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#10311 (+4/-2)
<rcombs> how long does it take Usain Bolt to reach his top speed?
<@barometz> ... can't tell whether that's a setup for an unenjoyable pun or a question
<Nikc> ^
<CO2> rcombs: is he unladen? And are we talking about an African or European Usain Bolt?

#10310 (+5/-2)
<butterflyra> all that is required for neutral to triumph is for good and evil people to do nothing

#10309 (+9/-0)
<Missy> who describes settlers of catan as "a complex game reserved for the nerdiest corners of the gaming world"
<AnnApolis> people who have only previously played risk?
<~rob-sothoth> srsly settlers is like entry-level nerd shit
<~rob-sothoth> it's like my least favourite eurogame
<Missy> what's your most flavorite
<~rob-sothoth> alien frontiers, probably
<AnnApolis> so there is your answer
<AnnApolis> who describes settlers of catan as "a complex game reserved for the nerdiest corners of the gaming world"? people who have never said "it's my least favourite eurogame" on an IRC channel founded to discuss webcomics

#10307 (+15/-1)
<phobiac> I love stories of the major service providers getting fucked over because I detest them so much right now
<Oracle990> phobiac, I made Time Warner send a tech out 30 miles twice a week for 2 years when I was a kid
<Oracle990> phobiac, It was glorious
<Oracle990> They had the line going across the street from the box in my yard
<Oracle990> But they didn't bury it
<Oracle990> So for a couple of weeks I moved it and mowed around it, but it stayed above ground
<Oracle990> So finally, fuck it
<Oracle990> I'll just mow the internet
<Oracle990> So twice a week, I'd mulch the cable, they'd come out and replace it, not bury it, and I'd repeat
<Oracle990> For 2 years
<cnf> o,O
<phobiac> After the first couple of times they didn't just bury it?
<Oracle990> Nope
<phobiac> Did it cut internet off for you?
<Oracle990> Nah
<Oracle990> Just the other side of the street
<phobiac> even better

#10306 (+3/-6)
-- wot!wot@70F5CF20.FDBBEE61.A33BB871.IP joined
<wot> halp
* wot rings the bell
<wot> davean dyfrgi havoc joannac RobG spinfire Xavier zigdon
<wot> notice ME
* wot rings the bell twenty times
<wot> useless as a sack of potatos.
<&zigdon> wot: where's the fire?
<wot> k, listen up
<wot> I demand operator login
<wot> or else!
<wot> .zline zigdon
<wot> get rekt
<&zigdon> I'll get right on that.
<wot> alright ty
<Lady_Nymph> the lolz is great
<wot> i want the credentials to be password password
<wot> make it happen
<wot> zigdon
<wot> u done?
<wot> come on, cast your fingers onto that keyboard and make me a operator
<wot> I know you're a wizard, zigdon
<wot> Lady_Nymph: make me oper
<wot> you must be one of those undercover sucka
<wot> 's
<Lady_Nymph> do you see an @by my name?
<wot> no I don't see &
-- zigdon!zigdon@netadmin.foonetic.net kicked wot Reason: [please contain your spam.]
-- wot!wot@70F5CF20.FDBBEE61.A33BB871.IP joined
<wot> contain ur spam u mf
<wot> fudge u
-- wot!wot@70F5CF20.FDBBEE61.A33BB871.IP quit with message: [User has been banned from Foonetic ([#14080] spam)]

#10305 (+10/-0)
<@Stereo> sometimes i wonder if the canada geese are honking to interrupt each other like "what'd you s" "what'd YOU S" "what are you sayi" "i can't hear y" "wha" "hey"
<@Stereo> or maybe honking while flying just sounds cool
<@sheepbat> really, they're just terrible at flying
<@sheepbat> "get the hell out of my lane" etc.
<@Stereo> or it's one steering and 20 yelling left! left! left! right! right!
<@aliaras> Twitch Plays Goose Migration
<@relsqui> "MIC CHECK" "HONK HONK"

#10303 (+3/-0)
<tanuki> I still think my favorite thing about the Tingle books is that they recurse
<tanuki> like 3-4 levels deep
<tanuki> S ::= "Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt" | "Pounded In The Butt By My Book "S""
<tanuki> Jesus. over a decade of CS study and I'm using it to discuss ridiculous gay erotica
<bearachute> ....
<AidenEldritch> tanuki: I take your functional(?) and raise you an OOP: function chuck_tingle () { print("Pounded in the Butt by My Book" + chuck_tingle()) }
<tanuki> AidenEldritch: You'd need a depth counter.
<AidenEldritch> tanuki: truuuuuuuu
<AidenEldritch> hang on a sec
<tanuki> AidenEldritch: let tingle n = if n = 0 then "Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt" else "Pounded In The Butt By My Book \"" + tingle (n - 1) + "\"" end
<tanuki> not sure if that's valid in any real language but I was aiming for ML
<tanuki> (It should also be noted that I've never actually *read* any of the Tingle books, only their titles.
<AidenEldritch> do you really need to read anything more

#10302 (+9/-2)
* Jax184 gives Bucket an item so large that it's hard to imagine how it could possibly be contained within a Bucket, like, seriously
* Bucket is now carrying an item so large that it's hard to imagine how it could possibly be contained within a Bucket, like, seriously, but dropped a couple cubic meters of packing peanuts.

#10301 (+9/-0)
<@relsqui> not the #1 reason I passed on an unused smartphone to partner but way up there: MUCH higher-quality naked pictures

<@relsqui> I really enjoy this example: https://docs.python.org/3/library/configparser.html#supported-ini-file-structure
<@relsqui> it's the kind of example config file I would write
<@Shrdlu> hahahaha
<@relsqui> you see what I mean? :P
<@Shrdlu> <relsqui> MUCH higher-quality nakedpictures\nI really enjoy this example:
<@Shrdlu> no sorry I was laughing at ^
<@relsqui> ...
* relsqui facepalms
<@relsqui> I'm doing several things at once, okay

#10300 (+4/-0)
Bucket: i'm kinda tired from exams so matthewt is a bit off
thunkie: ...what do Bucket exams entail?
Bucket: cuddles is at home, sipping tea
feriority: cuddles and tea sounds like a good exam
thunkie: Agreed

#10299 (+7/-1)
<Cheez> when does the olympics start?
<Palomides> two days ago
<Cheez> ah

#10298 (+7/-0)
<Caffeine> crap, I'm overstimulated
<AidenEldritch> you're literally caffeine how is this a problem for you
<Caffeine> ...coming from me, that would sound pretty oxymoronic I imagine

#10297 (+8/-0)
< Freudian> you know, given that the Weird Old Tip never actually works
< Freudian> it's no wonder doctors hate her

#10296 (+10/-0)
⇐ CO2 quit (~CO2@hide-180B7F14.adsl.xs4all.nl) Ping timeout: 180 seconds
→ CO2 joined (CO2@hide-180B7F14.adsl.xs4all.nl)
<CO2> did you know that updating the OS/firmware on your router/modem/thing temporarily disconnects all your devices from the internet?
<Tattoo> yes
<rcombs> yes
<CO2> good

#10295 (+2/-8)
<puddle> https://i.imgur.com/fa84HY5.jpg "Xbox Cat"
<Jax184> http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5095/5463616424_89a3cf3319.jpg
<Jax184> playstation dog
<kitten> http://imgur.com/a/ltthP
<kitten> xbox guinea pig

#10294 (+6/-0)
<@Stereo> really the american system functions similarly to runoff voting, it's just that the runs are months apart
<@Stereo> and also for some reason take multiple months each
<@schwal> We call it "run-on voting"

#10293 (+18/-3)
< Bucket> flight of the bumblebee is impossible to hum.
<@creature> Do you know Flight of the Bumblebee?
< Bucket> No, but if you hum a few bars I can fake it

#10292 (+6/-4)
<Rocktalon> The very first picture in my computers porn folder
<Rocktalon> http://imgur.com/xNewL2l
<schwal> I'm not clicking that

#10290 (+5/-7)
* Rocktalon (47247a30@hide-EA88667A.org) has joined
<Oracle989> So the theory was that the military drill was training to use those Walmarts as concentration camps and rounding up all gun owners in them
<Oracle989> So there would be nobody to stop Obama from declaring martial law since they'd be in FEMA camps.
<mrkman> Oracle989: that sounds like a fundamentally bad idea
<Oracle989> And then he could force everyone to gay marry
<Rocktalon> uhhhhhhh.....
<Rocktalon> I'm just gonna go now...
* Rocktalon has quit (Quit: )

#10289 (+22/-0)
<Freudian> What they don't tell you about the Odyssey is that it wasn't Circe who fell in love with Odysseus and compelled him to stay with her. No, in the original story, Polyphemus himself was besotted with the great general, and for a time his affections were returned. But one night Odysseus dreamt of his Penelope and, upon waking, slunk shame-facedly to his ship, where his men waited for him.
<Freudian> Polyphemus was heartbroken, but felt he could not tell the other giants, who, sensing his heartbreak, found for him a bride.
<Freudian> And on the day of their wedding, they asked him, Polyphemus, is there anyone you hold dearer to you than your sweet wife?
<Freudian> And he whispered,
<Freudian> Nobody.

#10288 (+12/-0)
<Bucket> a bucket emulator is illegal.
<@schwal> The idea of someone wanting to emulate Bucket is beyond the pail.

#10287 (+6/-0)
< CO2> schwal: fun fact of the day, the dutch word for Thimble is literally "finger hat"
<@schwal> heh, nice
< alexxerthmobile> I want a finger hat
< alexxerthmobile> also what's the Dutch word for condom
< CO2> alexxerthmobile: condoom
< alexxerthmobile> oh

#10286 (+9/-7)
<@mewyn> This is happening sooner than I thought; I'm building my own Linux computer!
<@mewyn> From the chip level. >.>
<@zetlen> it starts with doritos

#10285 (+5/-7)
<arble> http://i.imgur.com/J0kttGH.jpg
<@schwal> arble: <I'm sorry> that kitten is bi-fur-catted <so sorry>
<arble> you will be forgiven... in time

#10284 (+1/-11)
* linky00 has quit (Quit: What is love)
<Rocktalon> Baby don't hurt me
<Bucket> no more

#10283 (+5/-9)
⇐ seven quit (~seven@hide-717B8D5A.dyn.iinet.net.au) Ping timeout: 180 seconds
→ seven joined (~seven@66E8C53C.271345B6.47CE241D.IP)
<seven> I fell off the server.
<seven> It was scary, being alone with my thoughts, for 3 or 4 seconds.
<seven> I don't want to experience that again.
<@schwal> ...you flounced out of here like 9 hours ago >_>
<@schwal> (okay, stormed, but flounced is a much funnier word)
<@schwal> (I'm just trying to ruin your joke, not trying to be mean or anything)
<@schwal> (I should probably stop talking)
<@schwal> ()

[ cf. http://www.xkcdb.com/10282 --Ed. ]

#10282 (+9/-3)
seven: holy hell I don't want stupid shit I say like that kept on the record
Aaeriele: Bucket: remember seven record
Bucket: Okay, Aaeriele, remembering "holy hell I don't want stupid shit I say like that kept on the record".
seven: NO
XanT: I do love a good dramatic storming out I do.

#10281 (+4/-14)
Kizul: I still say it's snow.
Kizul: Or perhaps even ice cubes.
Kizul: Could be lots of things.
Bucket: Was that a haiku?

Kizul: Oracle989: That's fascinating.
Kizul: I never knew about these.
Kizul: Now I'M wondering.
Bucket: Was that a haiku?

Oracle989: Fuckin' water, man.
Kizul: How the heck does water work?
Kizul: We may never know.
Bucket: Was that a haiku?
* Kizul stops deliberately haikuing.

#10280 (+8/-19)
alexx: I'm at cracker barrel
alexx: my server's name is Alexx
alexx: with two xs
alexx: who spells it like that?

#10279 (+31/-1)
< Lisimba> I've always wanted to be a [[JobTitle]].
< Oracle989> Lisimba: I hear [[City]],[[State]] is nice this time of year
< goost73> and it's hard to say no to [[Salary]]?
< Oracle989> goost73: Do you have [[Experience]] years in the role?
< goost73> I have [[Experience1]] years with [[Language]], and [[Experience2]] years with [[Framework]]
< goost73> I have a [[Degree]] from [[University]]
< grawity> why is everyone talking in wikilinks

#10278 (+7/-17)
<@barometz> dangit, not gonna finish that tonight
< Aim> hey, it's night for you too eh?
<@barometz> just past eight, yeah
< Aim> ah
< Aim> I'm up past midnight haha
< Buckley> It's high noon
< Bucket> http://itshighnoon.tumblr.com/
< taixzo> ok a) that is a real tumblr for once b) it's not what I expected and c) note to self: don't open random tumblr pages at work

#10277 (+22/-1)
<goost73> Buckley: invent something
* Bucket tapes SONAR to alexxerth.
<alexxerth> Fool!
<alexxerth> Now I can track submarines!
* Rocktalon tapes SONAR jammmer to alexxerth
<alexxerth> Fool!
<alexxerth> Now I am undetectable to submarines!
* Rocktalon tapes a submarine to alexxerth
* Silicium tapes a Russian to alexxerth
<alexxerth> Fool!
<alexxerth> I am now the plot to a bad movie from the 90s!
<Rocktalon> I can't believe we just made Alexxerth the Red October

#10276 (+8/-24)
<DrDM> So, when worshipping the Random Number Goddess, d20 is Unitarian, while GURPS is Trinitarian?
<Celti> Sure. d20 has all those lesser saints mucking things up, though: the d4, Patron Die of Magic; the d6, Patron Die of Rogues, and the d10, Patron Die of Swordsmen.
<Celti> GURPS may be Trinitarian, but it's *pure* about it.
<DrDM> You forgot the Patron Die of Rage, the d12, so named because of the emotion it inspires when it inevitably fails to stop rolling.
<DrDM> The thing I like most about "GURPS is Trinitarian" is that each of the individual dice involved are meaningless without the other two -- it really *is* a "three-that-are-one" *thing*.

#10275 (+32/-0)
<@relsqui> itt using google scholar just to write my citations for me
<@relsqui> because holy crap fuck writing citations
<@Shrdlu> yeah I used to think "oh man it's so cool that bibtex will just write my citations for me so I don't have to look up the arcane formatting rules every time"
<@Shrdlu> and for some reason the fact that I had to look up the bibtex syntax every time was just completely lost on me

#10274 (+27/-5)
< XMPPwocky> "Missing student found safe, police report"
< XMPPwocky> wonder what was in the safe

#10273 (+19/-1)
* relsqui takes a bow
< Bucket> ...to the leg
<@relsqui> ow
<@relsqui> dammit
* Bucket takes a quarter from relsqui and places it in the swear jar.
* relsqui takes the swear jar
< Bucket> Dammit!

#10272 (+44/-0)
<~snark> heh. There's a noisy fly buzzing around in circles around my whole room. Every time it whizzes past me, I take a swing at it, and every time it whizzes past my cat on the other side of the room, he takes a swing at it. Occasionally we make eye contact and exchange a nod of understanding

#10270 (+10/-0)
* jglauche puts Sharknado in Bucket
* Bucket is now carrying Sharknado, but dropped a nuclear missile
* jglauche runs

#10269 (+15/-0)
<bk> Bucket: forget that
<Bucket> Okay, bk, forgot that danish is actually a language i'd really like to learn, if only because i'm mostly of danish ancestry
<kazitor> bucket can be convinced of anything.
<kazitor> "bucket, you do not want to learn Danish"
<kazitor> "ok," he replies
<bk> ha, parsing my text as telling bucket that his dreams aren't worth pursuing does make it more amusing
<bk> forget it, Bucket, it's chinatown

#10268 (+5/-23)
<@Stereo> i like that i can search "money money money money" and not only does it autocomplete to "money money money money moneyyy", it finds the right song

#10264 (+3/-33)
<Branes> "I don't 'ear no Acker-Dacker comin' out o' your car stereo, son."
<Kizul> ...I was about to say, "Bucket: what was that?" -- and then I noticed it wasn't Bucket who spoke.
<Branes> Don't worry, Kizul, mistaking me for Bucket is commonplace around here.
<Branes> I get that a lot.
<Bucket> I get that even more!

#10261 (+13/-0)
<ipeg> Sudo shutdown -r 5
<Lisimba> Access denied.
<Bucket> Access to your MOM sure wasn't denied last night.
<ipeg> Sorry, wrongvwimdow
<Lisimba> Also your home dir is now deleted.
<ipeg> Man the console got very sassy with the latest update

#10260 (+17/-3)
* alexbuzzbee is trying to not fall asleep while learning friction.
* BytesAndCoffee gives alexbuzzbee a teflon-coated book
<BytesAndCoffee> here, have some non-friction reading material

#10258 (+58/-3)
< alexbuzzbee> Who maintains the xkcdb?
<@relsqui> alexbuzzbee: why?
< alexbuzzbee> Just wondering who decides what goes on?
<@relsqui> me
< CO2> alexbuzzbee: relsqui cannot be bribed, afaik
<@relsqui> hey now let's not be hasty

#10257 (+26/-2)
< arble> I just noticed that the trash chute hatch here is marked "RUBBISH"
< arble> which I think is quite harsh because it's actually a very good hatch

#10256 (+6/-13)
CO2: I think this is the first Dutch anti-gay cartoon I've ever seen
CO2: fucking assholes
djh: CO2: yes, that's what they do!

#10255 (+14/-0)
< loudaslife> is di-tritium monoxide a thing? Like, would that make extra-heavy water?
< loudaslife> Huh. It is
< loudaslife> Oooh, you can also use exotic isotopes of oxygen
< loudaslife> Tritium with two Oxygen 18 atoms makes water that is almost 30% denser than natural water
< Kizul> But is it safe to drink?
< loudaslife> Not even remotely

#10254 (+25/-3)
< seven> I've played at LANs where I've had so much fun getting in the heads of the opponents. One LAN, it was a national rematch in Team Fortress. Our team hadn't played together for a while. The people we beat in the national comp the year before were highly practiced. We'd all travelled to this LAN comp to face off in a rematch. And, a few minutes in to the game, we were spanking them again. In
< seven> particular, I was playing as defensive sniper and picking them apart like the first time. As I killed them, I heard swearing each time. So I stayed in my spot once they started to avoid me
< seven> got up out of my chair, walked over to where their team was, watched their players, found the guys playing attack.
< seven> And said "hey I know where that dickhead sniper is"
< seven> and guided him to kill me.
< seven> then congratulated him and introduced myself.
< seven> that kind of, broke that guys spirit, I went back to shooting him in the head
< seven> and he dropped, he didn't just stop playing. He packed up his machine. And he left.
< seven> then we won. thanks to numbers :P

#10253 (+28/-2)
< WassPord> "Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Ted Cruz are on a plane. The plane crashes. Who survives?"
< Oracle989> WassPord: America
< Bucket> FUCK YEAH
< WassPord> Man, this was a perfect bucket response xD
< Oracle989> Bucket's been on fire tonight

#10251 (+7/-6)
<alexxerth> If the Oculus Rift had smell-capabilities, it'd be an Oculus Sniff
<cask> Boo.
<@creature> alexxerth: Or an Oculus Whiff.
<@creature> Oculus Whiffed.
<BytesAndCoffee> oculus sift: a VR baking game
<alexxerth> Oculus Shift: a VR racing game
<alexxerth> Oculus Cliff: a VR climbing game
<alexxerth> Oculus Stiff: a VR sex game
<Kizul> Oculus Miff: a VR simulation that makes you angry
<alexxerth> Oculus Grift: a VR scamming game
<Kizul> Oculus Tiff: a VR argument.
<alexxerth> Oculus Yiff: a...nevermind
<BytesAndCoffee> Oculus Gift: a VR party game
<Kizul> Oculus Biff: a VR bullying game
<alexxerth> Oculus Lift: a VR warehouse-working game
<alexxerth> or a VR gym game
<Kizul> Oculus Spliff: a VR... duuuuuuuuuude.... -- wait, what?
<thomas> oculus ripped: a bodybuilding sim
<Kizul> I thought it'd be a British VR version of Elevator Action
<thomas> or how about oculus gift
<BytesAndCoffee> Oculus Gift: a VR party game
<@creature> An Oculus Ripped is what you get if you take your friend's Oculus Rift and make your own copy in a CD-R burner.
<alexxerth> Nah, that's an Oculus Thrift
<Kizul> No, that's when you get an Oculus used, for a really cheap price
<scgtrp> oculus redshift: like an oculus rift, but moving away from the sun really fast
<alexxerth> If the Oculus Rift had smell-capabilities, it'd be an Oculus Sniff
<BytesAndCoffee> Sniffed
<cask> If you steal someone's Oculus, it becomes an Oculus Grift.
<cask> The person you steal from might be Oculus Miffed.
<alexxerth> If you stole it by tricking him, it'd be an Oculus Grift
<scgtrp> but what if you stole it from a store?
<scgtrp> it'd be an oculus shoplift
<thomas> if you play a racing game with it, it becomes an oculus drift
<scgtrp> thomas: if you attach buttons to the side to switch gear ratios, it becomes an oculus shift
<thomas> if you overclock it, it starts to go oculus swift
<scgtrp> if you use it to compare text files, they'll be oculus diffed
<thomas> on the other hand, if you use it to sort real life objects it'd be an oculus sift
<cask> If you spend a lot of money on it, it's an Oculus Thrift.
<thomas> if you were on a desert island with only an oculus, you'd be adrift
<scgtrp> if you play guitar hero on it, it's an oculus riff
<thomas> if you wear it with a suit, it's an oculus spiff
<BytesAndCoffee> if you turn it into a green alien that works with a dumb, arrogant, idiotic space "pilot", its Oculus Kiff'd
<thomas> if you die while using it, that makes you an oculus stiff
<scgtrp> if you put scent emitters on it, you'd get an oculus whiff
<BytesAndCoffee> if you take it to a film festival in the capital city of Ontario, its Oculus TIFF
<scgtrp> if you display animated 256-color images in it, they're oculus GIFs
<alexxerth> what hell hath I unleashed
<scgtrp> just be sure to watch where you're going
<scgtrp> you wouldn't want to walk off an oculus cliff
<thomas> but if you lather it in peanut butter it becomes an oculus JIF
<scgtrp> and with that, i'm done
<BytesAndCoffee> alexxerth: the Oculus Rift has opened
<alexxerth> BytesAndCoffee++
<thomas> if it comes with ancient runes instead of buttons, don't worry
<thomas> that's just the oculus glyph
<thomas> I think I'm out too
<scgtrp> no, wait, i'm not done
<thomas> my pace has slowed to an oculus drip
<scgtrp> if you put it on a half-eagle half-horse mythical creature, you now have an oculus hippogriff
<scgtrp> okay, that's all

<scgtrp> wait, one more!
<scgtrp> if you use it while suing someone, you're an oculus plantiff

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