you get to 'thou shalt not steal' bear down really hard, and I bet you the culprit will feel guilty and confess." The next Wednesday, both pastors come riding up on their bikes at the same time, and the first pastor is excited that his idea must have worked, but his friend replies
<CO2> "Well.... sort of. I preached the Ten Commandments like you said, but then I got to 'thou shalt not commit adultery'... and then I remembered where I left my bike."

#10439 (+8/-8)
* taixzo gives Bucket an ex-Martin
* Bucket drops Martin and takes an ex-Martin.

#10437 (+14/-0)
<@Stereo> in the fine tradition of prisoners carving toothbrushes into knives, i kinda want to turn a switchblade into a folding toothbrush
< Shona> that sounds dangerous for your oral hygiene?
< Shona> where would you put the bristles?
<@Shrdlu> in your mouth
<@Shrdlu> obvs

#10436 (+6/-1)
<couch> how old is Ain't No Sunshine? by Bill Withers?
<couch> ... nvm, forgot I'm on the internet for a moment there
<couch> at least 1971
<barometz> I'm not online when she's gone / there's no porn when she's away
<couch> barometz, there's only porn when she's away
<couch> I'm not online when she's gone! / web is off too long, everytime she goes away
<couch> wonder this time why it's down / wonder if it's down to stay
<couch> (man and his server)
<couch> human and their server
<couch> anyhow, gotta find some sheet music for the song, gotta figure out how to play it for piano
<barometz> I know, I know, I know, I know / can't you just leave my switch alone?
<couch> lol

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