Hi! Just so you know, you can click on the $ up there to support XKCDB. (This box will go away after you vote once.)

⇤ ← 1 of 118

#10025 (+1/-2)
-!- coxj2000 [~chatzilla@28B00578.92666C39.BFFF5B0E.IP] has joined #xkcd
-!- mode/#xkcd [+b *!~chatzilla@*.92666C39.BFFF5B0E.IP] by billygoat
-!- coxj2000 was kicked from #xkcd by billygoat [5-minute autokill]

#10024 (+7/-0)
<alexxerth> I mentally separate sodas into two categories: Clear sodas and dark sodas. Clear sodas are like sprite, orange soda, gingerale, etc (stuff that's mostly transparent), and dark sodas are like coke, root beer, or dr. pepper.
<Lisimba> So you're a soda segregrationist.
<Oracle989> Sodapartheid

#10023 (+4/-1)
<~snark> I wonder if you could store an LP on an LP
<@Akrasia> yes.
<~snark> a quick google suggests that a vinyl record can hold about 150 MB
<@Akrasia> which is more than enough for a 5 minute super mario bros speedrun

#10018 (+6/-7)
<CO2_phone> People are weird
<relsqui> when you're a weirder

#10016 (+5/-4)
<Vulpes> Bucket, invent something
* Bucket combines a woman's virginity and Dextralus' gigantic throbbing bratwurst, but they're incompatible! A blinding explosion follows!

#10015 (+13/-2)
<snark> I kind of want to have a closet that I just keep all my bottled water in
<snark> the payoff would never come because guests never ever ask where the "water closet" is
<Stereo> you could keep all your strangely specific Firefly memorabilia in another closet
<snark> that itself is strangely specific
<Stereo> well, in case they ask about the Wash room

#10014 (+8/-4)
<CO2> what's the word
<CO2> when you can't pay your debts
<arble> insolvent
<CO2> and a company hires another company to start annoying you until you pay up
<CO2> they send letters, increasing the price every time
<arble> debt collection
<CO2> and then they start sending people
<arble> bailiffs
<CO2> yeah

#10013 (+3/-3)
* WassPord headdesks
* Bucket wallnoses
* WassPord buttchairs
* jglauche facepalms
* Bucket chairsits
* thomas0comer couchsprawls
* XMPPwocky tonguetables
* SpicyLemon elbowforeheads

#10012 (+11/-0)
<Coast> It's awful just how easy it is to use bits of an interview, study, or any scientific paper and make the point you want to make, regardless of what the people you are quoting actually said
<Coast> like people who (still) deny climate change
<alexxerth> "I...like people who (still) deny climate change" - Coast

#10011 (+5/-0)
<XanT> Note to self, tell anyone asking for anything that it cant be done.
<arble> have you considered entering the civil service?
<arble> you just passed the first aptitude test

#10010 (+3/-4)
<coxj2000> Bucket: give me something
<Bucket> You don't want an init daemon, it's covered in grays!
* coxj2000 gives Bucket a slap
* Bucket hands coxj2000 a "perpetual" motion machine in exchange for a slap
<coxj2000> That worked out well!

#10008 (+2/-2)
<coxj2000> Cprossu, XanT, Peng, IceKarma: IT'S DONE! What if you took all of the Earth's monetary resources and turned them into copper pennies? http://wiki.xkcd.com/irc/2:_What_if_you_took_all_of_the_Earth%27s_monetary_resources_and_turned_them_into_copper_pennies%3F
<coxj2000> There's mouse-over text too!
<Peng> I like the name Penny
<Peng> Ah... it says "7.5 trillion pennies" in one spot. THat should be quadrillion, I think?
<yazdmich> coxj2000: i thought that said copper penises
<yazdmich> and got a little excited
<Peng> 7.5 trillion copper penises would be quite something

#10007 (+5/-2)
<tomatosalad> Ow, fuck. Stabbed myself with a pencil. Spent 15 minutes trying to dig the lead out before realizing it had actually just written on my skin
<tomatosalad> my hand is sore around where it went in, though, should I be worried?
<@IceKarma> ... you just stabbed yourself with a pencil, and you're asking if you should be worried that it hurts
<@schwal> tomatosalad: You're not exactly being your most sensical right now.
<tomatosalad> schwal: blargh.
<@schwal> tomatosalad: On a scale of IceKarma to Bucket, you're rating about a "Branes on a bad day" on the sense-o-meter.
<tomatosalad> what am I nominally
— @IceKarma raises an eyebrow at that scale =3
<@schwal> tomatosalad: rcombs but swearier?
<@IceKarma> schwal, hey, I did mostly manage to get him to stop coming into the channel and screaming e.g. "FUUUUUUUUUCK" as the first thing he said =3
<@schwal> IceKarma: True.
<Branes> Sixpence for the donkey and no mistake!

#10006 (+7/-0)
<Buckley> I had the impression that Randall only comes here to answer no to questions like this?
<~Randall> Buckley: pretty much

#10004 (+2/-2)
<Caffeine> So. First time driving on my own. Still shaky.
<Euclidian> Caffeine: decaf next time
<Caffeine> Euclidian: blasphemu
<Caffeine> s/u/y/
<Vulpes> Would a blasphemu be a emu that blasphemes?
<vibhavp> an emu that advocates decaf, alternatively

#10003 (+6/-0)
<@FunkyTuba> I think I found a bug in grep
<@FunkyTuba> oh wait no I'm being stupid

#10002 (+8/-0)
<SpicyLemon> Recently, a client wanted a message on their site that included, "... zero (0)..." and I had to spend way too much time arguing with them that they have it backwards, specially since they're expecting the input to be "0" not having the user type in "zero".
<Walrushead> Much ado about nothing

#10001 (+9/-0)
< Caffeine> So. The authorities have spoke.
< Caffeine> I can now drive on my own.
<+arble> nice
<+arble> always wanted to try my hand at golf

#10000 (+13/-0)
<~snark> Investors Upset After Ponzicoin Operator Absconds With Their Money #NotTheOnion
<~snark> gotta have some respect for someone brazen enough to name their scam Ponzicoin

#9999 (+8/-2)
<@Stereo> okay but the seven dwarves ... are they siblings? or are they just bros
<@Stereo> in the non-brother sense
<@khmer> Stereo: they're clones. their deviations from Doc are the result of telomere decay from half-life of the cesium in the cloning apparatus
<@Stereo> well that makes sense

#9997 (+4/-2)
<bhuddah> Stereo: that's the extrusion i have been talking about.
<Bucket> that's the sextrusion i have been talking about.
<bhuddah> sextrusion... hmmmmm
<schwal> Isn't that just a 3D printed dildo?

#9995 (+7/-0)
<@schwal> I just typoed "marchmallows" which made me think of mallows from a march http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/March_%28territorial_entity%29 which in turn made me think of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toblerone_line . I am now picturing a line of giant frozen marshmallows blocking Finnish tanks from getting into Norway (in Finnmark).
<XMPPwocky> mm toblerone
<@schwal> If you are all now thinking of sugary tank obstacles my work here is done.

#9994 (+6/-1)
<Bucket> Humans are surprisingly inflammable.
* diogenes sets Bucket on fire
* Bucket burns fast and free.
* dingbat sets diogenes on fire
* diogenes burns fats and flees

#9992 (+2/-1)
<Bucket> Brazil scores with hand play, and won't even tell the referee so when asked
<@schwal> I cannot imagine what country the person who added that factoid was from at all.
<@schwal> (It was totally England)
— ten embeds a <blink> tag in schwal's will
<@schwal> ten: You are an evil person.
<ten> oh stop it you
<@schwal> ten: Look, just because I happen to know what that refers to and that the English have been pissy about it ever since ...
<XanT> I dont remember England being pissed off at Brazil about something like that, but Im not hugely in to football.
<@schwal> XanT: google "hand of god"
<XanT> Thats not Brazil.
<@schwal> Wait, it's not?
<@schwal> shit
<@schwal> >_<
<XanT> Argentina.
<Bucket> Argentina scores with hand play, and won't even tell the referee so when asked

#9991 (+13/-0)
<ticamai> I'm laughing my ass off right now
<ticamai> Someone sent me a virus on steam earlier, .scr file
<ticamai> I use linux, so that wasn't a problem. I set up an XP box to run it on, just because
<ticamai> IE downloaded and ran the .scr virus just fine. But when I went to the microsoft website to download an update, it blocked it for potentially being malicious.
<ticamai> (Turns out the virus needs updated .net runtime to work)

#9990 (+16/-0)
<+arble> it does sometimes amaze me that this relatively small island nation basically ruled the world for a century
<+arble> that's the kind of thing you dream of doing in strategy games

#9989 (+6/-4)
< Bucket> snark is helpful
<@snark> am I though

#9988 (+22/-0)
< CO2> my dad has a mug that says SLURP SLURP SLURP on the outside
< Eule> what does your mom's mug say?
< CO2> my mom has been dead for over 2 years now.
< Eule> sorry
< Eule> what does your mom's urn say?

#9986 (+6/-3)
-!- Passion[droid]` [Passim@hide-AE1ABAA5.range86-174.btcentralplus.com] has joined #xkcd
-!- Passion[droid]` is now known as Jessikat
< CaptainPlatypus> welcome back Jessikat
< CaptainPlatypus> also, thanks to your join nick there, Jessikat, I will now always and forever picture you as a randy smartphone
< CaptainPlatypus> I hope that was the intent
< Jessikat> I've had worse
<@barometz> "Okay Google" "mmm yes, sweetie?"
< CaptainPlatypus> barometz++

#9985 (+2/-3)
<ScienceClause> Not me but I'm doing something similar, wsa
<wsa> oh? what is that, ScienceClause?
<ScienceClause> wsa, stabbing myself in the face repeatedly.
<wsa> come on it isn't that bad
<ScienceClause> I just had to make the joke
<wsa> if you love Star Wars as much as I do, watching the holiday special is a lot like having your hand in a vise that gets tightened down just shy of the point where the skin will break, having it loosened a bit, and then a minute later re-tightening it, over and over again for about an hour

#9984 (+19/-0)
< The0x539> I',m not sure how to describe tuping on this new keyoard
< The0x539> CTUALLY, those typos describve it pretty damn well

#9983 (+16/-0)
<+Oracle989> Can we have a moment of collective shame that Shania Twain outsold Zeppelin?
<+WassPord> that don't impress me much
<+WassPord> :P
<+Oracle989> WassPord: Go home.

#9982 (+5/-1)
<coxj2000> He's smart, but thick-headed. He keeps getting on Facebook and stuff while I'm talking to you or Googling, and I lose my RDP connection
<mscs> That's why one of my favorite things about Apple Remote Desktop is the ability to revoke control from the local user.
<mscs> "No, STOP! Don't click that, I'm still typing in the command in the ter-- NO STOP. DO NOT CLICK THAT. YOU KNOW WHAT? FORGET THIS. SCREEN LOCKED."
=-= mscs was booted from #xkcd by billygoat (5-minute autokill)
<schwal> screen locked indeed.

#9980 (+14/-1)
< mscs> fantasyprone: I've heard calling someone "m8" is a huge diss, while calling them a cunt means you're friends for life.
< mscs> truth?
< fantasyprone> not exactly
< fantasyprone> you call your mates cunts, yeah, but "mate" can indicate any cunt
< fantasyprone> "mate" is pretty well generic "person"
< fantasyprone> it all depends on context
< fantasyprone> I'd call a stranger "mate" if asking for the time, but I'd also call my bffs mates and if someone wants to start a fight I'd tell them mate I'll wreck you
< Jack_Trades> fantasyprone: Is there a specific word or phrase that conveys the message "I want to kick your ass and then make a move on your woman", but with less words?
< Antipaganda> "I'm from Queensland."

#9979 (+7/-2)
< CO2> Freedom ends at the American border. Note I did not specify at which side of said border.
< Silicium> don't worry, I can do that: OUTSIDE
< CO2> Silicium: stop right there
< CO2> What is this 'outside' you speak of?
* Silicium is ambiguous for the sake of it

#9978 (+17/-0)
<Sysi> I don't think plato would've thought gods were purely ideal, maybe just more ideal and less material than humans
<barometz> the homeric gods were very much not ideal
<barometz> but, y'know, they're gods. What are you gonna do?
<Sysi> steal their fire

#9977 (+7/-0)
<+Vulpes> I just love this channel
<+Vulpes> I swear the moderator loves me. I almost never get muted
* moderator sets mode +v Mateon1
<+Mateon1> And I hate it... So freaking much...
<+Mateon1> So now that is... How much time?
<+Mateon1> 1 day 12 hours to reset to 4 seconds timeout?
<+Mateon1> /msg moderator timeout
-moderator- Mateon1, you have been muted for 4 minutes 16 seconds.
* moderator sets mode -v Mateon1
<+Vulpes> Oh god that's just cruel.

#9975 (+20/-0)
<diogenes> if you pay with matches, ...
<Vulpes> diogenes, you'll be kicked out of most establishments
<Vulpes> Matches are not legal tender
<diogenes> they're legal tinder

#9973 (+7/-3)
<schwal> barometz: So, uh, I was just reading Templar, AZ. I couldn't help but notice your peculiar gaze in the comments section.
<barometz> I have a few avatars that would fit that description, got a link?
<schwal> (It's your current denizens one)
<schwal> http://templaraz.com/2008/04/21/030x062/
<Froward> I've noticed that gaze pop up in a few places.
<khmer> Froward, barometz, schwal: man, yeah, i've seen that gaze somewhere, i just can't remember
<khmer> oh yeah
<khmer> https://www.dropbox.com/s/erfri0v5xsv1g4s/that-gaze1.jpg?dl=0
<barometz> .. wait
* barometz squints
<barometz> please tell me you just made this and this hasn't been on the internet for years
<khmer> well it's probably been on the surface of mars since brains evolved pareidolia
<Froward> there's a whole forum built around that picture
<barometz> I guess I shouldn't look a gift cult leader opportunity in the mouth

#9972 (+10/-0)
* schwal sees job listing for bilingual front desk assistant, contemplates claiming to know only Latin and Russian.
* khmer watches schwal play his hilarious joke and get immediately hired as a copyist for the orthodox patriarch

#9970 (+16/-0)
<Stereo> what's that game like GTA but with a bunch more madness
<@relsqui> goat simulator

#9968 (+13/-0)
<Telnaior> Why are IRC bots always so rude
<@snark> because they're programmed by IRC users
<Peng> That also explains why Bucket is being so dumb this morning.
<Corynne> Never a truer word spoken
<Bucket> Humans are awesome

#9967 (+9/-0)
<SirCmpwn> hush, TinFox
<SirCmpwn> you too, barometz
=-= SirCmpwn was booted from #xkcd by barometz (hint)
-->| SirCmpwn (SirCmpwn@hide-744F6DDB.sircmpwn.com) has joined #xkcd
<SirCmpwn> I suppose a kick isn't technically talking
<SirCmpwn> so points for that

#9965 (+10/-0)
< XMPPwocky> does the set of all slightly wrong jokes about russell's paradox contain this joke?
< feriority> XMPPwocky: yes

#9964 (+9/-7)
Bucket: Japan is a hologram
tanuki has quit (Quit: tanuki)

#9963 (+9/-5)
<@Shrdlu> we have to keep the Bucket canon internally consistent or he's basically worthless
<GreenWolf> Shrdlu: I really want to quote that
<GreenWolf> can I?
<@Aaeriele> Bucket: remember Shrdlu canon
<Bucket> Okay, Aaeriele, remembering "we have to keep the Bucket canon internally consistent or he's basically worthless".
<@Shrdlu> GreenWolf: no, you can't
<@Shrdlu> GreenWolf: if you try, he'll be all "I already had it that way"
<@Shrdlu> won't work

#9961 (+16/-0)
<GreenWolf> Once again, I am motivated to make my own conlang based off of English
<GreenWolf> But effort
* Sartaglo puts effort in Bucket
* Bucket is now carrying effort, but dropped a newspeak dictionary.

#9960 (+30/-0)
<CO2> I hope they don't do the thing Fisher Scientific did >_<
<schwal> CO2: Wait, what did Fisher do?
<CO2> schwal: usually their labels are colour coded. E.g. yellow for oxidizer, red for stuff that burns, and so on. That way you can easily see if someone put a bottle in a wrong place where it is dangerous
<CO2> schwal: for a few months, they made ALL their labels pink, as an awareness campaign for breast cancer
<CO2> so, you know, the researchers that try to find a cure for cancer now know that breast cancer is a thing.
<XanT> The road to explosions is paved with good intentions.

#9959 (+13/-0)
<WassPord> i don't eat pork
<Cheez> i don't eat pork, except for kunk po pork, bacon, sausages and pork chops
<Cheez> oh and pork belly, pulled pork, deep fried pig ears and pork scratchings
<Bubo> I think you eat pork

#9958 (+23/-2)
<@relsqui> I used to have a giant stash of miscellaneous flavored condoms
<@relsqui> this happened sort of by accident, coincidentally right before I started getting laid
<@relsqui> so I blew through them pretty fast
<@relsqui> uh, no pun intended

⇤ ← 1 of 118